Complete works of peter.., p.57
Complete Works of Peter Cheyney. Illustrated, page 57
I finish the drink.
"Well, well, well, Paulette," I say. "Just fancy seein' you again so soon."
She comes into the room. She is still holdin' the gun on me.
"So you're back, Mr. 'G' man," she says very quiet, still smilin'. "Why don't you knock on the door when you want to come into a place?"
I take a drag on the cigarette.
"I'll tell you why, baby," I tell her. "I came back here because I had a big idea I might take a look around an' find somethin' I wanted, but I am sorry you interrupted me first. But there is just one little thing I'd like to know, Paulette. Why don't you put that gun away?"
She laughs.
"Maybe you'd like me to, Lemmy," she says. "I expect you would. You know I think you've had enough luck for tonight. Maybe it's time you had a little bad luck."
"You're tellin' me," I tell her. "Listen Paulette," I say, "ain't you the mug? The worst thing about you dames is that you always overplay your hand. You're the sorta woman who would come in on a poker game with a pair of two's just hopin' that the other guys would think you'd gotta full house, but you made a big mistake tonight. You shouldn't have 'phoned through to Daredo.
"When some guy bumps me over the head on the road to Zoni, an 'takes me off to some place to give me the works, I was wise that that was the telephone call you put through to Daredo, an' why? Well, there can only be one reason an' that reason was that you thought it would be pretty dangerous for yourself if I got as far as Zoni an' saw Rudy. So you fixed with Luis Daredo to get me before I got there.
"By the time I have got to Zoni an' seen Rudy, Luis's pals have wised him up that I have got away, so knowin' that I'll take this road back to get on to the main State road, he sits behind a clump of cactus way down from the house an' waits for me with a rifle.
"Well, it just didn't work. I have bust Luis good an' plenty, an' he's pretty sick right now."
She is still smilin'.
"That doesn't really matter, does it, Lemmy?" she says. "I'm still on top of the game."
"You're tellin' me," I tell her. "But what's the good of you bein' on top of the game. Where do we go from here? Listen, Paulette," I say, "why don't you get yourself some sense? What do you think you're goin' to do with that gun? Do you think you're goin' to shoot me? How come? Be your age."
She laughs out loud this time, an' she looks as sweet as pie. I'll tell you this Paulette has got one helluva nerve.
"Aren't you being a sap, Lemmy?" she says. "And do you think you'll be the first dick who's been killed in Mexico and not missed. I'm going to kill you, Lemmy, not because I particularly want to, because in several ways I find you rather attractive, but I think you're a little bit too consistent for my way of thinking. You're obstinate you know. You're the sort of man who would go on working and working, following his nose so to speak, until he might do all sorts of things that might even be inconvenient for me. I'm choosing the lesser of the two evils."
I flop down in a chair. She is standin' in the middle of the room right under the electric light. I look at the gun in her hand. It is as steady as a rock. I reckon this dame will kill me without even battin' an eyelid.
I don't feel so good. I am burned up that just when I am gettin' ideas about this job that I should be ironed out by some dame. Me I never thought that I would be bumped by a dame.
"You know, Paulette," I tell her. "I think you're bein' silly. What you got to bump me off for? What harm can I do you? I don't get this sorta business at all."
She just smiles.
"Well," she says, "here it comes, Lemmy. I'm going to give it to you. And I'll try and do it so that it won't hurt too much. How will you have it sitting down or standing up?"
"Justa minute, Paulette," I say. "There is just a little thing I wanta say to you before you start the heat."
"All right, Lemmy," she says. "I'm listening. Go right ahead, but don't be too long."
I start thinkin'. I think as quick as hell. You gotta remember that earlier in the evenin' I told you that Paulette came an' put her hands on my shoulders when she was talkin' to me. When she took her hands away she sorta let 'em drop down the sides of my coat an' her right hand rested for a minute on my Luger which was in its shoulder holster under my left arm. O.K. Well, maybe she will think that the gun is still there. She won't know that the Mexicans pinched the holster off me an' that I have got the gun in my right hand coat pocket.
I get up. I let my hands hang loose by my sides.
"Well, well, well, Paulette," I say. "If I've gotta have it I reckon I'll have it standin' up. Maybe you're not very keen on doin' anythin' for me, but there are two favors I would like to ask you. One is that I would like to have another shot of that bourbon of yours before I hand in my checks an' the other thing is that I would like you some time or other to send my Federal badge to a dame in Oklahoma. I'll give you the address. You don't have to send it now. Send it in a year's time if you like, but I sorta feel that I'd like her to have it."
She laughs again.
"Just fancy now," she says, "the tough 'G' man getting sentimental about a woman."
I shrug my shoulders.
"That's the way it is," I say.
I turn round an' I walk over to the sideboard. I pour myself out a shot of bourbon, an' I drink it. I put the glass back on the sideboard, an' I turn around.
"O.K. Paulette," I say, "here's the badge. I'll leave it on this table."
I put my hand sorta quite natural in my right-hand coat pocket, an' I fire through my coat. I fire at the electric lamp an' I get it. Right at the same moment I drop on my knees an' I hear Paulette fire three times. I take a leap forward like I was a runner gettin' off the mark, an' hit her clean in the belly with my head. She goes over backwards. I grab her arm an' twist the gun out of it.
"O.K. baby," I say. "Now let's take it easy."
"Damn you, Lemmy," she says. "What a fool I was to even give you a chance."
"You're tellin' me," I say. "Why you didn't plug me while I was drinkin' that bourbon I don't know. Still I never did know a dame who was really swell with a gun."
She don't say nothin'. She is just breathin' hard. I throw her gun over the veranda an' still holdin' her by the arm I walk over to the electric standard lamp that is in the other corner of the room an' I switch it on. Then I take a look at her. She is still smilin' but it is a hard sorta smile.
"Well, here's where we go, lady," I say. "I guess you played your hand as well as you could an' it didn't quite come off. You know," I tell her, "if you'd had any sense you'da shot me while I was drinkin' that bourbon. Then I'da been nice an' dead by now. Then you coulda got your friend Luis to chuck me in some hole around here an' nobody would have ever known that that big bad wolf Lemmy Caution had come bustin' around annoyin' poor little Paulette. Tough luck, baby!"
"That's as maybe," she says her voice is sorta tense "but I'll be glad to know what you're charging me with. You say you're a Federal Agent, but I've no proof of that. I've never even seen your badge. I find you here in my house in the middle of the night. I'm entitled to take a shot at you. This is Mexico."
"That's O.K.," I say. "An' maybe you could get away with a story like that. But I ain't worryin' about them shots you had at me. I woulda worried if they'd got me an' they didn't. I ain't pinchin' you for them shots. I'm pinchin' you for something else."
She flops down on a chair an' she starts cryin'. The way she is sittin' her robe has fallen back a bit an' I can see a piece of leg. I get to thinkin' that this Paulette sure has got legs that are easy to look at. I don't say nothin'. I just stick around waitin' for her to try an' pull somethin' else.
After a bit she stops cryin' an' looks up at me. She looks sweller than ever. She sorta smiles through the two big teardrops that are hangin' in her eyes. I'm tellin' you that this Paulette is one helluva actress, an' I would back her, under ordinary luck, to kid a Bowery tough that he was travellin' in ladies' powder puffs an' likin' it.
"Get me a drink, Lemmy," she says.
I go over an' get her one. I give her a strong one. I reckon she needs it, an' she will need it more before I am through with her. I take it back to her an' watch her while she is drinkin' it.
She puts the glass down.
"I know I've been a fool, Lemmy," she says, sorta soft, with her eyes lookin' at the floor, "but you must try and understand. I told you how I felt about Rudy, and I had an idea that you were going over there to put him through the mill. I knew that once there you would drag up all that old stuff and remind him of something that I wanted him not to remember just now that I'd made a fool of myself over Granworth Aymes. I didn't want him to be bothered just at the time when he is dying and trying to think all the best things of me that he can. So I telephoned Daredo. I told him to get somebody to wait for you and hold you somewhere so that you couldn't get at Rudy. But I told him that I didn't want you hurt."
Some tears started runnin' down her face again.
"You bet I didn't want you hurt," she goes on. "I don't expect you to believe me, Lemmy, but I'm telling you that, even though I've only known you for a few hours, I felt that you are the sort of man who might really mean something in my life."
She looks up an' her eyes are swimmin'.
"Don't you see, Lemmy," she says. "Don't you see... I love you!"
I look at this dame with my mouth floppin' open. I reckon that when they was issuin' out nerve they issued this kiddo with enough to run the Marines on. Here is a dame who has just been on the point of blastin' me down with a .38 gun an' she is now tellin' me that she loves me!
An' the joke is that the dame has got somethin'. She has got that sorta thing that makes you wanta believe her even though you know all the time that she is a first-class four-flushin' double-dealin' twicin' sister of Satan who would take a sleepin' man for the gold stoppin' in his right hand eye tooth.
I look at her an' wonder. Maybe you heard about that classy dame Cleopatra who slipped a bundle into Marc Antony when the guy wasn't lookin'. Maybe you heard of Madame Pompadour who had the King of France so heel-tied that he thought backwards just so's he wouldn't ever come up for air an' know he was nuts.
Well, I'm tellin' you that this Paulette was born outa her time. She oughta been born in the Middle Ages just so's she coulda pulled a fast one on Richard Coeur de Lion an' kidded him that he was a Roman gladiator with knock-knees. This dame is so good that she almost believes herself.
"Listen, honeybunch," I tell her. "So far as I am concerned I reckon it is a great pity that you didn't find all this stuff about lovin' me out before you started that act with the gun. An' I can catch on that you certainly didn't want me around at Zoni askin' Rudy questions an' findin' out one or two things about you such as the fact that you was stringin' around with Granworth Aymes; that he was your sugar daddy an' that you was the guy who helped pull the wool over the eyes of that poor sap of a husband of yours while Granworth was doin' the big plunderin' act.
"An' do you think that I don't know why you are pullin' this lovin' wife act now. I figure it is because you wanted to make certain that you was goin' to have the dough after Rudy's dead. It wouldn'ta been so hot for you if he'd left it to somebody else because he didn't like your bein' Granworth's lovin' baby, huh? It woulda been tough if after kiddin' Granworth into handin' back the dough he'd pinched from Rudy, an' then dyin' an' gettin' himself outa the way, Rudy told you to take a bite of air an' handed over the money to some home for Mangy Rattlesnakes. That woulda been too much for you, wouldn't it?
"So you start doin' a big act with Rudy. You make out that you are the naughty little wife who only wants her sick husband to forgive her so's she can start all over, an' the poor mutt does it, an' even while he is dyin' you are kickin' around with that lousy Luis Daredo."
She don't say nothin'. I just watch her like a snake just to see how she is takin' all this hooey that I am handin' out to her. She sits there lookin' at me with the tears runnin' down her face.
"O.K. Paulette," I tell her. "You an' me is goin' upstairs an' you are goin' to get yourself dressed an' then we are goin' places, an' don't try anything on me willya, because I would just hate to get really tough with you."
She sticks her chin up.
"Supposing I refuse to go," she says. "I'm an American citizen and I've rights. Where's your warrant? Where are you going to take me? I want a lawyer."
"Baby," I tell her. "Don't get me annoyed. I ain't got any warrant but I have got a very big hand an' if I have any more hooey outa you I am goin' to put you across my knees an' I am goin' to knock sparks outa that portion of your chassis that was made for slidin' on. As for wantin' a lawyer, as far as I care you can have six hundred lawyers all workin' overtime with wet towels round their domes, but even that mob couldn't get you outa the jam you're in. So take it easy an' be a good girl otherwise I'm goin' to smack you plenty."
I take her upstairs an' I stick around while she gets her things on. After this I look around for the Mexican jane but she ain't there, so it looks as if she has scrammed some place.
Paulette ain't sayin' a thing. She just looks like hell. When she is ready I take her outa the house an' back to where the car is. In the car I got a coupla pair of police bracelets an' I shackle up Paulette an' stick her in the back so's she can't move.
I get in the car an' start off. I figure I have gotta move plenty quick otherwise some of Daredo's pals may get around an' find him an' he might decide to start something else. I would like to take this Luis Daredo along too, but you gotta realize that this guy is a Mexican an' I do not want to start any complications, so I figure I will take a chance about him not startin' anything when I have gone.
I tread on it an' get ahead as fast as I can. I pull on to the main road leadin' to the State intersection an' pretty soon we pass the spot where Luis is lyin' in the cactus without any pants. I take a peek behind an' look at Paulette. She sees him too, an' in spite of everythin' she has to smile. That guy certainly did look a sight.
After a bit the road gets better an' we whiz, an' pretty soon we pull on to the State road to Yuma.
The day has started an' the sun is comin' up. I start singin' Cactus Lizzie which, as I have told you before, is a song that I am very partial to.
I figure that I have got to do a hundred an' fifty miles to Yuma, an' I wanta do it quick.
There are two-three things that I have gotta fix down there pretty pronto, because if the ideas that I have got in my head are right there is plenty goin' to start happenin'.
I light myself a cigarette, an' I throw a look over my shoulder at Paulette. She is lyin' back in the seat with her hands, with the steel bracelets on 'em, in her lap.
"One for me, Lemmy," she says, smilin'.
I light a cigarette an' lean back an' put it in her mouth. She nods her head. I turn around again.
"You know, Lemmy," she says after a bit. "Aren't you taking a bit of a chance? I imagine you are holding me as a material witness, but I have yet to know the authority on which a Federal Agent can handcuff and take an American woman out of Mexican territory just because he thinks that she may have important evidence. Because that's all you've got on me. I'm just a material witness. You can't bring charges against me for attempting to shoot you, because I'm entitled to shoot any man I find in my house at night."
She takes a puff at her cigarette.
"I think that I'm going to make things very difficult for you, Lemmy," she says.
I look at her over my shoulder.
"Look, Paulette," I say. "You take a pull at yourself an' don't talk hooey. I don't give a damn about your takin' a shot at me. An' I ain't takin' you back as a material witness or anything else like that, so don't start tellin' yourself what you're goin' to do to me, because you're takin' yourself for a ride, honeybunch, an' I'd hate to see you disappointed."
"I see," she says. "Then if I'm not a material witness, an' you're forgetting about the shooting, may I be so curious as to ask just what you are taking me somewhere for?"
"O.K. honey," I tell her. "Here it is. I'm takin' you back to Palm Springs just because I wanta take you there, an' when I get you there I'm chargin' you with first-degree murder."
I give her another cigarette over my shoulder.
"I'm chargin' you with the murder of Granworth Aymes on the night of the 12th January," I tell her, "an' how do you like that?"
XII. HOOEY FOR TWO
IT is eleven o'clock at night when I pull the car up outside Metts' house in Palm Springs.
Paulette seemsta have settled down a bit. She has also got the idea that she is goin' to make a big sap outa me before she is through.
I stuck around at Yuma for a coupla hours because I wanted to telephone through to Metts an' tell him one or two things so that he wouldn't be too surprised when I showed up an' I also had a spot of business to do over the phone with the Mexican authorities at Mexicali an' another spot with the New York Office. I stuck around there for a bit so's Paulette could get her hair done, an' also so that we shouldn't arrive at Metts' place at Palm Springs before night because I have got an idea that I don't want anybody to see Paulette. I am goin' to keep her nice an' secret for a bit.
I hand her over to Metts in his sittin'-room.
"This is Paulette Benito," I tell him, "an' I am chargin' her with first-degree murder of Granworth Aymes. I'd be glad if you'd book her on that an' hold her pendin' extradition to the State of New York. I think that maybe two or three days in the lock-up here would do this dame a quite lotta good. It might sorta get her mind nice an' peaceful so's she feels like talkin'."
"That's O.K. by me," says Metts.
He rings the bell an' tells a cop to get through to headquarters an' have a sergeant take Paulette along an' book her. He says that she is to be held incommunicado pendin' further instructions.
Paulette just stands there. She is lookin' fine. She has got her hair done very nice like I told you at Yuma, an' she has got a swell suit on an' ruffles. She looks like she would have to take two bites to eat a lump of butter.
