Heart storms, p.12
Heart Storms, page 12
***
With October looking slower than September, Jade desperately needed time for herself—no work or guests, no inn, no Rick and Gabe show. She needed a weekend to do whatever she wanted—walk the beach, have a glass of wine and call her mother and Amy to catch them up on her life. She had talked to both only briefly over the summer with working long days. This weekend, she’d cook a couple nice meals, listen to her favorite jazz and classical music, swim, sun, soak in a hot bath with fragrant oil by candlelight.
When she asked Rick for the time off to be alone and recharge, he didn’t hesitate to say yes. “It’ll be good for you, Jade—restore yourself, spend time alone.” He hesitated for a second. “You will be alone, won’t you?”
“How is that any of your business?”
Rick sucked in air like she’d punched him the gut. “No. No, of course it isn’t.”
Jade’s words hurt him. She almost felt sorry for him until she remembered he was to blame with his same old, same old conduct, keeping his distance, no invitations, not even a simple walk on the beach; and her invitations were always rejected. Never an ‘I’ll think about it,’ or ‘maybe,’ or ‘some other time.’
With wanting time for herself, Rick was most likely afraid she’d spend time with Gabe socially. Irked, she told him, “I need time to get my head clear, call my mom and my best friend, enjoy my cottage and walk by the ocean. Alone. And if I want company, don’t worry, I won’t call you because I already know your answer—the same one you’ve given me for a year now.”
Rick sighed and rubbed his temples, lowered his head then his eyes filled with pain. “I deserve that, and you’re right. My behavior has bordered on being rude. I’ve been grappling with my emotional problems, trying to sort things out. There are things I should’ve explained to you a long time ago. They’re almost debilitatingly painful for me to recall, let alone share. But someday soon maybe we can talk.”
Normally Jade would be compassionate but after what she’d been through because of him, she didn’t have much sympathy. She wondered how much he was really doing to heal if he still was unable to share his problems. Disheartened, she muttered, “Yeah, sure. Someday,” and she walked away.
***
Jade started her weekend on Friday night. With spicy Chinese takeout and a nice bottle of wine, she sat by the fire pit outside her cottage listening to the distant crashing of the waves and the palm fronds rustling in a gentle off-shore wind. Feeling at peace and content, she called Amy and filled her in on how the job was going, including all the happenings with Rick and Gabe.
Fascinated with the entanglements, Amy called Jade’s situation a “platonic ménage à trois.”
“That’s an oxymoron,” Jade joked. “A ménage à trois implies sexual liaisons, and believe me, there’s nothing sexual going on, at least nothing more than a few kisses and a hot time in a closet.”
Amy chuckled. “Disappointed, are you?”
“Heck no. It’s too complicated as it is.”
“I think it’s exciting and juicy. Tell me more.”
“There’s nothing more to tell. I wondered what advice you could give. There’s potential with Gabriel, but I don’t want to encourage him because I really care deeply for Rick if he’d give us a chance.”
“Why don’t you pursue Rick more to talk about his issues? Keep after him.”
“Because I’ve done a lot of pursuing already. He’s not ready. I think Rick only acted so passionately with me because he’s jealous of Gabe and me being so friendly and flirtatious. It’s been harmless, joking kind of, but with Rick’s reactions, I’d say he’s threatened by it.”
“Hey, if feeling threatened is what it takes to get him to talk, go after Gabe.”
“Please, I don’t want a repeat of the supply room scene.” Jade twirled her glass, watching the glow of the fire reflect off the glistening white of the wine, a kind of magic elixir. When I drink it, maybe magic will pour into me. “You know what I need? Magic. I need some magic in my life.” The word made her think of Gabe saying how he knew magic, and she told Amy about the night with Gabe when she’d melted down over discussing the devil.
Amy said with a lilt to her tone, “Are you sure you’re not interested in Gabe for more than friendship?”
Jade put her glass down, sat up and took a deep breath to focus. “I’ve tossed the idea around. Especially with the longer Rick casts me out of his life, the cooler my emotions are for him. It’s similar to a fire you don’t tend to, eventually it goes out.” She took a couple sips of wine. “And with my ‘Rick-fire’ dying down, I’ve caught myself looking at Gabe with different eyes. There’ve been times where his touch felt so nice, when taking my arm, holding me the night of my melt-down, the kiss on the forehead, really wanting him to kiss me. But something’s always stopped me. Probably my hopeful feelings holding out for Rick. I gotta tell you, though, Gabe sure is nice to look at. What a hunk. I shudder when I sneak a peek when he doesn’t see me—those vivid blue eyes set off against the dark, steamy looks, not to mention his sexy-as-hell body.”
“Oooh, he sounds good enough to eat, or jump on. How do you control yourself? From what you’ve told me, besides the looks, he seems warm and tender.”
“Hot and aggressive is more like it.”
“Oh, even better.”
“Settle down, Amy. You’re married, remember?”
“I love my Ben, but I can get a vicarious thrill over your men, can’t I? Don’t spoil my fun.”
“I’m glad my screwed-up life gives you some excitement. But I don’t want it this way. It’s getting too complicated especially since I work with these men. I need your advice. What would you do?”
“Me? Hard to imagine since I’m not sultry-looking like you. I’ve never had nor will ever have this kind of problem.”
“I appreciate the compliment, but I did not initiate or encourage this situation. It just happened. What tangible advice do you have for your best friend?”
Amy took a few seconds to think about it. “I think Gabe would be great fun and amazing sex. But Rick sounds more like someone you could love, more like what you want long-term in a relationship.”
“Hmm. You might be right because my leaning toward Rick seems to be in a more serious way. I lean toward Gabe in a playful way. But Gabe’s been good to me. He’ll always listen and isn’t afraid to speak his mind. We’re good friends who also relate with a shared experience of betrayal with our exes.”
“Listen, in college we used to say it was impossible to be platonic friends with a guy, especially a hot one like Gabe. He sounds smart, funny and he’s into you. I don’t see you keeping up the ‘friend’ ruse for long.”
Jade glared at the phone and mouthed ‘What?!’ Putting the phone back to her mouth, she said, “It’s not a ruse. We are friends.”
“I’m not disputing the fact. You’re also friends with Rick for all kinds of reasons and you’ve both shown strong attraction. The difference is that Rick’s afraid to want you in a deeper way, and a sexual way. And Gabe, well, he’s sizzling hot and wants you bad.”
Jade let out a deep sigh of frustration. “You’re not helping me. Now I’m even more confused.”
“I have an idea. Why don’t you and Gabe, who are showing signs of attraction, have an affair—just sex, fun. With Rick feeling threatened at your friendship with Gabe, can you imagine how he’d act if he knew you and Gabe were dating and getting physical?”
Jade closed her eyes and covered them with her hand. “Oh, no, no, no, that would never work. I couldn’t do it to either of them. It’s probably a tactic with potential to work but I see a huge backfire coming. I couldn’t do it.”
“I hear you. You’re too soft-hearted and honest. But now you’re back to square one. Where’s the post-Devlin Jade who was fairly cold and calculated, and wanted nothing to do with men, wanting only revenge on her ex?”
“I remember her. She’s still inside me somewhere. She came out the night I told Gabe about the devil. She almost took over, too, the next day but Gabe pulled me out of it.”
“If Devlin showed up at your door, wouldn’t all those old feelings resurface?”
“Sure, but…”
“But nothing. You said you can’t take any more of this, something’s gotta give or something will blow. And you don’t want it to be you, or your great job. So, pretend the devil’s at your door. What do you do? What are your feelings?”
Jade got up and paced around the yard. “I’m not a sucker anymore about him. I’m strong, independent and hell-bent on retribution. Sometimes in the beginning, Gabe acted like the devil, full of hubris and arrogance. There are times when Rick with his blonde, green-eyed, handsome looks reminds me physically of the devil. Especially when he has me putting up with his agenda, disregarding what I need and want.”
“There you go. So, with your strength and determination back, what will you do now about the current situation with these two men?”
Without hesitation, Jade stated loud and clear, “Whatever the hell I want.”
“Woo-hoo!” Amy hollered into the phone. “Don’t get too extreme with this mood or you’ll sabotage yourself. You want to show just enough strength so they’ll see you’re not putting up with their crap anymore.”
Second guessing, Jade said, “But Gabe really has been good to me.”
“Yes, he has. But, from my perspective, I question his motivation. I think he wants to jump in your bed, and he’s taking advantage of the situation with Rick. I could be wrong, but he might play on your emotions to lure you to his side and get you to go against Rick.”
Jade reminisced for a few seconds. “Hmm, he often refers to Rick a lot in a condescending way as ‘boss-man,’ saying ‘El boss-man’ or ‘El Jefe’ is not capable of something emotional. He can be insulting, acting like it’s a joke but I think he’s serious and trying to dissuade me from caring for Rick.”
“Exactly. And with making himself appear as the more caring, suave, capable man, he might think he can tempt you.”
Jade poured another glass of wine. “Amy, for being a married woman, you sure are good at this. You’ve made me see this thing in a whole different light.”
“Well, I am married to a psychologist. Some things have rubbed off.” She laughed and added, “I also watch a lot of Dr. Phil and Oprah when Ben is away.”
“Well, lucky for me!” Jade laughed with her. “Seriously, thank you for helping and being such a good friend.”
“Anytime. Now, what will your next move be when you head to work Monday?”
“I’m not sure yet. I have to mull it over this weekend, get used to my new persona and MO.”
“Why don’t you call your mother for some of her psychic perceptions?”
“Seriously?” Jade shrieked and gulped wine. “Call the metaphysical queen for solid advice?”
“In the beginning of this conversation you told me what you needed in your life was magic. It’s high time to call the Queen of it.”
***
Jade mulled over the facts of her situation all night into the next day while at the beach. She swam hard to shed her nervous energy leaving her exhausted in a lounge chair with the sun soaking into her pores. Its heat soothed her body and calmed her mind. In an almost-but-not-quite asleep state, she drifted away into another world where her dreams and desires mixed with the truth and what might be. She sensed Gabe coming to her, wanting her, seducing her. Next, she saw Rick who felt like pure love. He was in emotional pain and turmoil, and afraid to let himself love Jade. Next, falling into a deep sleep and the dream world, she felt Rick loving her and a beautiful, golden light surrounded them. She wanted to walk in that light, live in it, and be with Rick.
With clouds moving in over the setting sun, a few cold raindrops pulled Jade from her dream. She woke with a start expecting Rick to be standing there with a hand out to help her up, kissing her. All she saw, though, was an empty beach and storm clouds. Yet love filled her heart until lightning flashed in the distance reminding her the dream, and Rick’s love weren’t real.
Later, after showering and feeling like a new woman, Jade sipped a rich chianti a guest had given her as a thank-you and prepared a bruschetta appetizer. The wine lightened her mood, encouraging her to call her mother and get a ‘mystical’ take on the situation.
Maggie was thrilled to hear from Jade, not so much though after hearing her dilemma. “Well, that is a problem. Two men. No solid direction as to who wants what, or who’s honest with himself as to what he wants. I will say this, Jade, I’m ecstatic to hear you’ve let go of all the revenge stuff and looking more at what you want and what will make you happy.”
“Don’t get too excited, Mom. I’m reverting to my former strong, independent self so I can look clearly at this situation. But I need some guidance from you. Do you get any prophetic feelings about these men with what I’ve told you?”
“I don’t want to influence your next course of action. Trust your instincts, which are better than you think.”
“Mom, my instincts have led me astray this time. Amy helped me get straightened out, but now I’m not sure what to do. Today I had the first relaxing, calm day since April. While on the beach today, I fell into a kind of deep, meditative state and had a vision and a dream.”
“Sounds like you were tuning into something. What happened in this dream?”
She told Maggie about Gabe the seducer and Rick the lover, about the golden light and depth of love in her and the flash of lightning.
Maggie had closed her eyes during the telling of the story, trying to pick up on what Jade saw and felt. Her initial reaction was as Jade’s had been: “Strong love comes from Rick but there’s something holding him back. There’s a kind of spirit or energy moving around him, trying to help but he’s oblivious. He’s stuck in a deep state of grief. I don’t know, Jade, both these men have issues.”
“What’s your perception about Gabriel?”
Maggie chuckled. “Well, he’s no angel, for sure. But seriously, he’s so good at his core, in his soul, and has an incredible capacity for love but there are lots of layers of damage holding it down. Jade, you can’t go entirely on my sense of things. I have my own preconceived notions, of not wanting my daughter to be hurt again. You must trust your own gut on this. If you get a strong intuitive feeling, go with it, act on it. You’ll know if it’s not right, even if you don’t want to accept it or face it, if it feels wrong for any reason, trust your feelings and act accordingly.”
“Okay, Mom. You always help me. Sometimes I make fun of you being the ‘Queen of the Mystics’ and all, but you are a treasure. I trust you and love you. Thanks for all you’ve done, and for always helping me.”
“Helping my daughter is my job and one of my greatest joys. Just be careful, protect your heart. Don’t get too extreme with your renewed strength and independence, and especially with vengeance against Devlin. Remember if you do harm, it will come back to you. You don’t want to turn into a ‘Devlin’ yourself. Right?”
In theory, her mother was right. But Jade still felt if she paid back the devil even in some small way, she’d rest easier knowing he ‘got his.’ To her mother, though, she replied, “Don’t worry. I won’t ever become like him. There’s no one on earth as bad as him.”
***
After talking to her mother, Jade pulled out an Italian cookbook. She rarely had time to make elaborate meals but enjoyed dabbling in complex dishes for fun. She gathered the ingredients to make a dinner of roast chicken with prosciutto, red peppers, and herbs; pasta with vodka cream sauce and roasted asparagus. She had a nice Prosecco with fresh fruit for dessert. Looking at the large array of colorful food, she wished she had a dinner guest. Such beautiful food and wine should be shared. A thought flashed through her mind, one of those instincts her mother told her to trust, and she acted on it.
***
As usual, Rick was still at work. Jade knocked on his office door and heard him quickly run up to open it. She hoped maybe he hoped it was her and was excited.
“Jade! Wow, how nice to see you, especially on your weekend off. Come in.” Rick’s grin was huge and heartfelt as he walked back to sit behind his desk. “But why are you here? Is something wrong?”
Jade sat in the chair across from his desk. “No. In fact, everything’s right. I knew you’d be here after hours working hard. I was in my cottage after a soothing day at the beach. I’m cooking a lovely Italian dinner and have some expensive wine a guest gave me. But after starting to cook, I realized I wanted to share some heavenly food with a special person. And I thought of you—of how much you’d love it, how much you deserve a night away from the inn and work, a night shared with a good friend and good talk.”
Rick leaned back and clasped his hands behind his head, the excitement leaving his eyes. “Oh wow. Hmm. Well, it sure is tempting.” He brought his arms down to cross in front of his chest. “Thank you for thinking of me, and really, I’d love to join you, but I can’t right now.”
“Why? Is there a crisis here?”
Rick put his arms back on the desk and fiddled with his pen. “No, it’s more of a crisis in me. I said I would explain everything to you someday. But if I went to dinner, you’d expect to have that talk and tonight is too soon. I’m not prepared, and besides, I think you should have some time by yourself to clear your head.”
Jade rolled her eyes and shook her head, disgusted. “So, you know what I need, but you don’t even know what you need? I can’t believe you’re rejecting me again. I wasn’t expecting your big ‘reveal talk,’ just general, friendly conversation. But you’re so scared, you can’t even have a friendly chat.” She crossed her arms in front of herself, too, and stared at him with an unforgiving look. “Either accept my invitation tonight or there won’t be any more. No chance of talking ‘someday’ about whatever your awful issues are, no chance of seeing each other outside of work. I’ve had it. Now or never.”
