Restless, p.14
Restless, page 14
"If you want to stay home today, you can," she offers, but all it does is irritate me. If I let myself feel sad, I'll go back to crying my eyes out.
"The world doesn't stop because some asshole breaks your heart, but what would you know? You've always been the one breaking hearts!" I yell in frustration before grabbing my bag and running out of the house.
I know I shouldn't have gone off on my mom like that. This isn't her fault, and yet I can't bring myself to go back into the house without crying.
I'll text her and apologize later. I'm just too sensitive, and I'm taking it out on others.
I can't keep hurting the people I care about. Maybe I just need to take Tiernan up on his offer and get it over with.
I drive to school and park in my normal spot before throwing on my black zip-up hoodie over my peach-colored tank top.
Today, I'm dressed as casually as possible. Sneakers, jeans, a tank too, and a jacket are as casual as a girl can get. I just want to blend in.
What is the most common hair color in my school? Brown.
I should blend in perfectly. I won't attract too much attention.
Apparently, changing your hair from long, blonde, and curly to short, brown, and straight catches a lot of attention because everyone is staring at me—including Finn.
His eyes are fixed on me, even with the hood and beanie on my head. My brown hair is tucked up in the beanie for the cold day, and I seem to be the main attraction this November morning.
"You okay?" Duncan asks as he reaches me. The hood of his jacket pokes out of the back of his letterman, but his gray polo is still visible. He looks nice and toasty—very much at home in the cold weather.
"Yeah. Why is everyone staring at me? " I ask, and his eyes flash over to Finn, who now has a busty Asian girl in his lap, laughing like she doesn't have a care in the world.
"Everyone is catching up on your breakup pretty quickly," he explains.
I can't see how someone wouldn't.
The sight of Finn's new arm candy sets a pit of lava ablaze in my chest, spreading an ache deep within.
"Let's... get inside. It's chilly out here," I tell him solemnly.
"Come on. You don't need to see this," he grumbles as he places a hand on my back and escorts me inside, ending the view of Finn and the next body to warm his bed.
***
I get settled in Trig, but I’m set on edge as soon as Finn steps through the door. He looks like he doesn't have a care in the world—much like he did the first time he stepped into the class.
I look away as he walks toward me and takes his seat behind me.
The bell rings, and I nervously tap my pencil against the desk, but Mr. Caldwell doesn't start teaching.
"I'm sorry, Francine, but you know the dress code about hats," he says as everyone's eyes fall on me.
I hadn't even thought about needing to take off the beanie as soon as I got to school. I completely forgot.
I pull down my hood before pulling off my beanie, shaking out my hair.
"It's okay, Mr. Caldwell," I say.
Then, the class erupts into conversation.
"Oh my god. Francine, your hair looks so good," Mandy says from the front row.
"Who did your hair?" Candace asks from beside me.
"Um, me," I admit.
"Wow! It looks so natural. I'm totally jealous!" Mandy adds before Mr. Caldwell clears his throat.
"This isn't Cosmetology class. It's a math class. Any question for our color specialist can wait until after class," he says.
I do not need this attention. I just want to fade into the background like any other student.
I guess that's impossible. With everyone gossiping about me and Finn splitting up and all the girls focusing on my hair, it's impossible to be a wallflower.
"Your hair looks nice," I hear Finn whisper, and my entire body goes rigid.
Why the hell is he talking to me? He's supposed to be acting like I don't exist. He doesn't care that I saw him with his new bed buddy.
After how he hurt me and how inconsiderate of my feelings he has been, he doesn't have a right to speak to me.
"I didn't ask your opinion," I grit the words out, anger filling me.
"Is this how you're going to be?"
"Don't try to act like the victim," I growl under my breath. "You're not the one who was dumped at the prom for reasons unknown, so back off and go fuck yourself." It isn't until the last word leaves my mouth that I realize everyone close by is listening in and sending Finn nasty looks.
I try my best to focus on the lesson, but all I can think about is how I can smell Finn's soap as if he has his face right up against the back of my hair.
This class alone tempts me to drop out. It's so hard being so close to him and not being able to touch him, kiss him, feel him. I can't even talk to him without losing my cool.
The two sides of my brain are warring over this. One side wants to kick him in the balls, while the other side wants to pretend prom night never happened and that maybe, just maybe, Finn might want me back.
He doesn’t, though. His display this morning says as much.
***
I'm so drained when I get home from school. I'm exhausted, and my mom's lack of a response to my apology gets to me.
Once again, she's not home when I get there, and she's left a note on the kitchen table saying she won't be home until really late.
It's become normal, and I have to wonder what the hell is going on with her. I'm being open, but she's hiding something. I can feel it. I just don't know what it is.
I sit on my bed and think over everything that's happened today—every encounter with Finn and I know Tiernan is right.
So am I.
I can't sit around for two whole weeks, hoping the sadness evaporates from me. I need to take action, and part of that action includes not associating Finn with sex. Sex needs to be whatever I want it to be.
Which means having it with someone I trust but don't have feelings for. I need this, and somehow, I know he does, too.
I pull out my phone and send the text; I've been trying to figure out how to get through this without needing to send it.
Francine: Do you want some peach cobbler?
I wait for a minute, a part of me hoping he declines, but then he responds.
Tiernan: On my way.
Oh, great.
Why the hell am I so nervous?
It's just a booty call. Nothing more. We're two friends about to have sex to get over our exes.
Yeah, right. I'm so anxious.
I take off my jacket and beanie and shake out my hair before slipping off my shoes. I grab my bag of weed and roll up a joint to calm my nerves. Before I'm even done rolling it, there's a knock at the front door.
I finish rolling it and set it on my bedside table before going downstairs to let Tiernan in. I pull open the door, and he sends me a smile, but his teeth are chattering from the freezing air.
Of course, he's cold. He drove his bike here.
"Oh my god. Come in. You must be freezing," I say with worry.
"It's just a little cold," he deflects as he steps inside.
"Let me turn on the heat." I run off to the thermostat and switch on the heat. I immediately feel the hot air working its way through the vents as he sheds his thick coat, laying it on the arm of the couch.
"Thanks," he utters, attempting to act like he's okay when he's clearly not.
"I can make some coffee if you need me to," I say, but instead of indulging me, he grabs me by the back of my neck and pulls me close, his lips just a breath away.
"Relax," he growls, and the way he does it has the desired effect.
Maybe it's just me, but it really turns me on when a man grabs me and orders me around in that serious tone.
"Okay," I rasp, my thighs tingling.
His deep blue eyes turn black as he stares at me, catching onto my desire. "How do you want it?" he whispers, his voice becoming more gruff.
He wants me to tell him what I want and how I want it. Something about that is just as hot as him grabbing me and bossing me around.
"Like this," I mumble as I gently grab his hand from behind my neck and slide it around to the front.
His hand feels so good on my throat.
His eyes narrow dangerously as he presses my back against the wall.
"You want me to be rough with you, pretty girl?" he growls.
My hands stay by my side as he leans into me, his gaze zooming in on my mouth.
"And for you to tell me what you want," I whisper, a soft moan slipping from my lips.
"Good," he mutters, then his mouth crashes against mine, his tongue digging to reach my own. My body explodes with sensation, desire reaching from my fingers to my toes.
My body is on fire for him, but my heart is just as calm as it was before he walked in. It makes this feel so different when he doesn't make my heart soar as my body trembles.
Tiernan dominates my tongue like a pro as he palms my breast expertly, and I find myself pressing my body against his.
Suddenly, he pulls out of the kiss.
"Tell me what you want," he demands.
"I—I..." I stammer.
"Say the words," he growls as he runs his tongue along my lips, coaxing another moan from me.
"I want you to fuck me," I admit, breathing hard.
"Then, we better get you to your room, so I can fuck you properly," he groans as he releases my neck.
Holy fuck.
I'm already completely soaked. I can feel the wet spot in my jeans.
This guy is good. He knows exactly how to get a girl all worked up.
I take his hand and lead him up the stairs and down the hall to my room.
"I rolled a joint to smoke before you got here, but you got here quicker than I anticipated," I tell him.
"You're probably going to want to save that for afterward," he suggests as he closes the door and slips off his vest.
"Okay," I say nervously.
"Take off your clothes," he demands as he moves closer to me. He stares at me intently, waiting for me to do what he says.
I slowly move my fingers to the hem of my tank top and pull it over my head. It feels so awkward taking off my clothes in front of him. Tiernan has never seen me without clothes on before—not even in my sleepwear.
I lower the zipper of my jeans and push the denim down my legs, shimming out of them.
"Your underwear, too," he adds as he continues to stare at me.
The angry voice in the back of my head demands that I send him away and take this all back, but I'm not doing that. I need this.
I unhook my bra and slip it down my arms, revealing my naked breasts to him—blushing like a virgin—before lowering my sexy blue lace panties to my feet.
"Holy fuck," he growls as I stand before him completely naked, and I watch as he palms his dick through his pants. "You're so fucking sexy."
I watch as Tiernan pulls his thermal over his head, revealing a canvas of tattoos covering his entire torso.
"Lay on the bed," he orders.
I sit on the edge of the bed and lay back against the mattress, waiting to see what he has planned.
Tiernan gets to work on his belt, then his zipper, before pushing the pants down his legs, revealing a flattering pair of jocks, hugging his bulging package to perfection.
"Spread your legs. Let me get a good look at your pussy," he demands.
My thighs spread without my permission, and Tiernan grabs my knees, yanking me to the edge of the bed.
"Damn. You look so delicious." Then, he sinks to his knees and runs his tongue up the length of my pussy, focusing most of its attention on my clit.
"Oh god!" I cry out in pleasure.
My stomach clenches almost instantly as he presses his fingers inside me, and I'm screaming for mercy.
"You taste so damn good," he growls before moving right back to my clit, slapping his tongue against it over and over, pushing me toward my climax as quickly as he can.
"I'm so close," I whimper moments before my release hits. He hums as I ride out my orgasm on his tongue while gasping for air.
"Do I need a condom?" he asks as he stands to his feet, pushing down his jocks.
"It would be a good idea," I say as a precaution.
I trust Tiernan, but I don't know him that well. I have no idea who he has been screwing recently or if he’s been tested.
He grabs his pants and pulls out a foil package before ripping it open. He slips the rubber down his cock before moving between my thighs.
Tiernan stares into my eyes as he wraps his fingers around my throat, keeping a firm grip. “Hands above your head,” he demands.
I do as he says, and then he eases his cock inside me. My mind fractures as he slides inside me, and I know he sees it on my face. I’m not crying, but my heart is aching.
Tiernan is the only man to ever be inside me besides Finn. This was a part of me that was only for him, but now another name has claimed that part.
“It’s okay. Take a deep breath, all right?” he says with softness and kindness in his voice.
I nod as I take a shaky breath.
“You’re going to be okay, no matter what,” he promises before giving me a soft kiss.
After everything that’s happened, this is definitely what I need—something to relieve all the stress and effectively erase Finn from my body.
Tiernan starts thrusting into me, slowly gaining momentum and grunting with each purposeful thrust.
“Fuck,” he groans.
I moan from how he takes me, digging deeper and deeper inside me. He feels so good, claiming me the way he is.
“Harder,” I beg.
“You want it harder?”
“Yes,” I moan louder as he gets rougher, giving it to me harder.
With him deep inside me, I both lose and gain something. I lose this part of myself I only gave to Finn, and I gain a new appreciation for Tiernan.
He has his own selfish reasons for doing this, but I know a big part is he’s trying to help me, and I’ll always be grateful to him for putting me first.
***
"Shit," I curse to myself as I look over the bruise across my neck in the mirror.
It's not much—just a pink tint to my light skin—but it sticks out like a sore thumb.
Makeup would be my normal go-to for marks like this, but I know it won't cover all of it. Good thing it's a cold day, or it would look weird that I'm wearing a turtleneck.
Francine: That peach cobbler really messed up my neck.
I send the text to Tiernan, mildly annoyed.
Tiernan: Hahaha. You asked for the peach cobbler, and you got the whole dessert.
He's so goofy. He seems to be back to his old self and hasn't been moping since we had sex yesterday. Maybe it was just the cure he needed.
I can't say it didn't help, but it didn't take away the full ache in my heart.
My heart still calls out for Finn, but it’s going to have to get over it. He doesn’t want me anymore. If he did, he would’ve said something by now.
Like I told Tiernan, Finn knows where to find me when he’s ready to talk—if that ever happens.
I know he hasn’t done anything to purposely cause me pain. It has just worked out that way. I could forgive that.
No matter how long it takes him to come to his senses, as Tiernan puts it. He’s sure Finn will realize he fucked up, but I’m not holding out hope.
I can’t put myself through that, waiting for him to change his mind and seeing him with all those different girls hanging all over him.
I need to focus on myself and my friends.
***
I make it to school and avoid looking where Finn and Rian are. I know they're there, but I don't need to see.
I go inside to my locker where Willow, who's been avoiding me, is waiting.
"Hi, Willow," I say.
She frowns at me. "Why was Tiernan at your house yesterday?" she presses, there’s sadness in her eyes.
"Um, he's my friend. He hangs out sometimes. Why?"
"You're lying," she sneers with venom in her voice.
"What?"
Yes, I know I'm lying to her, but Tiernan and I made a pact. No one will know what happened.
"You're fucking him, aren't you?" she accuses, but even her voice says she knows she's reaching.
How wrong her gut is, though. It did happen between me and Tiernan, but it was casual. No emotions. No feelings. It's not like it meant anything, and they weren't together.
"I'm not having this discussion with you. You've been avoiding me since prom. What is with you?"
"Just admit what you did, Francine!" she yells, which gets a lot of attention.
"I'm not doing anything wrong," I defend.
"Tell that to my heart and Finn," she hisses at me.
"Have you been living under a rock since prom?" I growl at her. "As far as I know, you're not dating anyone, and in case you haven't heard, Finn broke up with me. I can do whatever the hell I want. I'm not hurting anybody."
Part of my anger comes from a sense of guilt for Willow's hurt feelings, part of it comes from my heartbreak, and a part is from being accused of something that isn't even wrong.
So, what if I screwed Tiernan? He went to the prom to win her back, and she turned him away. At that point, she forfeited any right to be mad.
"Woah. What's going on here?" Tiernan asks as he and Finn magically appear.
"You're such a fucking whore, Francine!" Willow yells at me.
I roll my eyes. "Yeah. Think whatever you want."
"Does someone want to slow down and tell us what's going on?" Finn presses.
I scowl at him. "Apparently, I have two stalkers who like to keep track of who comes and goes from my house. One is just more of the crazy type that comes up with their own idea of what happens when people are inside my house. According to Willow, I must be hosting sex parties and screwing every guy in town. Right, Willow, because I'm just a big, fat slut when it suits the argument you want to have.
"You see T show up at my house, and you don't go to 'gee, she must really need a friend right now, she must be going through some shit.' No. You immediately assume I'm screwing everyone."
