Steel, p.17
Steel, page 17
No dial tone.
I don't get the chance to think about it. The lights go off and the pounding on the door makes me jump. I go for my hidden piece but stop when I hear my bodyguard's voice. Adrian pushes the door open. "Leo, Alec has ordered you both home. We need to get out of here now. It's not safe."
It's funny but my heart rate stays the same. It doesn't pick up, not even as I head to the bedroom and see Amelia already dumping stuff in her duffel bag with her phone flashlight in hand. She looks at me but still her hands are moving. She throws a shirt at me from the drawer and a pair of clean jeans.
She's so efficient it's kind of annoying. On the ride to Alec's house, she's poised and calm and looking out of the window into the dark night like we didn't lose it all. I resent it. It was everything to me. Then she turns and I see it all written in her eyes, fear, anger, anxiety. She unbuckles her seatbelt and climbs on my lap, buries her face on my neck and tells me it will be okay.
It has to be. I still have her. She’s mine.
31
Leandro rushes me through the door, his hand on mine and we find our friends in the family room. The frown on Carissa's face disappears and she rushes towards me and hugs me and then Leandro. Alec's eyes are on his feet but he's telling us how glad he is to see us. I look around the room and don't see Gia or Noah. My heart drops to my belly.
I'm so scared I can't even ask. My hand presses to my chest and I open my mouth, but nothing will come out.
"They're fine. They went back to New York yesterday morning," Carissa says.
I’m glad she knows me so well I don’t have to say a thing but my stomach hardens. I shake my head. “They're in New York with all that danger.”
"Mel, they're fine. We tightened security. Jamie had their place swept by a SWAT team. We paid top dollar, but all of our places are being neutralized and we have more people to watch over us and keep us safe."
I can't seem to swallow and Leandro's hand tightens around mine. He pulls me closer, his arm over my shoulder and I close my eyes and breathe. I can't control anything else, just my reactions.
"Why are we here? Why did we have to leave the house in a hurry?"
Both look at each other and neither at us. Now that I think about it, they haven't looked in our eyes since we walked through the door.
"What is it?" I hear myself ask and Jesus, how I hate that uncertainty on my voice.
"Um…someone sent us both videos when we were having dinner tonight."
It's Leandro's turn to ask, "Okay, and?"
"It's a video of your house, Leo."
"Someone's been watching the house?"
My hand tightens on his because my mind jumps to one conclusion. The enemy was outside watching while we were inside, unsuspecting.
"No. Yes. It's…"
"Jesus, Alec. Since when do you fucking stutter? Just spit it out."
He looks at Carissa, she nods and the sinking feeling in my stomach drags me down further.
"The video is from the inside of your house, not the outside. I don't know at what time it was taken. Only the two of you can tell us."
The blood drains from my head. Shit. Someone was watching us when we were inside the house. What did they see? Could they have killed us?
"What's on the video?"
I love Leandro even more for being brave enough to ask. I don't think I could have because. Full disclosure, I know enough about life to know I don't truly want to know. Whatever it is will fuck me up because it's always like this. There's always something out to get us.
"The two of you…"
I think I'm going to pass out and I let go of his hand and comb my fingers through my hair.
Leandro goes to sit on a chair. He buries his face in his hand and so many things go through my head. Afraid and embarrassed, I wonder how it happened, which moment was on video.
"Did you have a camera in your house?"
Leandro's head snaps up. His eyes freeze and he pushes his shoulders back. "There's one only in the hallway outside. Tell me you don't think that I had something to do—"
"No. I'm trying to understand how this could happen."
His eyes stay on mine, pleading for me to believe him. He doesn't have to. I already do. I know he would never share our intimacy with anyone.
"Show me the video."
Carissa hands me her phone and I go sit next to him.
He scowls at me. "I don't want to see that shit."
I share his hurt, the anger in his voice, the stiffness of his body. "I know you don't but other people who had no right to see it already have because someone put it out there. I need to see what this is."
"We didn't watch the whole thing. We noticed it was you almost right away and stopped it. The only reason we didn't erase it is because we need to figure out where it came from."
"We know where it came from."
Leandro's tone is so cold, almost vicious, and as ashamed as I am, I need to make sure he knows I'm still here, that this changes nothing for me.
I drop the phone on my lap, place my hands on his face and turn his face towards me. "Whatever's on that video doesn't change anything between us. We didn't do anything wrong.”
My voice sounds firm, sure, as if fear's not grinding at the walls of my stomach. I sound strong and logical, everything I'm not right now. He had to be strong for us in New York and from what I see in his eyes—the devastation, the rage—I have to be the strong one now.
He says nothing but his eyes are focused and much more like himself. I hit play fast, so I can't back out.
My gut twists into a knot when I see his naked back, ass, and the back of his legs. I know this exact moment, it's branded into my body along with his every kiss and caress, with every moment of the past two days that should have been ours, only his and mine, but has been shared with our friends.
My eyes fill, not with shame but with rage. We were robbed, violated. My tears hit the screen. I wipe it and then sweep the back of my hand over my eyes. I hand Carissa the phone and I make sure to look her in the eye. She gives me a pronounced, reassuring nod.
Leandro's sitting still, not moving away from me. He's sitting silent like a pressure cooker's unreleased valve. His hands are fists at his knees and he's staring straight ahead.
The seconds are ticking and I'm letting him take it all in, assimilate without pressure. I know the kind of violence he's capable of. I've seen it before. He can kill and order deaths and be the most ruthless of men. I also know who I am to him and that I'm one of the few people in the world that doesn't have to worry about being on the receiving end of his anger.
"Sebastian got us good this time."
His tone, grave and low, sears over my skin like an ember. He's still not looking at any of us. I rub circles on his back, my way of begging him to come back.
"He didn't do anything but be the asshole that he is. This video means nothing."
He springs to his feet and turns around. "Nothing? He has our private moments and he can very well show it to the world, just to hurt us. You don’t deserve that."
My heart skips the next ten beats and I suck in my breath. I didn't consider that. Our video could be everywhere already and, Oh God.
He's on his knees, in front of me, the next second. "I'm sorry."
Alec clears his throat. "We're having someone do a sweep of your place, Leo. They're going to find the camera and destroy it."
"That's a good idea but the damage is done." He lets out a long-ragged breath. "This is a nightmare. He turned us—"
That's when he pisses me off.
"Only if you let him. I, for one, am not planning to. I didn't do anything that I need to be ashamed of."
I jump to my feet and storm out of the room. The bile churns and turns deep in my gut. I barely make it to my room and I start to heave. My next breath, I'm bent over the toilet emptying out my stomach.
32
I heave and heave and the cramping pain gets worse. I didn't have much in my belly to begin with. Food wasn’t a priority the last two days and then this next fucking disaster in our lives happens.
Three days ago, I would have taken it as a huge sign against us but now, as I wretch my dignity into this toilet, I know that's not it. This has nothing to do with fate but with a crazy asshole and his psychotic vendetta.
But the whole world will see me. Some may even think I released this fucking video like I'm attention starved. I wretch again and I press my hands to the side of the cool toilet, trying to regain my breath. It hurts so much when I have nothing to bring back. I flush and bring down the lid and lay my head on top of it. I manage to blot but don't have the energy to lay on the floor. What if I have to barf again? It's not possible, there's really nothing left.
How will we get through this? Leandro's too angry to reason with. I'm trying to be strong but everything inside me revolts at the thought of heading to the street and facing people.
The whole world doesn't know us. They don't know how much I love him or how much we've been through to get here. They won't see the joy behind our lovemaking. They'll just see us going at it without any of the feelings behind it. They'll whisper and comment and make it morbid.
Just fucking stop, I'm silently screaming at myself. You’re letting Sebastian win.
I can spend all my time feeling sorry for myself but I'm not going to do that. I vomited and laid on the floor. Now I need to pick myself up. I have to be strong and if I don't believe that, Leandro never will. I need to get us through it. Bas won't get the best of us. This is when his methods blow up in his face.
The bedroom door opens and footsteps tap along the hardwood. I want to raise my head but can't. It's probably Carissa coming to take care of me but the hand that digs into my hair and massages my scalp is not my friend's. I close my eyes, forget my stomach cramps and let him massage circles in my head.
Leandro pulls me up from the floor. I'm a fucking mess and keep my eyes averted. I go to the sink and wash my face, rinse my mouth. He hands me a towel and a glass of water.
I croak a fast “thank you” and head into the room. Not dwelling. I crawl in the bed with my clothes on. He removes my shoes and sits next to me. "I'm making this way worse for you. Are you okay?"
I shake my head. "Not unless I know you are."
He bends over me, his torso over mine and lays his head by my ear. "He saw us. He saw everything. He's going to make it look like you’re some random chick I’m slaying."
His words are more painful than the cramping in my belly. I breathe, try not to heave, until my stomach settles again. "He can't cheapen it, Leandro. You and I are the only ones that can do that. You're giving him a power he doesn't have."
He lifts his head to look at me. "You’re embarrassed and upset."
Yes, I am but that's not the only thing I feel. "I'm pissed the fuck off. I want to find him, and I want him to die like the piece of pig shit he is. I want to cut his balls off.”
His face scrunches up, staring at me like he’s confused. Then, he smiles. “Never a dull second with you.”
I scoff. “You like that now…”
“I’ll love that always.”
“You’ve been warned.”
He snorts. “Are you threatening me?”
“No, I’m just saying.”
“You’re trying to distract me.”
His eyes warm up like he’s trying to melt my insides.
“Is it working?”
He nods but his gaze loses its momentary reprieve. Business takes over his features. “Alec is having everything swept for bugs. We’re to stay off the cell phones until tomorrow.”
I sit up on the bed. “But Gia and Noah are away from all of us.”
“They’ll be okay. Their place is basically impenetrable, so is the Brownstone. So will our new place be."
My stomach cramps with a different kind of pain.
"You look like you're going to vomit again. Does living with me scare you that much?"
Yes, it does. "You're a slob. I don't like messes." I'm lying. I've never seen a man so meticulous about cleanliness and order.
He blows out a breath. "Amelia, you probably feel this is going too fast."
"Nah, it’s just taking me a little time to adjust."
33
I much prefer today to last night. The twins are keeping me busy while Carissa and Alec catch up on their sleep. We were all up late last night, but they got up early. She doesn't like to leave them alone with people who are not family for long. I understand. I would feel the same way.
They're a good distraction. And they're just so funny I can't resist being around them. It's beautiful to see them just be innocent kids, unaware of the fact that there are five to ten men with guns ready to shoot anyone who tries to come close to them.
We're picking flowers. Two minutes ago, I was covered in them. I lay on the grass and they yanked grass and every dandelion they could find and threw it on top of me.
"Plane, plane, plane." Huddy's jumping up and down. Brook stays the course picking yellow flowers, only stopping to shoot him a boys-are-so-simple look.
Amen, sister.
"Leo." She drops her flowers on the floor and takes off on a run into Leandro's arms. He swings her up in the air and she giggles. Her brother goes to them, arms raised, begging for a turn.
Leandro's cheesing so hard. He picks them both up at the same time and brings them to the blanket. They went nuts when they saw him in the dining room this morning. Their easy affection for him and vice versa is heartwarming. Would he have been like this with our own kid? He did call her “the consequence” before. It makes me wonder if…no. Stop this, Amelia.
I sit up and pull out snacks from the container I brought out. First lesson about hanging with these kids, always have food available. I hand each half a grape. They sit between us. I pass some grapes on to Leandro and though I'm smiling, I try to avoid looking in his eyes.
He leans over the middle of the blanket and kisses me. "What are you thinking about, Virus?"
Brook tries the word and Huddy does more than that. He jumps in between us and kisses me.
"You're a bad role model." I laugh and hold the kid to me.
Leandro shakes his head. "Nah, he's the real deal. He's learning the ropes early." His face turns serious. "Don't tell Carissa."
I play a video for them on the tablet and they're on their belly, fist-under-chin, watching Poppin Piglet and singing the theme song.
"Are you going to tell me?"
"Tell you what?"
"Why you had that frown on your face just a second ago."
No, I don't want to. "Time flies and they grow so fast."
"Do they remind you of her?"
Her. My heart stops and my next breath is almost painful. He means the baby I lost. I can lie but I shouldn't. I don't want to. "They make me wonder what she would be like."
"Me, too." Our gazes cross and hold.
"Really?" I guess I didn't think men thought like that. Correction, I didn't think a man like Leandro thought about that. "I never would’ve guessed.”
“Why?”
“Well, you called her a consequence and…I don't know…"
"She was not only yours, Amelia. She was mine too."
Guilt pokes at my side. The worst part is the meaning behind his words. She was his. "You say ‘her,’ too."
He sad-laughs. "Yeah, I don't know why. I always think she or her."
We fall into a semi-comfortable silence.
"No method is one-hundred percent effective."
Shit. My lungs shrivel to raisins but I hold his gaze. "I know."
"What if…"
"Leandro, I'm using a method so potent my doctor calls it a firewall."
"Yeah, but it could happen. What if it does?"
"Why won't you let this drop?"
"I need to know."
Oh. He wants to be prepared. He doesn't hold my gaze. Instead, he looks to the hills. I follow the direction of his gaze and ponder what to say. I don't know where I stand with kids.
Yes, you do.
I'm scared to death. Nothing ever entrusted to me has ever made it. Papi entrusted Mami and Nelly to me. We all know how that story ended. I couldn't stop Mami from working herself to death and I couldn't prevent Nelly from being killed. Doctor Jacinda would be real pissed at me right now.
It's Sebastian and no one else's fault. He's the murdering asshole. I kinda know this.
Leandro's deceptively calm, his gaze lost on the hills. He's absently stroking Brook's hair. I wonder how much restraint it's taking for him not to press me for an answer.
God, how much do I love this man? I would welcome anything that comes from him but we have no right. We're bad, bad people. The decision should be clear.
"If it happens, I would keep the baby."
He turns to me. There's surprise in his eyes. "Why?"
"How can I not love someone that comes from you?" Tears tickle the corners of my eyes.
He goes back to staring out, a loud gulp the only hint of a reaction. "I want to have kids with you."
I think I blacked out for a few seconds or went blind or deaf or something. My mouth hangs open and I try a thousand words, but none will come out.
When my voice finally comes back, it's loud and squeaky. "Kids? Plural? We were talking hypothetically, something short of divine intervention, and now you say kids."
The twins are staring at me, clearly annoyed because I'm talking way too loud over Poppin Piglet. Leandro turns to me, a wry smile playing about his lips.
I press him. "Answer me."
"I want a family with you."
"We're bad people, Leandro."
"You're the best person I know, Amelia. And look at them." He points to the twins. "Have you ever seen kids happier than them? More loved than they are? We would love our kids like that, kill ourselves to make them happy."
