Restless, p.23
Restless, page 23
She's standing here putting her life and safety on the line because she loves him, like how I love Francine.
Fuck.
It takes every last bit of control I have left to walk out the door, slamming it behind me, before letting out a murderous cry, imagining killing my best friend on repeat.
***
I'm sitting on the porch, trying like hell not to go back in there and finish what I started. I wait so long for the rage to quell that my sister slowly steps out of the house and takes a seat next to me.
"What were you thinking?" she groans.
"What was I thinking? Gee. I don't know. Maybe I wasn't thinking like you weren't when you were fucking him," I throw back at her in anger.
"Okay, ouch," she mutters. "How did you find out?"
"He told me," I say. "Right after he said that his big tangent about how Francine and I shouldn't be together, and that I'm just going to destroy her, was all him venting about you, and he never expected me to take him seriously."
Sorcha is silent for a minute and sits there beside me, unmoving, before she finally speaks, "I figured you were going to say Francine told you."
I blink a few times, going over that one sentence over and over in my mind. "She knew?"
"Yup. She asked, and I told her. I asked her not to tell you. We thought if you knew, you'd try to kill him just for that. You've always been crazy protective of me, and the thing with me and Rian just came out of nowhere," she utters, full of sadness and a hint of disappointment.
"What happened?"
"Same shit that always happens with Rian. He lets himself be happy for a moment, then he's reminded of his mom and thinks any sliver of joy he gets would be a slap in her face, so he cuts out all things that bring him happiness. It's a toxic cycle, but I guess we all have toxic behavior in one way or another. I don't blame him. I expected things to work out the way they have, and I'm not mad." The frown seems permanently embedded in her features, which says a lot for my sister. She always smiles. She always has a joke to tell or a funny story that will make everyone laugh.
Not now.
There's nothing funny about this.
She's right. She's not mad. She's hurt.
"If I hadn't already beaten his ass to a pulp, I'd be doing it right now for making you frown. Any guy who makes you look like that needs his ass kicked," I say honestly, but she laughs.
"What the fuck am I going to do?" I grumble to myself, not expecting any type of response from my sister, but one thing about Sorcha O'Reilly is she loves to exceed expectations.
"Tell her the truth and not just little bits. Tell her you love her and why you've been such a flake. Tell her where you stand. She might not believe you, but honesty is a good place to start. Show through your actions that you mean it, and don’t try using sex as a tool to win her over. She’s very fragile right now,” she advises.
“No wonder you’re the smart one.”
Then Sorcha slaps me across the back of my head.
“What was that for?” I groan as I rub the sore spot.
“For getting her pregnant, you dumb shit. Why else would I be slapping you?” She stands up and walks back inside, and I know exactly where she’s going.
She’s going wherever Rian is.
***
I make my way upstairs and find Francine curled up in the blanket, looking completely at peace. Deep slumber is clear on her face, her muscles are relaxed, and her soft body looks so small.
She's ditched her pants on the floor, and her bare legs poke out of the edge of the blanket, showing a sliver of her tan skin.
I go to the bathroom and wash the blood off my hands before ditching my clothes, leaving on only my boxers. The act of modesty is only for Francine's benefit.
Sorcha is right. I can't be pushing myself on her, and using sex as a weapon isn't going to help. It probably makes her think I just want to fuck her.
Using sex as a weapon worked in winning her over initially but after this fuck up, she needs the serious side of me.
I go back to the bedroom and crawl into bed behind her, wrapping her in my arms. I take a moment and slide my hand down her stomach to where the baby rests, completely unaware of anything happening in the outside world.
I meant every word I said to Rian. I don't care who the biological father is. This is mine.
I'm the one who will be raising this child with her, and blood doesn't change that.
This is my son or daughter, and one day, Francine will be my wife. We'll be a family, and together, we'll break this curse that's tormented my family for generations. Our kids won't grow up without both of us, and we will do better than either of our parents did.
Chapter Nineteen
Her
I wake up to the feeling of Finn's warm arms around me, and I fight the comfort it brings me. I can't trust him. I can't trust that he isn't going to push me away and leave me again.
My heart can't bear another break.
But I'm still calmed by his aura, and that's something I can't force myself to fight.
I'm at peace, and that drags me back into the darkness.
I'm woken again by the feel of his soft lips kissing along my shoulder, and my heart races at the sensation.
"What are you doing?" I mumble groggily.
"Waking you up, babygirl," he responds in a single breath.
"Don't call me that," I say, barely holding back the tears.
That term of endearment reminds me of why we're not together. He pushed me away and wouldn’t put his issues aside. He chose his fears over me.
I'm only here because of the thing with Gloria. If it weren't for that, I'd be at home with my mom.
"Francine," he mutters my name, and I turn onto my back, careful not to anger the bruises on my stomach.
I look over at him, and the expression on his face is disarming. He's vulnerable like I was the night of his party when I bared my heart to him.
He leans into me and gently presses his forehead to mine, breathing me in. His fingers trail along my jaw in a way that doesn't anger the self-preservation side of me.
My heart skips as his breath washes across my face, and I stare into the depths of his icy blues.
"I'm so sorry, baby," he whispers. "I've fucked up so bad." His jaw ticks but quickly relaxes. "I don't think I can ever forgive myself for how much I've hurt you. You're so fucking incredible, babe. I've missed you so much," he admits.
His words ignite my self-protective side, and I try to pull away from him.
"Don't—"
"I love you," he confesses, which makes me freeze.
"What?"
"I love you, Francine," he says again, and my stomach flutters.
I want to cry because here he is, baring his heart to me and looking at me like I hold the key to his happiness. This is everything I was hoping for. All I wanted was for Finn to admit that he loves me too and not push me away, but how can I just accept this and not feel like he's going to pull away again if I let him back in?
He tore me down when I told him that I loved him. I don't want to do the same thing, but there is only one other option.
Pressing my lips to his, I surrender to him. Passion ensues as he claims me more vehemently than he ever has, and the only thing he's touching is my face.
My heart goes crazy as I whimper into his deep kiss.
"I love you," I mutter as he pulls out of the kiss, trying to catch his breath.
His eyes sear into me with so much desire that I nearly lose my mind from the look alone.
If I wasn't injured, I know we'd be fucking right now, and I need that so bad.
I haven't felt him like that since before prom when everything went to shit.
"We need to get out of this bed," he rasps.
I know he's right. If we stay here, we will be tortured with our need to fuck, and until I'm healed, that's not a good idea.
"Yeah," I whimper before he kisses me again.
"Come on." He groans and lifts me up in his arms. Finn climbs out of bed, just in his skin-tight boxers, and sets me on my feet. I grimace when I move to stand up straight and press my hand to my stomach.
"Ow," I whisper to myself, but the worry on his face tells me he heard it.
"You okay?" he asks with care in his eyes.
"Yeah. It doesn't hurt as bad as it did yesterday, but moving still burns like a bitch," I explain as his hand hovers over mine.
His hand moves down my stomach before settling down below the line of my hip.
"Any pain down here?" he asks.
My heart races at the uneasiness of his voice.
"No, none at all."
I have no idea what he's thinking about that development. He said he'd be here for me no matter what, but does that mean he's actually okay with this?
"Good." He kisses my forehead before wrapping his arms around me. "We have an appointment to get to," he murmurs against my face before pulling away.
"Yeah."
I sit on the edge of the bed and watch as Finn pulls on a clean pair of jeans and a black T-shirt before grabbing a thick jacket.
Even in all those layers, Finnick O'Reilly is sexy as hell. The way his muscles move underneath his clothes makes me all hot and bothered.
Once he's done getting dressed, he helps me put on my jeans without putting myself in horrible agony, and then we head downstairs. When we get to the living room, I see Rian sitting on the couch, and I gasp.
He looks like he went a round with The Rock, who switched out for Mike Tyson halfway through the match.
"What the hell happened to you?" I ask as Sorcha walks in and carries a cup of coffee over to Rian.
"My brother happened," Sorcha says before placing a gentle hand on Rian's shoulder.
What the hell?
Finn did this to Rian?
I turn to Finn with an accusation, glaring at him, but he shrugs.
"Asshole deserved it," he grumbles.
Rian just nods in agreement without speaking.
I watch as Sorcha slowly takes a seat in Rian's lap, and the pieces click together.
Finn knows about her and Rian. That certainly explains the massive beating he took.
"Come on, babe," Finn mutters as he puts his arm around my waist.
Sorcha sends me a smile that says she knows we are working our shit out.
I still have the voice in the back of my head screaming that I shouldn't let Finn back in, but how can you push someone away when they’re who you really long for?
I’m nuts about Finn, and how horrible things have been the last few weeks proves that.
But what is he going to do if this baby turns out not to be his? What if this baby is Tiernan’s, and Finn changes his mind about us?
I can’t stand the emotional agony that ignites in my gut.
***
Finn and I stopped for food, then headed to the doctor's office for my appointment. It feels like we're sitting in the waiting room forever before the nurse comes to get me.
"You don't have to come if you don't want to," I say, giving Finn the benefit of the doubt.
For all I know, it might be too much for him to deal with this if the baby isn't his.
"I want to," he responds with a soft smile and takes my hand in his.
We follow the nurse back to a room where she takes my vital signs and directs me to strip down and change into a hospital gown. I do as I'm directed ,take the paper sheet provided to me, and drape it over my legs as Finn stands by my side.
"If this isn't absolutely terrifying, I don't know what is," I admit.
He gives me an amusing smile. "It will be fine. If you're worried about anything, it should be telling your mom."
"Oh, that is its own level of scary. I don't think I'll ever be ready for that," I say before nervously laughing.
"So why is this scary?"
"Because when they do the ultrasound, it will probably answer the million-dollar whose-your-daddy question," I explain, gnawing on my lip anxiously.
"It won't matter to me either way," he says.
"It won't?" I ask, surprised.
"I'm all in, babe. Blood isn't everything. I'm not one of those assholes that will walk out just because I'm not the one who got you pregnant. I'll still see this kid as mine because it's yours."
My heart does a little pitter-patter over his speech.
It doesn't matter to him.
I'm what matters, and that is everything.
I don't have the chance to respond or thank him for his encouragement because there's a soft knock on the door before it opens.
"Good morning, Francine!" I look up and see none other than Willow's mom.
"Um, hi, Miss Madison," I greet her nervously.
Her pretty black hair curls at her shoulder as she walks over to me, a big smile on her face.
"How are you doing?" she asks, like this isn't a weird occurrence. One of my friend's mom is my baby's doctor.
"A little nervous," I admit.
"It's perfectly normal to be nervous the first time. I can promise you that it's a very painless process. We're going to start with an ultrasound to see how far along you are. Do you know when your last period was?"
"I haven't had my period since I got my birth control implant. They said I might not get one after that," I explain as I watch her squirt a tube of blue gel on the wand before powering on the machine.
"That's fine. That means we'll need to use the measurements I take of your baby to determine how far along you are."
I nod as I squeeze Finn's hand. Panic rushes through me as Miss Madison puts the wand under the sheet, and I shudder at the icy intrusion.
"You might feel a little pressure here," she warns before pressing it in the rest of the way.
I groan in discomfort as the screen lights up from the blackness that covered it before.
"And there it is," she assesses as the screen settles on a bubble formed around what looks like an actual baby. Skinny arms and legs, a big round belly, and a head the same size as its stomach.
I've seen plenty of early-on ultrasounds, but this is the first time I've seen one where the child actually looks human instead of an inchworm or a pea.
"Oh my god," I rasp at the sight of my unborn child that I just found out about yesterday.
"Looks like you're between ten and twelve weeks," she informs me.
My heart nearly stops at what she said.
"Ten weeks?" I ask for clarification.
"Based on the development, yes. Let me do a few measurements," she says.
I hold my breath for her confirmation.
Please, let it be at least eight weeks.
I pray over and over again as my fingers tighten around Finn's. Miss Madison clicks away before letting out a soft hum.
"Yes, ten weeks and perfectly healthy. Good news is you should be able to finish out the school year before your baby arrives."
I feel like I can breathe again.
This baby isn’t Tiernan's.
This is Finn's baby in more ways than just the love he has in his heart. This is his son or daughter in heart and blood.
***
"Verdict?" Finn speaks as I finish buttoning my jeans.
I send him a small smile as he watches me.
"What? I don't get all that medical mumbo jumbo," he says before rolling his eyes.
"It's not mumbo jumbo," I retort.
"Still."
"Ten weeks in gestation means eight weeks since conception. Prom was four weeks ago. You do the math."
A victorious smirk rises across his lips as he stands up from the chair he occupies and moves over to me.
"Does that ease your mind, babe?"
"Knowing that my child won't be a living, breathing reminder that I betrayed one of my closest friends? Absolutely."
"What about Malloy?" he suddenly veers the topic.
"Um, what about him?"
I'm worried about the conversation I'll have to have with Duncan. He'll need to know about me and Finn being back together, about the baby, and about how sorry I am that this will break his heart.
I'm glad he rejected my offer for us to get back together. If he hadn't, we'd be right back where we started.
"Was he one of the possibles?" he presses, looking a bit uneasy about the subject.
He knows Duncan and I had sex, but I'm not sure if he knows when that started.
"No. Just you and T. He was just being a good friend until less than a week ago. I was holding out because I didn't want to hurt him if... things changed," I admit.
There isn't a sliver of possessiveness or jealousy in his eyes. He's just listening to what I have to say. He's not judging—just being present for me.
"I was holding out hope for you," I say, frowning. "I hoped you'd either stop pushing me away, or I'd manage to stop loving you, but I don't think I'm capable." I stare into his eyes and see the sadness creeping in, but he still remains quiet. "I lost that hope when you pushed me away at your party, so I went to Duncan, and you know where that went."
He gently runs his fingers along my jaw as he stares into my eyes, a million emotions flashing in his icy blues.
"I'm sorry. I've fucked up so bad, babe," he mutters quietly.
"How can I be sure you won’t do that again?" My anxiety peaks as I wait for his answer.
Will he have some magical cure for my doubts?
"Nothing I can say will be enough to take away your concerns, babe," he murmurs as his arms move around my waist. "I know I broke your trust, and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to earn it back. I can't guarantee I'm not going to fuck up. I can say this, though." He leans into me and presses a sweet kiss to my lips. "I love you. You're my everything. I'd burn down the world for you. Nothing and no one is above you and... this." He presses his hand to my stomach.
My breath catches at his romantic and toxic words.
I shouldn't be his everything.
He shouldn't be my everything.
But we are, and that's so scary. Finn has the power to break me apart. He always has. He always will.
"I want to be by your side, always," he concludes passionately.
"Then don't push me away again," I say as I press my hand over his, holding his fingers to my stomach.
