Restless, p.12
Restless, page 12
"Oh, hi, Mom. Um, Duncan and I are just having some coffee," I illustrate for her.
Her expression alone says she's not happy about this, but she plasters on a fake smile, and Duncan is none the wiser. He doesn't have a clue that my mom knows who he is, that we dated, or that he cheated on me.
"Sounds like fun. How was the dance?" she asks as she sits a bag of takeout on the island across from us.
"It was... okay, I guess," I mutter, shrugging it off.
Duncan grips my knee in support. He knows exactly what the memory of last night does to me. "Francine was crowned Prom Queen," he announces.
My face pales. Of all the things he could've said, he goes with this?
My mom looks at me with surprise in her eyes. "Really? Hmm."
"Hmm?" I push. What the heck was the sound effect about?
"Back in my day, the Prom Queen was always the snooty, holier-than-thou queen bee of the school. You know the type. She's a bitch to everyone except the guy she wants to steal away from the nicest girl in school."
Oh god. Did my mom really just say that to Duncan?
"Mom!" This is so embarrassing.
"Ouch," Duncan mumbles under his breath.
"What? It's a general rule of thumb. Every school and every class has one. Thank God your class's queen bee didn't get elected," she says as she grabs herself a bottle of water from the freezer. "I'm heading upstairs for a bit. It was nice to meet you, Duncan."
"You, too," he mutters as she leaves the kitchen. My face feels like it's on fire. "I guess you told your mom about that?" he asks.
"Um, yeah. Sorry. We have a bit of an open policy. I tell her everything. She tells me everything. No secrets. She doesn't worry about me, and we always know where the other person is. It has worked so far, but it also means she knows a little too much. Like about you and Gloria. Just be glad she's not mad at you. My mom has a temper," I say as I take our mugs to the sink.
"So, what's your plan for the day?" he asks.
"I was supposed to go with the girls off for a girl's day, but I don't really want to. Not after yesterday," I admit as I move back over to him.
His eyes scrunch up with confusion. "How come?"
"It's kind of awkward to hang around your friends when two of them are the sisters of the guy who just hurt you." I know Ryleigh and Sorcha wouldn't try to upset me, but their presence might be enough to do that.
"What?" Duncan's eyes widen in shock.
"Sorcha O'Reilly," I say before biting my lip. "...and Ryleigh," I confess.
"Wait, Ryleigh?" He gawks at me.
"Yup. It's her big secret she hasn't been comfortable with people knowing about. She's an O'Reilly, and he is her brother. They'll want to know what happened, and I'm not ready to deal with it. Ryleigh is pretty indifferent to her brother, but Sorcha is another story. She'd do the whole optimistic thing, and I can't look on the bright side right now," I admit.
Duncan doesn't say anything for a minute, just gently squeezes my knee in support. He doesn't need to say anything. His being here and listening to me vent is good enough.
"What do you think I should do? Do you think I should just bite the bullet and deal with it?" I ask, feeling the depression sink in again.
"No, I don't. I don't think you should do anything you don't want to do or that you don't think you're ready to do. Everything should go at your pace, nothing else. No one can say how to deal with this except you. You have the power here," he mutters while tightening his grip on my knee just enough to accentuate his point. "But it's not exactly healthy to sit here and eat ice cream and watch corny rom-coms while you bawl your eyes out," he concludes with a playful smirk.
Damn. Am I really that much of a cliche?
"Do you have any better suggestions?" I ask.
"Why don't we do something—whatever you want to do? You don't want to hang out with the girls, and your mom seems busy with her own thing," he suggests kindly.
"I couldn't ask you to do that. You've already given me so much of your time. I don't want to ruin your Saturday with my I've just been dumped dumps. I'm a real sour puss right now," I say with a frown.
"You wouldn't be ruining my Saturday. You'd be saving me from worrying about you all day. Besides, I'm not in the mood to hang out with the guys today, anyway. I'd much rather hang out with you."
My heart shutters at his sweet words and how close he seems to have gotten to me. I feel his breath across my cheek as I avoid his gaze.
Something has changed between us, and it scares the crap out of me. I've never felt like Duncan was a temptation before, but he is now, and a dangerous one at that.
Duncan has hurt me before. He betrayed me even if I already had one foot out the door. The pain he caused wasn't intentional—I know that—but it's still the pain I fear he will cause again if I let him get any closer.
***
"Really?" Duncan laughs as I drag him into Marble Slab, already salivating at the delicious ice cream.
"You said I couldn't sit alone eating ice cream. You never said anything about eating it together," I quip as I pull him behind me.
"You want ice cream that bad, huh?"
"Absolutely. There's a reason ice cream is a breakup cliche. It works," I mutter with a big smile across my face.
The smile isn't fake at all. It's real, and it's Duncan who's put it there. He's been sweet and goofy and playful like he always has been.
"Can I get the cookies and cream ice cream with gummy bears and chocolate sprinkles in a waffle bowl, please?" I ask the employee behind the counter, who nods along with what I say while making my sweet treat.
"Where does she put it?" The guy in front of me mutters under his breath, giving me weird looks.
"If you have something to say, my face is over here," I groan at the asshole pissing me off.
"Come on, Princess—" he starts, and rage bubbles inside me.
Princess. That's what Finn calls me.
No. Not anymore.
"Don't. Call. Me. Princess," I warn him.
"You better listen to her, Paco. Harley is one nasty senorita," a familiar voice calls from behind me, and I turn around.
Behind a worried-looking Duncan is none other than Tiernan McGowen, looking about as crappy as I feel.
"T, what the hell are you doing here?" I ask him as Duncan turns to look at who is coming to my rescue.
"Same thing as you, I assume. Drowning your sorrows in frozen deliciousness," Tiernan teases.
"Willow issues?" I ask.
"How about I don't ask why you're sad, and you won't ask me either? Sound like a good deal to you, pretty girl?" he offers, a grieving look on his face.
"I think I can do that," I say with a fake smirk. I pay for my ice cream as Duncan orders his.
I find an empty table and take a seat, eating the ice cream off my spoon.
"Okay, look," Tiernan mutters as he sits across from me, an urgent look in his eyes. How the hell did he get out of line before Duncan? Maybe he gave cash to the employee? Possible. "I'm not supposed to say anything, but Finn has been a massive dick all day long. Do you have any idea what his issue is?" he asks.
"Nope. No idea."
"Seriously?" he asks, not believing me the slightest bit. "Because he went from only getting pissed when one of us flirted with you, saying shit like leave my girlfriend alone, to losing his shit over every minor inconvenience."
I'm stunned by his words and stare at him, blinking a few times. "What?" he asks.
"Did you just—never mind. My mind was probably playing tricks on me. I could've sworn you said Finn called me his girlfriend when everyone and their cat knew I was just the girl naïve enough to warm his bed until he was ready to move onto the next willing body." My voice starts to crack, and it takes everything not to let myself cry. It was bad enough that Finn saw me cry, and so did Duncan.
"What kind of drugs are you on? You're Finn's girlfriend," he states like this is a fact that can be proven.
"No, I'm not, and I never have been. Just ask him. Why else would I be here drowning my sorrows in Marble Slab ice cream? He put me in my place, kicked me to the curb, and left me. Whatever way you choose to put it doesn't matter to me. He dumped me at prom, okay?" I hiss before shoving a spoonful of cookies and cream in my mouth, absolutely hating this conversation.
"That makes no sense at all. I don't get it. How could he go from putting Rian in his place over you two being together to breaking things off? This is Finn we're talking about. He's the logical one of us. He doesn't just flip script like that," Tiernan says in concern.
This isn't some facade he's putting up. He's legitimately worried about Finn, and that scares me.
"What are you talking about? Putting Rian in his place? Those two never fight, not even over pizza toppings," I say right before Duncan sits down next to me.
"Everything okay?" Duncan asks.
I just shrug.
"I can't believe he didn't tell you. This is fucking insanity. He never mentioned the pact?" he asks.
I scoff. "Well, yeah. You all took a vow when you were kids to never date because of some shit your parents went through and some curse between your families." I feel Duncan's eyes burning a hole in the side of my head, but I don't look at him. "What about it? Why is that stupid promise you guys made to each other so important?"
"Rian has been the one holding it in place, and Finn has always been right there with him until the day before yesterday. Rian was on another tangent about how Finn needed to end things with you."
Wow. I didn't realize Rian was that much against me. The distaste is mutual, but he never really said it. He stayed quiet around me most of the time, so I assumed it wasn't so bad.
"He's usually indifferent when Rian makes demands, but this time, he told Rian to fuck off. He basically told him that he was done with the whole thing and used me to make a point that it needed to be put to rest completely. Do you really think he did that for anyone other than you? He was adamant that he was sticking to his guns, and yet, somehow, he ended things with you at prom. I don't buy it. Something doesn't add up. It smells fishy. Something happened at some point between us arriving at the dance and then," he says.
Duncan gently touches my arm to get my attention, and I look at his bothered brown eyes.
"Do you think he knows about..." he trails off, but I understand what he is referring to.
Duncan kissing me.
I mean, it makes sense, but it still doesn't.
"Doubtful," I say.
"Knows what?" Tiernan presses.
"I walked off during our dance and went outside. Francine followed me to calm me down. Things got heated and..." he swallows the lump in his throat.
"He kissed me," I admit, averting attention from Duncan.
"Oh. Wow." Tiernan coughs a laugh. "Trust me. He doesn't know because, if he did, you'd be dead."
"Don't be so melodramatic. He wouldn't kill Duncan, not for something as silly as a kiss,” I say, then scoff with disbelief.
Would Finn kick Duncan's ass over it? Absolutely. Would Duncan be in the hospital for a week? Probably.
"When are you going to open your pretty green eyes and look the fuck around? How can you not see that there are only two people in this world Finn gives a damn about? Sorcha and you. Nobody else. He would burn everyone else to the fucking ground to keep you both safe. Have you forgotten how possessive he is of you? He nearly rips my head off just for flirting with you, and I'm not being serious about it." Tiernan throws his hands in the air in exasperation before standing up. "Are you seriously as hardheaded as he is, or is this some trait that has just rubbed off on you?"
"I'm not stubborn, T. I'm just done with the drama and the stress. You don't have any idea how hard this has been on me. Your only concern is your friend. Well, you know what? He did this to himself, and he did this to me. If he ever decides to act like an adult and wants to speak to me like an adult instead of calling me a slut through text, he knows where to find me," I explode.
I bow my head and try to focus on my ice cream, but I know Tiernan hasn't left.
"You're my friend, too, Harley, and this is for your benefit, not his. He's been referring to you as his girlfriend for weeks, and the night before the prom, he said he loved you. Neither of those is a small feat when it comes to him. That's for your peace of mind." With those parting words, Tiernan leaves, and his departure gives me mixed feelings. For one, I'm glad the conversation about Finn is over.
Then there's his parting statement. Finn has been calling me his girlfriend for weeks? He told them he loves me? If that's true, why did he say we weren't together, and why did he push me away?
He looked so upset before I kicked him out of the room. He didn't want to hurt me, but he did it anyway.
His intentions don't matter because whether he was trying to or not, Finn ripped my fragile heart straight out of my chest and dropped it on the floor.
Chapter Ten
Him
I regret my decision. I regret it with a passion to light the world on fire, but it's already done. I can't take it back. Francine Gray isn't mine anymore, so I have no right being so thoroughly pissed off right now.
It's not my place to feel my blood boiling with jealousy after sitting down the street from her house, worried about why she hasn't gotten home yet, only to see Malloy's vehicle pull up to her house with Francine in the passenger seat.
What the fuck is she doing with him?
After what he put her through, he is the last person she should be with. I want to get out of my truck, run over there, and curb-stomp his ass.
He doesn't deserve her. Yet, neither do I.
I watch him get out of his Suburban and walk around the car. He opens her door for her and helps her out in her beautiful white dress, now covered in grass stains, and her red, white, and blue hair is now a matted mess.
What the hell has she been doing? God, did she fuck him?
Please, tell me that isn't what she's been doing all fucking night while I've been sitting here worried about her, like a fucking dumbass.
Suddenly, her eyes lift up like she senses me and looks at me. She doesn't look like she feels guilty, but she looks at me like I'm the source of all her misery.
Fuck. I hate myself so much. I want to drive a knife through my chest just to end her pain, but even that won't accomplish it. My death would not save her from her own pain.
She turns her eyes away from me and walks into the house with Malloy, his arm around her shoulders protectively.
Anger, jealousy, and self-hatred rage through me as I clutch the steering wheel with my hands, trying like hell to calm myself down.
I can't go in there and raise hell.
It's not my place.
No matter what Francine has or hasn't done, she didn't cheat on me, and she's not mine anymore.
She. Isn't. Mine.
***
I'm beyond raging when I get home. The short text conversation with her rings through my mind like tinnitus, and I know I've fucked up.
Her throwing it in my face that whatever she does isn't my business pushed me over the edge, and I said something that even left a sour taste in my mouth. I don't need to see her or talk to her to know that the bit of filth I spewed at her made her upset—probably made her cry.
Fuck.
Why can't I stop doing this? Why do I keep hurting her?
Idealistically, I would forget about her, go back to fucking the girls looking for a good time, and move on with my life. The problem is, I'm a fucking psycho and can't stop thinking about what she might be doing, who she might be with, and what she might be thinking. My rage and possessiveness of her are at an all-time high, and the only thing stopping me from doing something truly insane is the words I keep repeating in my mind to keep me in check.
She. Isn't. Mine.
She. Isn't. Mine.
Over and over again, in a constant loop.
It’s the main issue that keeps me on edge, and I keep snapping at everyone no matter what they say or do.
"Dude, what is with you?" Rian presses as he tosses a beer at me.
"Nothing," I grumble with irritation.
"Don't let him lie to you," Tiernan mouths off.
I shoot daggers at him as I crack open the beer with my teeth. "Don't start," I warn.
"Shut the fuck up, Finn. I talked to Francine; saw her in town with her fucknut ex-boyfriend. The girl is a fucking wreck. I've seen prostitutes in better shape than her."
I stare down at my beer bottle. I do not need this shit right now. I could walk off, but Tiernan would follow me, yammering on until I clock him for it. There's no point in leaving.
"What's going on?" Rian asks, looking back and forth between me and Tiernan.
I don't speak. It's obvious Tiernan already knows what happened.
"He broke things off with Francine after going off about how she's more important than the pact we all had and telling us how he loves her and is in this for the long haul with her. Then he goes to prom and breaks up with her. How the fuck does that make sense to anyone? Sure as hell doesn't make sense to me or her," Tiernan says, his irritability showing.
"What?" Rian gapes at me in shock as I sip my beer.
"Any idea why that might be?" Tiernan asks, looking around at everyone. The guys exchange looks as I down the last of my beer.
"What the fuck, man? What is going on with you? First, this thing with Francine, and now you've been on edge all day. Talk to us," Eoghan presses, but I stay silent.
"I fucking hope Malloy is right about why you're being like this. At least that makes sense," Tiernan grumbles.
"What does he think?" Colin presses firmly.
"He thinks Finn found out that Malloy kissed Francine at the dance," Tiernan states.
The rage boils under my skin as my eyes shoot up to Tiernan, who looks at me with the same anger.
"What?" I hiss as the bottle shatters in my hand. I expect to feel the pricks of glass in my skin, but the pain doesn't come even as blood drips from my palm.
That little fucker touched her. I'll fucking kill him. I'll rip the flesh from his bones bit by bit before I tear his heart from his chest.
