Complete works of peter.., p.26
Complete Works of Peter Cheyney. Illustrated, page 26
I tell her that for what Miss de la Rue don't receive I hope she will be truly thankful, an' as she steps back to shut the door I put my foot inside an' just push. She then begins to do a big squawk, so I tell her to behave herself an' not get excited, an' I walk across the little hall an' I rap on the door opposite an' I open it an' go in.
It is a swell sorta drawin' room an' looks very pretty. It is full of women's fall-di-lala, an' Carlotta wearin' a very attractive loungin' gown is sittin' at a table writin' a letter. When she heard me she spins around an' looks at me like I was somethin' that crawled out from under a rock.
"An' what do you want," she says. "Didn't somebody tell you that I wasn't at home?"
I put my hat down an' I sit down an' I light a cigarette. She is tappin' on the floor with her foot because I'm tellin' you that she was properly het-up, an' I might also tell you that this dame has got the swellest feet an' ankles that I have ever seen an' I have seen considerable.
"Now listen, Miss Carlotta," I say, nice an' gentle like. "Don't get me wrong, because I wouldn't like you to come to any wrong sorta conclusions about me because I am a guy that has gotta terrific respect for women because believe it or not my mother was a woman an' my father always taught me that it was wrong to hit a woman while there was a good train service runnin'."
This Carlotta then gets up an' does a big high hat act. She says that she is really not interested in what my father said to me, an' that will I please state what I want otherwise she is goin' to ring for the lift guy an' have me thrown out on my ear. I then look very sorrowful an' say that I have always known that my lack of education an' book learnin' would get me in a jam some time, an' that if I had known I was goin' to meet up with her I would have spent my whole life takin' correspondence courses so I would talk like a radio announcer.
She then starts tappin' with her foot some more, an' I tell her that when I saw her the night before she just hit me for the boundary an' that I have never seen anything like her before, an' that I am just plain nuts about her, an' that my pal Jerry Tiernan had promised to introduce me to her only that was all messed up by this shootin' business, an' that I have taken a great liberty in bustin' in like this but that I am due to leave New York almost any time now an' that I just couldn't go without seein' her.
All the while I am doin' this this dame is lookin' at me in a very suspicious sorta manner, but at last I see that I am beginnin' to get away with it, an' I see her eyes sorta soften, an' I reckon that she has fallen for this spiel that I have put up.
Because it is a funny thing but it don't matter who or what a dame is or how tough she is you have only gotta pull a lotta stuff about bein' nuts about her an' in nine cases outa ten she will fall for it just because women ever since the world began have wanted guys to fall for 'em. An' you can take it from me that if the serpent in the Garden of Eden hadn't been wise to this fact then we none of us would even be here, an' Adam would still be wearin' smoked glasses an' not noticin' anything about Eve at all at least not so it mattered.
She then says that maybe that is O.K. but that I should not go around bustin' into people's apartments an' anyhow what do I want.
I say that I am very worried because I reckon that the police are very suspicious about me an' this killin' last night, an' that although they have let me go I was very upset because there seemed to be some sorta idea flyin' about that I had shot this guy Willie the Goop which was a thing which was quite impossible for me to do anyhow because I would not hurt a fly.
When I have finished this business she gets up an' she gets herself a cigarette out of a box an' lights a swell silver ornamental lighter on a little table an' she brings the cigarette box an' the lighter over to me an' she gives me a cigarette an' lights it for me.
She stands in front of me while she is doin' this an' I tell you that this dame was certainly a honey. She has got a figure that is nobody's business an' she walks like a queen oughta walk if she knew her stuff. She is wearin' the same perfume that I remember from the time when I turned her dressing room over while I was lookin' for Rudy's other tuxedo, an' was that stuff perfume or was it? I'm tellin' you that it certainly was. It just did somethin' to me an' what with her standin' there lookin' down on me with those big lovely eyes sorta soft an' droopin' I had to remember that I was doin' a job otherwise I might have qualified myself for a big sentimental act an' messed up the whole bag of tricks.
Which is the way it always goes. Because I have found out that if ever you are on a case an' you meet a good woman you know the sort that your mother wants you to get acquainted with then she is always one of them with squat heels an' a square fringe an' she talks high hat an' makes you feel that you oughta take a course in table manners an' how to eat asparagus without havin' to wear a slicker; but if she is a bad one like this Carlotta then you can bet your last dime that she has got all the makin's an' that she wears the right sorta scent an' french heels an' that she looks like she was poured into her clothes an' she talks in that sorta voice that makes you think of raisin' a family quick, so as to get some new voters functionin' for Mr. Roosevelt's new deal before it starts gettin' any older.
After she has lit this cigarette for me she sits down beside me on the couch an' she waits for a minute an' then she says.
"Listen Perry, I reckon that you are the sorta man that I have always felt attracted to an' I reckon that it was something more than mere chance that sent you to Joe Madrigaul's place last night."
She gives a little sigh an' then she goes on.
"Yes... I think it was Fate that sent you there because I needed help so badly."
Then she goes on to say that she is sorry that she sorta suggested that I had anything to do with the Willie the Goop bump-off the night before, but that when I came around to her dressin' room she was very very upset, but that anyhow they knew that I couldn't have done it because I hadn't gotta gun. Then when she has said all this she looks at me sorta sad an' says what do I think about it because she can see that I am a man with a whole lotta brains an' that she is gettin' some ideas into her head about these killin's which are distressin' her a whole lot.
I then say what I said the night before, an' while I am talkin' I am watchin' her quietly in a mirror that is on the wall on the other side of the room, an' I can see that she is lookin' at me with those hard cats' eyes of hers an' I reckon that she is weighin' up just how much I am guessin' an' just how much I have guessed right.
I say that it is a cinch that nobody on the Club floor could have shot Willie the Goop because I am standin' just near his table, an' that although his table was in darkness because the wall bracket was not switched on, yet nobody could have got past me, and so I reckoned that somebody musta come through the pass door on the right of the stage curtain and shot Willie.
I then ask her if that wall bracket by his table was always put out when she sang her numbers an' she says no but she reckons that something had gone wrong with it, an' I think she is right too because I bet this guy Skendall the electrician was in on this bump-off an' fixed it so that that particular light wasn't workin' so that the gunman could get away with the job. All of which makes me very determined to do a little talkin' some time with this Skendall.
After a bit she gives another sigh an' she says that it looks to her that I think that it was Rudy Saltierra that did the shootin', an' I say well I don't see how anybody else coulda done it, an' she reminds me that the electrician who works the lights back-stage had alibied Rudy Saltierra by sayin' that he never left her dressin' room, an' that besides this Rudy hadn't got a gun.
Now this is a new one on me because it is a fact that Rudy hadn't got a gun when we went down to headquarters, an' if he had used one on Willie he would have to have dumped it some place in the Club an' if this was a fact then I'd have thought that he would have left it along with his other tuxedo. But this don't mean anything really because I reckon that Rudy had a lotta time to slip the gun to somebody else, an' anyhow I am certain that there are more thugs in this game than I have counted on up to the minute.
But I play along with my little Carlotta an' I say that if she says that, well then I reckon it wasn't Rudy because this is the thing she wants me to say.
Then she gives another sigh an' she gets up an' she says that she reckons that I must run along now, but that if I stick around in New York she will always be glad to see me, an' then suddenly she sorta breaks down an' she sticks her arms around my neck an' before I know what I am doin' I am kissin' this dame like nothin' on earth just because it seems the right thing to do, an' believe me I didn't find it no hardship neither, an' you do not have to get excited about this anyway because I have always been partial to kissin' pretty women, that is providin' that it does not interfere with the business in hand.
Anyway this Carlotta hangs on to me like a clam on a lighthouse. She tells me that she is very unhappy an' that she is in a very bad jam, an' she sorta suggests that she is not really very stuck on this guy Rudy Saltierra, an' that she is beginnin' to go all goofy where I am concerned.
Now I take all this with a very large helpin' of salt because I reckon that this dame is playin' me along for a sucker.
After a bit I tell her that she should take a pull at herself an' that if she gets into any sort of tough spot she can always rely on Perry C. Rice, after which I say that if I do not have to leave New York too quick I will be around at Joe Madrigaul's place tonight so as to hear her sing some more, and she says that I must excuse her for breakin' down but that she ain't met a lot of men like me in her life, an' that I remind her of the countryside an' the wide open spaces, but I do not tell her what she reminds me of because I have got to keep this party nice.
I then take a fond farewell an' I leave, but when I get outside I walk round the block an' I come back the other way an' I stick around an' keep my eye on the apartment and sure as smoke about ten minutes afterwards a roadster pulls up an' out gets Rudy Saltierra lookin' like all the flowers in May an' he goes in.
I light myself a cigarette an' I scram out of it. I am very pleased with the afternoon's work because it is a cup of coffee to all the tea in China that this dame is spilling the works about me to Rudy an' that the pair of 'em have got the jitters about me an' that they will probably try something on which is just what I want 'em to do, because if you can get guys a bit rattled then they always do something they never meant to do an' give themselves away some place.
So I buy myself a cab an' I get back to the hotel an' I have a shot of bourbon an' lay down on the bed to do a little quiet thinkin'. After a bit I get up an' I take a look through the window an' down on the other side of the street opposite the hotel entrance I can see some guy standin' up against a cigarette stand an' just doin' nothin' at all. The guy is wearin' a light grey fedora well over one eye an' he is just smokin' an' ruminatin' an' keepin' an eye on the hotel.
Which pleases me very much because it looks to me like Rudy has got some mobster to keep an eye on me, an' this is one of them times that I like bein' kept an eye on.
But I reckon that from now on I am goin' to pack my shootin' iron because it looks to me that maybe these guys have got me marked for the spot an' I am tellin' you that I do not intend to go gettin' myself killed with my boots on, not unless I fall in the river after too much bourbon or some nice an' innocent reason like that which is a thing that can happen to anybody.
IV. ROUGH STUFF
AT seven o'clock I gave myself a shower an' changed my clothes, after which I packed my grip an' I rang down to the desk to send me up my bill because I have got an idea in my head that when I have scrammed outa this Hotel Court I am not comin' back to it any more but will go live in some place where Rudy does not know where I am, because you have got to realise that I have got an instinct for trouble an' I have got a very large idea in my head that somebody is goin' to start somethin' with me pretty soon.
Because the way I figure it out at the moment is this: I reckon that this big act that Carlotta has put on with me this afternoon is for the purpose of getting next to me by puttin' the idea in my head that she is the little forlorn dame who has by some means or other got herself into the power of the wicked mobster Rudy, instead of which, as I have told you, Joe Madrigaul has told me that it was Rudy who got this dame the job at the Club, an' I reckon that the pair of 'em think that they are playin' me for a sucker.
I also think a lot of other things but as these are more or less theories at the moment I am not goin' to worry you with 'em, but I reckon that I will see how they turn out.
I then have my dinner an' at nine o'clock Hangover comes through on the telephone. He tells me that he has been hangin' around in the reporters' room at police headquarters an' that he has got a line on this guy Saltierra. Hangover reckons that Saltierra made plenty dough outa the liquor racket while repeal was on, an' since then he has been runnin' protection rackets around town.
I do not have to tell you what a protection racket is. You go along to some guy an' you tell the guy that he needs protection an' you say that you are goin' to do the protectin'. If he pays up, O.K., if not then you fix it so that he really does need protection, after which the guy either pays or else he usually wins himself a good-lookin' funeral.
Now accordin' to Hangover this Saltierra has got a whole lotta brains, that is he don't drink too much, nor talk too heavy, an' the guys who work for him are a very select bunch of thugs. They know their stuff an' they do not suffer from the usual mobster's habit of shootin' their mouths when they have been samplin' the rye well an' truly.
Hangover then asks me when is he goin' to see me, an' I tell him that I reckon that I will be around Joe Madrigaul's place soon after midnight an' if he wants to do me a big favour he will find out where this electrician guy Skendall lives because I wanta talk to this guy. He says this will be easy an' that he will meet me at the Club half after twelve.
I then go downstairs an' pay the bill an' I tell the clerk that I have gotta scram but that I will be around some time next day an' that I am expectin' some advertisin' matter that he might keep for me until I call in for it.
I then walk outside an' get a cab an' I can see that the guy in the grey fedora gets in one an' comes after me. I tell the wop who is drivin' my cab to run around a bit an' pull up in some quiet place an' he does this. When we pull up I see outa the back window that the other cab has pulled up about thirty yards behind us an' I get outa the cab an' I walk back along the sidewalk until I come to this cab an' I swing in suddenly an' pull the door open an' inside sittin' there smokin' is the guy in the grey fedora.
"Listen wise guy," I tell him, "I have been followed around before. I am now givin' you official notice that I do not like your face an' unless you scram outa here good an' quick I am goin' to bust you in the puss, an' how do you like that?"
He is about to say somethin' an' leans forward an' as he does this I catch hold of him by his scarf an' pull him towards me, an' I let him have a haymaker on the nose. This guy subsides in the corner nice an' quiet an' I then tell the driver that he had better stick around until his fare comes up for air.
Maybe this will seem to you to be forcin' the pace a bit but I know that a war is about to start at any minute now an' I reckon that I might as well be the guy who starts it, because strange as it may seem, I do not like these mobsters one little bit, first of all because they are mean cusses an' secondly because they have ironed out one two pals of mine at different times.
I then go back to my cab, drive around for a few minutes an' then stop at some little hotel where I check myself in as Perry Rice an' give myself a large shot of bourbon just to square things off.
I unpack my grip an' stick around for a bit, after which I go an' see a newsreel an' then I go back to this hotel which is called the Delamere an' I put on my shoulder holster with my Luger in it, an' I get myself a cab an' go around to Joe Madrigaul's place.
I reckon this wop Madrigaul was right about being pleased with the killin's because there is a lot of people around this place lampin' all over it an' gettin' a kick outa being in some place where some guys got themselves bumped off, which will go to show you the sorta thing that amuses people in these days.
Joe Madrigaul is standin' about the place dressed up an' with a red carnation in his buttonhole, lookin' very pleased with life an' we have one or two drinks together, an' tell each other stories. He also tells me that the police have been around to see him an' that they have got an idea that it was somebody who got outa the Club who shot Harvest V. Mellander an' that they probably left some pal inside who was sittin' at one of the tables behind me, an' that this was the guy who shot Willie the Goop, an' they reckon that this guy must have got up behind me an' shot round behind my back an' then scrammed out of it an' got through the doors before Joe closed them.
Madrigaul cannot understand this theory because the girl in the cloakroom which any guy would have to pass in order to get outa the Club says that nobody went by her, but still I reckon the police are doin' their stuff an' just layin' things off for a bit, an' that Washington has probably given them an instruction as per my telegram.
Pretty soon Hangover comes in. As usual he is half cut but fulla brains, an' he comes over to me an' says that he reckons things are goin' O.K. and that he hopes the information he gave me about Saltierra was of some use, an' that he reckons he can find out some more in a day or so. He also tells me that he has got another line but that he will not blow any thin' until he has checked up on it. He says that he has got an idea in his head that this guy Willie the Goop whose name was supposed to be Charles Frene, is not Charles Frene at all but somebody else, and that he thinks he can find out who this guy really was an' will let me know.
