Some nights, p.10
Some Nights, page 10
“He was a doctor in the Dominican Republic but life was hard over there and he and my mom decided to come live here. He didn’t know much English so he couldn’t practice here. He had to take a job as a cab driver and Mami had to work sewing in a factory.”
“That must have been hard for them.”
“It was but Papi wasn’t a dweller or a complainer. He was a doer and an optimist. He was always smiling and telling us being surly and mopey gets you nowhere. Being active and positive was his thing. Sierra and I loved spending the weekends with him after he and Mom split up.”
Her voice drops at the end.
“You still miss him.”
“Every day. When he died everything changed. We changed. Sierra became rebellious and I turned to school.”
“School?”
“Yeah, I didn’t have my sister’s personality and God was I an awkward-looking kid.” She laughs. “The only way to keep my mom off my back was to always be studying or reading something.”
“I want to see photos.” I reach for my beer and take a swig.
She settles back against my chest and looks up. “Hell no. You were probably born with those arms and washboard abs.”
“No one’s born like that. It takes a lot of sweat and pain.”
Her eyes light up and she rubs a hand down my thigh. “Pays off.”
I kiss her temple and return the favor by sneaking my left fingers through the fly hole of the boxer briefs she’s wearing. I press light caresses against her but don’t do much else. She tilts her head to me and I brush my lips against hers.
“Let’s save this ‘til after the game. I want to end your last night here with a bang.”
She shoves me.
Her phone vibrates next to her and the word ‘Mami’ appears on the screen. She picks it up and sends a voice message in Spanish. I catch I know, I’m sorry, will be there and tomorrow. The Rosetta Stone lessons I’ve been listening to are paying off.
She discards the phone again and grabs her beer but I don’t miss the sigh she tries to stifle.
“Everything okay?”
She nods against my chest. “My mom’s just difficult. She’s never happy or satisfied. All she does is nag and demand. It’s sad that Sierra and I avoid her as much as we can, but she’s too much. It’s why she and my dad split up. She doesn’t get that money isn’t everything, but kept pushing him to make more until he couldn’t take it.”
My spine stiffens because that’s it. Money. That’s what’s bothering me. She saved me money today and said nothing about my ridiculously low budget. She must know how little I have. And why is she slumming it here in a house with barely any furniture when she has a luxury hotel room? I mean, I make her come like crazy but what about the in between? She could’ve convinced me to hang out with her elsewhere.
Why am I even worrying about all this stuff? She’s going back to New York tomorrow.
Maybe because she’s going back to New York tomorrow.
“I don’t make much either. Not like I think you do. That’s why I need the second job.”
Saona’s body goes rigid and she doesn’t just turn around. She pulls out of my lap and turns her whole body to face me. “Okay…”
I drink the rest of my beer and shoot for something I can’t make myself feel, casual. “I need two jobs to support this house, help my mom, and get by, Saona.”
“And?”
“I don’t roll like you do. Right now, I can’t afford the luxury hotel you abandoned to be here. I wouldn’t be able to take you where you’re used to for a while or buy you what you want.”
Her mouth opens but nothing comes out. I’ve finally left her speechless but I’m not sure what that means for me.
She recovers fast and clears her throat.
“First of all, you don’t have to buy me anything. I can buy it for myself. Don’t let my contrition yesterday fool you. I appreciate you being a gentleman and regret ruining our evening, but I’m not here for macho bullshit.”
She leans closer. “Second, you work two jobs because there are things that are important to you, like your house and your mom, and you want to take care of them. Which brings me to my third point. I’m here because I want to be. I like being with you. You make me laugh and smile, despite wanting to kill you more than half the time. Why are you questioning it now?”
The air is thick on my throat and I think about lying because I feel so stupid. “Because on Thursday I had the chance to walk away from you but I couldn’t. Last night I gave you all the reason to walk away and you didn’t. Why?”
She looks down and shakes her head and emotions flash over her face. I think she’s sad and confused and angry.
“Because I like you. You make my divorce, my issues with my mom and my stressful job fade back. For the last three months, you’ve been the reason I go to bed smiling, a lot of times horny, sometimes pissed off. Anything but sad or used or with anxiety that won’t let me fall asleep.”
I yank her to me tight and she buries her face in my neck. The words almost hurt coming out. “You’re that for me too.”
“This is scary,” she whispers against my skin. Her words vibrate in all parts of my body.
“I know.”
“My divorce is not final and I’m already this way with you…”
Her voice is soft, like I’ve never heard it before and my own churning echoes in her words. And my relief is instant.
Because I’m not alone. We’re both neck-deep together.
I grab her by the shirt and meld our mouths together and savor her as if I haven’t been trying to get my fill of her for two nights in a row. Thursday, I had been so filled with pent-up desire for her we barely stopped to breathe. Last night, I was grateful that she didn’t tell me to fuck off. Right now, I’m greedy for all she can give me, for all I can give her, for all the places my tongue can get into.
I hook my hands under her boxers and tug them down. She wiggles and helps me, her mouth firm over mine. She’s desperate like me and only pulls back so I can lift the T-shirt over her head. She reaches for the waistband of my pants but I hold on to her hands, stopping her protests with my mouth. I lay her on the bare floor, her head on the pillow, brushing her hair from her face. I’ll never forget this, her naked body glowing under the chandelier against the smoky hardwood. Her gaze roving over my face, her lips slightly parted.
I kiss my way down her neck, fondling and sucking from her tits to her belly until she’s pulling at my hair.
I gently shove her hands away, sit back and watch her. Her skin is flushed, eyes feverish and her breath choppy. And all that is for me. Her legs part as if saying yes, come take it. Her pink little cove opens for me, glistening, lush, ready for my tongue, and eager for my cock.
My mouth waters and I can no longer hold back like I want to. I lie back on the floor, with my face between her legs. I use my fingers to caress and spread her folds, laving over her with my flat tongue. I scatter upward licks over her entrance, through her pink petals, and over her nubbin.
Her back arches, her hips pushing closer to me and her face straining up as if she’s reaching for the chandelier. I suck her clit into my mouth and press two fingers inside her which she squeezes and I feel like a bolt of lightning is shooting to my dick. I grind my hips against the floor but keep fucking her with my mouth while struggling to last. I pad around her walls until I find the spot that makes her gasp and scream. I crook my fingers until her insides begin to contract.
Her moans are tantric music, echoing against the walls of my bare living room.
PART III: MOTHER FUCKER
1/2 oz rum
1/2 oz tequila
1/2 oz vodka
1/2 oz gin
1/2 oz blue curacao liqueur
4 - 5 oz soda (7-up, Sprite)
1 1/2 oz sweet and sour mix
Ice Cubes
* * *
Use a shaker
Mix all ingredients in a cocktail shaker. Fill a Collins glass with the ice cubes and strain the mix into it. Sit back and enjoy!
14
Saona
* * *
“Your honor, I love my wife. I’ve loved her since the first moment I saw her. I’ve made a lot of mistakes but I’m human. I know I don’t deserve her but…I want a chance to show her how sorry I am. I want to show her I’m a changed man. I want the opportunity to make this up to her.”
And I want to vomit.
David’s gaze is lasering to mine from the other side of the room. I’m reigning in the urge to roll my eyes to the back of my head. But Carina prepared me for this. I laughed when she said he would play the contrite husband who would do anything to get me back. I tried to tell her that wasn’t his style. All he knew how to do was throw childish tantrums and slam doors.
She said, “Girl, you don’t even know the shit I see on a daily basis. It wouldn’t surprise me if he brought a priest to attest that he’s been more chaste than a choir boy.”
She turned out to be a prophet. From the moment the proceeding began, David and his lawyer began lobbying for marriage counseling, mediation, and everything under the sun.
“Saona, I love you and I’m asking you for the chance to show you how much I’ve changed. We owe it to each other to try. If it doesn’t work out, we’ll know we gave it our best.”
The scoff is on the tip of my tongue but Carina taps the back of her heel to mine. It’s our rehearsed signal and it means I need to calm down and choose my words carefully.
I take a deep breath and stay calm. He’s not going to get to me. Not this time.
“Is there anything you want to add, Mrs. Torres?” The judge’s tone is cutting. This man has already decided I’m in the wrong. He’s spent months granting David any bullshit thing he can use to roadblock our divorce.
But it’s my right to speak my mind and I won’t budge. Not after all David has done to me. I square my shoulders back and look at the judge.
“Yes, your honor. My marriage lost the battle long ago. David has been unfaithful to me from the very beginning. He’s lied to me, used me. For six years, I’ve been supporting the household and paying the rent and bills. I’ve also helped him and his relatives. He and his lawyers have been trying to find loopholes around a prenup he and his mother surprised me with two days before our wedding. He’s claiming that he didn’t know my earnings and I was never transparent but he’s the one that insisted we file taxes separate and handled our assets the same way. I can’t…”
I press my lips together and release a shaky breath. “…be married to someone who thinks so little of me, he’s out in the streets with hookers. He could’ve given me a disease. He didn’t respect me and I can’t respect him. I know in my heart counseling is not the answer because once respect is gone, there is nothing there.”
The room is plunged into silence and the judge is looking at the papers in front of him. My heart is beating so hard and so fast. I breathe and look down at my hands braced on the desk. The surface is a dark wood, like the original color of Jax’s built-in bookcases in the family room before we painted them that light gray, almost white, color.
I find my anchor there, channeling my last visit to Baltimore a month ago. I try to tap into the peace I found in Jax’s house, reading by the window seat or helping him with his kitchen backsplash. Memorial Day weekend had been memorable in all ways. It had been the first time I touched grout and he’d laughed at how bad I was at tiling and doing everything else but bossing him around. I threatened to go to the spa and leave him to work alone. He’d accused me of being bad and bougie.
How could I have made it this far without those moments? David and his family took turns trying to get to me. They called my job and I had to have the receptionist block their numbers. Worst of all, my mother was lobbying for him. I couldn’t spend time with her without getting badgered. That’s why I never go to her house by myself anymore, only with my sister and her kids. Sierra is my soundboard and protector when it comes to Mom.
But my sister couldn’t keep me from being anxious all over again or making me forget David and the bullshit. The only one that could do that was Jax. He, who left work and drove two hours to meet me in New Jersey, is the only one that gave me peace. That afternoon, I’d thought I would have to go to the hospital but he’d told me to get a rental and drive to a restaurant close to the Delaware Bridge. We stayed on the phone together the whole ride there.
My car was barely off when I rushed out to him. He held me so tight, wrapping me in the marine notes of his cologne. It worked better than yoga or melatonin. I found serenity with my eyes closed and my face against the warm skin of his neck. I’ll never forget that collection of goodbye kisses, with him apologizing for having to work at the bar that night in between. He’d seem as broken up to leave me as I’d been about saying goodbye to him.
He’s come to mean so much.
The judge clears his throat, snapping me out of my thoughts. He looks at me and his face reveals nothing. He turns away like he can’t stand to look at me anymore. He addresses David’s table.
“Mr. Peña, I am touched by your contrition and the love you feel for your wife. I like to see marriages work…”
He sends a side look toward my table and nausea rolls in waves over my belly. The warmth from my memories evaporates with a single side-eye. He’s not going to grant the divorce. This judge had been screwing me over from the beginning. My throat knots and my eyes water because it’s not over. This won’t ever end and I can’t go another day married to David.
“…but I find that your marriage has been irretrievably broken. Mrs. Torres is correct, once respect is gone, there is nothing to base a union on. Therefore, I’m granting the divorce decree. I’m also ruling in favor of Mrs. Torres and upholding the prenuptial agreement. The contents of the apartment shall be divided equally, with Mrs. Torres getting first choice of the pieces she wants.”
He bangs the gavel and stands up. Carina says thank you but I’m frozen.
My heart thumps furiously against my chest. Oh my God. I’m free. Relief eases into my body and a tear drops in my hand. I swipe it away quickly. The judge exits and the minute his door is closed, Carina hugs me.
“It’s over,” she whispers in my ear. “We need to celebrate like when we were in college.”
Laughter bubbles in my chest. “Can we still party like that?”
“Saona? Can we talk?”
I turn my still smiling face from Carina to David. “No.”
“We need to make arrangements for the stuff in the apartment.”
Carina waves a hand in front of him. “That’s where I come in, David. All arrangements go through me.” She turns to me. “You can go. I’ll call you later.”
I grab my purse and exit the courtroom as fast as I can. My sister is waiting downstairs but there’s something I need to do first. I find a bathroom and go inside.
I pull out my phone and dial.
“Hey,” Jax answers right away.
“The judge granted the divorce.” My voice cracks and I have to take a deep breath. “I’m free, Jax.” And for some reason when I say his name all my emotions jumble together and I can’t breathe because I’m crying.
Jax
My chest is heavy. It’s getting dragged down with each sob from Saona. I’ve never heard her cry before, not in our late-night calls, not during all the times the judge postponed the divorce after a random request from David. She hadn’t even cried when I met her in New Jersey and she was barely holding on. But now she just keeps crying and I don’t know where she is and am three hours away.
“Don’t cry like that. It’s over now. You’re free from him. Come on, bad girl. Just breathe.”
The wheezing sounds that follow tell me she’s trying. I step up and away from my desk. I need to move away from the cubicle area I work in.
“You did it. You made it through and now you don’t have to deal with him anymore. Why is Sierra not with you?”
“She’s downstairs. They didn’t let her come up. It was just he and I with our lawyers.” Her voice is labored and thick and it splinters my chest. I should go to New York and beat the shit out of her ex-husband like I jokingly asked last night if she wanted me to.
“Do you know how strong and brave you are? Most people fall apart after their marriage collapses. They lose sight of themselves. But not you. You hung in there and rolled with all the crap. You weren’t even afraid of getting into something with me, even after we butted heads.”
The sniffing is my only answer, so I keep on.
“You’re a soldier, a boss. David will regret what he did the rest of his life because he will never find a woman as beautiful and sexy as you.”
My heart aches because all I can do is whisper these things that don’t help over the phone. I’m impotent and that pisses me the fuck off. I should’ve gone down like I wanted to. Even if she wanted to see that to the end on her own.
She clears her throat. “I’m sorry.”
Huh. “Why?”
“I’m a mess.”
“You’re not, I promise. So, what if you were, though? That fucker screwed with your life for too long. I’m the one that’s sorry for not being there.”
“What would you do?” I don’t get to answer because she adds, “Jax I don’t like being a mess…” Her voice breaks again and it ties my throat into a knot.
“No one does, but you handled it better than I did my breakup. It wasn’t until I met you that I stopped wishing Josie would fall and knock out all her front teeth.”
There’s a slight pause and then she starts laughing. “You’re so crazy.”
I release the pent-up breath lodged in my chest. “You’re doing good, bad girl. Give yourself some credit.”
A door opens on her side of the line and then water starts running and she yelps.
“Oh my God. I need to put my face back together.”
