Complete works of peter.., p.72
Complete Works of Peter Cheyney. Illustrated, page 72
Something my old Ma used to say comes rushin' into my head. "Every guy must have his moments," Ma Caution usta say, an' if this ain't one of my moments what is? Regulations is regulations, but a dame who can kiss like this one could slip a stranglehold on a bronze statue of the guy who thought that neckin' was bad for the nerves. Me I am thorough. When I do something I do it an' like it.
Did I break that goddam regulation or did I?
Downstairs in the hall I find the slit-eyed butler stick in' around waitin' to let me out. He opens the door an' I am just walkin' out when I think of somethin'.
"Hey, you," I tell him. "What's your name?"
He says his name is Hi-Tok.
"O.K.. Hi-Tok," I say. "You tell me somethin', willya?"
He says he will if he can.
"You tell me who is the last guy to go into the garage here at night," I ask him, "the guy who would do the lockin' up an' see that everything was O.K.?"
"Mlister Lee Sam do that," he says. "He velly particular. He always lock up himself. He always do that."
I say thanks a lot an' I scram.
Outside the house I look back an' see the light in Berenice's window. I reckon that dame has got a nerve. Maybe she thinks she can play me for a mug. Maybe she is right an' maybe not.
VII. SLIP-UP FOR BERENICE
I AM layin' on my back on the settee in my sittin'-room at the hotel. It is a pretty swell sorta afternoon, an' there is a bit of late sun still shinin'.
Over on the other side of the room Brendy is sittin' smokin' a cigar an' regarding the ceilin' like he was deep in thought. I reckon that I know what is goin' on in his head.
He is thinkin' to himself why the hell don't this son of a she-dog Lemmy Caution make a pinch? Why don't he pinch Berenice Lee Sam when it is stickin' out like the elephant's ears that this dame is the one who has started all the hey-hey around here?
Me, I am also thinkin' about Berenice. An' I want you guys to get this straight. Don't you think that I would lay off pinchin' that dame just because I had a warm session with her last night. Don't you get the idea inta your heads that just because this Berenice has got a method of kissin' an' a line in cuddlin' that would make a confirmed bachelor of ninety-five shave off his side burns an' start learnin' the rumba, that I wouldn't pinch her if I though that was the angle. I just don't, that's all, an' think what you like Berenice's sex-appeal just don't come inta the picture well not so much.
I am thinkin' about all the things that everybody else thinks don't matter.
Get a load of this: When Berenice went out to the Villa Rosalito that afternoon to meet Marella she thought that she was goin' out there to discuss some urgent business, didn't she? When I asked her what they was doin' out there she says they just sat an' talked. They was sittin' there talkin' from about five o'clock until seven two hours that is.
But Berenice don't ever say what they was talkin' about. She just keeps as mum as hell about a conversation that nine outa ten women woulda disclosed to me if it was an innocent sorta conversation.
I reckon that if I knew what those two dames were sittin' talkin' about for two hours in that lonely dump with the mist comin' down, I should know plenty. An' all the while the telephone receiver is flipped off downstairs Berenice done that I reckon so that nobody can get through an' disturb 'em.
Well, you're goin' to say that it is natural for Berenice to keep her trap shut about what they was talkin' about because it wasn't an innocent sorta conversation, but just for once I am goin' over to her side an' I am goin' to say this:
If she'da known that she was goin' out to the Villa Rosalito to have a show-down with Marella she'd have slipped back quietly from Shanghai on the China Clipper an' eased out to the Villa an' said nothin' to nobody. She wouldn'ta telephoned her old man through an' said that she was goin' out to see Marella. She'd have just gone an' said nothin' about it.
To which you will maybe reply that old man Lee Sam mighta been in on the job with her. But if you say that then I am goin' to say right away that if that had been the case I reckon Lee Sam wouldn'ta telephoned through to the Precinct when his girl didn't come home. He woulda just kept quiet an' said nothin', because that telephone call of his mighta started something they didn't want started.
The big point is this: All the facts as I can see 'em confirm that Marella did write to Berenice an' tell her to come over, because she wants to see her urgently, an' when Berenice appears then Marella has changed her mind for some reason or other. She just don't discuss any urgent business, or if she does it is something that old Lee Sam didn't know about.
An' if I am right, this attitude of Marella's is just the same as the one she took when she wrote that letter to the Director. She says in that letter something like this I know a helluva lot an' if I don't tell you about it within the next ten days then you send some guy along an' I will tell him plenty.
She does very nearly the same sorta thing with Berenice. She writes to her an' says come over here I want you urgent an' then accordin' to Berenice when she gets there the urgency is all gone an' they just have an ordinary sorta powwow.
Maybe this don't seem very important to you, but it does to me, because I am tryin' to get inside that dame Marella Thorensen's mind, an' until I do I reckon I ain't goin' to get any place.
O.K. I light myself a cigarette, an' I proceed to tell Brendy all about this letter business an' the show-down I had last night with Berenice. Needless to say I do not tell him about the love stuff that went on afterwards, because Brendy would not know that I am a guy who will kiss a woman with one hand an' smack a pair of steel bracelets on her with the other so to speak. He will proceed to think to himself that I have got one big letch on the Berenice dame an' am layin' off her for that reason.
As it is directly he starts talkin' I can see that he has got somethin' like this in his head.
"What is the matter with you, Lemmy?" he says. "Has this dame got you on the floor or what? This is an open an' shut case, an' I will now proceed to give you the works, because it is all so plain that even a blind guy would get it."
"Yeah," I tell him. "Wise guy, heh? All right, spill it, Sherlock."
"Here's the way it goes," he says. "This dame Berenice is gettin' around with Aylmar Thorensen. O.K. Thorensen knows that if her old man Lee Sam finds out what is goin' on an' that his daughter is havin' fun an' games with his attorney, there will be plenty trouble an' probably the old boy will stick him with a blunt knife or give him an old-fashioned Chinese pill that will make his eyelids turn inside out.
"So he tells the dame to lay off an' take a holiday in Shanghai, an' he then fixes that he will move his office outa San Francisco an' get along to Los Angeles, an' he does this so's it will be easier for him an' Berenice to have some little get-together parties when she comes back. Got me?
"Then he tells Marella that he is goin' to transfer over to Los Angeles an' that she will be seein' less of him than ever, an' Marella starts to smell rats like hell. So she jumps around an' she finds out that Aylmar an' Berenice are just two big sweethearts, an' boy, does she get the needle!
"O.K. So what does she do? She has a show-down with Aylmar. She tells him that he is a pain in the ear, an' that as a husband he is nothin' but a big mistake. She says that she has not minded being neglected when she thought it was business that was keepin' him, but now that she finds out that it is Berenice who is the big attraction she is goin' to get busy.
"She probably knows plenty about Aylmar. She probably knows that he an' old man Lee Sam have been up to plenty of funny business around here an' she tells Aylmar that unless he is goin' to behave himself properly she is goin' to wise up the Federals that he an' Lee Sam have been runnin' silk or whatever they have been doin'.
"Well, Aylmar don't believe her. He tells her that she is talkin' hooey, an' that she can go take fifteen cold baths, an' he goes off an' starts makin' arrangements to move.
"Then Marella gets all steamed up. So she thinks of one big idea. She sits down an' she writes that letter to the Director of the Federal Bureau but she don't actually say anything in it. She only sorta suggests that something is goin' on. Why does she do this? Well, it's stickin' out a foot that she plays it this way so that if Aylmar decides to change his mind she can say that she was mistaken when she wrote the letter an' he can still keep his nose clean. She says that if the Bureau don't hear from her durin' the next ten days they are to send an operative along. Well, you got the idea, ain't you? The idea is that she is givin' Aylmar an' Berenice that much time to agree to what she wants an' if they don't she is goin' to blow the works.
"Right. Well, just so's to fix things she types out a letter to Berenice an' sends it over to Shanghai by air mail, an' she tells Berenice that she has gotta be at the Villa Burlingame about four five o'clock on the tenth day.
"Then she's all set, ain't she? She knows that on that day at the time Berenice an' the Federal agent will arrive at the Villa at about the same time. Marella aims to stall the agent who is arriving in the afternoon by leavin' a phoney note to Nellie the cook which will make this guy come back after nine o'clock.
"When Berenice gets there Marella tells her plenty. She tells her what she has done. She says that a Federal agent will be along any minute an' that if Berenice don't agree to lay off Aylmar, an' that if he don't agree to stick around an' be a proper husband she is goin' to blow the works to the agent which will put both Thorensen and old man Lee Sam well in the dirt.
"She also tells her that she has written a letter to Thorensen tellin' him what she is goin' to do. O.K. Berenice, who is a tough baby, realises that the time has come for action. So she makes up her mind quick. She says O.K. an' that they will go over an' see Aylmar an' straighten everything out.
"She gets Marella in the car an' she bumps her off with that little gun she's got. By this time the fog has come down an' she drives along to the dock an' shoves Marella in. Then she goes back to Thorensen an' tells him what she has done.
"Thorensen gets the breeze up. After a bit he takes a pull at himself an' gets around an' tells Rocca about the bump off. He tells Rocca about the letter that Marella wrote to the Federals an' says that they can all look out for some trouble when it is discovered that Marella is missin'.
"Later some guy sees Marella floatin' about the dock an' wises up the harbour squad. Rocca gets to hear about this and tells Spigla or somebody to fix things by smashin' Marella's face in so that the body can't be identified an' so that they can get the bullet outa Marella's head, because that bullet would have sent Berenice to the chair. Rocca reckons that if he does this he will have a stranglehold on Lee Sam that will make him plenty dough. He will also have Thorensen where he wants him.
"Well, the big act with the ice block comes off. They get inta the morgue an' they get the bullet out. Thorensen hears about this an' thinks that Berenice is now safe, that nobody will tie her up with the murder, so when he goes down to the morgue he don't mind sayin' that the body is Marella's.
"Meanwhiles Berenice has got the letter that Marella wrote to Thorensen. She is all worked up, an' when she drives the car back home instead of burnin' it she leaves it on the seat with her gloves an' bag. The maid finds it an' takes it up to her room an', after O'Halloran has got Lee Sam an' Berenice down at the Precinct for questioning, sees you readin' it.
"So Berenice knows that she has gotta pull a phoney story on you about that letter. She says it's a fake because that's the only thing she can say."
Brendy gets up an' stretches himself.
"Me, I would pinch that dame Berenice like that," he says, snappin' his fingers. "Because she is the baby that done this job."
I give myself another drink.
"Swell," I tell him, "but that still don't tell us what the story was that Marella was goin' to spill. Do you think that Berenice or Thorensen or Rocca or Lee Sam woulda got frightened just because this Marella dame was goin' to blow the works that they had been runnin' silk? Not on your life. There was somethin' else somethin' much more important, an' that is the thing I am after."
"O.K., Lemmy," he says. "You're the boss, but I gotta tell you one thing an' that is the D.A. ain't too pleased with the way things are goin'. The newspapers are playin' this Marella Thorensen killin' up like hell an' he wants a pinch made. He reckons, like everybody else, that Berenice done it. We gotta get action on that murder."
I nod. Me I am goin' to do a little playin' for time, I think, because something he has said has put an idea inta my head.
"Look, Brendy," I tell him. "One thing is stickin' out a foot an' that is that we have gotta get this handwritin' identified." I throw the letter across the table an' he picks it up.
"Get somebody in Thorensen's office some clerk or somebody who knows Marella's handwritin', to say whether that is her writin' or a forgery. That's the first thing to be done, an' the second thing you can do is this. I told O'Halloran that I wanted Joe Mitzler an' that blonde baby Toots pulled in. Well, I don't, see? If they're still stickin' around in San Francisco just give 'em their heads. Let Terry put a tail on 'em an' keep me posted as to what they are doin' that is if they are still here an' he can find 'em. But I don't want 'em pulled in, see?"
"O.K.," he says. "You're runnin' this business.
He stretches some more.
"You know, Lemmy," he says, "I reckon that this Berenice baby has got all you guys bull-dozed. When she come down to the Precinct the boys tell me that O'Halloran's eyes was poppin' outa his head. He just couldn't take 'em off her ankles, which is a bad thing for a copper, because a copper should never allow himself to think about a dame's legs."
"No," I tell him, "you don't say. An' so you are one of these guys that never thinks about dames' legs. Just thinka that now. Look, Brendy, ain't anybody ever told you that if you was to add up all the time that all the guys in the world spend thinkin' about women's legs, nobody would have any time left. The trouble with you guys is that you don't think enough about dames' legs. Maybe the whole of this case is just based on legs."
"Meanin' what?" he says.
"Meanin' this," I tell him. "Ain't you ever discovered that most bump-offs is because some guy gets comparin' some other jane's legs with the ones that he is legitimately entitled to consider? I reckon that legs is just hell. Don't crime start in night clubs? Sure it does, an' it starts because there are more legs in night clubs than anywhere else. Me I gotta theory that if you was to cut every woman off short an' issue 'em with a pair of cork legs you could practically do away with all the coppers in the world. Crime would stop dead."
"Yeah," he says, "well, I don't agree because even if every dame had cork legs there would still be some guys would wanta see whether they kept their stockin's up with drawin' pins or glue."
I don't say nothin' because I know that Brendy is a bit sore on the subject of legs, his wife bein' so bow-legged that when she goes swimmin' she looks like a triumphal arch. I relax an' then come back to the main issue.
"O.K., Brendy boy," I tell him. "You just get around an' do a little leg work yourself, willya? Check up on the handwritin' in that letter an' let me know pronto whether Marella really wrote it or whether somebody is tryin' to pull a fast one on the Berenice baby.
"An' another thing," I go on. "You can ask the guy who is goin' to do the identifyin' whether he has ever known Marella to use that Sea Island ink before. It's a funny colour an' we might get a line through it."
He says O.K. an' scrams.
I look at my watch. It is four o'clock an' a swell afternoon. I telephone down to the desk for some coffee, an' I put my feet up on the table an' proceed to do a little quiet thinkin'.
You will realise that this story that Brendy has just issued out is a good one. It sorta goes with all the angles an' it certainly looks as if Berenice would be the baby that pulled this job.
An' if Brendy is right then all that stuff she pulled on me last night about the letter bein' a forgery an' planted so as to give her a motive for killin' Marella, was all bunk, but it was the only thing she could say under the circumstances.
But I know that you are goin' to agree with me that there is somethin' very odd about that story of hers as to how the letter had got inta the house. If she was makin' it all up wouldn't it a been easier for her to say that somebody had sent her the letter through the post or somethin' like that.
The thing that gets me is that her story is what you might call too durned involved to be all lies, an' as I am a guy who likes to look at a thing from all angles I am goin' to take it just for the sake of talkin' that Berenice's story about the letter was true.
All right, well why in the name of heck does the guy who wanted to plant the letter leave it with her handbag an' gloves in the car? If the guy can get inta the house so's to put it in the garage why don't he leave it on Berenice's dressin' table or somewhere like that?
Well, there might be a good reason. Hi-Tok the butler told me that the guy who would be the person to go inta the garage last would be Lee Sam. He would go around to lock up, an' therefore he would be the guy who would find the letter.
So if Berenice is tellin' the truth it looks as if the guy who planted the letter meant Lee Sam to find it.
Well, why would they want that? Well, we can answer that one, because Brendy told us the answer.
Supposin' Thorensen had gone to Rocca to get 'em outa the jam like Brendy said. Supposin' Rocca was the guy responsible for smashin' Marella's face in so as to get at that bullet an' hold up identification, an' supposin' by some means or other he had got hold of that letter never mind whether it was a true one or a forgery then wouldn't it be a clever thing for him to plant it where old man Lee Sam would find it, an' the old boy would then get the idea inta his head that his daughter was mixed up in the Marella killin'; that she had done it herself.
