Heart storms, p.5
Heart Storms, page 5
Amy saw the faraway, blissful look in Jade’s eyes. She squeezed her hand. “I’m ecstatic for you. This feels right.”
Ben looked on, feeling the same, but being the psychologist, he had to play devil’s advocate. “You mentioned Rick had a secret for you to keep. I wonder how it might play out in the future, along with this job being a huge responsibility. Are you up for it emotionally? Because sometimes it seems you’re still dealing with the fallout from your former shattered life, and your emotions shift between heartbreak and anger.”
Jade took a swallow of wine to help buffer her emotions. “I’ll admit I’m still not completely over the pain and losses from my ex. It’ll take time to heal. There’s no point in talking about it.”
Ben raised his eyebrows and gave her a stern look. “Hey, I’m the psychologist. Talking about it is what helps you get over it and lets the toxic stuff out. You can talk to us, your friends, or would you rather I make an appointment for you with a colleague? Either way is fine with me, but in my professional opinion, it would be good for you to talk to somebody. Agreed?”
Jade fake-sneered at him. “You sound like my mother. I guess I’ll never win that argument with her or a shrink. And yes, I suppose I’d rather talk to you guys than a stranger. Besides, you’ll never let this go, will you?”
They smiled knowingly, Amy adding, “This job offer happened quickly, and you accepted without even reflecting about it overnight. I care about you and I don’t want to see you end up worse than before.”
“Okay, I get what you’re saying, and I appreciate your concern but really, there’s no need. My mother and I had a long discussion about this issue back in Santa Barbara, and it was part of the reason for my leaving there.”
Ben put the empty wine bottle upside down in the ice bucket. “I’ll bribe you with another bottle of this exquisite wine if you’ll talk.”
Jade threw her hands in the air. “Okay!” She sipped the last of her wine, shaking her head in amazement. “This is terrific wine.”
Later, halfway through her second glass of wine, Jade relayed the highlights of her conversation with her mother. “About six months after my divorce, my mother told me how horrified she was with the change in me from her loving, good-natured daughter to a hate-filled, angry person consumed with revenge. I had no idea how much she hurt for me. She’d said, ‘I can’t presume to know exactly how you feel. But I’ve had my share of loss, too. The best advice I can give is pain and loss are inevitable, but suffering is a choice. If you want to move on, you must stop being so consumed with suffering.’”
“For the first time in my life, I was so angry I wanted to scream at her—‘When you’re forced to go through what I did, only then do you get to tell me about suffering being a choice.’ Instead of lashing out at Mom, though, I turned my rage to who deserved it—the devil. I had told her, ‘He’s the one who should be suffering. I wish he had died. His death would be less painful than what I’m going through now.’”
“Maggie had gasped and clutched at her heart. ‘Oh, Jade, you don’t mean it.’ But I did mean it. I told her at least with death, I’d know he didn’t deliberately destroy me. Mom had responded with, ‘His bad deeds will come back to him in time.’”
“I told her I couldn’t wait for a lifetime—it would eat me up. Revenge would be better than death—slower.”
Amy and Ben’s eyes opened wide, registering shock.
“Take it easy, guys. My mom’s no dummy. Maggie had rolled her eyes and played along, asking, ‘Just how would you get revenge?’” Jade relayed the rest of their conversation:
“I’ll find a way.”
“I worry you’ll only hurt yourself. Hurtful, negative actions will ricochet.”
“Not in his world. If he can destroy lives with no consequences, so can I.”
“Don’t you see how crazy you sound? Revenge will land you on one of those fugitive shows. I don’t want that kind of life for you, forever looking over your shoulder, waiting for hate to come back at you.”
“But it’s depressing—the idea of never getting revenge.”
Maggie pleaded, “If you keep up with the revenge plan, you’ll ultimately lose. I see enormous pain under your tough talk and facade. I understand you need to be hard now to be strong.”
Jade had agreed with Maggie’s theory—she would need every ounce of toughness and strength to get through her next phase of life.
The spiteful, vicious thoughts had deflated Jade’s spirit like a burst balloon. “Mom, I don’t want to go through life afraid of paybacks. But I need to get rid of this hatred and anger and send it back to him somehow. I just don’t know how to do it.”
Maggie yelled, “You don’t do it, because the more anger and vengeance inside you, Devlin will consume your life when you should banish him from it.” Calming, she’d said, “Maybe you should see a therapist or counselor. Build yourself a new world with no vestiges of him. Use your education, credentials, talent, and skills to work at something you love. Put your energy into creating things instead of destroying them.”
***
Tears filled Jade’s eyes while sharing the conversation with her friends. She blinked and wiped the tears away, her voice growing stronger. “Mom had been right, as usual, and here I am spilling my toxic guts to a psychologist and my good friend. I have a great new job, all of which is proof of how it’s better to create than destroy. I promised my mother I’d set aside thoughts of revenge and get my life straightened out, which is exactly what I’m doing. What better way than to work hard in a gorgeous inn on the ocean, keep my mind busy with creative ideas to contribute to growing a business, not to mention being well-compensated.”
Ben’s smile was reassuring. “Given the hell you went through, you’re in relatively good shape emotionally. Lingering anger and sadness are normal. Your reasoning for taking this job sounds logical and optimistic, and perfect for your life now.”
Amy refilled their glasses. “I completely agree. And if there’s anything at all we can do to help, just ask.”
“Since you offered, what I really need next is a place to live, and fast. I start work in two weeks, give or take, to give me time to find a place and move in.”
“Problem solved,” Amy said. “We’ll drive to Golden Shores on Friday after work and take the whole weekend to find you a great place. I’ll inquire with a few real estate associates in my office who are associated with realtors in the area for rentals. You tell me what you’re looking for, we’ll research and make calls, and set appointments to see whatever you want.” Amy put her glass up to make a toast. “Here’s to finding the perfect home for you.”
“Oh, thank you,” Jade said, clinking her glass to theirs. She hadn’t been this hopeful and happy in over a year. Things were looking up and Ben had been right, it helped to get the toxic thoughts out. If life continued to work out well, maybe she’d be rid of them forever.
***
Amy and Jade drove all around the Golden Shores vicinity and found a cottage a couple blocks from the beach only ten minutes’ drive to the inn. The downtown had enough of everything Jade needed: restaurants, art and gift shops, even an old-fashioned bakery and ice cream parlor. It was a true southern coastal town complete with live oak trees draped in Spanish moss, a marina and calming views of the inlet and ocean beyond. The locals were friendly, the beaches wide, palmetto trees statuesque, and the ocean ever-changing. The town was steeped in gentility and a familiarity soothing to Jade’s soul, and now she had her own cottage—life was working out perfectly and Jade prayed it would continue for a long time.
***
By mid-April, Jade’s life moved along smoothly. She and Rick got along like old friends and worked together as if they had for years. Rick hired a small, friendly staff and made everyone feel like they were part of a family.
Jade loved her small two-bedroom furnished cottage decorated with rustic beach and nautical décor. The best part was being a couple blocks from the ocean where she jogged and took long walks. During one sunset walk she realized the devil’s evil deeds hadn’t crossed her mind once since living in Golden Shores and working at the inn. She and Amy talked frequently, and she admitted how good her life was, “… with nice people, loving my job and my home close to the ocean. If this isn’t getting the best revenge, I don’t know what is.”
“It truly is. You’ve got pretty much everything you were looking for. The only thing you need now is a great man.”
“Stop right there. A man is the one thing I’m not looking for and it’s the last thing I need. Why ruin a perfectly good life?”
“C’mon, are you going to be scared off men for the rest of your life because of one bad experience?”
“The one bad experience nearly destroyed me. Thank God I had my mother’s and your help to start over. My luck is turning for the better, so let’s not jinx it with any reference to my former life and the devil.”
Amy teased, “You have to stop using that name. Men are not all devils.”
“Coming from someone whose husband is one of the best guys on earth.”
“True. My Ben, the ‘clinical psychologist with a doctorate but can’t-run-a-washing machine’ best man on earth.”
“Well, he cooks and does dishes besides making a great living and making us laugh. He’s a winner. If you can find another one like him, I’d be willing to date again. Trusting a man, though, that’s another story. I don’t know if I’m capable of trust again.”
“Keep the future clear of all the garbage from the past. Don’t cast negativity into it. Be open to what it brings, to new circumstances and people.”
“I don’t have to be open to anything except what today brings.”
With cheery notes in her voice, Amy said, “We~ell, ‘Mr. Rick-good-looking, charming, intelligent-Stirling’ seems to be your type. With what happened between you two during your interview, and your feelings about him, I can’t imagine you’re not attracted to him.”
“I haven’t forgotten how incredible the energy was between us in our first meeting. And as far as being attracted to him, a woman would have to be a nun not to. Maybe even then.”
Amy laughed and yelled, “So you are attracted! Great! What’s the problem?”
“There are lots of them: he’s my boss and my paycheck which I don’t want to risk losing. But his life seems more broken than mine. He’s never talked again of his partner who left. We agreed to keep our secrets, so I won’t ask. There is so much to do we never have private time to sit and talk. It’s all business with him as if he’s afraid to get closer. I suspect he knows the potential is there for something deeper, so he keeps his distance. Some days his demeanor is so gloomy and down I have to leave the room to shake it off. One good thing is he reflects what I must’ve reflected to other people during my horror-show divorce. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I’m trying to become more like the real me, the old Jade, the pre-devil me.”
“What wonderful news. You sound like you’ve given up on getting revenge on Devlin.”
“I don’t obsess about it anymore. I compartmentalize that side of me. It’s put away for now until it comes back for whatever reason.”
“The vindictive Jade is not the person I know.”
“You don’t have to worry. You have the good, old Jade back. Forget I said anything about revenge. It’s merely talk; the old tapes playing in my head.”
“I’m relieved to hear it.”
But under the surface of her reassuring words to Amy, Jade’s true thoughts teemed like schools of tiny fish in deep water, almost undetectable but real and active. If she stopped to let it, the hurt ran deep and sharp. Even though no longer hell-bent on revenge, Jade thought, someday, if the situation presented itself, she’d take her shot at giving the devil even a touch of the heartbreak he’d caused her.
***
The month of April was insanely busy with getting the inn ready to open for the season. The newly hired staff started training. Jade assisted Rick, coming up with new marketing strategies, redesigning the website; and the rooms were filling up for May into early summer. She insisted on being trained alongside the chambermaids and salespeople in the store so she could fill in for any job she had to. Rick expressed gratitude daily to Jade for doing whatever it took to keep the inn running smoothly and the guests happy. The Spirit in the Wind B & B machine was primed and ready to go.
But mid-April, the breakfast cook quit without notice. Jade panicked. “Rick, I’ll do anything I have to, but I’m not a professional cook. I can bake a batch of muffins, set out fruit and make coffee. But there are health department regulations, food service certifications, OSHA, and things I know nothing about.”
“My career in hotel management gave me the knowledge I needed to make sure we complied legally to open the inn’s kitchen. But we need an experienced cook, or sous and/or pastry chef who can implement the regulations and make high quality food.”
“A tall order, boss, with having to hire somebody stat.”
Rick grimaced. “Boy, don’t I know it. Have you heard of anybody with experience looking for a job?”
“Yeah, plenty, in Los Angeles.”
“Oh, how helpful. Seriously, I need your input.”
“This situation is so desperate; you almost have to joke about it to keep your sanity. All kidding aside, you’ll need to put ads on career websites, the newspaper. Ask around with the other Chamber of Commerce members, or with local restaurant owners or workers. They might know somebody or have friends looking for work.” Jade looked up to the ceiling and pursed her lips, hoping Rick would see she was about to kid around with him. “Hmm… your best bet, though? Pray, immediately. Pray and who knows, the perfect person might walk up to the front door out of the blue the way I did. So, get on your knees. Now.”
Rick looked left, right and seemed stunned, not knowing what to do. He dropped to his knees in front of her. “Please, my goddess-manager, find me the perfect cook.”
Jade looked down at him. “Not me, you dummy. Ask God or whatever you believe in who’s in charge of miracles for help.”
Rick felt like an idiot. He began to laugh, then they laughed together so hard they doubled-over, with him still kneeling. He reached his hand out to her. “Help me up.”
Jade, chuckling, swat it away. “No. You stay on those knees and pray.”
Still laughing, he stood and gave her a close, cozy hug with one arm, squeezing her body tight against his. “You have such a great way of making me laugh when I’m about to go off the deep end. Not to mention you’re crazy as hell.”
“Yup, crazy as a bat-out-of-it.” Still giggling, she wriggled out from his unexpected display of affection, and ran off to her next task.
Her quick departure left Rick feeling awkward. He hadn’t planned to take her into his arm and hug her. It came naturally out of their playfulness. But she sure did feel good against his body. He liked so much about her but had to keep his distance because of the emotions they both held under the surface. Something powerful sat there, like a stack of wood waiting for the spark to make it flame up hard and fast. But also because of their pasts, both were still damaged, hurt and sometimes angry. Jade hid it well but in her warm, golden brown eyes he also saw someone capable of deep caring and love. Her secrets were hers, though, and he’d remain aloof because he was afraid to start a fire knowing he couldn’t handle the heat afterward. He wouldn’t draw her into his emotional garbage because he’d ultimately hurt her. Their combined emotional baggage was enough for one workplace.
Jade had walked away from Rick quickly while giving instructions to staff, pretending the hug didn’t faze her. But it had, and she wondered if she felt as good to him as he did to her. Throughout her day, the feeling lingered of his arm around her and his body next to hers, and to her surprise, she really enjoyed it.
Chapter 9
The last week of April was busier than any since Jade started at the inn. She had all the work she could handle with reservations and preparing rooms, overseeing the website, the staff, purchasing, and the inventory of the gift shop, and assisting with the outdoor facilities. It seemed she constantly ran from one place to another, checking off items on her ‘to do’ list and solving dilemmas. She and Rick would meet early in the day, then not again until early evening, both so busy they rarely saw each other, communicating via text and phone.
Monday of the same week, the bartender, Roy, couldn’t find the case of new wine glasses Jade ordered. Knowing they’d been delivered, she ran into the storeroom to find them. They weren’t where they should’ve been, so she walked up and down the aisles of shelving, looking at boxes, reading labels. At the end of the aisle, she looked up to the top shelves while she walked, but tripped hard over something, almost falling flat on her face. She grabbed onto the edge of a shelf and fell to her knees, a sharp pain going through one. But something clamored away from her as soon as she fell over it, and a low voice said, “Mujer torpe.”
Startled and shaking from the fall, Jade looked toward the voice and a man crawled up to his knees from where he’d been sitting going through items on the lower shelves. She waited for him to extend a hand to help her up, but he didn’t. She sat on the floor, rubbing her knee and he stood slowly, looking down at her. Shocked at his arrogance and refusal to help, she crawled to her knees again, still rubbing the painful spot, waiting for him to help her or to apologize for his derogatory comment, at the least for tripping her. Still, he did nothing but begin to walk away.
