Heart storms, p.23
Heart Storms, page 23
Jade shrieked through her weeping. “What am I supposed to do? Let you go out there alone and worry to death about you all the time?”
“We have phones and email.”
“You’re so cold-hearted. I’m your fiancé. I’m going out there with you and we’ll do this together.”
“No, you won’t.” He yelled at her for the first time. “I will not have someone I love dealing with possibly life-threatening situations. I won’t risk you being hurt. If something happened to you because of me, I couldn’t live.” He sat with her and took her hands, his gaze full of pain and tears, his voice quieting. “I have to do this alone, Jade. If you love me, you won’t get involved in this. I have too many people to worry about and take care of out there. I can’t worry about your safety, too. It’d be too complicated and mess up my head. Please, Jade, I’m begging you, let me deal with this alone.”
She choked back sobs. “But will you come back? Do you promise me? Come back with your daughter; she’ll be part of our lives, if only you come back.”
His head lowered, heavy with the burdens on him. “I can’t promise anything. I want to come back. I would love for this all to disappear and be magically resolved and come back to you. But my life is a bad dream I never wake up from, with nothing ever working out right, at least not long-term. And with the problems I must deal with, I might be gone a long time and I won’t make promises I might not be able to keep. I would never hurt you that way.”
Jade collapsed in grief. “No, no, no! I won’t accept this. You are so negatively wired you can’t envision a positive outcome. But I can. I won’t focus on anything else other than us living our lives together as we planned.”
“You do that, Jade—do what you have to. I can tell you honestly, I love you and want a future with you. But I can’t guarantee it or promise it, not now, not with this.”
They held each other for a long time, tears flowing onto each other’s faces. “When do you leave?” she asked. “I hope we’ll have some time together to say goodbye.”
“I leave early tomorrow morning.”
Jade sucked in air like it was her last breath and pulled away. “No! It’s too soon.”
Gabe took her face in his hands. “Listen, Jade. You must accept it. I’m trying to do it this way so we won’t break into pieces and be left in agony. I can’t deal with more heartbreak than what I have now, and what I’ll face when I get out there. I already have the plane ticket—one way. I’ll tell Rick today.” He glanced at his watch. “In fact, I’m due in his office now. Tonight I’m heading to the airport in Charleston. I have a room booked at a hotel close by. I can’t bear seeing you tonight or tomorrow and having to say goodbye. I just can’t do it. It’ll destroy me and I have to be strong for what I have to do in California.”
“No,” Jade sobbed, clinging to him. “This can’t be happening. I can’t let you go.”
“You’re strong, Jade. You’ll let me go and we’ll keep in touch when we can. I’ll call when I land and keep you updated as much as possible. I’m flying straight to San Diego where my hell will begin. It’ll give me strength knowing you’re here in a safe place, and you love me. It’s the best thing you can do for me. Okay? Agreed?”
With seeing no other options, Jade gave in and agreed. But under her words was a steely determination to go out there and help him through this. She would show up unannounced and there’d be nothing he could do. She hoped he’d be thrilled. But if not, she’d stay anyway. Because in her world, that’s what love does. Love never gives up. Love is brave. The only way she’d let him go was knowing she’d see him soon in California. But will he understand, or will he have the same cold, hard attitude he has now? The risk was he’d be even worse once he got out there.
***
Gabe explained his situation to Rick, who understood, almost too much so. He’s probably ecstatic I’m out of the picture and he can pursue Jade. But Gabe had more pressing issues to deal with. He paid his landlord three months’ rent and told him he had to relocate unexpectedly. He’d left his truck at Jade’s house, had to pack and plan, make calls to his mother and Consuela’s sister. His flight to San Diego was confirmed, and he arranged for a rental car.
Gabriel and Jade said their goodbyes outside the inn—he didn’t want to have dinner with her, walk the beach with her, sleep in her bed. He didn’t want to do anything one last time before he left because he feared it would be their one last time. His heart couldn’t hold those memories for the rest of his life. Jade said she understood. They waited until his cab arrived out front then held each other. Their goodbye kiss was long, deep, and so loving he had to hold her up, her body going slack with sorrow. No way could he allow sadness to take the life out of him like that. He had to wear his warrior’s mask to harden himself against this loss, to prepare him for next hellish step in life. As the cab drove off, he looked out the back window, waved and watched Jade wave through her tears as storm clouds gathered at the horizon drowning out the sun.
After Gabe was out of sight, Jade headed back to work and waited for the inevitable thunder and lightning to shatter their world, and her heart shattered with it.
Chapter 27
After landing in San Diego, Gabe drove twenty to thirty minutes south and east near the Mexican border to Consuela’s sister, Delora’s house. It wasn’t the best part of town, but the best part of Gabriel’s life came running down the walk to him—Graciela, with her father’s blue eyes and long, dark, curly hair falling down her back. She clutched at him as if to save his life, when he’d come to save hers, but with his heart bursting with love, she was saving him, too.
Delora ran out to him with a smile and a baby on her hip. She’d only met Gabe a couple times and had never liked him much, but now she seemed ecstatic to see him. Her four other children ran out as well, ranging in ages, he guessed, from four to around eight or nine. Delora looked frazzled as they swarmed Gabriel. They most likely didn’t get many visitors. Graciela pointed out different faces and told Gabe their names. He tried to give each one a hug, but it was like being overrun by a pack of puppies.
Delora screamed at them to get back in the house and leave Uncle Gabe alone. Gabriel didn’t think of himself as their uncle, not anymore since Consuela and he divorced. But a name couldn’t hurt. She welcomed him inside, saying the house was a mess and her husband, José, wouldn’t be home until late at night. She talked nonstop about how José had to work two jobs to survive, elaborating on all her troubles–little money, kids to feed, medical bills, bad neighborhood, drugs, and crime. But moving away cost money they didn’t have.
All the while Delora complained, Graciela clung to Gabe, touching his cheek, his arm and hands. In her tiny voice she said, “Is it really you, Daddy?”
He held her close and said, “Yes, my girl, it’s really me.”
She kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear, “I’m so glad. Because Mommy is sick, and she can’t take care of me. Do you know that?”
“Yes, Aunt Delora told me. Mommy keeps taking some drugs that make her sick. Lots of family have tried to help but she won’t stop making herself sick.”
Delora’s eyes blazed. “Why do you tell a little girl those things about her mother?”
“Because they’re true. I don’t want my daughter living lies. She has to be told the truth.”
“Sure, so you can take her away from her mother, right?”
“The court will decide what’s best for Gracie. Besides, didn’t you call my mother to tell me you can’t look after her anymore, and there’s no one to take care of her?”
Delora got a bottle for the baby and fed her. “Yes, I did. I have too many mouths to feed as it is.”
“I send child support every month, with extra money because I wanted Graciela to be well taken care of. Didn’t Consuela give you money for Gracie’s food or other expenses?”
“She gave me some. But she’d say, ‘How much can a little girl eat?’ I’m sorry to tell you probably most of your money went to her drugs and partying. She said she didn’t have enough for an apartment, and because of being high, she couldn’t find a job. And now she’s in jail for possession of heroin and maybe selling drugs. Maybe for walking the streets trying to sell herself for drug money. It wouldn’t be the first time. I’ve given up on her. I gave her and Gracie a home; I fed them, took care of Gracie when Consuela was out doing whatever with her addict boyfriends. I can’t take anymore. My heart breaks for Gracie; she deserves a better life. If you take her away, Consuela might come to her senses. Lord knows it will take something bad to jolt her out of her addiction.” She put the baby up to her shoulder and patted her on the back. “Three tries at rehab, and she seems to get worse every time.”
“I appreciate the information, but we shouldn’t talk about it in front of Gracie.”
“Hey, you were the one who said she should hear the truth.”
Gabe kissed the top of Gracie’s head. “Does this talk of your mother upset you?”
Gracie sat on Gabe’s lap. “No, Daddy. I know Mommy is sick. She has friends who are aren’t nice people. When she takes me with her, I get scared. They sit me in a corner to watch TV.” She whispered close to Gabe’s ear. “Mommy and the man go to the bedroom and sleep. But I hear them talking and laughing.” She put her head on Gabe’s chest. “I don’t like to go there, but Mommy says she can’t leave me alone and I can’t be at Tia Delora’s house all the time.” Gracie hugged Gabe tighter. “Don’t let her take me to his house anymore, Daddy. Please.”
Gabe stood, lifting Gracie up with him. She wrapped her legs around his waist and clung to his neck. “Don’t worry, mi hija. You won’t go there again. I’ll take care of you always.”
Even Delora displayed a rare, sunny smile observing how much father and daughter loved each other. But there was still the matter of Consuela. Delora ordered the children to the next room to watch cartoons. They whooped and hollered, running fast. “With you here, I see you’ll do right by Gracie. These past few years I knew you wrote and called her regularly, sent pictures. You have a relationship. But what do we do about Consuela’s situation?”
“I don’t have to do anything about her situation. I only care about my daughter.”
“Your daughter has a mother and we need to help her.”
“You heard Gracie. Did you have any idea Consuela took her to places where she most likely shot up heroin and probably had sex while her daughter was in the next room?”
“No, I didn’t. I needed a break and told her she had to spend time with her daughter. If I had known she took her there, I wouldn’t have let her go.”
Gabe shouted, “And it never occurred to you to ask?”
Delora put the baby in her seat, walked back to the table and slammed her hand on it. “Of course, I asked. But junkies lie. She’d tell me she took Gracie to the park or for a walk. Gracie never said a word. When I asked her where her mother took her, she’d say her mother made her promise not to say. Gracie must’ve been afraid and didn’t want to betray her mother. If Consuela was strung out, she’d get angry with me and Gracie for the smallest thing. She’d rage and throw things. I’d ask her to leave. When she lost it, I made Gracie stay with me to protect her, but other times Consuela would take her saying, ‘She’s my daughter; she’s coming with me.’”
Delora turned her head away from Gabe’s eyes and cried softly into her hand. “You gotta understand. I was half out of my mind. Between worrying about Consuela, Gracie, having to take care of them plus my kids and husband who is never here at night when all the crime is going on outside. I sit here with locked doors scared for my children and see my sister killing herself slowly with drugs.” She looked back to Gabe. “I couldn’t cope anymore with trying to survive day by day. Consuela called your mother because she needed bail money and hoped if your mother would come out here, she would take care of Gracie and solve a lot of problems. I don’t have bail money. Do you?”
“I don’t have money to waste on bail. Consuela can rot in jail for all I care. It would do her good, at least she’d dry out.”
“Oh, she’s been there, done that. She dries out, goes through the motions of rehab and the half-way house. It lasts for a while until she’s right back on drugs and hanging out with those horrible people. José wanted to kick her out six months ago, but I made him give her another chance. Now I can’t have her and such dangerous business around my family.”
Gabe sympathized with Delora, living in a small house with full responsibility for five kids yet she took care of his daughter. He told he was extremely grateful. As tears welled again, Gabe rubbed her arm. “Hey, come on, Delora. Pull it together. You’ve done a great job under terrible circumstances. And even though you’ve given up on your sister, I know you still love her and wish she had a better life. This is an awful situation for everyone. The best thing you can do is leave her in jail and hope she sees with me here, she’ll lose her daughter. Hopefully, this time it’ll make her turn her life around. Neither of us can do it for her. You’ve helped her in every way possible. It’s up to her now.” He took her hand. “When does José come home?”
“Not till midnight,” she said sniffling and drying her eyes.
“I have a great idea. I want to treat you and the kids to a nice dinner, nothing fancy, but good food. How about it?”
Her eyes opened wide with excitement. “Seriously? My God, I haven’t been out to eat in years. What a treat.” She nodded toward the kids in the living room. “I’ve got a lot of mouths to feed. Are you sure?”
“Hell, yeah. Let’s round the kids up and get out of here, go to the park where they can get fresh air and burn off some energy. Later we’ll have a great dinner. Tex-Mex okay?”
Delora jumped up from her chair almost knocking it over and screeched, “Come on kids! Uncle Gabe is taking us to the park and out to eat. If you don’t wash your face and hands and put on a clean shirt or blouse, you don’t go.”
Like a blur, all the kids came running out and ran to the bathroom and their bedrooms. Gabe laughed. “You got those kids trained.”
“It’s not training, it’s bribery, and it’s the only way you can manage five kids by yourself.”
***
After a day of fun and a great meal, they put the kids to bed, sat outside on the patio and talked. Delora was sorry Gabe couldn’t help with her sister but was grateful to have Gracie taken off her hands and in a safe, healthy environment. She was also in full agreement of Gabe getting full custody of Gracie. “But when Consuela finds out, she’ll fight you.”
“All she wants is the support money. If she cared anything about Gracie, she’d never take her to the slums to do drugs. She can fight all she wants, but no judge will give a drug addict custody of a child. I want to take Gracie to San Antonio where my mother lives and fight the legal battle there.”
“You might have to fight the battle here. I’m not sure if you can legally take her out of the state with Consuela having physical custody.”
“But we have joint legal custody, which gives me rights, too. I’ll get a lawyer because with her being in jail and an addict, the custody situation changes.”
“José and I will do whatever we can to help. Keep the faith. Pray to God for help.”
With a far off look in his eyes as if trying to see into the future, Gabe said, “Faith and God, huh? With the way my life and luck go, I wonder where God is or if He cares. I seem to have the devil on my bad shoulder who speaks louder than God, and when my life gets going great, it swings back the other way. I was finally getting my life together in South Carolina and this happened. I’m shell-shocked. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other, take care of my daughter and hope for the best. I can’t even begin to hope I’ll get back to the life I left. I have to do what’s right for Gracie. Dragging her across the country might not be best, especially if her mother gets sober and stays clean.”
Delora patted his hand. “Hope. Cling to it and don’t lose faith. You’re a good man, Gabe. You and my sister didn’t work out and I know she cheated on you. She was too young and stupid to understand what a good man she had. I’ll keep you in my prayers—you and Gracie—to get the good life you deserve.”
The next day Gabe got Gracie’s clothes, toys, and books packed and brought her to the condo where he was staying. He’d found it online and booked it ahead of arriving there. It was a short-term rental that could go long term if he needed and was furnished with two bedrooms, a living area and a small kitchen. He would’ve thought it was a castle by Gracie’s reaction. There was a pool and her own TV, three good meals a day, and mostly, her father was there to take care of her. While Gabe had appointments with the lawyers, Delora took her kids to the condo to look after Gracie. Those times were mini-vacations for them—the kids played and swam, Delora soaked in the hot tub, they all watched big screen TV and were happier than they’d been in a long time. At least Gabe was bringing joy into people’s lives. It helped him get through those first days of missing Jade, in agony over hurting her and trying to push thoughts of her out of his mind to survive his situation.
But he wasn’t so successful with his legal findings. No one knew exactly how long Consuela would be in jail. It would depend on whether she’d be convicted of a misdemeanor or felony. Consuela had told Delora her boyfriend gave her the drugs strictly for them to use. But other people were talking to Consuela while she had the heroin out. No one could prove she sold it, and addicts don’t make reliable witnesses. They’d probably all vanished by now. So, Consuela got stuck holding the proverbial and actual bag.
