Lights of agramont trilo.., p.57
Lights of Agramont Trilogy, page 57
Serilom takes Kriv’s hand. “Kriv, I care about Lynn too. I do not want to put her in any actual danger. Mages of Ievas are rare and she’s the only one we’ve seen in Agareth besides you. We need her.”
“Why? What is so special about the air? I had it. Unless she’s going to be sailing, I don’t see why you’re so adamant about this.”
“Really? You’ve never done it?” Serilom asks. “You were a mage of Ievas for over twenty years and you never stole the breath of life from someone?”
“What?”
“It’s quiet, painless, and nearly completely irreversible. You draw all the oxygen from a person’s body and they die. You take it from the blood, the lungs, everything. That’s why so many assassins used to be his mages.”
All this time, Kriv had never thought that this was a possibility. Something like this could prove invaluable to their cause. However, the thought of Lynn killing anyone sickens him. She’s too young and fragile to cope with taking anyone’s life. “We will find another way. I’m not going to compromise my daughter’s mental state and morality just so you can take the easy route.”
Serilom shakes his head. “The easy route? The easy route for me would have been to kill you in Cierson when Ievas told me to. That would have been the easy thing to do. All I’m doing is attempting to figure out all of our resources so we can form the best plan of action.”
“I don’t need you to form any plans, Serilom. You don’t make the decisions around here. I do. I’m the Divine Commander and what I say is law. If I don’t want you to do something, then you aren’t going to do it.” Kriv says as pulls away from Serilom.
“You can’t tell me what to do. What has gotten into you? You are only extremes, aren’t you? You’re either beaten down and weak or you’re a pompous prideful bastard who cares only about himself.”
Really? Are they doing this now? “Don’t you dare talk to me like that.”
Serilom pushes on Kriv’s shoulder. “I can talk to you how I want to talk to you. Someone needs to put you in your place. You get drunk on authority and power then you lose sight of what matters. You’re a monster when you get like this.”
“I’m a monster?” Kriv tightens his fists. “Don’t speak to your master like that.”
Serilom steps up in Kriv’s face. “My master? Who the hell do you think you are? I don’t have a master, Tide-Storm. One more word from you and I will have to show you who the true master is.”
Kriv pushes Serilom away and draws his revolver. He points it Serilom. “Say that again and see what happens to you.”
“You can’t hide behind that gun forever. Does it make you feel like a real man?”
“Shut up!” Kriv screams.
“Does that make you angry? Do I make you angry, Tide-Storm? Can you really hurt me like you threaten all the time? I don’t need this from you. You don’t have the balls to hurt me. You’re all talk.”
He’s not going to yell anymore. He’s a better man than that. Kriv places his revolver back in the holster and turns his back to Serilom. “Just keep in mind that you don’t have your own room. You sleep in my bed and I can take a knife to you when you least expect it. You will be asleep and I will make you just like me. Then you won’t be able to mock me.”
“You wouldn’t do that. You enjoy it too much. Women generally do.”
Kriv grits his teeth and it takes every part of his being to not attack Serilom. How dare he go that far? He knows how much this hurts him and yet he mocks him about it. Fine. If Serilom wants a war, then Kriv will give him a war. “Farewell, Orrentius. Enjoy your last day as a full man.”
“Kriv?”
Kriv keeps walking. Let him squirm.
“Tide-Storm! You won’t. You can’t. Don’t do this.”
A mental victory using physical threats. Kriv grins. It’s too easy to manipulate Serilom. There is a burst of cold air and Kriv turns around just as a wall of water knocks Kriv from his feet and he hits the ground. Kriv reaches for his gun, but it’s gone. He looks up to see Serilom aiming it at him. “What the hell? How did you do that?”
Serilom grins darkly. “Surprise. Zixis has been teaching me to pickpocket. You look so pathetic without your magic. What can you do now? You’re defenseless and powerless. Is that how you feel every day, knowing that you’re damaged? To know that you aren’t a man? I’m the powerful one now and I’m your new master. Don’t make me beat some sense into you like Argrin did. He was too soft on you and let you get away. Now you belong to me and I will make you bow to me.”
Is he joking? What is this side of Serilom Orrentius? Kriv wipes the water from his face and stands. He sounds just like Argrin and that makes Kriv both furious and terrified at the same time. He wants to kill him, but the need to submit grows in him again. This isn’t happening. This isn’t real. Serilom would never do this. “Argrin? You’re Argrin.”
“I’m not Argrin. I’m Serilom Orrentius and I refuse to be treated like this by you. I’m taking a stand. I own your soul. Now stop trying to fight against me. The sooner you submit and accept that I am doing everything I can do to keep you safe, the better off all of us will be. I don’t do this because I want to demean you or control you. I do this because you need someone to keep you grounded. Just as you are my anchor to keep me steady, I am here to keep you from losing control.”
Serilom is right. It’s the same thing that Lens Aren was talking about. Kriv needs someone to look after him and control him or he will lose control again. He’s too vulnerable on his own. Kriv bows and says the only thing that feels right. “Thank you, Master.”
Serilom shakes his head and goes to Kriv. He hands Kriv the gun. “Don’t call me that. You should never have to call anyone that. You are your own maser, Kriv. I was angry and I was trying to make a point. It was the only thing I could think of to make you understand.” Serilom takes Kriv in his arms. “I love you and neither one of us is any better than the other. We are equals, Kriv.”
Kriv slips the gun back in the holster and stares at the ground. He can’t look at Serilom. “You say that, but you don’t mean it. Even with sex, I have my place.”
“Stop. That was your idea in the first place. I told you that if you ever wanted to stop, then we would and I would never say another word about it. There’s no reason to act like it’s something that it’s not. If you feel that way, then tell me and we will work around it. I just want you to be stable. Every day that goes by, you are more volatile and unpredictable. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” Serilom is now holding onto Kriv and looking into his eyes.
Serilom is pathetic. Kriv knows that he’s not any better. He holds Serilom as well. “Don’t give up on me. I say things I don’t mean and without thinking. I know that. I realize that and I am working to fix all of this. Some things that you say do actually hurt me, though. Then I get angry and fights like this happen. We shouldn’t be fighting. We need each other and we have to rely on one another, especially now that things are falling apart.”
“Come on, Kriv. We’re going inside and we are talking about this.” Serilom picks up Kriv and drags him inside then down the hall to their room.
*
Serilom pours the steaming liquid into a teacup. “Drink this.”
“What is it?” Kriv asks.
“A secret. It will help. Ragne used to make it for me when I was upset and had really bad nightmares. It will calm your nerves.” He hands the cup to Kriv.
Kriv looks at it. It’s brown and almost looks like tea. He smells it. At least it smells okay. He knows what this is. Jasmine. “Is this jasmine?”
“Yes.” Serilom says.
“How did Ragne afford jasmine?”
“I don’t know. He always made sure to have it for me. I didn’t realize how expensive it was until I was older. Come to think of it, maybe this is why I’m so addicted to you.”
“You’re addicted to me?” Kriv asks.
“Yes. You always smell like jasmine so it doesn’t help. How does it taste?”
“Like it smells.” Kriv says. “I wonder if I taste like jasmine after wearing that perfume for fifteen years.”
“Why did you start wearing that, anyway? Is there a secret there, too?”
Kriv sips the tea. “Why does everything I do have to have some underlying reason? I found it one day in the market and I really liked it. It’s a bit less expensive here in Agareth because they grow down south so I was going to buy some, but Lens Aren beat me to it and gave it to me as a congratulation gift after I finished writing my first play.”
“Can I read one?” Serilom asks.
“One of my plays? Why on earth would you want to do that? The only one I ever cared about was that first one and then Briggan burned it so there’s nothing left.”
“You could rewrite it.” Serilom says.
Kriv sighs. “I could, but it would never be the exact same. It was perfection and now it is only a vague memory. If I tried to write it over again, it wouldn’t do the original any justice. It would only serve as a mockery to the glory that it once was. The teachers at the school even loved it. I had kept it hidden for a few years from everyone except Lens Aren. Then he talked me into presenting it to the teachers. You should have seen the way they obsessed over it when they read it for the first time. They wanted to make more copies and then have it performed, but they never got the chance. It’s only ashes somewhere on the wind and long forgotten. That play was also what caught Raesa’s attention. She had heard rumors and asked to read it. When she started asking questions, we talked and realized how much we liked each other.”
“What was your play about?” Serilom asks as he joins Kriv on the bed.
“A forbidden romance. Two men trying to find their places in the world and then they fall in love and lose everything in the end because they fight and kill each other.” Kriv says.
“Really?”
“I swear.” Kriv says. “So don’t fight with me, please. They told me that my writing was so powerful because I poured my emotions and my deepest fears into it. My deepest fear is losing someone who is finally able to love me.”
“Oh, Kriv … we love one another too much to kill each other. We may fight and argue, but we know when to stop. We both have a temper and we know how to hurt the other. It’s nothing to be proud of, but I guess most people who are close inevitably argue. It’s the fact that we can make up and forgive each other that matters.”
Kriv grins at Serilom. “I never said that I forgive you, Orrentius.”
“Oh come on. Now you’re just trying to get on my nerves.”
“I’m a bard. That’s what I do to a lot of people.”
Minutes go by and they don’t speak. They can be here in the silence together and still thousands of miles apart in their minds. Serilom’s voice breaks the emptiness. “How long do you think we are going to last?”
Kriv studies him. “What do you mean?”
“This relationship. How long can something like this truly last?”
“For eternity. That’s the point. That scar on your palm is your proof of that. You are stuck with me and I’m never going away.”
“But aside from our souls, how long can we remain together like we are?” Serilom asks, staring at the scar on his hand.
“I really don’t understand what you are trying to say. Do you want to leave me?”
“No, it’s not that. Earlier you said that you felt you had to be submissive to me. Why?”
Kriv sighs. Surely it’s not that difficult for him to understand. “You know why. I can’t work like you do.”
“Kriv, do you want to stop being intimate with me?” Serilom asks.
What? Not this. “No. I was upset and I was trying to hurt you. That’s all.”
“Are you sure? Because if you don’t enjoy it, then we need to stop.”
“No. Don’t stop. I don’t actually feel that way. I love you.” Kriv says as he takes Serilom hand and holds it tightly.
“Then don’t say things like that, okay?”
“You either. From now on, let’s make an attempt to not use our words to hurt the other one.”
Serilom grins. “So I can still punch you in the face?”
“If you think I really need it.”
“Good. And yes, you generally need it. Punching you in the face is one of my greatest joys in life.”
“Well I’m glad that I can at least fulfill one of your needs.” Kriv says as he looks down at the floor.
“Drink your tea. You’re getting moody again.”
Kriv sips it and leans back against the pillows as the tea warms him. He watches Serilom who is now digging through his bag for something. When Serilom pulls out a tin whistle, Kriv’s eyes narrow. What is this crazy man up to? Where did he get that? “What are you doing, Serilom?”
Serilom grins. “Sharing something with you.” He begins to play and Kriv’s mouth falls open.
As Serilom plays, Kriv is completely mystified by it. When did he learn to do this? And how is he so good? Who is this person? Sure, it’s obvious that he hasn’t been playing for as long as Kriv has, but he’s good and he knows what he’s doing. Kriv is so enthralled and entranced by it all that he almost doesn’t notice when Serilom stops playing.
“What do you think?” Serilom asks.
“I had no idea you could play.”
“A three week boat ride gets boring. Lens Aren taught me. I wrote that song.” Serilom says.
“You wrote that? Serilom … I am so impressed.” Kriv embraces him. “Thank you for that.”
“I wanted to do something to show you that I really do care about you and the things that make you happy.”
Kriv doesn’t know what else to say. Music has always been the most intimate connection he has felt. Now he has found that connection with Serilom. Everything has culminated in this relationship and Kriv can’t believe that any of this is happening. He has to find a way to stop hurting this relationship. It has to last one way or another. If it doesn’t, Kriv won’t last either. Maybe he can rely on Serilom and trust him. If Kriv is falling apart, then he will need Serilom to be his support. Things are going to be fine.
22
Kriv wakes in the middle of the night to a woman’s screaming coming from down the hallway. He sits up and reaches over to wake Serilom, but he’s not there. Kriv dresses and notices that Serilom’s boots are gone as well. What is going on? He steps into the dimly lit hallway and runs his fingers through his hair as his eyes adjust to the light.
Zixis is leaning against the opposite wall. He smiles at Kriv. “Good morning.”
“What’s wrong? Is Nivalaya okay?” Kriv asks as he joins Zixis’s side.
“She’s giving birth.”
“Really?”
“Yep.”
Kriv grows uneasy. “She sounds like she’s hurting.”
“She’s giving birth.” Zixis says. “Of course she’s hurting. Don’t worry about her. She’s in Lens Aren’s hands and he’s more than capable of taking care of her. He’s helped deliver many children.”
“Where’s Serilom?” Kriv asks.
“In there with her. They are his children, after all.”
Of course. Why can he not make that connection? “That’s right. It’s still hard for me to believe that he’s going to be father. How long has this been going on?”
“She’s been in labor for about two hours. Last I heard, she was doing just fine. Don’t worry. You’re so on edge. You have to relax.”
Kriv stares down at the floor. “The only time I’ve ever been around this was when my mother had my sister. She was in labor for nearly two days. She almost died. There was blood everywhere. It didn’t help that my father … never mind.”
“Kriv?” Zixis turns to Kriv and Niv screams again.
“I can’t deal with this. She’s hurting. Does it not bother you?” Kriv asks.
“She’s going to be fine. You know that Lens Aren is more than capable of doing this. What happened to make you hate this so much?” Zixis asks.
“Just the memories it brings back. That’s all.”
Zixis puts his arm around Kriv. “Want to talk about it?”
“No. Why do you want to know?”
“I thought maybe I could help.”
Fine. What is it going to hurt? He’ll find out about it anyway in time. “My father was yelling and hitting my mother.”
“While she gave birth?”
“Yes. Apparently she wasn’t doing it right.”
Zixis frowns. “What kind of bastard does that?”
“You obviously didn’t know my father.” Kriv says. “Be glad. I wish I hadn’t known him. He deserved everything those pirates did to him. I only wish I could have watched him suffer.”
“Wow, Kriv. You’ve never been vindictive. What did he do to you to make you like this?”
Kriv shrugs and leans against the wall. “Doesn’t matter. If you need to know, it will be revealed in time. I’m sure like everything else in my life, it will be revealed even if I don’t want it to be.”
“Damn. Well I’m here if you ever need to talk.” Zixis says as he puts his hand on Kriv’s shoulder. “No one wants to see you suffering.”
“Thanks, Zixis. You’ve always been there for me ever since that one night in the market.”
“Oh yah. I had almost forgotten about that. Good thing I was there.” Zixis says.
“You realize that the Judges would have had me skinned alive, don’t you? You’ve seen it. They actually do that to people.”
“I know. I had been watching you sneaking around the merchants and the stands. You had no idea what you were doing. You managed to pickpocket one man, but then they caught you after you tripped and fell and the gold fell out of your hands. You would have gotten away, but your clumsy feet betrayed you.” Zixis laughs.
Kriv smiles. “Yah, I wasn’t as agile or light on my feet as I am now. Thank you for standing up for me, by the way. I don’t think I ever thanked you back then.”
“You didn’t need to. The entertainment of watching you freak out was enough for me. How old were you? Seven? Let’s see, I was seventeen. So yah, you were seven. Good thing you are of Agarethan descent. They actually believed you were my little brother. Good times.”
