Restless, p.13
Restless, page 13
"Oh! He speaks? I thought he forgot how to for a moment," Tiernan says while scowling at me.
"You're getting blood all over the place, man," Colin complains but falls silent with one death glare from me.
"I'm going to fucking kill him." I jump up, ready to race out of the house and murder Duncan Malloy.
"Sit the fuck down, Finn," Tiernan growls as he shoves me back.
I don't give up so easily. I push him, trying to get past him, but he's just as resilient.
"Fuck you!" I growl.
"We don't go around killing innocent people. No matter how much he pisses you off, Duncan Malloy is one of the innocent people we protect by doing what we do. Until he breaks the rules, he is safe. If he breaks the rules, you can tear him apart however you want, but not until then."
It takes everything in me not to punch Tiernan from the frustration consuming me. He's right, but that knowledge doesn't quell the urge to mutilate Malloy any.
"It shouldn't matter that much to you. You're the one who dumped her, right? An hour, maybe two after that," Tiernan says.
"It's for the best," I state before I march to the kitchen to clean the blood off my hand, picking the pieces of glass out of my palm.
"For the best? Are you fucking kidding me? You convinced me to go to that stupid dance to get Willow back because you believed in ignoring the pact so much, and now you're just throwing in the towel? What the fuck, Finn?" Tiernan groans from behind me.
"It's best for her. She may not like it now, but she'll get over it. Rian was right. We're all toxic and should keep to our pact. No relationships. Just fucking random bitches," I say before I turn off the sink and walk back to the living room to clean up all the bloody glass, catching the look of shock and guilt across Rian's face as I pass him.
Chapter Eleven
Her
I'm finally alone—no one asking questions or trying to distract me from my torment—just me, myself, and I.
I miss being alone. With my mom, my friends, and what had been Finn always hanging around, I was never alone, but my mom left for a business meeting to finalize opening up the apothecary, and Duncan's mom called him away. I'm finally by myself.
Duncan has constantly been by my side for the majority of the time since Finn dumped me, and I'm grateful for the companionship of someone who isn't going to ask for more answers. I'm glad for the solitude, though. Even with him not being here, he's still texting to check up on me, which is so sweet of him.
Duncan knows how horribly Finn hurt me, and I think he's more worried about me than he should be. I'm not suicidal, just sad.
I pull out everything I need from under the bathroom sink to do what I need to do.
I need a change. I need to be someone different.
I don't want to be the sweet girl next door I used to be or Finn's emotionally damaged ride-or-die.
I want to be someone I'm creating all on my own, like one of my costumes. I'll be my own character like my life is a novel. I'm just one of the people in the Book of Life. I'm not the hero, and I'm not the villain. I want to be just an average girl who the hero never notices, the heroine isn't friends with, and the villain doesn't care about.
A waitress whois only mentioned because the main character sees her name tag.
A girl in a bookstore who is only mentioned because of the cool T-shirt she is wearing.
I wet my hair until it comes out in ringlets. I start cutting away the length, curl by curl. I make sure everything is even going across before I blow dry my hair, then straighten it. I cut away little bits until it's even.
My eyes fall to the sink full of curls, and a wave of relief crashes over me.
The Harley Quinn red and blue length of my hair fills it, signifying the end of me as Finn's girl.
I have to move on, and this is the first step.
I gather the stuff to dye my hair. I settled for a dark brown—almost black—and work to mix up the color with the developer before getting started on my hair. My natural hair color is light to medium blonde, so the dark color should take. It might not get that dark. I'm expecting to do the color a couple of times to get the desired shade.
I section out my hair, apply the color to my mids and ends, and give them some time to process before doing my roots. It's a bit odd seeing myself with dark hair, but it does fit me.
I make sure to put the dye on my eyebrows so the color has more of a natural look.
I'm cleaning up the mess in the bathroom, waiting for the dye to do its work, when my phone vibrates. I pull it out of my pocket and smile at seeing Duncan's name.
I open up the text.
Duncan: How are you holding up?
Francine: I'm good. Enjoying some alone time and doing some reconstruction.
Duncan: Reconstruction? Do I even want to know what that means?
Francine: You'll see when you come back over. 😉
Duncan: Can't wait!
I can't stop smiling at the friendly texts, but this tension between us is anything but platonic. If it weren't for the long history between me and Duncan, I'd say we just fuck and get it over with. Duncan hasn't just been my friend for six years, but we dated for that time without sex getting involved. The sudden addition of sexual tension is a bit unnerving.
I have too much respect for him just to have some grief-fueled one-night stand with him. He deserves better than that.
Next time you kiss me like that, be prepared for me not to stop. I’m not as much of a gentleman as you might think. I only have so much restraint.
His words repeat in my mind, and I understand the implications behind them. He wants me just as bad as I want him, which makes it dangerous. He deserves more than what I can give him.
Out of nowhere, I'm reminded that I'm running low on my smoke, so I shoot a quick text to Tiernan.
Francine: We're out of games.
We have a secret code for me placing an order since I don't order with him face to face. If Finn knew Tiernan supplies me with drugs, he would lose his shit.
Tiernan: GTA or Call of Duty?
Francine: Both.
Tiernan: On my way.
GTA is our word for Xanax, and Call of Duty is what we call marijuana. I use both medicinally for my anxiety, and I know I'll need it even more now with what I'm dealing with.
Francine: Thanks.
It's time to rinse out my hair, so I do it quickly and then dry it off. The doorbell rings before I have a chance to deal with it, so I wrap my hair in a towel and rush downstairs.
I open the door, and Tiernan offers me a smile.
"Sorry about earlier," he says.
I send him a smile. "Me, too. Come in," I offer.
Tiernan steps through the door, and we make our way to the couch.
"How is he?" I question as Tiernan hands me the two Ziplocs of my medicinal drugs.
"More irritated and very antisocial," he admits in sadness. "He's just being stupid. Sooner or later, he'll see it, but it's up to you if it's too late when the time comes," he says before squeezing my knee.
"Thanks, but I don't know. I'm just trying to focus on the future and not getting dragged down by how difficult this is," I tell him, and I feel his hand rub up and down my back. "She dumped you, didn't she?" I ask, referring to my friend who becomes crazy stupid when it comes to love.
"Yeah, she did. I tried to fix things, but she doesn't want to." Tiernan is opening up to me. He's always laughing and joking, but today, he's serious.
Willow really hurt him.
"I'm sorry. She's really stupid. You're a great guy, T."
"Well, Finn is just as much of an idiot. You're clearly the best thing that's ever happened to him, and he shits on you. You deserve better than that," he says before tucking a loose strand behind my ear. "What's with the whole towel thing going on?"
"Oh, I'm dying my hair. I figured it would be a good change. Put Harley behind me and try to move on. I don't know how to move on, though. I'm scared I will be stuck like this, and nothing and no one can fix me," I admit, my voice breaking.
"Hey, hey. Please, don't cry," he says before wrapping his arms around me. "You're not broken. You're hurting. It will get better. It will take some time. They say it takes a third of the time you're with someone to get over them. Two weeks and things should start to feel better," he offers some comfort.
I turn into his warm arms and cry into his shirt.
"I don't want to deal with this for two weeks. It feels like I'm dying, and I hate it. Too bad I'm not like most of the girls at school. If I were, I'd be screwing random guys to push through it all. I can only handle being with guys I trust, like Finn."
"And Malloy?" Tiernan offers, but I shake my head.
"No. I can't mess with his head like that. He wants more from me, and I can't do that. Not now, at least." My tears lessen, and I feel the rough pad of Tiernan's finger pushing them away before I look up at him.
The wheels are turning in his head. Uncertainty, realization, then apprehension rotate in his eyes before his gaze meet mine, him visibly gulping.
"I have an option for you, but I'm not sure if you'd go for it," he says while fidgeting like he's uncomfortable with whatever idea that's popped into his head.
"What is it?" I ask reluctantly.
"This may make me a bit of an ass, but it's just a suggestion. How about... me?" He scratches the back of his head awkwardly.
I'm stunned by what he says. "You?" My voice shakes. "Do you forget that Willow is my friend?"
"No, I don't, but we're both going through the same shit. You're my friend, too. I can honestly say I don't have any romantic feelings for you, and I know it's the same for you. I'm not expecting anything to come from it, and if it's with me, I can promise you that I won't tell anyone. Willow won't find out. Finn won't find out. No one will. We both have reasons to keep it quiet. It's up to you. I won't be offended if you say no." His offer stays in the air between us as he sits silently, waiting for my answer.
Looking at this from an outside perspective makes it easier to process. Tiernan may be Finn's friend and the guy Willow was seeing, but Willow pushed him away. I don't know what the circumstances are, but the point is that she ended things—not him. Same thing with Finn. He broke up with me. Tiernan is someone I trust and am comfortable with. I'm not interested in a relationship with him, and all his flirtations have been harmless—playful even.
It's. Just. Sex.
It was different with Finn. It was always more than just sex.
Not this time.
"Okay," I concede.
Tiernan stares at me with wide eyes. "Okay?"
"Not today, but yeah, it sounds like a good idea. Thank you."
Tiernan flashes me a friendly smile before giving me a gentle hug.
"We should probably have a code word for when you want that," he says playfully.
I laugh. "What about peach cobbler?" I joke. "Like, I can just text you saying do you want some peach cobbler, and that's how you'll know to come over," I suggest.
"Sounds good, but fair warning. I will laugh when that text comes through."
I snicker at the idea. "Why? Peach is the emoji for a girl's ass. Getting some ass is another term for sex so ergo..."
"True."
I get up, grab my wallet from the key table, and pull out the money for Tiernan before turning back to him.
"And you promise Finn and Willow won't find out?" I press.
He sends me a comforting smile. "My lips are sealed. The last thing I need is for Finn to try murdering me in my sleep. He already wants to kill your ex. Malloy would probably be dead right now if I hadn't intervened."
"Well, thank you for that. Duncan has been keeping me from falling into a pit of despair over all of this," I tell him with appreciation as I hand the wad of cash over to him.
"How did he get roped into this?"
"I ran into him a few minutes after Finn dumped me, and he got me out of there before anyone could see how upset I was. He's pretty much been with me the entire time since then, just helping me keep my head above water. Finn was my support system. He was the first person I told about what my uncle did to me and about my anxiety and PTSD. It's more than just losing us. It's about losing that support, and I've regressed from it. It even makes me nervous to think about hanging out with the girls and having to tell them what happened. I haven't even told my mom, and we have an open policy," I admit, feeling anxiety course through me.
I grab the bag of Xanax and take out one of the pills before putting it in my mouth, hoping the panic goes away soon.
"Fuck," Tiernan curses. "Finn is a fucking idiot." His eyes meet mine, and he lets out an exasperated breath. "He thinks you're better off without him. That's all I could get out of him."
"Obviously, that's not the case."
Tiernan nods in sadness. "Indeed."
***
I finish blow drying my hair after the second round of hair dying, and I'm content with the results. My hair is a dark brown, and my dark makeup makes it all look natural. It has the feel of a well-managed shag.
I grab my sparkly lip gloss and touch up my lips before going in with the hair straightener.
I switch off my straightener just as I hear Duncan's voice downstairs.
"Francine?" he calls for me.
"Be down in a sec," I say before putting everything away.
I spray my hair with a little hair spray before I decide my look is complete and head out of the bathroom. I make my way down the stairs and watch as Duncan sits the pizza boxes and two-liter bottle of soda on the coffee table before turning to look at me.
I shoot him an awkward smile as he gawks at me. "Um, what do you think?" I ask.
"I... uh... um."
"You hate it, don't you?" I say, feeling extremely self-conscious.
"What? No, I don't hate it. It's just really different. It fits you, and you look beautiful. When did you go get this done?" he asks curiously.
"Oh, I did it myself."
"Wow! I don't think I've ever seen your hair that short. It looks good on you. You did a good job," he says.
I relax, though it bugs me that it matters how Duncan feels about my hair. It's my hair. The only person's opinion that should matter is my own, and I'm happy with it.
"All right. Show me the goods," I joke as I plop down on the couch next to Duncan, who sets down a grocery bag of DVD cases.
"No romances, so I brought scary movies. We have Halloween H2O, Resident Evil, The Ruins, and that shark movie you love, Deep Blue Sea," he states as he pulls them out.
I clap with excitement. "Awesome!"
He chuckles as he flips open the pizza box. "First movie is your choice."
"How about The Ruins? I haven't seen that one yet," I say as I grab the box.
"That's the worst one to watch while eating. Trust me. It has the whole cringe factor down to a T," he warns, so I put down that DVD case and grab Halloween H2O. "I don't know how you can eat and watch scary movies."
"It's a gift," I tease as he gets up and puts it in the DVD player. "I'll get some cups," I say before walking to the kitchen.
This is just what I need—a casual night of movies and pizza with a friend. Duncan won't judge me, and he's here for me.
I walk back into the living room with two glasses of ice just as there's a knock on the door.
"Who could that be?" Duncan asks.
I shrug.
"Open the fucking door, Francine! We know you're in there!"
Sorcha? What the hell is she doing here?
"You can't just lock yourself up because Finn is a jackass," Ryleigh says.
My eyes widen in surprise.
They know.
This is the last thing I need. I don't need them all harassing me for details or badgering me to work through things.
Nyla will think of it like Finn didn't hit me. We weren't arguing, and he didn't cheat on me, so we can always work it out. She doesn't understand why I won't be fighting Finn on this.
I take a ragged breath and walk to the door before throwing it open.
There is Nyla, Ryleigh, and Sorcha, but there's no Willow in sight. I wonder why that is?
"Hey," I say awkwardly.
Sorcha and Ryleigh both hug me while Nyla gives me a sympathetic smile.
This is not what I was expecting.
"Before you say anything, you're a gem, and he's a dumb shit," Sorcha says before giving me a smile.
"Okayyy, what did we just walk in on?" Nyla asks as she eyes Duncan sitting on the couch.
"We're watching scary movies and eating pizza," I say.
Duncan sends an awkward wave their way.
I know what they're thinking. If Duncan is here, I must be back together with him or thinking of taking him back, but I'm not.
"And drinking soda," he adds.
"Well, I guess you wouldn't be interested in... this?" Sorcha asks as she pulls a bottle of Smirnoff Ice out of her bag, fully knowing it's my favorite.
"You're so awesome." I give her a hug.
"T told me everything. We're here for you," Sorcha whispers in my ear.
I'll have to thank Tiernan for breaking my confidence. He must've known Sorcha would understand my reluctance.
"Thank you," I whisper back as tears assault my vision.
This time, my crying has nothing to do with Finn but the unconditional support of my friends.
Chapter Twelve
Her
"Are you okay, honey?" My mom asks as I finish up my bowl of cereal.
"I'm fine," I lie.
She doesn't need to know how truly tormented I am.
We have an open policy.
My inner voice mouths off, and I clench my eyes shut. Goddamn it. I can't keep this from her.
"Francine, talk to me. Something is wrong. Did that Duncan boy do something?" she asks, worried. "You stopped hanging out with Finn, you changed your hair, and now you've been spending all this time with Duncan. What's going on?"
"Finn broke up with me," I admit, barely holding in the tears.
"What? He... oh, honey. I'm sorry," she says with sympathy in her voice.
"I know. It's sad, but I'm trying to move on with my life. Please let me deal with this in my own way. Duncan has been helping. I just need to make it through today without losing my head, okay?" I say before taking my bowl to the sink.
