In the beginning, p.64
In The Beginning, page 64
“Okay then,” he said, and he left the room. Maddie looked up, her expression softening, and I heard her sigh. A dreamy sigh.
“Maddie?” I asked, my tone filled with questions. She turned toward me and bit down on her lips before letting out a small giggle. She stared at me for a few seconds before nodding, confirming my suspicions.
“You and Artur? Oh my God, Maddie. Since when?” I asked, leaning forward in anticipation.
“About six months now. I couldn’t resist him any longer, Ayla. I mean, just look at him! He’s so sexy. And God, so dreamy. He’s perfect. I just…I don’t know. I couldn’t stop myself.” She shrugged nervously. “I’m swooning, aren’t I?”
“You are,” I replied, laughing. She was so cute.
“He’s so hot, Ayla!”
Well, I couldn’t deny that. He was indeed good looking.
“And he’s good in bed. Like really good,” Maddie added, leaning closer so she could whisper. “He is a beast.”
“Maddie! I didn’t need to know that.”
“I was just telling you,” she mumbled.
We stared at each other, then smiled before bursting into a fit of giggles.
It felt good to laugh. I couldn’t remember the last time I felt so free. Looking into Maddie’s smiling eyes, my laughter died down and my nose started stinging. I could feel the tears at the backs of my eyes but I didn’t let them fall.
I never realized that being happy would make me so emotional. Maybe it was because I never experienced friendship, laughter, or happiness. But Lena and Maddie showed me kindness that I never thought existed.
And I would forever be grateful for that.
Leaning forward, I touched her hand. “Thank you,” I whispered, my voice a little hoarse.
She tilted her face to the side in confusion and then asked, “What for?”
“Just…thank you for being my friend,” I said, not wanting to elaborate. I realized I had just made my first friend at the age of twenty-three.
How pathetic was my life?
Looking down, I tried to hide my tears. But when Maddie squeezed my hand, I looked up again. She smiled. “You don’t have to thank me for that, Ayla.”
I gave her hand a squeeze and then leaned back. That was how we spent the next few hours. We talked, laughed, and joked. When the house started to quiet down and all activities ceased, we realized it was close to sunset.
“Oh my God,” Maddie gasped. “I’m so sorry, Ayla. You were supposed to rest and I lost track of time.” She stood and wiped the counter clean.
“Hey, it’s okay. I had fun. I enjoy talking to you.”
“Still. You should go rest now or I’ll never hear the end of it from Mom,” she said, rolling her eyes in exaggeration.
“Well, you are right about that.” Laughingly, I gave her a quick hug and she pushed me toward the door.
“Go. Go. Go.”
When I got to my bedroom, I closed the door softly behind me. Without even removing my dress, I jumped in bed and cuddled under the warm, soft comforter.
Even though I had fun with Maddie, I was very tired. Now that I was in bed, my body felt heavy and languid. Sighing happily, I turned toward my window. The curtains were open and I had the perfect view of the sunset.
I watched the sun go down behind the back garden. I watched as the sky changed colors from red to orange and then with a mixture of light purple. The magnificent beauty took my breath away.
This could make such a beautiful painting. I could already imagine the large canvas smeared with alluring colors, creating a soft and peaceful landscape.
As the sky turned dark, my eyes started to get heavy. I yawned and blinked drowsily. Darkness surrounded me as I succumbed to my fatigue.
“Shhhh. Don’t make any noise,” he said harshly, clasping his hand over my mouth as I struggled against him. “Don’t move. It’ll be over quick. You won’t even feel anything.”
I tried to scream, but no sound came out. I fought against him but it was no use. He was unmovable.
No. No. Please no.
He brought his hand down my bare legs and slowly hitched my nightshirt up. He spread my legs open with his knees and settled between my thighs.
Sobbing, I continued to struggle but it had no effect on him. When he reached my underwear, he ripped it open without a second thought, baring me to him.
“You are mine! Mine! It’s about time I take you,” he hissed angrily. I heard his zipper open and I tried to move my legs together, but his knees stopped me.
His hand stayed on my mouth, stopping any sound from escaping. He moved over me and then I felt him near my entrance. I wanted to scream.
“It’ll be over soon, love,” he said into my neck, placing wet kisses along the length, biting hard and torturing the skin with his teeth.
I went numb and stopped struggling. When he noticed me going limp, he laughed in my ears. The fear that I felt was indescribable. I didn’t just feel it. I could smell it. It was all around me. My heart beat hard against my chest. Hot tears spilled down my cheeks.
When I felt him push inside of me, my heart cracked into a million pieces. Pain. So much pain. I was blinded by pain. It felt like I was bleeding from the inside. My skin burned and my whole body spasmed violently. All I felt was deep agony. I cried out against his palm and to my horror I found myself paralyzed and unable to move.
Pushing deeper inside of me, he growled.
“Fuck. You are so tight. Made for me. I own you.”
His loud pants filled my ears and that was all I could hear. It hurt so bad. Everything hurt. My body. My head. My heart. My soul.
When he stopped moving, I didn’t feel anything. My body felt numb. Crippled with pain and fear. Pulling out of me, he removed his hand and placed his palms on the mattress on either side of my face. He leaned over me and smiled.
“Happy sweet sixteen, love.”
I would never forget that smile. It was forever etched in my memory.
I woke up trying to scream and shot up straight in bed, covered in sweat. I breathed heavily, my heart pounding hard against my ribcage. The veins in my neck throbbed and my head ached.
I felt hot. Too hot. I was burning and my body shook violently with silent tremors. I could barely breathe. Quickly scrambling off the bed, I stood and paced the room.
Unsteady with dizziness, everything around me blurred. My ears were making a strange stinging noise and then everything was muted.
“A nightmare. It was just a nightmare, Ayla. Just a nightmare,” I told myself.
But it wasn’t just a nightmare.
It was my reality. My truth. Images flashed through my head all at once and I fell to my knees. It was too much. I closed my eyes against the blast of agony that went through my body.
Burying my face in my hands, I sobbed. The pressure built in my chest and my stomach heaved. I felt empty inside.
My tears were never-ending and I began to gag. My whole body shook as I bent forward and dry-heaved. I laid down on the floor, curling into myself as I continued to weep.
I thought I ran away from my past, but it followed me. Even though I was no longer in Alberto’s trap, he still held the strings.
I just wished for once that I could live without fear. Just once, I wanted to be absolutely free.
I wanted to scream. Rage at the unfairness bestowed upon me. But I couldn’t.
I wanted to forget, but I was stupid to believe that I could be happy. My reality would always follow in the end.
My weeping turned to jerky breaths as exhaustion overcame me. Opening my burning eyes, the first thing that I saw was Alessio’s suit jacket on my sofa chair.
Without thinking, I crawled toward the sofa and grabbed the jacket. I buried my face in the fabric and cried silently.
When my tears and hiccups finally died down, I slumped against the sofa and took a deep breath, and once again I could smell Alessio’s cologne. I began to relax.
I didn’t know why or how, but his smell calmed me. I breathed into Alessio’s jacket. Other than his cologne, I could smell him. And that was enough to make me feel safe again.
All I wanted was peace and even if it was for a little while, I had found it. I didn’t question it. I didn’t want to. I just accepted it.
Lying down on the floor beside the sofa, I curled into a ball and pulled Alessio’s jacket close to my chest and buried my face in it.
That was how I felt asleep again.
This time my sleep was free from nightmares and Alberto’s evil grin.
All I felt was peace.
Chapter 17
Ayla
The sunlight shone on my face and I squeezed my eyes tightly against the glare. Turning around, I winced at the soreness in my back and felt my forehead crease in confusion. Why did my soft, cuddly bed feel so hard?
Groggily, I blinked my eyes open and came face to face with the bottom of the couch in my bedroom.
I rubbed my eyes in an effort to get rid of the sleepiness. A lazy yawn escaped from my mouth and I groaned, falling back on the floor again as I crossed my arms over my chest.
Turning my head to the side, I saw Alessio’s jacket lying next to my face. I frowned in confusion and slowly brought my hand to the jacket, running my fingers softly over the fabric.
“Hmm,” I hummed as I tried to think back to last night, feeling strangely disoriented.
Why am I holding his suit jacket?
As soon as the thought ran through my mind, I quickly sat up, dizziness rushing through me. My harsh breathing filled the room and last night flashed before my eyes.
I was worn out, tired of constantly thinking about the past. Tired of fighting my demons.
Feeling numb, I brought his jacket to my chest, holding it there as I closed my eyes. I hated my nightmares. When I escaped, the first few nights were horrible. I could barely get any sleep. But then for two nights, I didn’t have any nightmares.
I felt hopeful.
Last night, all that hope came crashing down around me. I was so naïve to think that I could escape such a horrendous reality. Shaking my head at my own stupidity, I stood up and stumbled toward my bathroom.
I didn’t even look at myself in the mirror. Instead, I walked straight to the shower and let the warm water cascade over me.
The warmth began to seep under my skin and my muscles relaxed. I stayed under the spray longer than usual, trying to gather myself again.
Closing the water, I stood still for a moment and closed my eyes. Stay strong. Don’t break. Don’t show weakness.
Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes again and stepped out of the shower.
Stay strong. Don’t break. Don’t show weakness.
Quickly drying myself, I dressed in the same clothes I had been wearing for weeks now. My black maid dress.
When I was finished, I glanced in the mirror, looking at my reflection in silence.
My eyes were red and puffy. Tiredness was clearly written all over my face. It didn’t come as a shock to me. The face in the reflection…I had seen it a million times. Looking exactly like that.
Stay strong. Don’t break. Don’t show weakness.
I walked away without a second look. Alessio’s suit jacket remained on the floor, where I had left it before.
I bent down and took the jacket in my hand.
I was trying so hard to avoid what I felt last night. There was no way to describe it. No words. I never felt that way before and I was still trying to wrap my head around it.
Peace. That was what I felt. In the middle of yet another panic attack, Alessio’s jacket brought me peace.
He brought me peace.
How was that even possible?
My mind was a mess when I walked into the kitchen, where Maddie and Lena were waiting for me. When I walked in, both of them gifted me with genuine happy smiles.
“Good morning,” Lena said, standing by the sink.
“Good morning,” I mumbled, trying to act as chirpy.
“What are you doing with that?” Maddie asked, pointing at the jacket in my hand.
I ran my hand over the soft fabric before replying. “I forgot to return it yesterday. So, I’m going to return it now.” I felt like I was in a daze.
Maddie took a big bite of her apple.
She stared at me with a strange expression and a smile on her face. Almost like she was having an inside joke with herself. She twisted her lips ruefully, trying very hard to hide that smile, but I still saw it.
I placed the jacket on the stool before turning to Lena. “I’ll help you set the table for breakfast.”
She nodded and handed me a tray of fruit. We were setting out the last plate when I saw Alessio and his men coming down the stairs.
They were all dressed in their black suits, as always. If it weren’t for the guns attached to them, they would have looked like high class businessmen.
But the guns kind of took that away. It made them look deadly instead.
Everyone took their seats in silence as Maddie and I discreetly walked away. Instead of going into the kitchen, I stopped at the entrance. I didn’t know what came over me, but I turned slightly and stared at Alessio from the corner of my eye.
I sucked in a shocked breath when I saw his focus already on me. Viktor was talking animatedly but Alessio wasn’t listening. His eyes, his whole attention was on me. Biting on my lips unconsciously, a shiver went through my body and I quickly swiveled around, breaking the connection.
“Ayla, hurry. I wanna get this done,” Maddie called from inside the kitchen.
“I’m coming,” I said softly. I walked in to find Maddie eating her breakfast, with another full plate beside her. She nodded toward the plate. We quickly ate, and then cleaned while the men were still eating.
By the time the kitchen was spotless, they had finished their breakfast. Maddie and I walked out to see them getting up, and everyone scattered around the house, returning to what they’d been doing before breakfast.
***
I walked into the kitchen to see Maddie holding a tray. As soon as she saw me, her face lit up and she gave me a huge smile. “Oh my God, you’re literally a life saver.”
Giving her a confused look, I untied my apron from my waist. “What do you mean?”
Instead of answering, she pushed the tray into my hand. She placed a glass full of white stuff on it. “What is this?” I asked.
“Protein. For Alessio. I need you to give this to him,” she said.
“What?” I didn’t want to see him. And I sure didn’t want to be in the same room as him. He was too intense. I had to stay away.
“Please. Do this for me,” she begged.
I shook my head. “Maddie, why can’t you go by yourself?”
“Because,” she replied, biting on her lips nervously. “You know…”
“Maddie?” I asked, raising my eyebrows in question.
She was about to say something else, but then stopped. I turned to see what she was looking at, and saw Artur walking by.
“Ayla!” Maddie whined. When I didn’t move, she glared at me and leaned forward to whisper in my ear. “He wants a quickie.”
I gasped, but said nothing.
“See! Now you understand,” she said. “C’mon, I can’t deny him anything. And we couldn’t do it for like two days. I’m sexually frustrated, Ayla.”
I couldn’t believe I was having this conversation.
“Close your mouth, Ayla.”
I did so but then shook my head. “Maddie, I’m not going to Alessio. No way,” I said.
“Why? You are supposed to see him anyway. You need to give him his jacket back, right?”
I was about to refuse again, but she folded her hands together and pressed them underneath her chin, looking at me with big, hopeful eyes. “Please?”
I couldn’t say no. Not when she was making that face. “Fine.”
Maddie jumped up with excitement and quickly blew me a kiss before running out of the kitchen. I sighed and looked down at the tray. God, I really didn’t want to do this.
Balancing the tray in one hand, I took the suit jacket in the other and made my way out of the kitchen. Alessio’s office was in the left wing and it looked the same as the rest of the house.
I walked down the long corridor toward his office and admired the large landscape paintings on the wall. They were beautiful. So serene. A big contrast to the people living in this house. As I neared the wooden double door, I saw Nikolay standing outside. His hands were behind his back, his feet shoulder apart with his back stiff as he stared straight ahead. His eyes were on me, watching my every step.
“I’m here to give Aless…I mean, Mr. Ivanshov his drink.”
Without answering, he reached beside him and opened the door. Swallowing hard against the lump in my throat, I gave him a tight smile and walked in on shaky legs. Inside the office, huge windows overlooked the back garden.
The room was bright. The big desk sat in front of the windows, and Alessio sat behind the table, his chair pushed back as he faced the door. But then I saw a head of blonde hair on his lap.
Wait—what?
Oh my God.
My heart stuttered when I saw her head moving up and down. Alessio’s hand was fisted in her hair, controlling her movements while he pushed his head against the back of his chair as he groaned.
And then I heard a loud moan.
I froze, and he glanced in my direction, his eyes making direct contact with mine. They flared with surprise but he didn’t move. I saw his mouth tilted upward in a small smirk. I hated it.
He was by no means embarrassed. Instead, he held my gaze until he orgasmed. I was rendered completely speechless, and when I felt the tray shaking in my hands, I realized my entire body was shaking too.
“We’re done here.” His hard voice made me jump. He didn’t sound or look affected by what had just happened.
Releasing the grip he had on the woman’s hair, he pushed her upward. “Leave,” he ordered as he zipped his pants and tucked his shirt back in.
She stepped away from him and grabbed her handbag, then sauntered past me, her steps confident. She didn’t appear like she cared that someone else had seen her in such a position. The evil glare she gave me told me everything I needed to know. She was pissed they’d been interrupted.
