Heart storms, p.26
Heart Storms, page 26
Chapter 30
Jade took a week to do nothing but chill out. She walked the beach for hours, ate and drank what she wanted without counting calories. She cooked elaborate meals, took nightly soaks in the tub, and read books she’d neglected for months. She watched every sunrise and sunset—each different and stunning. Her emotions and thoughts, however, ran a lot to Gabe, and they weren’t comforting.
Her second week at home passed slowly, and she had to get him off her mind. Work was the only way to trick herself into believing she was okay. Awkward about talking to Rick and explaining, she held off until fate stepped in. The following week she had to call him because she’d run into Lottie in town and word would get back she was home.
Rick was at the office when Jade called, and he was sorry she had to cut her trip short but wasn’t surprised. She asked if coming back to work earlier than planned would be okay, and he was ecstatic, almost too much so. He’d never gloat but she had to ask him to respect her privacy and not ask questions about Gabe. “I still get to keep my secrets, don’t I?”
“You absolutely do. And in typical male fashion, I’m thrilled not to get into all the emotional drama and details.”
Laughing, she said, “Thank God for male cowardice.”
Rick tapped his fingers on his desk, happy. “At least I made you laugh.”
“Yes, you did. I’m afraid I’ll need lots of laughs. Gabe makes me laugh all the time.” She caught her slip. “I should say, he used to.” She realized she’d inadvertently told him Gabe wouldn’t be around anymore. She held the phone to her chest so he wouldn’t hear her choking back tears. “I’m sorry. It’s so fresh. I don’t know how I will work like this. I’m hanging in there, but I want to work to keep my mind off things.”
Uncomfortable after hearing her subtle hint of things not being good with Gabe, Rick segued the conversation. “I’m glad you’re home safe. It’s okay to be emotional or upset sometimes. I can certainly help you out with coming back to work if you want.” He was glad she couldn’t see how big his smile was. “And if you need anything at all, just ask. If you want to talk or need help with anything, I’m here for you as a friend.”
Jade crossed her arms in front of her, hurting deep inside. “How can you be so nice to me after how I told you heartlessly about Gabe and I being a couple?”
Rick winced recalling how much her words had hurt him. But the past was gone and today was a whole new game. “Listen, Jade, Gabe’s gone from the inn and possibly from your life. You’re hurting enough without adding guilt about me to it. I won’t kid you—I was pretty torn up for a while, but I had to admit and accept my own part in losing you. I learned, I changed. I’m even ready to tell you the story of my partner whenever you want to hear it.”
“Sorry, not yet. I’m at the limit of what I can tolerate in the sadness and loss departments.”
He grinned. Typical Jade. “I understand all too well, but whenever you’re ready, I am.”
***
After having tried to recover at home for a couple weeks, Jade went back to work the day after talking to Rick. Sitting in her office brought comfort and activity filled her first day back.
Rick spent the morning going over the books then called Jade asking her to meet in the bar area.
She was in a good mood until she passed the kitchen and got a deep ache in her gut like someone punched her.
Rick saw her stop and flinch then ran to her. “Jade, are you sick? You look about to pass out, you’re so pale. Come on, sit down.” He held her arm as they walked to the table and she flopped into a chair. “What’s going on?”
Jade glanced up and nodded toward the kitchen.
Rick looked, not getting it at first, when it hit him—kitchen, food, chef, no Gabe. “Man, I didn’t even think about how upsetting being here would be for you.”
She reached up to touch the diamond on her necklace, but her fingers grabbed at empty air. No diamond. No necklace. No Gabe.
Noticing the missing necklace, Rick said, “Oh. That bad? It must be completely over and done with him if you’ve taken it off, huh?”
“You said you wouldn’t ask questions.”
“I didn’t ask. I stated the obvious. You nearly fainted seeing the kitchen without him in it and you’re not wearing the…”
Jade cringed. Seeing her emotional pain Rick stopped talking for a moment then finished, “… the necklace.”
“Let’s drop it, okay? You’ll have to hire a new chef and I don’t want to help with the process if it’s all right with you.”
“Gabe took a month’s leave. Are you telling me he’s not coming back?”
Jade held her head in her hands and mumbled. “I don’t know for sure, but maybe not. He’s not sure how long it will take to deal with his problems out there. But he told me at least six months.”
“Wow. That’s a long time. Obviously, he knows I’d have to hire someone else. But I really need to hear it from him.”
She shot him an ugly look.
“Okay, I believe you,” he said. “I can see you’re upset with him being away for a long time, and…”
Jade slammed her hand on the table. “For a long time? Try forever. In his mind and words, he doesn’t deserve a life, or love, or me. He’s back to his old persona of deserving only the horrible mess of a life he has out there. Life and death, blah, blah, blah. I’m sick to death of talking about it. I haven’t spoken with him since I’ve been back, nor do I plan to. So, if you absolutely must hear it from his mouth, you’ll have to email or call him.”
Rick cleared his throat and looked down at the table. “Okay. So much for number one on the agenda. Let’s move on to number two.” They continued discussing the plans for next season and Jade’s mood lightened with talking strictly business, about things she could control and accomplish.
She vowed to focus only on business to push thoughts of Gabe out of her mind. This approach mostly worked, but it was impossible for her to walk around the inn and the grounds and not have Gabe thrown into her day. His spirit and her memories lingered everywhere. She avoided the kitchen completely, but still she remembered him at the bar, at the tables having a drink with her, looking at the fire and gazing lovingly at her. To clear her head, she’d walk over the dunes to the beach, but they’d taken so many walks there, thoughts of him always came along. There was no clearing her mind of Gabriel especially at her cottage. Since she returned from California she couldn’t sleep in her own bed, the memories too thick and piercing. She’d been sleeping on the sleeper sofa which wasn’t very comfortable. With not enough sleep and constant reminders of Gabe, Jade’s moods ranged from grumpy and humorless to short-tempered.
Rick noticed, especially since he dealt with her every day. One morning in mid-March at a breakfast meeting, she pulled out her laptop and notes, refusing his invitation to eat.
“Did you eat before you came in?”
She looked down at her keyboard and typed as she spoke. “Seriously, Rick? I came in at six this morning. I can’t eat so early.”
“Good, because we’ve got plenty of food here thanks to Lottie. Look—scrambled eggs, fruit, muffins, juice, coffee.”
Jade grabbed a cup of coffee and kept working.
“Jade! Stop typing. Please. Eat something. I haven’t seen you eat breakfast or lunch in a month. You look like a human skeleton. You’re grouchy and snap at everyone. Your blood sugar must be down around your ankles all the time. I can’t have you walking around here like this.”
She pushed her laptop to the side. “Like what?” she said with sparks flying in her eyes.
He fidgeted with his papers and said, “Like walking death or something. Your personality and good nature are gone. You work like a maniac which I appreciate, but where are all those wonderful, warm, charming things about you? I gave you space to work this emotional stuff out, but it’s been over a month now. I hoped there’d be slight progress, but it appears you’re going in the other direction. I’m really worried about you. Where did you go? Where’s the ‘real Jade?’”
She slammed her notepad on the table. “What the hell? Does everybody think in terms of multiple personalities when someone’s having an off day, or an off month in my case? Just like Gabe, always talking about the ‘old you,’ the ‘new you,’ the ‘real you,’ the ‘other you,’ the good and bad you, the happy and sad ones; the crazy and sane ones, the alive and the zombie you!” Shaking her head and throwing her hands in the air, she yelled, “Have you gone crazy? Unlike Gabe, I’m still me. The me I’ve always been. I might act a little different. I’m not over him, okay? And I don’t know when or how long it will take.” She threw her stack of file folders on the floor. “Now I sound like him, like Gabe again—not knowing a damn thing, not life, death, timing, love, hate, nothing; nothing but misery. Life is full of suffering and emptiness right now. Okay?”
Rick clasped his hands together over his papers, sat up straight and said, “Sure. Nothing, nobody. Dead, alive. Your term ‘zombie’ is very appropriate. You’re my right-hand zombie. Zombie Manager. Got it.” He looked down at his pad, still serious as a judge and said, “Okay, moving on. Next on the agenda today is…”
Jade burst into a raucous laugh and kept laughing until tears came to her eyes. Rick watched her, slightly amused but cautious. “Lighten up, Rick, I won’t bite your head off. You don’t have to call the men in white coats.” She grabbed a fork and put a large helping of eggs on her plate, along with fruit and a muffin.
Rick watched her eat waiting for the other shoe to drop.
She ate ravenously. “Well, aren’t you going to join me, Mr. Low Blood Sugar?”
He put on a tentative smile, still not knowing if she had gone over the brink of sanity. Then he filled his plate, too.
“Well?” Jade ordered, “Eat!”
He scooped a bite of eggs. “What just happened here to turn you around so fast?”
“You made me laugh. You took me out of my snit, my rut. I told you I needed to laugh.”
Rick took a swallow of coffee and almost choked on it. “I didn’t mean to be funny. I was serious.”
“That’s what was so damn funny about it!”
“I guess I’m no comedian.”
Jade pointed a forkful of eggs at him. “But you’re so stalwart and serious; you keep plodding along even in the face of a hysterical woman. It’s either insane or hilarious. I choose hilarity.”
Rick relaxed his shoulders and sighed. “Phew. I’m glad. I had no idea I was so entertaining.”
“You are. Keep it up.”
“I’ll try. It’s so good to hear you laugh, to see you happy again.”
About to take a bite of a muffin, Jade added, “I wouldn’t say ‘happy.’ I’d say distracted, for now. Enjoy it because there’s no telling how long it’ll last.”
Rather than banter more, he enjoyed her—listened to her laugh, watched her eat and enjoying it. Because what she said was true—he’d better enjoy her good mood while it lasted.
At the end of their business discussion, she collected her things to return to her office. On a whim, Rick said, “There are few more things we need to talk about, but I have an interview in ten minutes. How about we meet for dinner tonight?”
Jade cast a wary glance his way.
“Business, Jade, strictly business.”
“Why not meet right here?”
It was his turn to get riled up. He kicked the chair leg. “Because we spend the bulk of our time inside this inn, ordering takeout and pizza. I thought it would be refreshing and healthy to have a change of scene, get some great food at a nice restaurant. God help me for trying to lift your spirits. It would lift mine, and I’d rather not go alone.”
Jade shrugged. “Thanks, but I’m not up to all the fuss with going out to dinner.”
“What fuss? What do you have planned besides work? We’ll go early, you can wear what you have on. We can leave from here, or I’ll pick you up and drop you home.”
Silence. She slowly flipped through her calendar.
“Is that a no?” he asked.
“Probably.”
His voice got higher and louder. “Probably? You’ve got nothing definitive to say?”
She looked up. “Now you know what it feels like—inviting someone to do something you know they’d enjoy, and they turn you down. For a frickin year.”
Rick threw his pad into his briefcase and slammed it shut. “Different situation and you were aware of the reasons. But it’s a completely new situation now and I’m trying hard to not to be the old Rick anymore. Because yes, now I do know how it feels—it’s rude and insulting. How you’re acting with me now, with a friend who’s only trying to do something nice for you. Since you ate breakfast like you hadn’t eaten in a week which you probably haven’t, and because you probably have nothing for dinner but wine and crackers, I thought a delicious meal would appeal to you. But God forbid we get you out of this inn and your house and threaten to pull you out of your zombie demeanor.” He headed for the front reception area and yelled to her without turning around. “See you at our regular meeting tomorrow morning. Same place, same time. As usual, same old, same old.”
“Okay!” she shrieked after him. “Dammit, if I don’t go, I’ll hear about this forever! I’ll go. I’ll go to dinner tonight.”
Rick turned slowly with a sly grin on his face. “The invitation is open only if you’ll be pleasant company, lose the anger and attitude, and truly enjoy yourself.”
She mumbled under her breath as she carried dishes to the kitchen. “What does he want from me? I said I’d go, but I have to frickin enjoy it as well? Does he want me to get up and dance, too? Nothing simple around here. It’s like a bad reality show.” She hoped he hadn’t heard her talking to herself.
“I heard you,” Rick shouted as he walked out the door. “But the only bad reality show around here is you. If you don’t see it, you’re in worse shape than I thought.”
Jade dropped the dishes in the sink hard, his words hitting her like a body slam. Have I been so awful? She looked down at her hands shaking and felt her heart race. I have been. I’ve been that bad. I’m blaming everyone else, but it’s me. She ran water over the dishes. I’m doing damage to myself. I can’t let myself turn into a living dead person. I still hurt over Gabe, but I don’t have to let the pain take me over and hurt other people, too. She turned off the water and turned around to apologize to Rick. But he was gone.
In her eyes he instantly vanished, the same way Gabe and Devlin had vanished out of her life without warning. She panicked. Not again. Not another one. I can’t lose another person I care about. She raced down the hall to Rick’s office, knocked fast and burst through the door.
Rick had been in mid-sit at the desk and stood up fast with the knock and whoosh of her bolting through the door. He was at a loss for words. Is she in a rage or ecstatic?
Jade stood in the doorway, shaking, on the verge of tears. “I’m so sorry. Can you forgive me? I’m trying. I promise. I’m trying to heal but I know one thing for sure—I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”
He opened his arms wide and Jade ran into them. They hugged, strong emotion flowing between them. He said he was grateful for her friendship and sanity returning to them both.
Jade gave her thanks to him, too, and for the first time in months, since Gabe, she felt protected and safe knowing this man cared and would be there for her.
Jade recalled how Gabe had come on fast—his words of love had been fervent and sensuous, his lovemaking passionate, intense, a connection of souls. But when it came down to letting her be there for him, and him being there for her when they needed it most, Gabe wasn’t willing or able in the end. He was there for Gracie, and his old life but not for the new life, not for Jade. His reasons were real to him. She understood but didn’t agree.
It seemed to Jade they’d never agree because their ideologies were opposite. Gabe said he was protecting her by sending her away, but she experienced it as the opposite of protection—he’d ejected her from his life and left her alone to deal with her grief. He might be damaged, but he seemed selfish in his needs. No matter, she had to accept Gabe was living the only way he knew how with his crises, and his new way of life did not include her. Jade had never known such desolation through all parts of her life.
But Rick. Rick differed from Gabe in Jade’s experience of him; he was slow and contemplative with his feelings and actions. He had wanted to protect her from the beginning. Now Rick was here, picking up the pieces. Even with the pain she’d caused him, he continued to care deeply for her. He was proving to be consistent, true to his word and genuine. Not that Gabe hadn’t been, he couldn’t live it in the face of adversity. Rick hadn’t been tested with same level of extreme adversity, at least not with her. But hopefully tonight, going out to the dinner she had wanted for over a year, she’d learn more. He’d said he was ready to talk. She was ready to listen and learn the truth of his past.
As they stood in Rick’s office, they clung together without either making a move to back away. It told them they didn’t want to let go of each other; she, afraid he’d disappear, and she’d be alone with her pain again; he, afraid she’d go back to her lover. Without speaking words, they understood they clung together with shared heartache, friendship and this new thing: a warm, cushioning emotion wrapping around them. A cool gust of air suddenly wafted in, whirling by them, fresh as an ocean breeze. They looked to the patio doors, but they were closed.
