Steel, p.26
Steel, page 26
"How would I know? I was blindfolded with a disgusting smelling shirt."
"Right. I'm sorry."
My ass. His mouth says sorry, his eyes speculate, dissect. So much for sympathy. He's still looking, sniffing.
We go over and over and over my story.
"So, his men came and got him and he left. When you regained consciousness, they were gone." He waits for my nod. "How long were you out?"
"I don't know. It didn't feel like that long. But…" I trail off.
"Mel, where did you get that nifty little knife you stabbed him with?"
It's the first time he's ever used my name and I know it's deliberate. He wants to make me feel comfortable. As if that's going to work.
"I got it from a guy on Canal Street. I took it in case I needed it. It saved my life." I close my eyes and release the shakiest of breaths because it's true. The wounds from the knife slowed him and his strength down.
"You said he told you if you had sex with him, he would let you walk out. What made you use your knife?" Ramirez asks.
Had I not been looking at the wall between him and Officer Franklin, I would have missed the snap of her head, the side eye glare, and the quick curl of her lip.
"He was forcing me to have sex with him, detective. When we were standing at the foot of the bed I could see there was something under the pillow and right after he suggested I lay my head on it. Something told me it was going to be me or him."
"What was it you saw?"
"Something pink."
"Why did that upset you?"
"I've been here twice for women who were murdered with something pink. The color freaks me out." I touch my neck and still can feel his fingers squeezing and pressing.
"You stabbed a man because a color freaks you out?"
"No, I stabbed him because he put one hand on my throat while trying to push himself between my legs, Detective." I yell the last part and the Captain shoots him a warning look.
Ramirez beckons someone through the glass window into the main area of the station. A uniformed officer passes him a Ziploc bag.
I take one look at the plastic bag and its contents and the blood drains from my head. The tie. I fly off my chair, slinking backwards until I bump into the door.
My hands go numb but there's this agony, this bursting feeling in my chest and I start shaking. I hear my name called but all I can see is the fluff of pink inside the plastic and all I can hear is thrashing in my ear like the rumbling of a storm. I close my eyes and struggle for composure. Deep breath, long breath, one-two-three-four-five.
When I open my eyes, Leandro’s there. He stalks through the room until his eyes finally find me. Biermann’s behind him and lays into the officers in the room. Leandro's hands are on my shoulder and he's staring at me with worried eyes. "You okay?"
"The tie," I croak and he wraps me in his arms.
Biermann’s screaming about their lack of tact. I see my quick way out and take it.
I start to sob.
52
Amelia’s pale. My zip-up sweater is four times bigger than she is, but she had to give her blouse to the cops and she didn't want to wear what they gave her, so she’d taken my jacket. She zipped it up to her chin, covering the finger marks on her neck. "Are you okay to do this?"
"Would you ask Alec that?" Her tone is sharp, so much like herself. It breathes a little life into my chest.
"If he had almost died, I just may."
"Liar," she snaps but there's no malice, no matter how loud she says it. She sighs. "I'm fine. Let’s just get it over with."
Adrian opens the door to let us back into City of Ruth. No sooner is Amelia through the door when Carissa flies across the room and throws herself at her.
“Thank you. I can’t ever say it…” She sobs and squeezes Amelia like she’s never planning on letting her go.
We all feel that way, I think. God knows if we didn't have to see this through, I would lock myself up with her in her apartment upstairs and bury her under me.
Carissa finally settles. Amelia moves further into the room, intent on the main attraction in the center. Midway to the middle, she turns to look at me. In three steps, I'm beside her. She doesn't hold my hand, but her shoulders relax and her breath rushes out. I'm floored by her trust in me after I almost failed her today.
Sebastian's tied up to a restraint chair. His wrists are secured in front of him by nylon straps, as are his ankles to the bars at the base of the chair. His chest and shoulders are also restrained by thicker crossed-over-each-other bands. The straps may look like a regular seat belt, but the Ops assured us that due to the pressure to the right organs, and the leaning angle of the chair, the effect of this restraint would be slow and insidious. They’d used this type of chair in Abu Ghraib Prison, on terrorists and suspected masterminds.
If torture doesn’t kill Sebastian, a blood clot, total organ failure, or a fulminating heart attack will. His shoes rest on a metal rack but it’s the 180-flip lever at the bottom that makes my gaze flash to Alec’s. We’ve been around each other for so long, I don’t need him to say it. It’s in his small nod, the contained rage in his fisted hands, and his clenched jaw.
Bas’ end is about to be as shitty as he is.
The asshole’s barely moving but there’s still life in the crinkle in his eyes, the ashen shade of his lips, and the clawing of his hand against the metal under it. He's in crushing pain.
My stomach twists in a pang that should be reserved for those he's taken, for the other people in the room whose lives he’s almost destroyed. Amelia's gaze meets mine and I see it in there too.
We're human.
But he’s not and we’re going to send him off like he deserves. We’ll be able to sleep better after he’s dead.
Alec steps up in front of Sebastian and he jams his thumb into his brother’s chest until Bas is gasping for air. "You killed Shel, the brother with whom you shared the same womb. Now, you're going to die, and Leo will still hold a higher place than I would have ever given you. He's more of a McLean than you. Noah is more of a man than you ever could be. I could have shown you mercy for the attempts on my life, but this is the second time you’ve tried to hurt my children."
He removes his hand and steps away. Amelia takes his place.
She flashes her phone in front of his face. "Nelly was more than my little sister, I raised her. She was almost still a kid, full of life and you manipulated her and killed her. With every stab wound to your neck, I invoked a name. For Nelly. For Byanca. For Lucy. For Vic. For Brooklyn. They're the reason you will die tonight."
I go stand next to her but lean closer so all he can see is my face. "Lucy was a child but you don't respect children. You shame your grandfather. He was right. You weren't fit to lead the family. That's why your kid brother got the job and you never came close."
"I bury you along with Shel. I miss him, but you…I replaced you long ago." Noah pats my shoulder and walks away.
"You took my child, made me live a mother's worst nightmare. You were going to kill her…and my sister. " Carissa can barely get the words out.
"I wasn't going to kill Brooklyn." He manages through gasping breaths.
"What were you going to do with her?" she asks.
"I was going to take her with me."
We're all paralyzed, staring at each other. We can't fathom the words.
Carissa recoils and in one breath, she shoves her Los Salvajes knife right into his stomach all the way to the hilt. She then hands her blade to Amelia to finish him off. She looks at me and I nod. I’m okay with it. We are one. If she does it, it’s like I did it.
But Alec rushes in.
“No, I brought him into your lives. I failed to see the piece of dog shit he is. I risked everyone in this room because I refused to accept it. I’m going to be the one to kill him. It’s my responsibility.”
Amelia’s hand tightens around the knife. The fuck no is practically hanging from her lips, but she looks at me for a moment and I almost taste her struggle. It was her sister, her friend, my sister, and she was the one that faced him, alone. It’s her right. I’m sure she will say no, but she sighs and hands Alec the knife.
She comes to stand by my side.
Alec turns to his brother. “You’re a coward that preys on women because you don’t have the balls to stand up to a man. You killed Nelly and tried to kill Carissa because you couldn’t get to me. You didn’t have the balls to kill Noah yourself, so you let Calum’s men try. And most of all, you weren’t man enough to face Leo, even when he was still a kid. You’re the mutt, the fucking unworthy one.”
Alec swipes Amelia’s knife across Sebastian’s throat in one swift move. Then, he bends and flips the lever, turning the machine upside down. The metal screech rakes over my skin. We all move to the other side. No one says a thing but it’s clear. We have to see it through. We need to watch him disappear from our world.
Sebastian gurgles, his hands straining against the nylon. His ankles shoving against the ties. He struggles, coughs and sputters the blood from his mouth. His eyes bulging, veiny, fill with blood. He still fights and tries to free himself. To no avail. In the end, he's forced to let death in. It creeps slowly, like dripping honey until he's finally still.
We all stay around, like bystanders watching a wreck. We can't look away or move.
Gia clicks the door open and Los Salvajes men come in. "He's going in the incinerator."
“I want to watch him burn.” Carissa’s voice is frigid as an ice block.
I want to as well but Amelia tugs at my hand.
"I need to go."
The fucker is dead and I get to live for her, for whatever she wants. I rush her out. We're silent on the elevator ride and it reminds me of my first days in New York after Byanca's death. He's still haunting us, even though we just watched him die.
She storms through the apartment door and takes off all her clothes. She jumps in the shower and seconds later I follow. She scrubs her hair with violent intent. Once she washes off the blood and I clean the sweat and dirt off me, she takes my hand and drags me into the bed. She's shaking, bad, and asks me to cover every inch of her. It takes a while for her to stop shaking but she falls asleep cocooned by me.
53
Here, at City of Ruth, I should feel safe, relaxed but I can't. Leandro’s knocked out, but I couldn’t sleep past thirty minutes. I'm not keyed up but every time I close my eyes I see Bas or hear his voice. If I manage to silence his voice, my mind wonders what he had in store for Brook and the thought of him taking that innocent little girl makes my stomach burn and my breath stall and I can't lay still in bed.
When the girls called and said come upstairs to the common area, I left my bed, and left my sleeping husband’s side for a few.
"So, you just started bawling?" Gia asks. I don't think she realizes how tight she's squeezing my hand.
Except, I think Carissa is in worse shape than I am. She's glued to my side but at least she's not crying anymore.
Gia tugs at my hand. I haven't answered her question. "Yeah, sorry. I started crying and Leandro took me out."
"Can I get you anything?" Gia asks for the one millionth time. She knows what I’m going through. She’s lived it and we both survived.
I laugh, because we need it. "No. I'm okay. Stop fussing over me. Carissa, you should be in bed with Alec and your kids."
"They're sleeping and I can't. I can't keep waking them up. I can't stop fussing and kissing Brook."
I put my arm around her shoulder. "You should take a pill and try to get some rest."
She wipes the back of her hand over her eyes. "I can't…I can't risk that. They took her from our arms."
Shit. We're all crying again. That didn't take long. My heart's breaking because yes, Sebastian could have killed me, but he took a lot more from all of us, mainly Carissa and Alec. He's dead but we can't forget.
Gia and I exchange a look that says all the words we don't need to utter. We'll need to help our friend along the way. "It's going to be okay, Carissa. Doctor Jacinda said you should come see her. One of us will stay with the kids when you have your session if Alec can't."
She nods. We fall into silence again. "You and Leo are going away."
Guilt claws its way up my chest at the thought of leaving her like this, but I need my time away with Leandro. I already promised him and I need to get better myself. "We're not leaving ‘til next week. He wants to make sure we have everything we need."
Though for a moment she looks unsure, Carissa flashes a tiny smile. "You guys need to be alone and away together to enjoy each other. Plus, like I told Alec, you'll keep his boo safe."
We laugh a little, I’m glad part of her is still there. Our ice cream melted and there are tissues everywhere and we look so shitty it's almost embarrassing.
"You know what I was thinking?" Gia asks.
"That we're in big trouble when even you look shitty?"
She laughs and shakes her head. "That you don't need a fancy honeymoon because Leo will never let you out of bed."
I can still hear his words in my ear before he fell asleep. We'll have to work on your idea.
Carissa chuckles. "That face says it all. You better go make sure the firewall is working well or you'll come back pregnant."
My breath catches, and I savor her words. I haven't had time to tell them about our plans. "We can only hope."
They blink at me, neither saying a word, Gia's mouth agape. I plow on. "I'm making an appointment with the doctor to get the firewall torn down. He wants a family and I want his big-headed kids.”
My throat grows thick at the thought of a baby boy with his father’s smile or a little girl to wrap him around her finger.
"I'm happy for you guys. I want more kids around to spoil and since mine have scared Gia from having any…I'm ecstatic."
Gia hugs me. For all her jokes, I just know she's not ready yet. She's still working through her fears, but she'll get there. "I'm going to be an auntie."
"Not tomorrow."
She swats me. "It will be soon. I just know it."
My cell vibrates and I don't have to look at it to know who it's from and what the context of the message is but I untangle myself from my girls and look at it.
I woke up and you're not here.
"That's my cue to go."
Gia crosses her arms. "You're at a man's beck and call now?" She can't say it without laughing.
"He tries that outside the honeymoon, and I'll kick him in the balls, but for the next month or so, whatever you want, bae."
"Bae?" Carissa coughs.
"It's a saying. No, I'm not going to call him that. Love you, see you at some point today. Go to bed, both of you."
54
He's annoyed. I should have woken him up and told him I was going upstairs. I'm barely through the door and he jumps all over me.
"You can't stay put for a couple of hours. How is it that you're out and about anyway? You've been through hell, not to mention you almost died, Amelia." He says my name like he's straining every letter through his clenched teeth.
Yeah, I'm in for it.
"I know, I know."
"What the hell? Why can’t you just get some rest?"
I don't stop walking. "I just needed to make sure the girls were okay." I lock my arms around his neck. "I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to bug you."
He takes my wrist in his hands and removes them from his neck. He takes a step back and I recognize that face. Fuck.
"Why? Why wouldn't you want to bug me? I'm your husband. If you can't sleep, if it all becomes too much, I'm the one you should turn to."
His words hit me on my chest and so does the truth behind them. I hurt him. Yeah, I fucked up. Royally. Once again.
I put my arms around him again. "I'm sorry. I should have woken you…" And the truth slips from my lips. "I'm not used to having someone else. I’m only used to leaning on Gia and Carissa. All my life, I've only been able to count on the girls and when I couldn't sleep and they called, I just went. I didn’t think."
He nods.
"But now I have you. I have a family of my own. We're a team, you and me. Let's go lie down. We can talk in bed."
"It's morning already."
"So? We can watch TV and talk and you can hold me. Oh, maybe you need some coffee?"
He shakes his head. "No."
Minutes later we lay in bed, skin against skin. I'm half on top of him, where he placed me, my head on his chest. His arms secure me to him.
My fingers glide and spin over his arm and I breathe him in, let him overwhelm me. "Are you still mad at me?"
"No."
Hmm. "Are you sure?" This time I lift my head and look into his eyes.
His lips are pressed together but his eyes hold this calmness, like resignation. I hold his gaze until he sighs. "Yes. I'm getting used to this, that's all. You're the most important person, thing, feeling in my life. I almost lost you today."
I scoot up, closer to his face. "I feel the same way. You're my love, Leandro. I love you more than anything and anyone in the world. I hate that I had to go meet Sebastian. I can't imagine what it was like for you to watch me in there."
His eyes go soft and so does my heart.
We hold each other's gaze, he combs his fingers through my hair and I lay my head back down on his chest, enjoy the soothing ministrations.
"I told the girls I am tearing down the firewall."
His hand pauses on my hair and there's a change in his breathing pattern as though he has to take massive amounts of air. He sits up, taking me along with him, and sits back into the headboard. “You meant that?”
I laugh, sitting back on my heels at his side. “Of course. I wasn’t going to die, Leandro. I was always coming back to you.”
His fingers trail over my neck. I still bear Sebastian’s mark, I can’t stand it. I cover his fingers with mine, hold them there. My heart threatens to beat its way out of my chest. But I need this. I need to get used to his hands there. I need him to erase the lunatic’s touch.
