Lost in loves abyss, p.15
Lost In Love's Abyss, page 15
When our eyes finally met, I could see the questions dancing in hers and instead of entertaining an off limits topic with us, I kissed her long and hard before backing away. After a quick trip to the bathroom to clean up, Embria and I both ended up in my office so I could erase the footage from the cameras. Zay kept his routine consistent and if he was leaving that meant he set the cameras and security before heading out. The last thing I wanted was for my guys to see what went down in the garage.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
I knew why. I had just mindlessly fucked my girl.
“That was different.”
I glanced her way before I raked my hand down my face. “I just had a lot on my mind. It won’t happen again.”
She frowned but her eyes softened. “I’m not complaining. I just…you know you can talk to me, right?”
Not about this shit.
“Yeah, I do. There isn’t much to tell. Just a bad day.”
“Rah…”
“Embria, I’m good.” Seconds later, I was on my feet. “Stay here while I shut everything down then we can head out. Ride with me and I’ll bring you back to get your car in the morning.”
She stared for a long moment before nodding. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Dropping a kiss to her forehead, I forced a smile. “I’m good, baby. Stop stressing.”
It was a lie, I wasn’t good. I could have easily taken my uncle’s life a few hours ago but that wasn’t a detail I chose to share with her at the moment. Even considering that she was looking right through me and was well aware I was full of shit. Embria’s entire career was based on analyzing people. She could tell I was lying which was why I planned on taking her to my house and handling her body the way it deserved to be handled. Hopefully that would distract us both from the bullshit I had going on in my life and if not, it would at least allow me to make up for not putting the time in that she deserved.
SEVENTEEN
Embria
While I sat pretending to listen to Marilyn, my mind kept drifting to Rah. It had been a little over a week since the night at his garage and things felt off. He was still attentive. We spent time together but he seemed guarded and angry. It was like he wasn’t all there and I couldn’t quite figure out what was going on with him but something was going on.
After leaving the garage that night, we went to his house and Rah spent hours taking his time with my body. I came more than I envisioned humanly possible thanks to his very skilled tongue and fingers. Then Rah made love to not only my body but my soul, initiating another round of orgasms that had me totally spent.
Everything about the way he handled me was perfect. His actions were soft, gentle, sensual, but even then, he was stuck in his head. I couldn’t help but notice the way he avoided my eyes and when I was blessed to connect with his, they were distant while his expression was vacant and that had me in my head. I could feel the darkness in his mood no matter how much he tried to hide it.
After exhausting all the energy from my body, we showered and climbed in bed. I was out immediately but woke up in the middle of the night to find his spot empty. When I searched for him, I found Rah sitting in the dark, on his sofa in the living room with a bottle of Hennessy, which further confirmed what I knew in my gut. He wasn’t okay. I chose not to bother him and we never discussed it. He seemed to be in a much better mood the next morning but still reserved. When I asked again if he was okay, Rah insisted he was. I didn’t want to push so I left it alone.
“I’m nervous and I know you say I should do what makes me happy but, I just…I don’t know. What do you think?”
Shit.
I tucked my hair behind my ear and tried extremely hard to recall what I was supposed to be giving my opinion on and when I came up empty I had to wing it.
“It’s not really about what I think. It’s about what you feel and what makes you happy. Will this make you happy?”
Marilyn began fidgeting with her hands before she pushed them down her thighs and sat up straight. “I think so. I’ve always wanted to record my music and the fact that he’s offering me the opportunity to do so, makes me happy. It also scares the shit out of me because the next step is putting it out there to the world.”
Oh thank God. Something I can work with.
I felt horrible for not paying attention and could easily kick myself. This wasn’t like me and Marilyn was one of my favorite patients. I genuinely wanted to see her excel.
“How about you take it one step at a time? Get through the recording process then see how it feels.”
She nodded. “I told him that I wasn’t ready to rush the process but he insists I have something special.” She smiled bashfully which triggered something in me.
“This guy…”
“Dalton.”
“Yes, Dalton. How would you define your relationship?”
Her eyes went wild. “Relationship?” Marilyn’s locs bounced across her shoulders as she shook her head from side to side. “We’re not in a relationship…”
“I say the word in its generic form. I didn’t mean intimate relationship, but…” I sat up, staring and leaning back. “There’s something there. I can see it in your eyes.”
She blushed and lowered them to her hands which rested in her lap. “I like him. I’m not sure how he feels.”
“He’s allowing you to share his studio time. Is he charging?”
“No, I couldn’t possibly afford it.”
“Has he asked for anything in return or insinuated that he will in the future?”
“No, he heard me sing and said I was too talented to waste my gift. We’ve known each other for a while but he didn’t know I was interested in music. It’s not something I share, because, well… you know. When he found out…” She blushed again.
“I get it. So he’s been encouraging your dream without asking for anything in return?”
“Yes.”
“That’s good, Marilyn. Sounds like Dalton’s friendship is exactly what you need. I do, however, want you to take your time with this situation. Make the distinction between your music and your friendship with him. Don’t allow the lines to blur. This is a new lane for you and it’s best if you pay close attention to how each of these things affect your life individually, not as a package deal. In doing so, you can always keep both in your life for the right reasons and if one or the other doesn’t work out you can still embrace them both in a positive light. Your music and your friendship with Dalton should always remain independent of one another.”
Marilyn was struggling with finding her way. Music was an escape; it was her happy place. If she somehow connected or associated music with Dalton and things didn’t work out, it could potentially sour her ability to rely on music as a safe haven for her emotions and right now the only way she felt confident expressing herself.
Saying his name caused Marilyn to smile before she nodded. “I can do that.”
“Great.” My eyes lowered to my iPad to check the time. We were at the close of our session. “We only have a few minutes left and since we haven’t spoken about your mother today, I do want to at least ask how she’s handling the adjustment in your life.”
Marilyn’s posture stiffened. “She’s not handling it. I tried to explain and she told me it was a horrible idea as well as a waste of time.”
“And how did you respond?” I kept my expression neutral, waiting.
“I did what you said. I didn’t argue. I only told her that it was my life and I had to do what made me happy.”
“So you stood up for yourself and stood by what you wanted.”
Nodding slowly, she pushed out a short breath.
“And how did that make you feel?”
Marilyn smiled confidently. “Good. I love my mother but I’m beginning to see that the only way she’ll respect me is if I respect myself. The respect means standing by what I want and what makes me happy. She will either love the person I am or she won’t be in my life.” Her shoulder lifted into a shrug; however I sensed that she was struggling with the idea of not having her mother in her life. No matter how toxic a person could potentially be, when you loved them, you simply loved them.
“I’m proud of you. It’s necessary for you to stand by the decisions you make for yourself. We’ll dig deeper into your mother’s reaction when I see you again. We still have a few things to unpack there.”
“A few?” She laughed lightly, rolling her eyes.
“Well more than a few but that’s what I’m here for.”
Marilyn stood, offering a soft smile. “Thanks, Dr. Taylor. I know I’m a total mess sometimes but coming here, talking to you, really helps. I’m in a much better place.”
“We’re all a mess one way or another. Don’t let that weigh too heavily on your conscience and you’re a lot better off than you give yourself credit for. Keep doing the work.”
“Thanks, I’ll see you in a few weeks.”
After she was gone I settled behind my desk with a cup of tea. I needed something to help me relax. He would be here soon. He was my last appointment for the day by design. I found it hard to focus after his sessions and didn’t want to cheat my other patients. They deserved the best of me and since I was forced to spend an hour of my day with him, I resigned to, at the very least, not allow him to distract me to the point of making my other patients suffer. Glancing at the clock, I closed my eyes, taking a brief moment to massage my temple. One more hour and I was out of here.
Needing something to lighten my mood, I removed my phone from my desk drawer and checked my notifications. I smiled reading I had two texts from Rah. Instead of responding I called, checking the clock to realize I had another fifteen minutes before my next appointment.
The minute I heard his voice on my line my body relaxed.
“What’s up, baby?”
“I miss you,” I breathed, feeling the distance in such an emotionally charged way.
A low rumble of a laugh filtered through the line, causing my smile to spread wider.
“Damn, you have to say it like that?”
“Like what?”
“All desperate and needy. You’re about to make me dip out on Leem to come handle that for you.”
“You’re with your brother?”
“Yeah, I need to have my ass at the shop but I promised I would help him move some stuff around. His furniture started coming in and he doesn’t have any help yet.”
As irritated as he wanted to sound, I could hear the pride in his voice. Rah gave his brother a hard time but he was proud of him. The way he spoke about how Saleem stepped up and was handling things with the bar and grill let me know that he was rooting for his baby brother to win.
“I’m sure he appreciates you being there.”
Rah chuckled. “He doesn’t appreciate a damn thing from the way he’s running my ass to death with all this lifting and moving. That’s why I’m tempted to dip and come see what you’re talking about. I’m too old for this shit. Manual labor is not my thing.”
Rah was just talking. He was in extremely good shape but that didn’t mean that Saleem wasn’t working him hard. Either way, I was sure Rah didn’t mind. Especially considering that manual labor put his brother one step closer to preparing for his grand opening, which was still months out.
“As much as I would love to see you right now, it will have to wait until later. I have one more client today before I’m done, but I’m all yours as soon as they’re out of here.”
“Alright bet and don’t be trying to run when I come for you either. All mine means all mine.”
I crossed one leg over the other because his words spoke directly to what was between them.
“And with that, I’m going to end this call before you have me canceling my last appointment.”
If only I could.
Rah chuckled. “Don’t do that. I don’t want you giving me shit about fucking with your money. Handle your business and I’ll see you later.”
After I ended the call, I returned a text to Kam declining her invitation for drinks and letting her know I had plans with Rah. She immediately sent back an angry face with middle finger emoji, causing me to respond with kissing faces.
That granted me a phone call.
“I can’t talk long.”
“Good because it won’t take long for me to tell you that I’m putting a hit out on your man.”
“Kam, that’s not fair.”
“No, what’s not fair is his dick making you forget I’m just as important in your life as he is.”
I burst out laughing but she sucked her teeth. “Ahh, Kam Kam, I love you too and if you want to put a hit out on anyone then look in the mirror. You’re the one who basically threw me on said dick.”
“Girl I know, but shit, I didn’t think you would actually get stuck there. I’m starting to feel a little unappreciated. Tell him to let you up for air so I can at least see your face every once in a while. I damn near can’t remember what you look like.”
I glanced at the clock and smiled at her overly dramatic ass. “How about we make plans for this weekend?”
“So you can cancel? I’ll pass.”
“I won’t. I promise. We can do anything you want.”
“Anything?”
“Yep, anything.”
“Good, then we’re going out so you can help me find my own dick to get stuck on. This single life isn’t working, especially now that I’m the only one who is single.”
“Out? What exactly do you mean when you say out?”
I hated clubs, which Kam was well aware of. Blue Moon was my compromise but I had a feeling she wasn’t talking about our spot when she referenced going out. I also was sure she would make me pay a huge debt for my recent absence from her life. I loved my best friend so as much as I didn’t want to, I would agree.
“Expressions and before you say no, you owe me. There’s a party for some ball player Saturday and that means a lot of big dicks and deep pockets will be in attendance. Both of which I need access to right now.”
“Kam?” I groaned, rolling my eyes.
“What, don’t act like you don’t know me.”
Nodding, I smiled a little. “I do and as much as it pains me, I’ll go.”
“Oh hoe, you said that like you had a choice.”
“Right.” I rolled my eyes again. “But I have to go. I’ll call you later—”
“No you won’t. Save the lie. Just hop right on your man’s dick and get all you can for the next two days because Saturday, that ass is mine.”
She ended the call and I shook my head, powering off the device to prepare for the next hour of torture. This was the one time I wouldn’t have any excuses for not focusing on anything but my client because that was exactly what I planned to do for the next hour.
EIGHTEEN
Rah
“That was the last of everything right?”
“Yeah why?”
“I’m about to head out.” I looked around at all the boxes and tables that had just come in. We pushed everything to the center of the room until Saleem could decide on how to set things up.
I could see that look in his eyes. He wanted to ask me to stay but wouldn’t and I appreciated his independence. Saleem had really been working hard to prove he was on top of things without relying on me. My presence today was because I volunteered to help after he mentioned his furniture was arriving. I was sure he wanted to ask because he was relieved as hell when I offered my time.
“Yeah but I’ll come through this weekend to help you sort this shit out if you need me to.”
He nodded, looking a little more relaxed. “Alright bet. That’s cool if you can. If not, I’ll make it work.”
I chuckled at how nonchalant he tried to play it when he needed my help.
“How the hell are you going to make this work? You barely handled this part with me here.”
He cracked a smile and brushed his hand down his face.
“True, but shit, I would have figured it out. Like you said, it’s all on me and since I don’t have the budget to hire anybody until it’s closer to time to open, then I’mma have to make it do what it do.”
His eyes circled the building before they landed on me. When my phone rang and I noticed it was my grandmother, I ignored the call. I had the neighbor looking out and told her to hit me up if she felt like anything was off, so I was sure Gram was just trying to feel me out to see if I was serious about my uncle getting up out of her house. She had already called a few times begging me to give him time because he hadn’t done anything wrong and didn’t have anywhere else to go. I wasn’t trying to hear that shit.
“You talked to her?” Leem nodded at my phone and I shook my head. I told him what went down last week and he felt the same as me. He had to go.
“No, I’m going to see her tomorrow though. I told her she had until Friday to get him up out of her shit.”
“What do you think she’s gonna do?”
“Nothing. For some reason she refuses to hold him responsible for anything he does.”
“So you’re really gonna cut her off?”
I pushed out a short breath, brushing my hand over my waves. “I’ll have to, at least for a little while, and so do you. It’s the only way she’s gonna take this seriously. He is not about to eat on my dime or yours. I can’t make her leave or put him out but maybe if she realizes she needs us more than him, she’ll make the right decision.”
He was quiet for a long moment before his eyes lifted to mine. “You think if you tell her what he did, you know how he used to do that weird shit, she’ll finally cut him off?”
“No, it won’t matter. He has her brainwashed and it isn’t like he ever put his hands on us. What he did was fucked up. The mind games weren’t right but she’ll look at it like everyone else would.”
