Heart storms, p.24
Heart Storms, page 24
Gabe’s lawyer guessed she’d be in jail for misdemeanor for six months to a year maximum. But neither she nor her family had the money to pay the fine. Gabe got immediate physical custody, but the judge gave Consuela the legal right for visitations from Graciela. Only after they knew which type of charges she faced and the length of jail time, could anything else be determined.
With her history, Gabe figured even if she was out in six months, she’d have to do whatever rehab or steps the court ordered. Given her history, he doubted she’d be able to stay clean long term, let alone work. If, by a miracle, she got her life together for a good length of time, she’d probably fight for full physical custody again and want the child support money. But Gabe wouldn’t let her get away with it. If it came down to a fight, he’d get joint physical and legal custody but then he’d have to stay in California where Consuela lived. After gathering the facts, he called Jade to update her.
Jade was happy Gabe had a loving reunion with Graciela. But she was not happy with the rest of the news. She sat at her kitchen island and even the glass of wine she drank didn’t soothe her. “You have to wait until she’s out of jail? Then, depending on how long the court gives her to straighten out her life, you need to wait all that time, too? How long do you guess this is this going to take, realistically?”
“I can’t even venture a guess past six months.” Gabe called Jade from the park where he’d taken Gracie to play. He picked up a rock and threw it trying to release his frustration, but still his stomach churned with disgust. “Since I have custody now, I could probably take Gracie back to San Antonio, except she wants to visit her mother.” He threw another rock hard and fast into the trees. “It seems even a bad mother is better than none. Gracie doesn’t understand this situation. All she knows is her mother is gone, she’s safe with me, so she still wants to see her mother once a week. And Consuela has legal rights to see her. But after six months, I can’t predict. This is hard enough on Gracie, I can’t rip her away from her mother, her aunt, and cousins. They’ve been her whole life.”
Jade took a deep breath and blew it out hard. “I understand, but what about you and your life?”
“Gracie is my life. I come second at this point.”
Jade wanted to ask what place she came in but thought better of it. She’d come off sounding small and selfish. Her voice wobbled to keep from crying. “I can’t go six months without seeing you. After everything I’ve been through since Devlin, the pain and devastation; I can’t take another six months of loss and heartache—especially with no good estimate of when we can resume our lives. We should go through this together. At least we’d have love to carry us through. What are we going to do?”
“I told you, we have no choice.”
“If you moved to San Antonio, I could join you and if you had to go back to California in six months or whenever, we could all go together.”
Gabe sighed into the phone, his tone and words becoming angry. “Don’t you get it? As I said before, there is no ‘we’ in this scenario. I have to face this how I see fit. Just hearing your voice cuts my heart in half and I want to drop all this crap and go to you. But I can’t. I can’t take Gracie away from visiting her now sober mother who has rights, too, even though in jail. Besides, I don’t want to uproot Gracie. If we moved to San Antonio, she’d get used to a new town, a new life where my mother and sisters would lavish her with love and spend time with her; then later she’d get dragged back to this hellhole if and when Consuela gets a life. And I’d certainly not drag you here as a temporary move. No, Jade, it makes no sense for any of us.”
Jade struggled to hold back a sob, but it didn’t work.
“Oh, God, please, don’t cry, Jade. I can’t take more drama and tears, especially seeing you hurt this much because of me. I can’t take it. If this happens whenever we talk, then we can’t talk. It’s too hard to rip open the wounds and agonize over and over.”
She gasped, panicking. “You don’t even want to talk anymore? Gabe, this isn’t you.”
“No, it’s not me. It’s not the me you knew back there. That man is gone. He’s shelved to take on another persona who will be strong enough to get through what he has to get through. I wish you’d understand.”
“I do. But I wish you’d let me help. Let me come out there and love and support you.”
“You’d have to give up your job. Rick’s probably already looking for a new chef. But you, you’re his partner in running the inn. He won’t replace you, so you’d have to quit. Are you going to give up a career you love in a place you love to start all over with nothing? If you were mature about this, you’d hang tight there, keep your career and income, and see how the future plays out.”
Jade threw her glass in the sink, smashing it the way she wanted to smash the circumstances of her life. “Yeah, right! Wait here. Alone! I’m always being asked to wait life out for a man. First Rick, now you. I can’t believe you’re shutting me out of your life, saying I’m not mature. A job is not worth you, Gabe. Don’t you get it? You’re so used to feeling you’re not worthy of anything good in life, you push good people away. You think you can shove me off in a corner to wait for you to figure out your life—for how long, years? You can’t even guess how long it will be.”
Gabe’s anger got the best of him. “There are a lot of things I can’t foresee right now. And get this straight, I am NOT asking you to wait for years or forever. I’d never ask you to hold up your life like Rick did.”
“If you’re not asking me to wait, you’re essentially letting me go. Are you breaking our relationship off?” She held her breath, praying he’d say no.
He took a long time to consider the question and his answer. His heart told him not to give up Jade. She and their relationship were the best things he’d ever had. But on opposite coasts with opposing lives and wants and needs—he didn’t see how an active relationship was doable. He answered her honestly. “I love you; you know how much. I can’t be with you physically now or in the near future. I won’t ask you to wait because I might be stuck here for years.” He watched Gracie on the playground, happy, looking to Gabe often to make sure he was still there. His heart burst with love for his little girl. “I love Gracie too much to uproot her life with all the other trauma she’s had. And I love you too much to have you put your life on hold for something that might never happen. I hope not, but it’s possible. I have to stay here, but I won’t let you come out—this is no place for you.”
He walked up and down the parking lot, pondering what he could and couldn’t do at this point in his life. With hearing Jade sniffle, holding back tears, he got angry again—a defensive reaction to knowing he hurt her, and to his own pain. A realization came fast. “I can’t take care of one more person. I feel like I’ll explode. I have my hands full with my daughter, the lawyers, Consuela in jail, her family, and this place can’t even come close to where you live and work. I won’t let you give up a great job for an awful one here. As sure as I’m standing here, I know you can’t live out here. You’ve never even seen or visited a place like this, let alone live here. Eventually, you’d resent me, we’d resent each other, and you’d end up back there anyway—to start all over again, devastated like you were after Devlin. Is that what you want?”
Jade reflected for a minute and knew what she wanted. He was worth giving up everything. She loved him that much and presumed he loved her the same way. Only he couldn’t get in touch with his love now with all the terrible problems he faced. So, she gave him the answer he wanted. “No.” It was a lie, but it stopped him from arguing. She would next hang up the phone, ask Rick for the month of February off and go to California.
Chapter 28
Rick became extremely upset about Jade leaving to be with Gabriel for many reasons. He didn’t want her so far away in a possibly dangerous place, out of her depth for survival with no family or support system. Mostly, he hated she’d give up her whole life to be with Gabe in a terrible situation with not much hope for improvement. But if he didn’t give her a leave of absence, she’d resign. Rick had no choice but to let her go.
Jade landed in San Diego, rented a car and having the address of his condo, drove straight there. She parked and got her bags and herself up to his condo, so excited she was about to burst. She prepared herself he’d most likely be upset at first, but after a few minutes she hoped he’d be back to his old self and happy she was there.
At her knock, he yelled from inside, “Who’s there?”
She yelled back “Me!” knowing he’d recognize her voice.
It took too long for him to open the door and she wondered what was going through his mind. This wasn’t be good, but she put on a loving smile.
He looked through the peephole, opened the door slowly, and peered out from behind it.
“Gabe, it’s me!”
At first glance, his eyes showed affection, then shifted to an emotionless glare. His brows furrowed and his voice turned as cold as his heart. “What are you doing here?”
“I love you. I came to help. I figured you’d be upset at first, but I hope you’ll get over it fast. I’m so glad to see you.” She put her arms out to hug him, but he didn’t move toward her. “You’re happy to see me, aren’t you?”
He looked at the floor, shaking his head. “I told you not to come here.”
Her hands fell to her sides. “Okay. No hug. But at least you’re going to ask me to come in, aren’t you?” No answer. “You won’t make me stand in the hall to talk.”
Gabe didn’t say a word or make a move. The look on his face was scary—like he was a wax figure, or hallucinating or in the middle a bad dream he couldn’t wake up from. To bring him back, she handed him her large, heavy bag, picked up the other one and walked in.
When she brushed by him, the warmth of her body and light scent of her perfume almost made him cave in. But seeing her standing inside his living room when he’d told her not to come brought a stab of betrayal to his gut—again—and he grew as angry as when Consuela cheated. He threw Jade’s bag hard on the floor, banging it up against the closet.
“What’s wrong?” She reached for him again, but he walked past her, fire burning in his eyes.
“You being here is what’s wrong.”
With emotions and tears ready to burst from Jade, something else burst into the room—a tiny girl, a female child version of Gabe, came bounding in, happy, until she saw Jade then she stopped short and grabbed onto her father’s leg with both arms.
“Daddy, who’s she? I thought Tia Delora was here with the cousins.”
Gabe looked down at his daughter and smoothed her hair. “It’s okay, sweetie. She’s a friend of mine from South Carolina. She’s a nice lady. Her name is Jade.”
Jade’s heart twisted. ‘A friend? A nice lady?’ She swallowed hard to squelch the lump in her throat and gave a friendly smile to Gracie.
The girl cocked her head, curious. “Jade. I never heard that name before. It’s pretty. Like you.” She walked closer to Jade. “My name is Graciela.”
Jade crouched down in front of her to look into her trusting, blue eyes. “Graciela, what a beautiful name. It must come from the word ‘grace,’ meaning…” She glanced up at Gabe and continued, “… forgiving and loving. I’ll bet you’re all those things. You sure are pretty, too.”
Graciela grinned. “Thank you.” She looked up at her father who looked embarrassed, then at the luggage, and said, “I like her, Daddy. Is she staying here with us?”
Gabe took Gracie’s hand and pulled her back to his side. With not an ounce of emotion in his eyes, he glared at Jade and answered, “No. She has to get back to her home right away.”
“Can we visit her?” Gracie asked.
Still staring at Jade, he said, “No, sweetie. She lives very, very far from here. It would take us seven days to drive there. We can’t visit her.”
Gracie’s voice got higher and she spoke faster with excitement as she looked at Jade. “Maybe you can visit longer. Daddy can take us to the park, and we can go on the swings. Oh, and there’s a pool we can swim. Do you like to swim?”
Gabe interrupted. “Gracie, Jade and I have to talk about something important. Could you go to your room? I’ll let you watch TV for a little while.”
“Yay!” she squealed as she ran off, looking back over her shoulder. “Bye, Jade.”
“Bye, Graciela,” Jade yelled to her.
Still looking toward Gracie, Jade said, “She’s beautiful, with your eyes and coloring; she’s so polite and smart.” Jade looked back to him. “You’re lucky to have such a beautiful daughter.”
Without blinking or showing emotion, Gabe said, “I know.”
Jade turned away from him and threw her hands in the air. “’You know?’ No, ‘Thank you, Jade,’ no ‘Nice of you to say,’ no ‘Glad you like my daughter?’” She looked back at him. “Nothing but ‘I know?!’”
“It’s all I’ve got right now.”
She and Gabe locked glares. Instead of her Gabe, she saw someone she didn’t recognize—a cold, hard person with no affection or emotion except for Gracie. Jade’s legs practically buckled, her chest and head grew light. About to pass out, she walked to the table by the windows and fell into the closest chair. She put her arms on the table and clasped her hands tight to keep them from shaking. Her heart drained of any emotion for him.
Walking over and sitting across from her, Gabe saw Jade’s skin pale and her eyes go blank, losing their flecks of gold and warmth as they filled to the brim with tears. A crushing sensation filled his heart. She was the woman he loved more than anyone except his daughter. But loving Jade was part of another world, not the world he lived in today, not the world of his future. He stretched his hand over to cover hers and held them. “Jade, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for all this. You should’ve known how unhappy and upset I’d be with you coming out here. And today was the worst day with the lawyer, talking to Consuela, and to Gracie about her mother. I’m emotionally wiped out and I have nothing for you. Do you understand? This is only part of the reason I didn’t want you to come here. There will be nothing left for you.”
Relieved with the warm touch of his hand, Jade let out a breath she’d been holding. “Since I walked through the door, you treated me as if you hated me with your cold, heartless reaction. I wanted to faint, or die, or fade away.”
“I felt the same when I saw you standing at my door. I don’t want anything bad to happen to you because I do care for you. I just can’t have you here.”
“You’ve told me why. But with me here, don’t you think it would help to have some support?”
“I have Delora and José. But not support from you, not from a lover. I can’t be affectionate with you or talk to you the way I want with my daughter here. There would be no dates, no romantic dinners, no drinking wine by the pool, no holding hands walking into the sunset. We can’t make love here in the room next to Gracie. Life would not be the same as it was for us in Golden Shores.” He took his hand away from hers and raised his voice. “I can’t introduce one more thing to Gracie and overwhelm her. Her life is fragile and I can’t risk her seeing her father’s girlfriend as a rival for love and attention after she’s recently gotten her father back. Can you understand?”
“Yes, I can. But why don’t you explain to her how much I mean to you, and I’m here to help?”
“She’s four. She can’t understand such complicated things. I said you were my friend. To her, a friend is like her cousins—somebody to play with in the park, play dolls, and games with. And I don’t want her getting close to you and later have you ripped from her life, too, if you can’t take this life out here. For her, you’d be another loss to endure, same as her mother.”
“Think about it differently. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if she and I got to know each other and became close? We could be a real family someday…”
Gabriel leapt from his chair and paced. “No! Didn’t you hear me! I can’t go promising an innocent, broken-up girl she’ll have a family with you and me, like some fairytale. Life isn’t a fantasy story. I’ve never had the fairytale because it isn’t real life. You had it when you married and look what happened. We’re not guaranteed anything, not even a future. I could be dead in a month, and where would she be with all those dreams I put in her head? And you’d be on your way back to South Carolina. You being here makes my whole life more complicated, and worse for me.” He stared out the window. “You have to go back as soon as possible. Tomorrow morning. Or even better, the red-eye flight tonight if you can get a seat.”
Jade stood beside him without touching or looking at him. “You aren’t the Gabe I know. Telling me to go back tonight after I just got here. And talking about dying? Why would you even think such a morbid thing?”
With hands jammed into his jeans pockets, he looked sideways at her. “Because those things happen in life. Not your life, but in mine they do. People you love are here one minute, gone the next. Especially in these neighborhoods with crime and drugs all around us. You could drive to the store and get car-jacked. You could be at the ATM and get robbed at gunpoint. You could be in the park playing with Gracie one minute, shot dead the next.”
“STOP! Stop talking about dying. What the hell is going on with you Gabe? Delora and her husband have raised kids here so far with no one getting hurt. Yeah, life could be better for them. Hopefully, someday it will. But nobody’s being shot dead in their front yards.”
“Says the white lady from a safe, well-to-do neighborhood.”
Jade’s face turned red hot; her hands balled into fists. “This is how you see me now? You’re out here a month and you’ve already reverted to your old racist self?”
“I’m sorry for the choice of words. But they’re true. And, yes, I have reverted to who I was before I met you. You haven’t experienced life in the way I have. Sure, you had the horrible experience with Devlin. But you didn’t grow up with danger and violence lurking around every corner. You’ve never been afraid to go to school or to sleep at night. You’ve never gone to bed hungry or been beaten by your own father because he hates his life, and you figure he hates you, too. I bet you never saw your father slap your mother down to the floor.”
