Some nights, p.13
Some Nights, page 13
She kisses me one more time and turns to change her earrings, leaving me there standing like an idiot with a lump in my throat that doesn’t go away until we are in the Uber headed downtown. She doesn’t tell me where we’re going.
The whole ride she’s playing with the pendant and pointing out stuff in the city. We take a selfie for her sister and she sends it. “Sierra likes your taste in jewelry.”
When we make it downtown and the lights become brighter, she grabs my face and we’re kissing like we’re alone in her bedroom and not in a cab. When the car stops, I tip the driver and help her out of the car. She’s smiling like a cat that swallowed a whole flock of canaries.
“Come on.” She’s leading me down forty-sixth street. Half a block later, I see the huge sign and want a car to run me over.
She’s taking me to see Hamilton.
I groan. “You did not do this.”
She laughs. “I believe I did.”
“But why?”
Her face turns serious and for a nanosecond, I’m afraid I hurt her feelings. As annoyed as I am, the last thing I want to do is that. But she leans closer and whispers against my mouth.
“I want to hear other people chant parts of your name.” She laughs and pulls me toward the theater. “You’re going to love it. I promise.”
I follow like I have no will and thirty minutes later she’s still laughing at the way I wince every time they say Alexander Hamilton. The play is good but I don’t know if it’s because I like it or because I’m seeing it through her eyes. Her laughter at one point gets us dirty looks by a couple of people.
At intermission we go outside and I grab her in the middle of the lobby with people scurrying to the bathroom and to get drinks. “You owe me for this.”
“I owe you for showing you a good time in my city? God, you’re high maintenance. Let’s take a pic of you in front of the display so you can send it to your mom. She’ll love it.”
I want to groan but that is probably the sweetest thing she’s ever said.
She makes me stand there and takes out her phone, but I tug her next to me and ask one of the floor attendants to take our pic. I hug her to my side and she smiles up at me and then at the camera.
I thank the man and then she’s pulling me again. This time toward the souvenir store.
“No. You’re not getting me anything from here. The play is great and I’m not even annoyed but no gifts.”
She crosses her arms. “First of all, don’t tell me what to do. Second of all, you are so self-centered. This is not for you. Third, I believe the words you want to say are thank and you.”
I laugh. She’s too much. “Who are you buying a present for?”
“Your mom and your Aunt Iris. What sizes for the T-shirts?”
She gets them T-shirts, signed programs, and makes me stand for another picture which they place in an official frame. We walk back because intermission is over but the whole show ceases to exist. There’s only Saona and her head bopping to the music. Or the way she turns to me and smiles. Or how the bags with the presents for my mom and aunt keep pressing to my leg.
Even as I watch the show, all of it twists and turns in my head. And one thought shouts clear and loud in my head.
I’m in love with her.
18
Saona
* * *
“What the hell was I even thinking?”
“It’s going to be fine.”
“No, Jax. It’s really not.”
My mother caught me in a haze after being kissed, cuddled, petted, and fucked so so so freaking good in between each action. She asked me to come to dinner. I told her I couldn’t because I had company. Just like my mother, that didn’t mean anything to her. She said, “Well, just bring your friend.”
And stupid stupid stupid me, went and asked Jax. I should have said no. I should’ve suggested we hopped in his truck and drove to Baltimore and I could have taken the train back tomorrow. Anything but being in a cab on the way to my mom’s place.
“Why didn’t you say no?” I snap to Jax.
The cab driver is staring at us through the rearview and not even bothering to mask it.
Jax pulls me to his side and presses one of those kisses that turn me into melted putty into my temple. “Maybe this is the first step between you and your mom. Since you’re bringing a friend, she won’t do anything to upset you.”
My head swivels to face him and I swear if this were The Exorcist, it would have gone around before coming back to him. “You are so innocent.”
He hugs me tighter. “Come on. It will be okay.”
Thirty minutes later, we’re sitting in my mother’s living room and everything is far from okay. Jax is pleasant, polite and over all picture-perfect. He’s charmed my sister and my niece and nephew. My mother is polite but frosty.
And then there’s David’s mother, who I didn’t know was coming. She hugged me with the over-effusiveness that only fakeness can breed. She tried to get me to call her Mama. I stopped short of telling her I would rather douse myself in gasoline and light a match. My sister didn’t. Of course, that got us reprimanded by my mom.
Things couldn’t get worse…until my sister’s husband strolls in with David. While it’s kind of funny watching David try to size up Jax, who has almost a foot on him, I wish we were home. My sister’s laughter doesn’t help. I hate that I put him in this situation. I should have known better.
Things were going so well. We haven’t argued much. The last time we did was last night when he refused to let me put the Uber back home on my account, so I insisted we take the train home. It had been a fun ride with Jax getting a kick of the singing panhandlers. We ended up like we ended all arguments this week—in a naked-heap-post-orgasmic-haze.
I distract myself from the casual talk on the table by trying to pick my favorite orgasm this weekend. All have been good but that quickie by the door before the cab came to pick us up stands out. Because it was the last.
“You loved it. Right, Saona?”
Fucking loved it. “Huh?
Everyone’s staring at me and I don’t know who said what. I turn to Jax and he’s smiling but it disappears with his next words. “David was just telling us about your honeymoon in Paris and how much you two loved it.”
“I loved Paris. I saw every corner of it…by myself. Italy too. I had to take those long walks I’ve always dreamed about all alone. The strangers I met there took wonderful photos of me.”
“Well, I’m not much for the artsy stuff. I was happy to welcome my bride in our hotel and show her how much I missed her.” The last part he mouths for our benefit.
Jax stiffens next to me but I slip a hand over his under the table. I lean and whisper in his ears. “He’s being a dick. Don’t let him get to you. Our honeymoon was as big a disaster as our marriage. I’ll tell you later.”
“Saona, we are at the table,” my mother scolds.
“Excuse me, I didn’t mean to be rude.”
“So, Jax, is that your real name?” I hate the way she addresses him. Like she’s a receptionist at a doctor’s office.
“No, ma’am. It’s Jackson.”
“That’s a nice name. Where did you go to school and what do you do?”
Sierra’s sigh earns her a stifling look. I want to grab Jax’s hand and get out but he’s nonplussed.
“I went to the University of Maryland and I work for the government and part time at a bar.”
“You’re dating a bartender, Saona.” David’s mom seems scandalized. Her son and my brother-in-law share a mocking look.
I squash the heat stoking up my chest. How dare that fucking deadbeat judge Jax? But when I answer Mrs. Peña, I do it with pride and a smile. I happen to love my bartender man. He’s a hard-working and talented man, who can do miracles in home improvement. Not to mention his awesome ability to make me come in ways her son never could.
“Yes, ma’am.”
Wait, my man? Did I just think of him as my man? Well, that’s what he is. Hold on, do I love him?
My heart is beating so fast now and when I look at him, he’s frowning and holding my hand. I don’t know what’s being said but I’m caught up now in his eyes and I smile. I smile so big because I do. I do love him for coming here and being patient with my mom and all the ways he’s sweet to me.
“Jax, I think we need to go.”
“Saona, can I see you in the kitchen for a second?” My mother is using her no-nonsense tone.
I open my mouth to tell her it will have to wait until we see each other again because I’m about to go home. I need to tell Jax how I feel and hope I don’t scare him off.
But he lets go of my hand and my mother has already started walking.
“We’ll go when I get back, okay?”
He nods. I head to the kitchen, sending my sister a meaningful glance. She knows it means she needs to watch out for Jax while I’m gone and the vultures are around.
I enter my mother’s galley kitchen and she’s waiting for me. One hand braced on the counter and the other at her waist.
“I wish you had told me this man is not your friend but something of a different nature. I wouldn’t have invited David and his mother over. Do you know how bad this looks for you?”
I bristle. “I wish you had told me you’d invited them. I wouldn’t have come and I wouldn’t have put Jax through this. This doesn’t look bad for me. I’m not married to David. At least we’re divorced when he sees me with someone else.”
“He’s paid for that mistake. But you can’t throw your reputation away or your marriage because you’re angry and scorned.”
“What? First…” I remember who I’m talking to and adjust my tone. “There’s no marriage. We are divorced. We’ll never be together again. I am not scorned. I got fed up with him lying, cheating, mooching off me. Why is that so hard for you to understand?”
“I don’t want you to throw your life away, and for a bartender.”
“Mom, Dad was a cab driver. Jax has two careers because there are things that are meaningful to him and he wants to take care of them. The man you want me back with has one job but it is only enough to pay for his Hunts’ Point hookers. He lived off me for six years.”
“Does Jax expect you to help him take care of those things?”
“No. What part of ‘he’s working two jobs to do what he needs’ didn’t you hear?”
“Watch the way you talk to me. And stop acting like a naïve girl. He has you and the half a million dollars you make every year where he wants you. He won’t need to work that hard pretty soon.”
I back up until I bump the kitchen archway. I speak between my clenched teeth because if I don’t I’m going to scream and once I start yelling at her I won’t stop.
“What is wrong with you? All you see is money. Jax doesn’t know how much I make. He doesn’t care. He won’t even allow me to buy him dinner. Meanwhile, your protégé out there…” I wave my hand in the direction of the living room. “…took advantage of my salary. Jax’s hard work reflects on his beautiful house. Your darling David spends his money on five-dollar ass.”
“I told you to watch your mouth.” Her voice rises high but I don’t care anymore.
“You love him and his mom so much. Did you know I used to pay for their airplane tickets to DR, and his vacations so he could go cheat on me? You’re my mother, not David’s. You should be on my side.”
“Why do you think I’m doing this, Saona? I want you to be okay and not taken advantage of. David made a huge mistake but he’s not a guy who’s not on your level. And all he does is paw you, not caring that I’m the same room? That’s a user waiting to happen.”
“He hasn’t done any of that. He’s barely touched me here. I’m the one that touched him.”
“I noticed that too. You’re acting like an oversexed teenager, not an Ivy League graduate. This is not what I raised you to be. You’re supposed to be a lady at all times. I understand you have sexual urges and that whatever happened with David has you exploring them but that all goes away. You’ll get tired of him and I want you to stop this before you get tied up to him for good.”
She knows exactly where to push to make me irate. It’s futile and I have had enough. “I’m going to take my oversexed teenage self and my pawing boyfriend home.”
19
Jax
* * *
…stop acting like a naïve girl. He has you and the half a million dollars you make every year where he wants you.
The words won’t stop playing in my head. I don’t know if it’s worse that her mother thinks I’m a user worse than the asshole sitting across from me, the human tampon that cheated on her daughter for years and lived off her.
“I guess you didn’t know how much she makes.” David grunts. “She kept that from me too.”
“For good reasons we all now know.” Sierra’s retort is met with the curling of his lip.
It hurts that her mother thinks this guy is a better option than me. She makes it seem like I’ve been fondling Saona at the dinner table and now she has to defend me. She has to justify me being in her life. Not to mention I just found out she makes a lot more money than I can imagine.
“Never heard Saona talk to her mom like that before. Things sure have changed.”
Those are the first words Sierra’s husband has had for me since we were introduced. He’s kept to talking to David, both muttering to each other through the evening. But there’s no mistake in the aim, or how he muttered it under his breath but loud enough for everyone to hear.
“She was always a good, obedient girl.” David’s mom adds.
“Hm. I guess six years of being used and cheated on would change anyone. I don’t think you need to be offering opinions about it, since people at this table did the cheating…and the using.” Sierra eyes laser from David to his mom while shoving another spoonful of rice into her mouth.
She winks at me but I don’t miss the way her gaze keeps darting in the direction of the kitchen.
“Saona.” Her mother calls out and in the next second she’s at my side.
Her face is darkened. “Can we please go?”
“Saona.” Her mother appears at the door.
She grabs my hand and starts walking. I say a quick goodbye to Sierra and nod to the rest.
“I don’t know what’s gotten into you. Now you disrespect me.” Her mother hasn’t moved from her spot and Saona spins hard and fast.
“No. I’ve never disrespected you and am leaving before I can. I need to cool off.”
We head out of the house and walk down the block. She’s not saying anything but pulls out the phone and brings up the Uber app. We stand in silence until the car gets there. Once inside, the only words are her greeting to the driver and it’s better that way.
My head is buzzing with everything that just happened. We went from a sexy, fun weekend that showed me just how much this woman means to me, to a lesson on how unsuitable I am for her. She has to know what her mother said about me not being on Saona’s level was true.
Mrs. Torres was wrong as all fuck about me wanting to use her daughter. I would never live off Saona or ask her for money. I would rather go hungry.
But our worlds are different like day and night. She went to a fucking Ivy League school. I scraped by to graduate with a three point zero.
I try to swat the thoughts away but they keep coming, as fast as this driver is flying through the Bronx streets to get to her place.
She’s just not moving and my chest tightens. Could she be thinking of all her mother said? While harsh, her words hadn’t been all together wrong. We have a lot of fun, a lot of sex, and a lot of laughs together but that all fades. What happens when she wants more? What happens when she wants to take trips or do getaways?
I would have to work extra to take her on a vacation. I have a house, in need of all sorts of shit, strapped to my back. There’s no way I could take her to Paris or for long walks in Italy.
Josie’s words come back to haunt me.
Was it fair for you to expect me to put everything on hold until you got yourself together or your money was right again? When were we going to travel and do couples things like we used to?
If I was holding back Josie, who made the same as me at the day job, what is Saona thinking? A woman like her is not used to slumming it. But she did. For me. That’s how I know she cares. She’s amazing, gorgeous, smart and rich. What can I offer her? It’s not fair for me to hold her back.
What the hell am I thinking right now?
The car comes to a stop and I give the driver a tip. We enter the building quickly, move through her nice lobby, and jump in the elevator.
She sighs loud and heavy and I wish I could exhale like that. But I can’t. Not with everything that’s weighing on me now. The warmth of her hand closing over mine eases some of the ache. She presses her face against my chest and her other arm goes around my waist.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have taken you there.”
“You tried to tell me. I should have listened.” My voice is thick and talking is hard.
“It’s over. Let’s try to forget it. I’ll need a drink, though.” She laughs but it has no energy, no fire.
We go inside the apartment and she goes for the bar. I’m rooted just inside the door.
“Let’s have a drink and relax and maybe we can go out into the city or the bar a few blocks away.” She stops to look at me and her shoulders droop. “Come on, don’t let her ruin our night.”
She places everything on the kitchen counter and throws her arms around my neck. It’s easy to let her kiss me, to wrap my arms around her, to let her tongue slip in my mouth, to pull her to me and hike her up in my waist.
It’s easy to stroke her tongue back and slip my hand under her skirts to caress her thighs. It’s easy, way too easy, to lose myself in her and fall back into our bubble. The place where I’m always hard for her and she can wrap herself around me. It’s familiar, hot and perfect. But our world is not perfect, and it’s not a bubble, and she’ll come to realize that soon. And what happens then?
