Heart storms, p.27
Heart Storms, page 27
“Where is this breeze coming from?” Jade asked.
Rick looked around the room. The breeze surrounded them stronger. “This happened to me a few other times, especially when I had you on my mind, or was afraid of losing you. This breeze came in from nowhere when all the doors and windows were closed. At first, I thought nothing of it but the more it happens, I’m wondering if it’s here on purpose.”
“What’s here? You’re sounding crazy.”
He held her tight. “Her spirit, and she’s been trying to tell me something.”
Jade backed away from him. “She?”
“Yes. The spirit in the wind—she came up with the name of the inn. I’m sure she had a premonition she wouldn’t be with me long, not in the material world. With her gone, I sense her presence around me. Leah. My late wife.”
Jade gasped and crossed her hands over her chest. “Your wife? Your partner was your wife and she died?”
“Yes. Her death was what I was too broken up about to share with you and everyone else, because I didn’t want people around me sad and feeling sorry for me. But it feels right to tell you now. Leah’s spirit seems to surround me with things that can’t be explained any other way. I get a chill from the air even in summer, or a breeze out of nowhere when I’m about to make a mistake or when I’m fearful. I smell her perfume in the breeze or hear her old clichés in my head when I’m trying to make a decision. Just like with the thunderstorms, these silent messages come out of nowhere and mix with my thoughts, hinting at answers. Lately, something’s been trying hard to get through to me.”
Her brow knitted. “About what? It sounds serious.”
Rick held her again. “It is serious, because it’s about you. I think her spirit’s been trying to give me courage to move forward, to let go of grief so I could love again. Because she knows.”
Jade blinked hard, her eyes opening wide with anticipation. “She knows what?”
“She knows I’ll fall in love with you, given half a chance.”
Jade shook her head, exasperated. “Why are men so slow to feel strong emotion, then reluctant to accept it, show it and share it? My gosh, poor Leah’s spirit had to hang around to help you accept and know what you already felt and knew?”
He laughed and looked to the floor. “Sounds ridiculous, but I guess she did. Thank God for Leah, for my spirit in the wind.”
The same gust of cool air blew past them again and out the door with the office door slamming behind it. They jumped, looked at each other and started to laugh. Jade said, “Don’t you ever tell me I’m the crazy one, not after this!”
“This isn’t crazy. It’s only a spirit—life in another way, after death I guess.” Rick looked all around the room as if looking for Leah. “I tried denying and stopping it, but her spirit keeps hanging around.”
Jade took his hands. “You know, Gabe and I both sensed an energy floating in the air, but we felt it as grief.”
He tugged at her hands in agreement. “It was grief for a long time but it’s changing now.”
A smile filled Jade’s face. “I’m glad. I’m glad you and I are still good friends. But it’s just friendship, right?”
Rick sensed her hesitation and fear, and she still had a heart full of pain over Gabe. He had no illusions about the depth of her love for Gabe. She had planned to marry him. It might take months or years for her to fall out of love. And it was possible Gabe would show up again, unexpectedly. There were so many variables in the relationships between himself and Jade, Jade and Gabe, and Gabe and his other life. It would drive Rick nuts if he obsessed over them, but obsession wasn’t his style.
His priorities were the inn and Jade. He’d continue to care for her as he always had, and hoped they’d see each other socially, knowing his love would grow. He couldn’t predict which way her feelings would go. She couldn’t be in love with two men at the same time. Rick’s advantage was he was here every day, and Gabe was gone. If enough time went by, he hoped her feelings for Gabe would lessen and grow for him. But with Jade, anything was possible. Life was always a day at a time with her. He and Leah had started their relationship in the same way, though, which gave Rick hope, enough hope for both of them.
***
At dinner, after Rick and Jade had finished talking business, she tiptoed around the subject of his deceased wife. Reluctant at first, Rick remembered he’d said he was ready to share the story. He topped off both their glasses, sipped wine and eased into it.
He told Jade how he was an only child and had a charmed life from childhood through to college and career. At twenty-eight he married Leah, the love of his life, a colleague in the hospitality business. Besides sharing careers, they always had a lot to talk about. Leah had been stunning, intelligent, creative, and open-minded about all kinds of subjects Rick would’ve never considered given his conservative upbringing—things like alternative healing and medicine, different philosophies of life and religion, God, and spirituality.
Happy in his marriage and career, life had never been better. After looking for more than a year, they had found and loved Golden Shores. They stumbled across the inn, ‘by accident’ Rick had said. But it was Leah who’d taught him nothing happens in life by accident. The inn had been in disrepair but as soon as they saw it, they knew it was for them. It was a great price for a large property in an amazing oceanfront location. They had transformed the house and land into the showplace they’d dreamt of. A magnificent life unfolded in front of them with a five-year plan to build the business then start a family. After a long, full, happy life there they’d retire near the ocean they loved.
With tears brimming, Rick said, “We were living our dream. Until the day we found out she had pancreatic cancer—until the doctors gave her six months to live. I sat in the doctor’s office holding Leah’s hand waiting for the diagnosis and reminisced about our good fortune, joy and perfect life together, then I became terrified with the thought of losing her. But Leah had been calm, almost resigned, as if she’d been expecting that kind of turn of events her entire life.”
Jade reached across the table and took his hand. “How awful. You must’ve been devastated.”
“At first, I was but over the next few months my devastation grew to anger. I had nothing but rage at cancer, at life, at God. It grew exponentially with each month Leah’s body sickened and weakened. I would tell myself it wasn’t real; it was a nightmare. Only it was one I never woke from.”
“I know the feeling well,” Jade said.
Rick squeezed her hand. “I know you do. We’ve both experienced death in different ways in our relationships. I tried to be strong and courageous in Leah’s presence, but alone I’d collapse, dissolve into sorrow and rage and when she died six months later my spirit died, too. I was a hollowed-out man with no substance, no heart, just a mass of grief still loving Leah and knowing I’d love no one but her for the rest of my life. At the time I met you, the inn had become my only reason for living. I worked all the time as a devotion to her and planned to make the inn vibrant and successful to keep Leah’s spirit alive in it. She named it ‘The Spirit in the Wind’ as if she’d known she wouldn’t live long enough to see it through, but her spirit would.”
Jade wiped a tear from her cheek. “It’s so sad. You really think she knew?”
“Yes, which is even sadder. She always got premonitions and most of the time they’d come to pass. Leah never said she’d seen herself not living out our dream.” Rick looked up and gasped, holding back sorrow. “But she knew her time here was short, and afterward I’d keep the inn going to keep her spirit alive through every particle of every wall, floor, and stick of furniture.”
Jade rubbed her arms, chills covering them. “So, a spirit really does hover around the inn, especially in times of crises. Gabe and I even wondered if the reason for the inn’s name was because it was haunted. In reality it is, but in a good way.”
Rick poured more wine and smiled. “I’m glad you understand. Most women would be creeped out by their boss’s wife’s spirit hanging around.”
Jade giggled. “Doesn’t bother me, especially when she seems to try to help you. It’s amazing and it sure can’t hurt to believe it.”
“You’re who’s amazing. And as I told you when you interviewed and said you’d stumbled upon the inn ‘by accident’—I knew it wasn’t, and it’s possible Leah had something to do with you finding me.”
“Gives me chills,” Jade said rubbing her arms again.
“Yup, me too. I would guess she’s happy we’re here together.”
“Could be. I know I’m happy we’re here and you’ve finally told me why you were so reluctant to get involved with me at first.”
“I feel stupid,” Rick admitted, “I made a big mistake and wasted a lot of time during which you fell for Gabe instead of me.”
Jade stared at him, her eyes warm, clear and intense with nothing to hide. “Remember? No mistakes in life? Things work out exactly as they should. The future isn’t guaranteed; the only thing we have is this moment. Let’s live for today and not plan anything for the future. Okay?”
Rick grinned from ear-to-ear. “You got it.” But his intuition told him she didn’t want to plan the future with him. His insides quivered with fear knowing Gabe might still be in her future.
Chapter 31
One Year Later
For months, Gabriel had obsessed on the events of his final day with Jade, on the words he’d spoken. His cold, unfeeling persona handled his daily problems but at night right before sleep with his guard down, love for Jade sometimes slipped out—possibly to comfort him, usually to torture him and he felt deserving of torture. The longer he lived without her the more Jade dimmed until she almost disappeared from his memory. Gabriel became subdued and depressed because the man who loved Jade had vanished, too.
***
Delora and José saw a change in Gabe. He lost the spark in his eyes he’d had when he first. He was considerate and generous but a vital, happy piece of him seemed missing. With his burdens, it was understandable he’d be down. So, Delora invited him to a day-long barbecue in the hope he’d relax. She’d have José talk to him—man talk—hopefully to help him figure out how to improve his life. Gracie picked up on Gabe’s unhappiness, too, because she’d told Delora she worried about her daddy being sad.
The following Saturday, they sat outside on a beautiful day enjoying margaritas and Delora’s homemade tortilla chips, queso fresco and salsa, and tapas while the kids played. Gabe seemed happy enough. But José noticed Gabe was quiet, like he was constantly preoccupied with something, something sad or tough to deal with.
While cooking burgers, José asked him about his job. Gabe said he hated the part-time breakfast cook job at the local diner and missed being a pastry chef. José suggested he look for a chef position at an oceanfront restaurant or in San Diego at a nice hotel where his skills would be valued and he’d get paid more.
“I could do that, but I’d need extra money to commute, to buy a better vehicle and pay child care for Gracie since I’d be gone eight hours or more a day. After expenses, I’d probably net what I’m getting paid here close to my condo. Besides, a better job would mean I’d be planning to stay in this area forever and that’s not my plan, you know?”
“Eh, trust me, I know. I feel for your situation, man. Consuela will most likely return to her old ways eventually and Gracie deserves better.” José flipped the burgers and, trying to act casual, said, “Delora said something about you left a woman you cared about in South Carolina. But Delora loves a good story. Maybe she exaggerated?”
“It’s hard for me to talk about.” Gabe uncovered the chicken to put on the grill, mulling over whether to share his private life and thought it might help to talk to another man. “There was a woman, but I broke it off. I can’t think about it or I’ll go crazy. I can’t have her out here with me even though she wanted to be.”
“She’s a brave woman who’d give up a good life to come here and deal with your shit.”
“Don’t rub it in, buddy. I live every day seeing her hysterical crying when I sent her away telling her I didn’t love her, which was a lie. It’s too much to deal with.” Gabe put the burgers on buns while collecting his thoughts. “In the beginning I’d email her to ask how she was, not often, but her answers were always short and angry. I realized she was full of pain and I didn’t want to hurt her more, so I stopped emailing and texting, and so did she. It’s better that way—let it all go like it was a dream, too good to be true. Survival now means being unemotional and hard so I can focus on Gracie and what she needs.”
José handed Gabe a fresh beer. “I hear you. But if you’re miserable, you won’t be much good to Gracie. She told Delora her daddy is sad, and she wants him to be happy. Kids see that stuff, man.”
Gabe rubbed his chest. “I didn’t have a clue she saw me sad. She probably tries to make me happy and when I’m not, she must feel like she failed, or she’s not good enough.” He guzzled his beer. “Man, I gotta figure out how to change that. But what do I do about this situation I’m in? Consuela’s out of jail two months now after her ten-month sentence, staying at a half-way house with a minimum wage job at a convenience store. After paying to stay there, she can’t pay back her fines yet. I predict within another month or two she’ll be overwhelmed, probably shack up with a druggie and use again. I hope not but now with Consuela clean, Gracie enjoys seeing her mother and doesn’t want to move far away. I guess with finally getting a decent mother, she doesn’t want to lose her. Which leaves me stuck here.”
Gabe handed chicken pieces to José for the grill, his voice and anger rising. “And if Consuela stays clean long term, she’ll want joint physical custody. Good for Gracie but a nightmare for me. A year of this garbage with nothing better in sight. What do I do?”
“Man, that’s a tough one. Seems you have to stay put for a while.” José shook his head. “It’s a shame. I don’t mean to wish Consuela bad things but there’s not a lot of hope for her given her history.” He motioned for Gabe to sit with him at the picnic table. “Hypothetically, what would you do if you were free to do anything?”
“Sheesh, good question.” Gabe popped open another beer. “If Consuela goes back to her old ways, I’d take my daughter and move where I could get a good job, be in a place I enjoyed.” He took a long swallow of beer. “Live in a healthy, safe environment around good people, around family if possible, and good schools.” Gabe gave it more thought. “Guess I’m thinking about San Antonio. It fits the bill in every way especially for Gracie. She’d have a great life there.”
“Except your woman’s not there.”
Gabe got up to tend the chicken. “I have to live as though I never had her and that life. My priority is Gracie.”
“This woman might want to live in San Antonio with you.”
Gabe pointed the meat fork at José. “Never. Don’t say that. You don’t know her or the situation.” Neither spoke while Gabe brushed the barbecue sauce on the chicken. He sat back down with his beer and looked at his friend with his usual unemotional gaze. “Asking her to uproot her life would eventually ruin her life, bringing misery and pain to her, me and Gracie. I can’t risk it for Gracie or myself. I won’t risk it. And I’m done talking about it.”
***
Before going to sleep, Gabe reflected on his conversation with José and realized he hadn’t been in touch with Jade in so long he couldn’t remember when. He had called to make sure she got back to South Carolina and she left a message, ‘I’m here, not okay.’ He’d been so wracked with guilt he didn’t attempt communication for another few months. Mid-summer, he emailed her and asked if she was still at the inn and how she was doing. She replied with, ‘I’m alive. Summer insanely busy.’ He next emailed her at Christmas when he had too much to drink and wrote, “I hope you’re happy and had a good holiday. Things not going well here. Hope things are better for you.” He never heard back from her.
Chapter 32
During the first six months after the split with Gabe, Jade worked nonstop to avoid thoughts of him. She and Gabe didn’t talk. They’d shared a few emails and texts, only enough to know they were still alive. He alluded to things going badly but never shared the details or his feelings, so she didn’t ask. There was only so much she could take. She’d reached her limit of trauma and pain—his, Rick’s, and her own.
Once she called Delora but hung up before anyone answered. Why bother to connect with the most devastating loss of my life? It won’t change anything except to make me feel worse. If Gabe wanted me back in his life, he’d have made a move by now.
Whenever Jade was at her lowest, most awful place about Gabe, Rick was always there to comfort her. He never said bad or hurtful things about Gabe; he simply let her have her feelings. He’d try to help her feel better. He listened, dried her tears, fed her, made her laugh and took care of her in any way within his power. For the first six months after hers and Gabe’s split, Jade let him because she needed it.
Despite the pain Jade suffered at Gabe’s hand, he still lingered in a corner of her heart. There she still loved him, but it grew less and less and moved further back in the corner, more buried each day.
Rick’s caring of her, expecting nothing in return, and her not giving him much in return, evolved into a profound respect for him. She appreciated him and the value he added to her life and was grateful for the wealth and warmth of emotion. Jade admired him all the more because if their situations were reversed, she didn’t think she’d be capable of the same.
Rick’s actions spoke of love, as much as Jade didn’t want to acknowledge them. After another six months, though, his love meant something more. It pierced through Jade’s armored heart little by little, affecting her in a good way. Rick’s love did what love should—made her feel something other than grief. Slowly, her heart felt good for a change and it seemed to move to the rhythm of his when he walked into the room, when he held her and, mostly, when he professed his love. This also proved to Jade the healing power of real love because Rick almost never mentioned Leah anymore and never showed sadness or heartache over her as he had the past two years.
