Some nights, p.17
Some Nights, page 17
My eyes shoot straight for the bar and my breath wheezes out but my stomach plummets. He’s not there. There’s a different bartender. I don’t know if I should drop to my knees to thank God or curse my luck. On one hand, I don’t have to face him but on the other, the truly disappointed one, I don’t get to see him.
“Let’s take that corner by the end of the bar, where all the chairs are empty,” Colton, one of our managers, suggests.
It’s not until the second drink that I begin to relax and participate in the conversation with Leticia and Colton. “I think you guys need to put that request through corporate. I’ll definitely take it back with me and endorse it, but an official request will go a long way to getting this approved.”
I open my phone again and look at the messages I’ve typed and re-typed over and over again throughout the day and try to choose one.
Hey, I’m in town. Would you like to grab some coffee and catch up?
Or should I say I would love to see you? No, that would probably sound like I’m trying too hard.
God, how do I run two sets of personnel but can’t send one freaking text message?
I almost drop the phone when it vibrates in my hand with a message from Sierra.
Did you call him yet?
I answer a question from Leticia and accept Colton’s offer of another drink before I text her back with the word No.
OMG, Saona. WTF are you waiting for?
I close my phone screen because the last thing I need is her pushing. But she’s a pain in my ass that refuses to quit and sends five messages.
Stop being such a coward.
You got your hair done and he’s going to die when he sees your outfit.
What’s the problem? Did you forget the Brazilian wax?
You better answer me.
Don’t make me call you.
She’s so fucking annoying. I text her to leave me alone. That I will contact him on my own time.
My coworkers have given up on talking to me and are less than subtly flirting with each other. They don’t seem to mind that I’m here. Leticia moved to the other side so they could whisper in each other’s ears.
It’s better because I’m more interested in telling my sister to fuck off after her last text messages asking me to send her Jax’s number so she can do what I don’t have the courage to. Like this is fucking high school or some shit. I’m so pissed off at her insistence, I’m ready to go outside and just let her have it. It’s my damned life.
Someone takes a seat next to me and his ocean scent is the first thing that hits me. My pulse sets off into a gallop and the hairs on my body stand on nerves end.
“Can I buy you a drink?”
Jax’s voice is thick and washes over me in a wave of warmth. I look up at him slowly and when my gaze meets his, there’s a fire storm brewing there. How I missed that face, that mouth, those eyes.
“Hi.” It’s all I can manage.
It must be enough because he smiles. “Hi. Can I get you a drink?”
“Yeah, but I don’t want another of these.” I point to my empty Jameson and ginger ale glass. “I don’t want to mix, though.”
His smile widens. “I can recommend something.”
And wet go my panties. “Please,” I nod.
He calls the bartender over. “Can we have two Whiskey Sages?”
“Sage?”
“It’s good.” And the way he says it makes me so tingly. “I promise.”
He’s staring or maybe I’m staring, but I don’t know what to say.
Leticia clears her throat and I’m so grateful for the opportunity to break the trance.
“We’ll see you later, Saona.” It’s the way she says it, the twinkle in her eyes, and the smile playing about her lips. This is so not a coincidence. My sister’s pushy paws are all over it.
“We’ll talk…” I hug her. “…about this and what’s going on with you and Colton.”
Leticia pulls back, her eyes rounded and there’s a little fear in there. I should let her be afraid but I can’t. I smile. “Don’t decide to have sex in the office. We’ll talk.”
She glances in Jax’s direction and leans into my ear. “I’ll dish if you do.”
I wave her away and turn back to being imprisoned in Jax’s gaze. He’s not smiling anymore and points to the peach drinks in front of us. I take the glass in my hand but don’t sip right away.
“So, how have you been?”
He takes a sip of his drink and I use it as my cue to do the same. The flavor explodes on my tongue with the sweet, sour, strong mixture. I open my mouth to tell him how much I love it but the look in his eyes stops me. It’s intense and mesmerizing. I can’t help but get caught in it.
“I haven’t been good. I’ve been broken and feeling all kinds of stupid.”
My hand flies to his over the counter. “Why?”
He leans forward and puts his hand over mine. “I fucked up the best thing that ever happened to me.”
I flinch, surprised at the words, but I snatch away my hand. He’s the one that broke us up.
“You must also be mad at yourself, then.” I go back to my drink.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m not doing this right.”
“What are you not doing right?”
He gestures between us. “This. I want to talk. Can I show you something?”
I flip my palm in question.
“I want to show you the house.”
“Your house?” What the fuck? Is he serious right now? Does he think all he has to do is give me a sad story and I’ll drop my panties for him?
He places his hands in front of me. “Not like that, Saona. Come on. That’s not all we had. We were so much more… I just want you to see what I’ve done. I’ve made strides and you were always supportive. I also want to talk.”
I’m a little embarrassed by my jumping to conclusions. I do want to see the house and we shouldn’t talk here. It’s his job.
“Okay. We can go to your house. But I’ll drive myself there.”
Because if he pisses me off, I’m driving myself straight back to New York and then heading to DR for the holidays with my sister.
24
Jax
* * *
My mind hasn’t been right since Sierra called a week ago to say Saona was coming to Baltimore. My heart hasn’t had one regular beat from the moment Juan sent me a text with three words.
Your girl’s here.
I’ve been restless since yesterday because she’s been here for over a day and not a text or call. I worked last night and waited for her to come, contemplating calling her but gave up and went home. I have to respect her wishes.
Now I’m waiting for her. Seems like I’m always waiting for Saona. Waited for her in September and she hadn’t come down. Waited for her all last night, all day today. Now I’m back to waiting, left alone to dissect our interaction today. She was surprised to see me but not overjoyed. She didn’t smile, not once. She got mad when I told her about my regrets. And why the hell did she insist on driving herself? Did she lie to me? What if instead of coming here, she drove herself back to New York?
Lights flood my window as a car turns into my driveway and parks behind mine. No, not just a car, a white Range Rover. I step back from the window but don’t rush to the door until the old-fashioned ring of the mechanical twist doorbell I found fills my living room. When I open the door, she’s smiling.
“I love that bell.”
My breath catches in my throat and I find myself jealous of the stupid object but still grateful for it. I haven’t seen her smile in God knows how long.
“Can I come in? It’s a little bit cold out here.” Her smile turns sheepish.
I take a quick step back. “I’m sorry.”
She steps in and I get a full look at her in her double-breasted, wool trench coat and knee-high, black boots. Her lips are no longer covered in lipstick and there’s my birthmark, crowning her plump and glossy bottom lip.
“May I take your coat?”
She nods and I love that there is no hesitation there. That has to be a good sign, right?
She unbuttons her jacket and my pulse seizes like she’s stripping for me, like there’s nothing underneath that. But I’m not that lucky anymore and I don’t even deserve it for the way I acted.
Except, oh my fucking stars. Underneath that coat is a sparkly black tank top and a leather skirt that goes a little past her knees. Jesus. She came to kill…me.
If this had been months ago, I would have fucked her, in the foyer with her boots on and hands braced on the door. That skirt would stay hiked up her ass.
She clears her throat, reminding me it’s not months ago. I signal to the living room and move to the closet to hang her coat. “Would you like anything to drink? I can make you another Whiskey Sage. I have everything here.”
I move to the kitchen and she follows me, her gaze on everything. “Wow, everything looks amazing here. You’ve done a wonderful job.”
“I still have no furniture.”
“It never needed adornments to be beautiful,” she whispers but I hear it.
And she could be talking about us and not the house. We never needed comfort or fancy things to be together. What we had was already beautiful. It’s a weight on my chest that she doesn’t notice she dropped.
Because she’s running her hand over the smooth surface of the Formica countertops I haven’t been able to afford changing yet.
“Don’t worry about furniture. What you’ve done here is far more valuable. The rest will come with time.”
“I doubt it now.”
She frowns but I hand her the drink.
“Thank you.” She sips and closes her eyes. “Hmm. This is delicious. Even better than the one at the bar.”
“I made the syrup myself. The one at the bar is store bought. I’ve been experimenting with drinks lately for a project I have in mind.”
“Oh. It’s really good.”
We move through the rest of the house, drinks in hand. She’s asking me about the changes I’ve made and marveling at the job I’ve already done, while I remind her of everything the house still needs. She’s praising me and all I can see is where I failed with the house. And her.
“You’re so hard on yourself. You have two jobs and still manage to do this amazing work.”
I want to kiss her, savage her mouth, hold her tight so badly, but that’s not going to happen. She’s been polite but careful not to touch me.
“I’ve been working on the master bedroom. I just finished the floor. You want to see it?”
She nods and starts walking. The catching of her breath when she sees it bears right through my soul.
“Jax, this looks amazing.”
Does she realize that’s the first time she’s said my name tonight?
She steps in and I go in after her.
Our eyes reach the floor-to-ceiling mirror in the corner at the same time. “I copied you. Your mirror is awesome.”
And so are the memories of our bodies reflected on it.
She scoffs. “Are you kidding me? This thing is majestic, a real wood antique. Not some stuff someone made for a designer room. Where did you find this?”
“Dan. You’ll be happy to know I haggled him down for it.” I don’t tell her that it was my last two hundred dollars and that I didn’t buy what I really went to get.
“I bought it because I thought you would love it. Because it reminded me of you, Saona.”
She presses a hand to her chest. Her face goes emotionless except for that tell-tell swelling in her throat and her eyes going liquid. “Why me?”
“Because I couldn’t stop missing you. Because you’re in every corner of this house, even when you’re not here.”
She backs away slow and I catch her by the door. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t tell you that but I can’t help myself.”
“It’s fine. I’m here to listen. It’s just…I didn’t know it would be this hard. Anyway, you should be proud of this house. You’ll finish it soon.”
“No, I won’t. The new owner can do that.”
Her eyes go wide as moons and she gasps. “You’re selling it?”
Hearing the words out loud is like a stab on a tender wound.
“But, you love this house.” She touches my arm and I cover her hand with mine.
“I realize there’s something I want…”
She’s staring at our hands but then her gaze leaps to mine. “If it’s money—” Her hand shoots to her mouth and she shakes her head. She breathes and it’s amazing to see all the emotions that scroll over her face. “I’m sorry. I had no—”
“Finish your sentence.”
She shakes her head again. “No.” She tries to push past me and out of the door but I won’t budge.
I hold her shoulders in my hands. “Please. Finish the sentence.”
“There’s no point. It’s stupid.”
“It’s not stupid. Finish your sentence and then I’ll finish mine. I know I let you down and messed things up, I’m asking you to please trust me and let’s finish our conversation.”
She tilts her chin up and looks me in the eyes. “I was going to say if money is an issue, I can loan it to you until you finish it.”
It hits me right in the heart, filling me with happiness. I smile so wide my face hurts.
“What the fuck are you smiling at? This is so you, I say something serious and you’re acting like a dick.”
She struggles but I only stop smiling when I yank her into my body and crush my mouth to her. It’s a quick kiss but I savor that dark and sweet delicacy that is her and give her lower lip a quick bite.
“All these months, I learned some things. I didn’t love Josie. Not like I thought I did. We were together for a long time and even though I thought we would move on with our relationship, I didn’t care that she didn’t like or want this house. I loved it and that was that.”
She frowns and is about to say something but I beat her to it and keep talking.
“Then I met you and you loved this house and gave me advice on what to do to make it more beautiful. And you liked hanging here, even though you could afford and deserved so much more. That day at your house, Josie’s words from her last visit kept playing in my head, along with your mom’s. It wasn’t fair for me to hold you up. Instead of listening to you, I fucked it all up by listening to people who weren’t in our relationship.”
God, this is hard to say when I don’t know what she’s thinking. “I’ve been living in hell, where I learned another thing. I would do anything to get you back, even what I wouldn’t do to get back with Josie. Because I wouldn’t have ever given up this house for Josie, ever. But I don’t have to think twice about giving it up for you. Because…I love you a lot more Saona. More than this old house, more than my stupid pride, more than I thought I could.”
She sags back against the wall. Her mouth opens and it’s like she’s frozen but then she presses her hand to her stomach and releases a long, shaky breath.
“You love me?”
“I love you.” It’s not hard to say at all.
She stands there, like she’s digesting it but doesn’t get it. “But, why would you sell your house? Just to prove you love me?”
“I have to be in it to win it, Saona. I can’t convince you to give me a chance living down here while you live in New York.”
“Oh my Gawd, you’re going to move to New York? But you hate the traffic and the Yankees.”
“Yes, but I love you. I want to be with you. I’m thinking I can take the money from the sale and use it, along with my 401K, to open my own bar. I didn’t plan on being a bartender and a pencil pusher forever. I want to put the hard work into something that’s mine. Ours.”
She’s not saying anything. She’s just frowning and her eyes are darting from side to side. “So, let me get this straight. You love me. You’re willing to sell your house and move to New York to open a business so you can be near me.”
I stop her. “No. So I can be with you.”
“Oh. I stand corrected, so you can be with me. Because you love me.”
I nod.
She raises her chin in the air and squares me with a look. “You need to know I make more money than I did before. I just got a raise and a bonus.”
She’s staring in my eyes like she’s expecting me to act like I did months ago. It’s a test I would have failed harshly but I’ve come to know, like Juan once said, there ain’t shit out there worth even a strand of hair on Saona’s head. She’s smart, beautiful, and she’s earned everything she has through hard work. Only a damned fool would let her go.
I’m not a fool anymore.
I look straight in her eyes. “I’m proud of you. I know you deserve more than they gave you.”
She laughs. “You’re a work in progress, Jackson Alexander Hamilton. “First of all, you’re not selling this house. We both love it too much. Second of all, you don’t have to move to New York. We’ll work it out. Third of all, I love you too. I was going to tell you that night when it all went to hell but you turned dumb on me.”
I groan. “Fuck.”
But then I think about it. She loves me. She’s known all these months and she’s using the word we. A we is what I want. We is what can make me look past everything else.
But she’s not done. “Fourth, don’t ever pull macho bullshit on me and don’t ever try to decide shit for me. I won’t take that from you or anyone. Got it?”
“Yes, ma’am.” I pull her against me again and kiss her. She wraps her arms around my neck and pushes her tongue into my mouth.
“I’m moving to New York, Saona. There’s no way I’m going to settle for tasting you every four months or every so many weekends.”
“You won’t have to. I think we can find a way around this. So, here’s how this is going to go. I’m going to take off these boots. We’re going to go downstairs and you’re going to make more drinks. Then you’re going to put out, downstairs, here in front of that mirror, and all night wherever the bed is. Tomorrow, I want to hear about your bar plans and we can decide how we’re going to make that happen.”
My chest is so big like it’s going to explode. “Whatever the boss wants. Except one thing. You’re not taking off those boots. At least not for a little while.”
