In the beginning, p.34
In The Beginning, page 34
“I talked to Xavier,” I lied. The lie burned, because it was one thing I didn’t do with Toby. I always gave him the truth. I might sugarcoat it at times, but he got the truth from me.
He paused, though he still held his stiffened arms out before him as if he wanted to make sure no one attempted to touch him or move him. He was in defense mode.
“His car wouldn't start.” I began feeling instantly sick to my stomach. I saw the look my father gave me, as if he knew how hard this was for me. He offered me an assuring smile as if my father was giving me permission to continue lying to my brother. I don’t know if that made this entire thing worse or better. “He’s trying to get it running, bud, but he hasn’t had any luck. He had to have it towed off to get fixed. He told me to tell you that boys’ night will still happen and that he’s so sad he had to miss it. He said to ask you when you’re free to reschedule. The sooner the better, because he really misses you.”
I swallowed past the hollow feeling in my chest. The anger inside me felt just a little more dominant than before. The lies I just told burned like acid, even though they seemed to calm Toby just a bit. Though he was still very angry himself, the idea of Xavier rescheduling their night did seem to give him a bit of comfort.
“Would you like me to watch Turtles with you?” I asked and instantly he shook his head no before he focused back on me. Tears once again threatened to spill from my eyes. “I brought you your favorite pizza,” I told him, “a large all for yourself. You don’t even have to share.” Again he shook his head. I could see the exhaustion in him as he stared back at me almost blankly.
“Do you need to take a little nap first?” I asked.
For a moment he continued to stare, reminding me of someone very deep in thought. Ever so slowly he nodded his head as his body began to relax. Both my father and I sat next to him, fearful of touching him and triggering another reaction. The minutes ticked by in slow motion as we watched him slowly give in. His eyes drooped, and though he tried to fight it, eventually his body gave in.
I got up from the floor beside Toby’s bed and quietly moved from the room. When I entered the living room, I pulled my phone from my pocket. My father stepped into the room behind me. “I’m sure he had a good reason for not being here.”
I knew most likely my father was right, but Toby’s actions were still fresh in my mind and at that moment I found it hard to focus on anything else.
Breathing in and out, trying so hard to keep my emotions at bay, I dialed Xavier’s phone number. After four rings it went to his voicemail and my heart rate spiked, thinking the worst.
With shaky fingers I hit end, immediately followed by redial.
After several rings, just when I thought it would go to voicemail, he picked up the phone.
“Hey,” he said, sounding winded as if he’d been running or something. There was a lot of background noise, making it hard to hear him.
“Where are you?” I asked, and someone screamed out in the background. A woman’s laughter followed right before loud hooting and hollering from someone within very close proximity to Xavier.
“Shit,” he mumbled and I could sense he covered the phone. I could hear him talking, yet it was muffled, so understanding the words was impossible.
“Xavier.” I said his name, yet he didn’t answer. I was getting anxious and my patience was wearing thin. “Xavier,” I repeated a little more irritated than before.
“Sorry,” he said.
“Where are you?” I asked again as he told whoever it was near him to be quiet.
“At the frat house,” he stated before once again laughing at someone and completely ignoring me.
“Did you forget something?” I asked.
“What?”
“I said, did you forget something?” I repeated, doing my best to remain calm. With each second that passed, it became a little less possible. “Tell them to shut the fuck up,” I barked.
I was well aware my parents heard my language and for a moment, I felt horrible for them being witness to my less than lady-like choice in words. But damn him, how hard was it to find a quiet place and have an adult conversation with me?
“Babe, let me call you back,” he said and my pulse quickened.
“No,” I said instantly, “go to a different room.”
“I can’t; we’re outside and I’m a mess,” he replied. “Give me a half hour, and I’ll call you back.”
“Xavier,” I said his name again, only he replied with “Bye” at the same time, ending the call. I stood in my parents’ living room, staring at the wall ahead of me, wondering what the hell just happened. Doing my very best to hold it together, I turned to face my father, who stood only a few feet away.
“Can I borrow your truck?” I asked. I figured I should most likely leave my mother’s car, since it was set up for my brother. With the most recent events, I wondered what they would have done had they needed it while I was at work. This left me feeling selfish for using it even though they had insisted.
“Maybe you should wait until he calls back,” he replied. “I’m sure there is an explanation.”
“I’m sure there is too, I just can’t wait to hear it. Not after what I just witnessed.” I wanted to hear it now.
My father looked over at my mother, and together they shared some type of look. Then he offered her a nod as if to answer some unspoken question and pulled his keys from his pocket. “Just be careful,” he added before holding them out in my direction.
“I will,” I assured him before turning to leave.
***
Driving across town, I kept hoping for Xavier to have the perfect reason for ditching my brother. I don’t know what the perfect reason would be, but I had to hope it wasn’t something avoidable.
Cars lined the street in front of his house. Standing along the front porch and stairs were groups of people who were laughing and talking. It looked like some type of party was taking place, which only made my irritation grow.
For his safety, he’d better hope a party wasn’t the reason behind standing my little brother up.
After finding a place to park, I hurried up the front yard in search of Xavier. A mixture of guys and girls stood around laughing and talking. Some had beers in their hands, others were holding some type of mixed drink. Remembering Xavier saying he was outside, I began moving through the house toward the backyard.
Once I stepped out the back door, I looked around to see guys covered from head to toe in what looked like dried mud. I was entirely too irritated to even attempt to figure out what in the hell that was all about, until my eyes settled on one person.
There, about ten feet in front of me, stood Xavier, mud caked on his arms and neck, even some on his cheek. He had a bandana tied on his head and what looked like paint under his eyes, much like what football players wore. I could only see one side of him as he was turned away talking to a group of people. They laughed as he lifted a beer bottle up and took a long drink.
He still hadn’t seen me, but I was focused on nothing but him. Anger boiled inside me with each second that passed.
An arm thrown over my shoulder didn’t even pull my attention from Xavier.
“Your boy is a fucking machine,” someone slurred at my side. “Without him on our team, those asshole Alphas would have gained bragging rights, but Xavier took them down one by one.” The guy rambled on and on for what seemed forever, but was really only a second. I looked over at him but he was too drunk to notice my irritation. I recognized him as the fraternity president, Isaac. “He fucked up Britney’s new boyfriend. I think he might have even made the douche cry a little.”
I shrugged him off and took a step toward Xavier. I’d heard enough. As I stepped up to his side, I could feel my body vibrating with anger.
“Really?” I said, and even I could hear the hurt in my own voice.
Xavier whipped around, and I could instantly sense he was a little unstable on his feet, confirming that he had, in fact, been drinking for some time.
“Morgan,” he said with a big cheesy smile. “I was just getting ready to go in and get cleaned up so I could call you.” He looked down at himself and then back up. “I’m a fucking mess. We had this massive mud war and we won,” he added cheerfully.
Had it been any other day, any other situation, I would have laughed at the ridiculousness these weirdos got themselves into on a daily basis. It was always something so far-fetched you would think it was a joke. But at this point I was so beyond pissed I couldn’t hold back my emotions.
“Yeah.” I threw my hands up in the air sarcastically and shook them around. “You were here fucking mud wrestling in your backyard with a bunch of dumb asses, being cheered on while hitting your target, the boyfriend of your ex, might I add, which would trigger some questions if I wasn’t already so pissed off at you I could barely see straight.”
Now I had his full attention, not to mention half the group surrounding him as well.
“This is what you bailed on my brother to do?” I asked, and the realization of what he’d done hit him like a freight train.
He looked panicked as he stepped toward me and I stepped back, holding up my hand to stop him. I took in a deep breath, trying my hardest to understand how he could forget. Although I had no trouble putting Toby before everything else, I also had to understand it was different for him.
I looked back at him, his eyes wide as if he wanted to say something, but had no idea what words to use.
“You’re in a fraternity, you’re young, and your responsibilities are minimal, I get that,” I assured him. “I understand. You like to party and do really stupid shit with your friends. Okay, fine. I may not like it if you cancel on me or not show up when you are supposed to, but I’ll get over it.”
I stepped closer, lowering my voice, hoping like hell he understood why what he’d done was the worst thing possible. “However, Toby doesn’t understand. If you don’t show up, he’s devastated, because in the end he thinks he’s done something wrong. He looks up to you.” My voice cracked as my emotions threatened to take over. “For some reason, he has this obsession with you. It’s like nothing I’ve ever seen from him, and when you didn’t show, I think it broke his heart. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen him in the state I found him in tonight. I had to lie to him just to calm him down!”
“I forgot, I got tied up in this game and…damn it.” He lifted his hand to his head and yanked off the bandana. I think he just needed something to do with his hands. The simple fact that he forgot frustrated me.
“I’ll make it up to him,” he added.
The sound of a loud squeal made me jump as some brunette ran around Xavier, almost running into me. I stepped back to get out of her way just as she used his body as a shield. For a moment, he looked away and back toward the girl, a look of surprise covering his face.
In that moment I realized just how tired and defeated I felt. I didn’t want to fight any longer, I just wanted to leave. Being here, seeing what he spent the evening doing wasn’t helping my mood one bit.
I turned around and started to walk away.
“Morgan,” he hollered out, only I kept walking. “Please wait. Let me get cleaned up and I’ll go with you.”
I looked back at him one last time. “Don’t bother,” I told him before stepping inside the back door and leaving him to his party. At this point any hope of a rational conversation between us was lost.
Chapter 32
Xavier
I sat on the back porch, still holding my phone in my hand. The guests had long ago cleared out. My brothers had pretty much cleaned themselves up, but there I sat, mud so dry and crusted on my body that it made my skin feel tight. Only I didn’t care.
My heart literally ached in my chest so fucking badly it felt like I was being stabbed.
“Any luck?” Red asked as he sat down on the step beside me.
I only shook my head, as I continued to stare out into the empty backyard.
I didn’t have to tell anyone what happened; they had been witness to the display. Everyone watched as Morgan let me have it, and I said nothing. I didn’t chase after her when she left, because honestly, I felt like I couldn’t move. The idea of hurting Toby the way she explained nearly broke me.
My brothers knew all about Toby; they had heard me talk of him often over the last couple months. Hell, they’d heard me talk about Morgan’s entire family including Marcus, sometimes to the point where they’d tell me to shut the fuck up.
“What are you gonna do?” Red asked, only I had no idea how to answer him.
“Did you see the hurt in her eyes?” I asked, knowing that anyone who was close enough to her wouldn’t have been able to miss it. “I did that, I put that there.”
“You can’t be so hard on yourself,” he told me but I disagreed.
“The hell I can’t,” I said, gripping my phone tighter. “I made those plans, me. I set it up and promised him I’d be there. I should have been there, or at least fucking called.”
Red didn’t argue because I think he’d figured out it wouldn’t help.
“So you make it up to him,” he offered.
“How?”
“He’s a kid. He may have disabilities and struggles, but he’s still a kid. They’re forgiving,” he assured me. “From what I get, Toby idolizes you. He may be upset with you now, but he will forgive you.”
“What about Morgan?” I asked as I looked back down at my phone for the hundredth time. “Will she be able to forgive me?”
“Morgan may be a little harder,” he chuckled. “That girl is a fireball.”
He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know. She was a difficult girl, but it was one of the reasons why I loved her. She was strong and resilient. She wasn’t some weak link that relied on anyone to solve her problems; she looked for ways to solve them herself. She challenged me.
“At this point, I know you’re thinking the worst, but give her time,” Red told me. “She’s pissed and hurt. But you’ll think of something, and if you need help, you know we’re all here for ya.” He gripped my shoulder and offered a reassuring squeeze before standing up and walking back inside.
Not often did Red have a serious conversation with any of us. The guy was a cut up, a hassler, but I knew if I was ever in trouble, he for sure would have my back.
Lifting my phone one last time, I slid my finger across the screen and opened up the ongoing thread of text messages I had been sending to Morgan.
Xavier: I’m sorry Morgan, I swear I never meant to hurt him. I will make it up to him, I promise.
I hit send and never expected to get anything in return. After all, she hadn’t replied to the last twenty I’d sent. My stomach tensed when my phone vibrated, indicating a return message.
Morgan: It’s not me that needs the apology. Though I am severely pissed off at you, he is the one that’s devastated.
Well, the good news was she didn’t tell me to fuck off.
Xavier: I will apologize to him, and more. You being pissed means you still care, and that is all I can ask for right now.
I hit send and I could almost imagine her rolling her eyes as she read my message.
She never responded, but honestly I didn’t expect she would. Getting what I already got was more than I deserved.
***
I woke up feeling hopeful.
After I spent more than an hour on the phone with my dad, I had a plan of redemption set in motion. Yes, I would need the help of my brothers, but I knew they’d offer it. Anything was better than seeing me mope around looking lost.
I moved through my day, missing most of what took place in all my classes. I spent most of the time hiding my phone in my lap, shooting off one text message after another. I left Morgan alone for the day, even though I wanted to text her so many times. Marcus suggested that it was for the best, and I figured he’d know.
Marcus was my ally though, and I needed him on my side.
The minute the professor dismissed my last class of the day, I practically ran toward the exit.
As if on cue, my phone rang and I didn’t even have to look to know who it was. “Yeah,” I said as I hit answer and lifted it to my ear.
“I just had Mike drop off the supplies you asked for,” my father told me. “He said that her father helped unload everything, then insisted on paying.”
I stopped walking as my stomached tensed at the thought of Mike taking any money from Ed.
“But Mike told him it had been taken care of,” my dad added. “Said he didn’t look happy about it, but offered his thanks just before Mike drove off.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I took in a deep breath as I pictured her father doing exactly as he’d said. “He’s prideful and determined. Morgan is just like him, so I can imagine how hard it was for Mike to remain in control. But tell the guy thanks from me.” I paused at the side of my car with my keys in hand. “And thank you too, Dad.”
“I really like Morgan,” he said, and the mention of her name made my heart race. “She’s a good one, Xavier, and I understand why she was upset. I also know that she feels pretty strongly about you.”
“Yeah?”
“It’s the look she got in her eyes when you two were over. The way she watches you, the smile that covers her mouth. You can fix this,” he assured me, “but be prepared to go through hell and back to do so.” He chuckled. “Women have a way of making a man do things they’d not normally do.”
I couldn’t imagine Morgan making me jump through hoops for forgiveness, but what did I know? It took a lot of convincing to get her to date me in the first place, so I could definitely be wrong.
The entire drive over to Morgan’s parents’ house I was a nervous wreck. I had no idea what to expect, for all I knew they could both be as pissed off at me as their daughter. Marcus reassured me that though they wished things had gone differently, they didn’t hold a grudge. For what I planned I had to have their okay. It was their house, after all. I may have added a few more ideas in the mix other than what I initially mentioned, but in the end I thought they’d love it.
