Lost in loves abyss, p.20
Lost In Love's Abyss, page 20
He chuckled and pressed a kiss to my forehead before rolling onto his back. His exit from between my thighs and my body had me feeling needy again so I climbed on top of him, desperate to regain some type of connection.
I propped my chin on stacked hands, staring at him while he stared at me. His mind was heavy which was confirmed when he asked his next question.
“Were you gonna tell me?”
“Yes, I just wasn’t ready yet.”
His eyes remained locked on mine for a long moment before I felt his heavy hands at the small of my back. One traveled my spine until he was about to grip my neck, bringing my mouth to his.
“That’s on me.”
“I know.”
“You okay? I mean with the baby. You been okay? I feel like shit for not being here.”
“Don’t, it hasn’t been that bad. Just throwing up every day, spending twenty-three of twenty-four hours in the bathroom, and severe nausea. No biggie.”
He chuckled and massaged my back more. “If that’s what you consider not that bad, I don’t think I can handle watching you go through what you consider being worse.”
“No, actually. I’ve been miserable. I was just trying to save you from the added grief of abandoning me and our child.”
He groaned, closing his eyes. “Let me have that shit. I deserve it. But I swear I’ll make it up to you.”
“Yes, you will.”
I bit down on my lip, processing my thoughts. As much as he didn’t want to talk about what caused the separation, I needed confirmation that he was truly alright. “But are you okay? I mean with everything. Are you sure we’re good?”
“I’m good and we’re good. I don’t want to talk about that shit.”
“He’s no longer my patient. It wasn’t as if I wanted him in the first place but I was more or less obligated. When I signed on for the program, it seemed like a good idea at the time because my goal was to help those that truly deserved a second chance. Not once did I consider the idea that it would backfire. He manipulated the system and—”
“Embri, it’s cool. None of this is on you.”
“I know but I still feel somewhat responsible for the conflict between us. Just know that I meant what I said. I see you and you’re mine. I love every inch of you, so please don’t shut down on me again. Don’t hide. Let me love you.”
He squinted slightly before kissing my forehead. “I can do that but you have to let me love you back.”
“That’s the easy part.” I kissed his chest and climbed off the bed. “Um I’m not sure about you but this baby is kinda demanding, so if I don’t feed it soon we’re gonna have some problems.”
Rah nodded and sat up, staring at me as I adjusted my robe. His brows dipped in, which made me anxious. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re keeping it, right? I mean that’s what you want.”
“Yes, what makes you think I don’t? Haven’t I been clear?”
“Yeah, but shit, I had to know for sure that this is what you want.”
“Is it what you want?”
“Hell yeah. You’re having my kid.” His eyes lowered to my stomach. “That’s some heavy shit.”
“We don’t have to rush into—”
“Embria, relax. I’m just processing. I want this. All of it, okay? I’m processing, baby. That’s it. Not doubting or hesitating, just processing.”
He stood and pulled me into his body, tilting my head back enough to gain access to my lips. “I want all of it.”
With a soft nod I decided to let things be what they were for now. If he changed his mind, I would deal with that. But for now, we were good and I was okay with good.
TWENTY-FOUR
Rah
She was beautiful. Fresh face. Hair disheveled. Lips slightly parted while she breathed through her mouth instead of her nose. Embria Taylor was everything. I hadn’t realized how starved I’d been for her presence, touch, feel, smell… shit, everything about her until this very moment.
I missed her. There was no doubt about that but lying here watching her sleep was proof that I not only missed her but I felt a need for this woman. It was embedded somewhere deep within that I couldn’t explain other than knowing I was in love with her. In no uncertain terms could I fathom a part of me or my life that would feel complete without being attached to Embria in one way or another. She was it for me. She was everything I needed.
And our baby!
The low rumble of my phone vibrating on the nightstand had me easing away from Embria and tipping out of the bedroom after lifting the robe I’d been in for the past two days. She insisted on me staying but wouldn’t allow me to separate long enough to go home and get clothes. Not that it mattered. In the past thirty-six hours, I’d explored her body in more ways than I could register. Where Embria was concerned, I was insatiable. I’d been between her legs so much I had to force myself to give her space. She didn’t complain and seemed as eager to connect as I did but I didn’t want to overdo it. The thought had me smiling instantly as I answered my brother’s call.
I have my baby back.
“About damn time. I’ve been calling you for two days. I even went by the shop and they said they hadn’t seen you either. All Zay knew was that you’d been out of touch. You good? Something going on?”
“Listen to you, sounding like you actually care.” I chuckled at my brother who presented as more pissed than concerned.
“Don’t fucking play, Rah. I was worried. Your lonely ass has been moping around since ol’ girl cut you off then you went missing. I didn’t know what the hell to think.”
My brows slammed in closely. “She didn’t cut me off, neither was I lonely or moping. I was on my money hustle.”
“You were sad as shit. It got to the point where I was gonna hit up your shrink to see if she could fit you in.”
My cheek hiked as I slouched down on the sofa. “Fuck outta here with all that. It wasn’t that bad.”
“Yeah alright. Keep thinking that, where’ve you been though?”
“I’m at the Four Seasons.”
“Ah shit. That’s what’s up. You’re finally getting some ass. Anybody I know?”
“I wasn’t getting ass. I’m with my lady.”
“The doc?”
“Yeah.”
“Now it makes sense. She let you back in, put that thang on you, and knocked your ass out cold for the past two days. Glad to know your back amongst the living. Welcome back, Rah.”
“Fuck you. What’s up though, you need me?”
“I’m gucci. Just hadn’t heard from you and that’s not normal. I was checking in.” His voice changed. I heard my baby brother in his tone. The one who used to cling to me because I was all he had. This wasn’t the grown man who was finally finding his way.
“I’m good, Leem. You sure you’re straight?”
“Yeah, Rah, damn. Just working handling my business. You know, on my grown man shit. One week until opening.”
“That’s what’s up. You know I’m proud of you, right?”
“I know but I haven’t done shit yet. Let’s wait and see what these numbers look like next week.” His voice was light but he was still proud of his accomplishments and his reaction had me feeling blessed that I was able to help make it happen.
“Regardless, you’ve been putting in work. Just know I see you.”
“Shit, you better. Been busting my ass,” he said through a laugh. “This business ownership is a whole other kinda beast.”
“It is but you got it. Guess what though?”
“What’s up?”
“I’m about to be a father. For real this time. Not on some one and a possible type shit.”
“Word, with Doc?”
“Yeah, man.” My hand brushed over my head. I could feel my smile surface. There was something brewing in my chest that I couldn’t explain.
“Word, you trust her like that. It’s been a minute.”
“She’s legit. It’s mine. Embri isn’t that kind of woman. Hell, she barely told me. I really fucked this up. Finding out hit hard because I could have lost out.”
“What do you mean lost out?”
“She doesn’t need shit from me. I did her dirty when I blew up and shut her out. She didn’t have to keep it and she still doesn’t.”
“You want her to? Sounds like you’re down with it?”
“With her, yeah. I can’t really explain it but something in me changed when I found out. It’s different than when Trece hit me with the same news.”
“Yeah because she didn’t know if it was yours.”
“Not even with the uncertainty. When I considered the possibility of her baby being mine, it didn’t move me one way or another. Had she said she didn’t want to keep it; I would have been okay with the decision. As fucked up as that sounds, a baby with Trece didn’t feel right but for the split second I considered Embria not wanting to keep my kid, my whole mind went crazy. When I asked if she was keeping it everything moved in slow motion until she made it clear she was. I don’t know if I could have handled her telling me she wasn’t.”
“Ah shit, you’re in love.”
“I’m not even about to deny that shit. I love her, Leem. I’m so fucking happy right now you can’t even imagine.”
“That’s what’s up.” I felt her before I tilted my head back and saw her approaching. Shit like that was what let me know she was different.
“Leem, let me hit you back.”
“Alright, tell Doc I said congrats. I’mma get up with you though.”
“Indeed.”
I ended the call and tossed my phone on the sofa. Embria was naked. She hadn’t bothered covering with the robe which let me know what was on her mind. I wasn’t complaining.
“You left me.”
“I didn’t leave you.”
“You did. I was in bed alone.” She dropped to her knees and tugged my robe open. “And took this with you.”
Her soft hands began stroking me to life. When I reached my full potential and her head lowered, I stalled and closed my eyes, feeling my body stiffen.
“Embria…” I pushed out a harsh breath before continuing. “Wait.” My voice was low. This shit was hard.
“It’s a trigger. I know. It took me a while to figure out why you always stopped me but I get it now.”
Her voice was timid and soft just like her hands which were still on me. I swallowed hard, attempting to suppress the feeling rising in me. Weakness. My lady wanted to please me but I wasn’t sure I could let her.
“Hey, look at me.” Slowly, my eyes lowered to hers. “I love you, okay?” Her hands moved from the base of me to the head before soft lips brushed the top. “It’s just me here with you. You and me, that’s it. Keep your eyes and thoughts on me.”
I flinched when her lips covered my head. She lifted her eyes, going lower before I felt her tongue working in unison with her mouth.
“Fuck.” My fists clenched and I inhaled a short breath, allowing my eyes to close. It took me a minute to settle my thoughts enough to only focus on her but it happened. She was the only thought in my mind, which allowed my body to relax.
Embria must have noticed because she really began to work. With slow steady motion, her lips went up and down my length with the right amount of everything. She felt good, no fuck good, amazing. My spine shivered from the feel of her mouth on me.
My mind didn’t drift. I was in the moment, completely in the moment with Embria. When she ran her tongue down the underside and back up until it flicked the head, my stomach leaped but I wasn’t given time to process because she took me in completely, allowing her lips to reach the base. My lids grew heavy as I watched the way she handled me skillfully.
For some reason the pleasure she was providing had my mind wandering. A streak of jealousy flooded through me as I wondered briefly, only for a split second, how many others had been where I was, but fuck it, she was all mine. The past was the past and damn if she wasn’t proving that she was here in the moment with me.
Her mouth was something to cherish. Each time I felt her tongue glide up the base of me over the head, my abs tightened to a painful degree. In no time at all, my mind went ballistic and I began lifting to meet her lips when they came crashing down on me until I could no longer handle the feeling churning somewhere deep within.
“Fuck, baby, hold up, I’m about to…” I noticed a barely there smile before her fingers dug into my thighs and she hummed a tune that sent me over the edge. I came so hard that I lost all sense of space and time. My hips lurched forward and I felt the pinch from her nails digging in my skin. She held me in place while I released. When my functionality returned, I lifted her from the floor onto my lap and sent my tongue into her mouth, colliding with hers.
After I released her to breathe, Embria rested her head on my shoulder. Her breath was ragged like mine.
Her voice returned and was timid again. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“Trusting me with all of you.”
I kissed her forehead, allowing my fingers to tangle in her hair. “It wasn’t like you gave me a choice.” My voice was teasing, which granted me her eyes. She was unsure but I kissed her once more.
“I’m good…” I stood with her around my waist. “But now, I have work to do.”
I was already at my full potential and about to show her just how good I really was.
TWENTY-FIVE
Embria
“You coming in?”
“No. Kam is kinda scary.” He relaxed against the side of my truck and pulled me into him, allowing his hands to slide down my back. His touch was everything. It felt natural, as if his hands were specifically designed to handle me.
“She’s only scary when you get on her bad side and you were on her bad side.”
“Yeah… well I hope I’ve more than made up for my indiscretions this weekend.”
“It was a good start but…”
“But?” Rah’s eyes squinted slightly when they landed on me.
“But I fully plan on utilizing your guilt and banking it for those moments where I have to call you in the middle of the night, asking for something totally ridiculous like a pizza, no cheese, add olives and banana.”
The corners of his lips curled, blessing me with that charming smile of his. It was crazy how the simple things meant the most. I’d missed his smile more than I could formulate with words.
“First of all, I don’t know where in the hell I would find a cheese-less pizza with olives and bananas but if you were in my bed you wouldn’t have to make the call. You could simply roll over and tap me on the shoulder to place your very strange and impossible request.”
This time I was the one smiling. “Are you asking me to move in with you?”
“I am if it’s not going to make you run.”
“It’s not going to make me run but I don’t know if we’re there yet. How about we just see how things go?”
I felt his mood shift. I could physically feel his energy change. “Are we not good, Embri? Wasn’t that what this weekend was about?”
“No, we are. We’re great. I just...” Exhaling an exasperated breath, I searched for the words to relay what I was feeling.
Fear.
Uncertainty.
That gray area.
“I don’t want to move too fast and ruin how this feels. Our weekend was nice…”
“We can’t ruin what’s right.”
He was brooding. The look in his eyes and the way his jaw flexed were clear indications that I’d pushed a little too hard.
“Can I think about it?”
“Yeah.”
Still brooding!
“Thank you.”
Rah kissed my neck before easing from around me to grab my bags out of the truck. After walking me to the door, we shared a hug and one last kiss before I walked inside and stood at the window, watching as he backed out of the driveway. I missed him already and that created a hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The same feeling he’d forced me to deal with for months while he shut me out.
“Well?”
“Well, what?” I turned to find Kam behind me with her hands planted on her hips, giving me that look.
I lifted my bags and started toward my bedroom but she was on my heels. “Did you kiss and make up?” She plopped down on my bed, getting comfy before continuing. “Or did he kiss something. Either option works for me.”
“Really? That’s surprising considering you told him I was there with another man.”
When I whipped my head around to Kam she shrugged, delivering a mischievous grin. “I absolutely did not tell him you were with another man. I might have alluded to the idea but not once did I actually make that claim.”
My eyes rolled hard as I began removing my things from my overnight bag.
“And let’s remember that I sent him to you. I could have just buried the body in the backyard and never spoken his name ever again.”
“So subtle,” I teased, sticking my tongue out.
“Hey you know me. I ride for mine.”
“Indeed you do.”
“You told him about the baby I presume?”
“Yes, he knows.”
“And?”
“And he’s happy.” I tossed my dirty clothes in the hamper and leaned against the dresser. “He asked me to move in with him.”
“That’s what’s up. Move this thing right along. Weddings always breed good dick. What do his friends look like?”
“Kam, focus. He asked me to move in, not to marry him.”
“Same difference. That man will do whatever you want him to as long as it means he gets to have you.”
“You sound awfully confident for someone who made the same man believe that I was spending a cozy weekend with someone else.”
“Gut punch, he deserved it. But I’m telling you, Embri. I saw the desperation in his eyes. I also witnessed the fury he felt at the thought of you moving on. He loves you.”
“I know I just…”
“You’re scared. Get her voice out of your head. You’re not your mother, Embri.”
“That’s not what I’m thinking.”
