Delphi complete works of.., p.423
Delphi Complete Works of Stephen Leacock, page 423
Gnoof.My dear Annerly, by a piece of rare good fortune I happen to-day to have drawn my month’s salary. Here it is, a hundred pounds in notes.
Annerly (to himself). Splendid! . . . . Now let us place fifty pounds of them on the edge of the table. It is fourpence more than Q wants but I dare say he’ll find some use for it, especially in a world of spirits. Now I want you to follow my instructions implicitly. First of all we place the table in the middle of the room. It is already there. The chairs — (he picks up chair r. of table and Gnoof picks up that on l.) — must be carefully set against the wall and so placed that no two of them occupy the same place as any other two. (They place the two chairs against back wall.) The pictures and ornaments about the room are to be left entirely undisturbed. The waste paper basket (Gnoof dives under the table after the basket) must be reversed so that its contents, if any, rest on the floor of the room instead of the wicker base of the basket. (Gnoof reverses the waste paper basket.) Good! The ritual also prescribes that one of the participating parties shall take off his boots.
Gnoof (climbing out from under the table). Oh, may I?
Annerly.Yes, I thought of you.
Gnoof (as he takes off his slippers). I must admit to you, my dear Annerly, that I am not without misgivings about the success of the experiment. (He is kneeling with his arms resting on l. of table.) My own mental temperament and disposition may not be of the precise kind necessary for its success.
Annerly (standing above table). My dear friend, pray have no alarm on that score. I am sure that the event will show that for psychic work of this character your mind is a media — (he puts a finger on Gnoof’s forehead) — or if the word is better, a transparency of the very first order.
Gnoof (beaming with delight). Do you really think so?
Annerly.I do. Now it only remains for us to bind up our eyes and await the advent of Q in the adjoining rooms. According to the ritual sixty seconds is ample time for the spirit to manifest itself and you had better count the seconds on your side, noiselessly of course, until you reach sixty. You will wait in that room (indicating right) and I in the hall (indicating l.c.). There are no other means of access to the room so that if the money goes we shall know that it has safely reached Q. Now before we put on the eye-bandages kindly perform these psychic exercises with me. (He proceeds to make ridiculous wavings in the air with his hands, all of which Gnoof repeats.) Good. Now tie this round your head. (They both bandage their eyes and proceed on tiptoe towards their respective doors.)
Gnoof (as Annerly opens the door l.c.). Oh, Annerly, my dear fellow, if we should fail. Doesn’t your very soul tremble at the possibility?
Annerly (looking back). My dear Gnoof, I think I may express myself as quietly confident.
(He goes off l.c. and Gnoof goes off r. Immediately they are off Dora Dneiper rushes out from behind the screen, grabs the banknotes which she thrusts into her bag and with a mumbled “Where are those four coppers?” extracts four pennies from her bag and places them on the side of the table. She then darts back behind the screen. Now the door l.c. opens and Annerly comes in. He has pushed the bandage up from his eyes to the top of his forehead. He tiptoes down to the table where he stares at the fourpence as if he had been stung.)
Annerly (beside himself with surprise and, disgust). Great Scott! The blessed stuff has gone. Four coppers! What the devil —— !
(The voice of Gnoof is heard off r.)
Gnoof (calling). Annerly, Annerly, the sixty seconds are up and I have heard rustlings.
Annerly (replacing his bandage and going through door l.). So have I! So have I. I think we’ve waited quite long enough. Come along in, Gnoof.
(Gnoof and Annerly enter from r. and l.c. They both go down to the table removing their eye-bandages.)
Gnoof (with a wild yell of delight). It’s gone! It’s gone! The fifty pounds are gone. And look, Annerly, my dear, dear fellow, he has honourably left us fourpence change. What a triumph! It is wonderful. Epoch making. To think that we are in direct monetary communication with the spirit world.
Annerly (who has been peering all round, under the table and elsewhere in search for the missing notes). Yes, yes, it’s certainly very remarkable. In fact it’s the damned funniest thing I ever struck in my life.
Gnoof.And this fourpence! These four bronze coins! They have come from the astral sphere. We must have two each, my dear Annerly, and set them in gold and diamonds to suspend from our watch chains.
Annerly (crossing r.). Oh, I don’t want the damned man’s coppers.
Gnoof.And the glorious part of it is, of course, that what we have done once we can do again.
Annerly (turning sharply). What’s that?
Gnoof.I say that there seems no reason why there should not be a renewal of our inter-communication with the spirit world.
Annerly.By Jove, yes. That is one redeeming feature of the situation. You have another fifty pounds about you, haven’t you?
Gnoof.Certainly, my dear fellow. But alas, alas!
Annerly.What are you alassing about?
Gnoof.How can we dare. We must wait until we are asked. Your friend Q would probably regard it as a liberty and decline to take away money which he did not need. We must not pauperize Q.
Annerly.I wish you wouldn’t be so beastly squeamish.
Gnoof.But I ask you, dare we repeat the experiment if you don’t receive a second invitation?
Annerly (suddenly becoming transfixed). By Jove, Gnoof, there is Q.
(He points to the back of the pit and gazes away in the distance as if fascinated by a vision.)
Annerly (running from l. to r. and getting beside ). Where? Where?
Annerly (in an ecstatic state). Over there. Over there by the wall. He is passing through it.
Gnoof (agonized). Oh where! I wish I could see him.
Annerly.You’ve never been introduced so he cannot reveal himself to you.
Gnoof.But surely ——
Annerly.Don’t talk. The phanogram is communicating with me. He seems to be in distress again. Look. He is making signs. (Annerly affects to repeat the gestures of the phanogram, putting up his ten fingers five times to indicate fifty pounds.) He is crossing! He is crossing! He has crossed the bar!
Gnoof.Gone into the bar.
Annerly.Certainly not. Crossed the bar! Don’t you know your Tennyson?
Gnoof (beside himself with excitement). But what can it mean? What can it mean? Show me those signs again. (Annerly does so.) How do you interpret them?
Annerly.I suspect, in fact I may say that I am confident that Q, for some reason which we cannot fathom, wishes us to leave another fifty pounds for him.
Gnoof.By Jove, I believe you’ve hit it.
Annerly.I think I have. At any rate let us try. We can but fail. . . . Now place the notes on the table as before. (Gnoof does so.) Let me see. We have all the furniture correctly adjusted. It only remains for us to perform the psychic exercises, put on our eye-bandages and leave the room for sixty seconds.
(He makes similar gestures as before, Gnoof doing them concurrently. They then tiptoe r. and l.)
Gnoof (stopping). Annerly, my dear, dear friend, I feel sure we shan’t succeed again.
Annerly.You are too modest. All will be well as long as you keep your mind so poised as to readily offer a mark for any astral disturbance.
(Exit Gnoof r. Annerly, who is determined this time to see what really does happen to the money, pulls off his bandages and waits by the door l.c. Dora Dnieper runs out from behind the screen and goes down to the table. Annerly hears her and comes out just as she grabs the notes.)
Annerly (hissing under his breath). So it was you, you little devil, was it? How the dickens did you get here? Hand over those notes.
Dora.Not likely.
Annerly.Oh yes, you shall, you little thief!
Dora.That’s the pot calling the kettle black, isn’t it, Jack?
Annerly.You’re an impudent little hussy. Hand over those notes or I’ll take them by force.
Dora.If you lay a finger on me I’ll give the show away to this idiotic friend of yours.
Annerly (pleadingly). Look here, Dora, I must have the money; My sticks’ll be chucked into the street if I don’t pay. You had the first fifty. Give me the second and we’ll call it square.
Dora.I’ll make a bargain with you. Listen!
Annerly.Look out. Here he comes.
(Gnoof enters from r. walking elaborately on tiptoe with his eyes bandaged.)
Gnoof (in a hushed whisper). I heard voices. Are you there, Annerly?
Annerly.Yes, Gnoof. Just here. I believe Q is still in the room. (He is hustling Dora behind the screen.) Perhaps we had better not uncover for the moment.
Gnoof.Certainly not. Let us give the phanogram plenty of scope.
Annerly (after hiding Dora safely). The sounds are gone. I think we may safely uncover.
(Gnoof snatches off his bandage and gives a wild yell of delight when he sees that the notes are gone.)
Gnoof.It is wonderful! Wonderful! We have succeeded again. I must report this extraordinary happening to the Society for Psychical Research.
Annerly.Oh no, no! You mustn’t dream of doing such a thing. I am almost certain that it would break off our relations with Q. In fact, he as good as told me so. There is no harm in telling you now that the sounds you heard to-night were the voices of Q and me. Q wishes us to gather together all the capital that we can and to send it across to him in order that he may be able to organize a corporate association of phanograms.
Gnoof.If only it were possible to-night. But alas! I only had that paltry hundred on me.
Annerly.No. Not to-night. Not on any account to-night. Q does not wish it, but to-morrow night certainly.
Gnoof.Really. To-morrow night!
Annerly.Yes, dear friend. To-morrow night. Here are your slippers (he is showing him off the door l.) and mind, bring all the money that you have — but no more.
Gnoof.No more?
Annerly.On no account. Q is most strict about that. No one is to send more money than he actually possesses. Good night.
Gnoof.Good night, my benefactor.
(Exit Gnoof l.c.)
(Dora bursts from behind screen and taking Annerly’s hands dances round joyfully with him.)
Curtain.
The Non-Fiction
Upper Canada College. Toronto, Ontario, 1879.The college still runs today as a private school for boys between Senior Kindergarten and Grade Twelve, operating under the International Baccalaureate program. Leacock attended the school as a child after being home schooled.
The college in more recent times
Elements of Political Science
CONTENTS
PART I. THE NATURE OF THE STATE
CHAPTER I. POLITICAL SCIENCE, THE THEORY OF THE STATE
CHAPTER II. ORIGIN OF THE STATE; FALLACIOUS THEORIES
CHAPTER III. THE TRUE ORIGIN OF THE STATE
CHAPTER IV. THE SOVEREIGNTY OF THE STATE
CHAPTER V. THE LIBERTY OF THE INDIVIDUAL
CHAPTER VI. RELATION OF STATES TO ONE ANOTHER
CHAPTER VII. THE FORM OF THE STATE
PART II. THE STRUCTURE OF THE GOVERNMENT
CHAPTER I. THE SEPARATION OF POWERS
CHAPTER II. THE LEGISLATURE
CHAPTER III. THE EXECUTIVE
CHAPTER IV. THE JUDICIARY AND THE ELECTORATE
CHAPTER V. FEDERAL GOVERNMENT
CHAPTER VI. COLONIAL GOVERNMENT
CHAPTER VII. LOCAL GOVERNMENT
CHAPTER VIII. PARTY GOVERNMENT
PART III. THE PROVINCE OF GOVERNMENT
CHAPTER I. INDIVIDUALISM
CHAPTER II. SOCIALISM
CHAPTER III. THE MODERN STATE
PART I. THE NATURE OF THE STATE
CHAPTER I. POLITICAL SCIENCE, THE THEORY OF THE STATE
1. DEFINITION AND Scope of Political Science. — 2. Relation to Other Sciences. — 3. Meaning of the State; its Essential Attributes. — 4. The Distinction between State, Society, Government, and Nation. — 5. The State and a Common Faith. — 6. The Ideal State.
1. Definition and Scope of Political Science. A treatise on political science must naturally begin with some discussion as to the scope and province of the science itself, and its relation with the other branches of human knowledge of a kindred character. This is especially necessary for two reasons. In the first place the term political science has been used with a good deal of latitude, not to say ambiguity, both in colloquial language and in scientific discussion. In the second place the relationship between this and various other departments of knowledge, such as jurisprudence, history, and economics is an extremely intimate one. It is necessary, therefore, to endeavor as accurately as may be to define the proper field of political science, and to indicate its connection with other branches of learning.
An elaborate definition may better be reserved for later consideration. For the present a simple and convenient starting-point may be found in the statement, inadequate though it is, that political science deals with government. The word government, used in its widest sense, rests on the fundamental idea of control and obedience; it implies authority, and a submission to that authority. It thus calls before our minds a phenomenon which may be considered almost coextensive with human society as it at present exists, and which reaches back into the past almost as far as the history of human society itself. True it is that as we follow its retreat into the remote periods of history, it recedes with a diminishing outline that tends towards an unseen vanishing-point. But in this it only shares in a characteristic common to all the products of social evolution.
Now the phenomenon of government, as we view it in the past and in the present, shows anything but a uniform appearance. It differs constantly in its form, it differs in its scope and purpose, and differs most notably in the varying degrees of its complexity. These divergences in the concrete aspect of government are seen at once by comparing the rude organization by which a primitive pastoral tribe is held in loose cohesion, the city state of the Greeks, the feudal system of the middle ages, and the intricate mechanism of the modern national state. It is out of these variations offered by the different types of human organization in which the common element of government is contained that political science arises. In all branches of investigation it is the diversities and not the similarities of observed phenomena that afford the primary motive for speculation. In the physical world the diversities of form, function, and structure among plants and animals give occasion to the investigations of the botanist and the naturalist. If all plants and animals had been of a uniform fashion and function their similarity would have been accepted as a matter of course. It is the fact that this similarity does not exist that gives the initial stimulus to man’s investigations. Similarly in the domain of human institutions the heterogeneous and complex appearance of the phenomena in question affords the basis of political science. Its field lies in the examination and analysis of the varying forms of human organization in which the element of social control is embodied.
At this point emerges a further analogy between the study of our physical and social environment. In each case the phenomena observed are found to be in a constant state of change and movement. New forms replace the old, the whole representing a graded series of ascending complexity in which higher and higher structures correspond to functions increasingly elaborate. In the physical world, life, from being simple and rudimentary, becomes complex and differentiated. New organs are developed and higher functions performed. In the superorganic world the process of social evolution is continuous. Here too are successive stages of progress in which the form and character of human institutions undergo an unceasing alteration in accordance with the changing environment of social growth. The study of governmental forms must therefore in an eminent degree be a comparative and historical study. It must not content itself with a mere analysis of political institutions as existing at any given point of time; it must take account of the process of change and evolution and the alteration of social and intellectual environment. This is what is meant by the statement that the investigations of political science must be of a dynamic and not a static character. They must be directed towards the proper interpretation of movements and tendencies in addition to the analysis of the status and structure of existing institutions. The organized aspect of the community, the state, must be treated not only as an actuality, but also as a product of the past, and as the basis of the life of the future.
2. Relation to Other Sciences. Herein appears the connection between history and political science, a connection somewhat difficult to state in precise terms without making one of the two assume a subordinate character. There is indeed a natural tendency on the part of the political scientist to view history somewhat in the light of mere raw material, and an equally natural tendency on the part of the historian to view political science somewhat in the light of an emanation, one might almost say an excrescence, of history. It may with fairness be said that the two studies are mutually contributory and complementary. Political science would certainly be impossible without history; history would lose its main significance without at least an unconscious political science. The facts of history — not all of them, but such as are significant for the study of institutions — constitute a part of the groundwork of political science; not, it is to be noted, the whole groundwork, for political science must also build upon ethical and psychological foundations. Thus one might be tempted to employ the terminology of the logician and say that some of history is part of political science, the circles of their contents over-lapping an area enclosed by each. Hence it is that in the subdivisions of political science offered by some writers “historical political science,” or the history of political institutions, is one branch of the main subject. The connection between these allied branches of knowledge has been well indicated by Professor Seeley, who tells us that political science is the fruit of history, and history is the root of political science. A recent American writer has illustrated the relationship in a still more striking manner by saying that history offers the third dimension of political science.
