Complete works of hall c.., p.304
Complete Works of Hall Caine, page 304
And while the omnibus joggled down the street, and the pale young clergyman with the great weary eyes was poring over his letter, Glory was sitting at her table and writing with flying fingers and a look of enthusiastic ecstasy:
“I’ve had three bites at this cherry. But who do you think has just been here? John! — John Storm! But then you know that he is back, and it wasn’t merely my fancy that I saw him by the stage door. It seems as if people have been denying me to him, and he has been waiting for me and watching over me.” (Blot.) “His voice is so low, but I suppose that comes to people who are much alone, and he is so thin and so pale, and his eyes are so large, and they have that deep look that cuts into the heart. He knew he was changed, and I think he was ashamed” (blot), “but of course I didn’t let whit that I was taking notice, and I’m so happy for his sake, poor fellow! that he has escaped from his cage in that Salvation zoo that I know I shall make them split their sides in the theatre to-night.” (Blot, blot.) “How tiresome! This ink must have got water in it somehow, and then my handwriting is such a hop-skip-and-a-jump anyway. But hoots!
“Why shouldn’t I love Johnny,
“And why shouldn’t Johnny love me?
“Glory.”
IV.
It was a beautiful May morning, and standing by the Paddington Station with the dog at his feet, he felt her approach instinctively as she came toward him with her free step in her white cambric dress under the light parasol fringed with lace. Her face was glowing with the fresh air, and she looked happy and bright. As they walked into the station she poured out a stream of questions about the dog, took possession of him straightway, and concluded to call him Don.
They agreed to spend the day at Burnham Beeches, and while he went for the tickets she stepped on to the platform. It was Saturday, the bookstall was ablaze with the picture papers, and one of them was prominently displayed at a page containing her own portrait. She wanted John to see this, so she invented an excuse for bringing him face to face with it, and then she laughed and he bought the paper.
The clerk recognised her — they could see that by the smile he kept in reserve — and a group of officers in the Guards, in flannels and straw hats, going down to their club at Maidenhead, looked at her and nudged each other as if they knew who she was. Her eyes danced, her lips smiled, and she was proud that John should see the first fruits of her fame. She was proud of him, too, with his bold walk and strong carriage, as they passed the officers in their negligent dress, with their red and blue neckties. But John’s heart was aching, and he was wondering how he was to begin on the duty he had to do.
From the moment they started she gave herself up to the delights of their holiday, and even the groaning and cranking and joggling of the train amused her. When the Guards had got into their first-class carriage they had glanced at the open window where her brilliant eyes and rosy lips were gleaming behind a veil. John gazed at her with his slow and tender looks, and felt guilty and ashamed.
They left the train at Slough, and a wave of freshness, with an odour of verdure and sap, blew into their faces. The dog leaped and barked, and Glory skipped along with it, breaking every moment into enthusiastic exclamations. There was hardly any wind, and the clouds, which were very high overhead, were scarcely moving. It was a glorious day, and Glory’s face wore an expression of perfect happiness.
They lunched at the old hotel in the town, with the window open, and the swallows darting in the air outside, and Glory, who took milk “for remembrance,” rose and said, “I looks toward Mr. Storm,” and then drank his health and swept him the prettiest courtesy. All through lunch she kept feeding the dog from her own fingers, and at the end rebuked him for spreading his bones in a half circle across the carpet, a thing which was never done, she said, in the best society, this side the Cannibal Islands.
“By-and-bye,” he thought, “time enough by-and-bye,” for the charm of her joy was infectious.
The sun was high when they started on their walk, and her face looked flushed and warm. But through the park-like district to the wood she raced with Don, and made him leap over her sunshade and roll over and over on the bright green grass. The larks were trilling overhead, everything was humming and singing.
“Let her have one happy day,” he thought, and they began to call and shout to each other.
Then they came to the beeches, and, being sheltered from the fiery rays of the sun, she put down her sunshade and John took off his hat. The silence and gloom, the great gnarled trees, with their thews and sinews, their arms and thighs and loins, the gentle rustle of the breeze in the branches overhead, the deep accumulation of dead leaves underfoot, the fluttering of wings, the low cooing of pigeons, and all the mystery and wonder of the wood, brought a sense of awe, as on entering a mighty minster in the dusk. But this wore away presently, and Glory began to sing. Her pure voice echoed in the fragrant air, and the happiness so long pent up and starved seemed to bubble in every word and note.
“Isn’t this better than singing in music halls?” he thought, and then he began to sing too, just like any happy boy, without thinking of yesterday or to-morrow, of before or after. She smiled at him. He smiled back. It was like a dream. After his long seclusion it was difficult to believe it could be true. The open air, the perfume of the leaves they were wading through, the silver bark of the birches and the blue peeps of the sky between, and then Glory walking with her graceful motion, and laughing and singing by his side! “I shall wake up in a minute,” he thought, “I’m sure I shall!”
They sang one song together. It was Lasses and Lads, and to make themselves think it was the old time back again they took each other’s hands and swung them to the tune. He felt her clasp like milk coursing through his body, and a great wave of tenderness swept up his hard resolve as sea-wrack is thrown up after a storm. “She is here; we are together; why trouble about anything more?” and the time flew by.
But their voices went wrong immediately, and they were soon in difficulties. Then she laughed, and they began again; but they could not keep together, and as often as they tried they failed. “Ah, it’s not like the old days!” he thought, and a mood of sadness came over him. He had begun to observe in Glory the trace of the life she had passed through — words, phrases, ideas, snatches of slang, touches of moods which had the note of a slight vulgarity. When the dog took a bone uninvited she cried: “It’s a click; you’ve sneaked it”; when John broke down in the singing she told him to “chuck it off the chest”; and when he stopped altogether she called him glum, and said she would “do it on her own.”
“Why does he look so sorrowful?” she thought, and telling herself that this came to people who were much alone, she rattled on more recklessly than before.
She talked of the life of the music hall, the life at “the back,” glorifying it by a tone of apology. It was all hurry-scurry, slap, dash, and drive; no time to consider effects; a succession of last acts and first nights; so it was really harder to be a music-hall woman than a regular actress. And the music-hall woman was no worse than other women — considering. Had he seen their ballet? It was fetching. Such pages! Simply darlings! They were the proud young birds of paradise whom toffs like those Guards came to see, and it was fun to see them pluming and preening themselves at the back, each for the eyes of her own particular lord in the stalls. Thus she flung out unfamiliar notes, hardly knowing their purport, but to John they were as slimy creatures out of the social mire she had struggled through. O London! London! Its shadow was over them even there, and go where they would, they could never escape from it.
His former thought began to hang about him again, and he asked her to tell him what had happened to her during his absence.
“Shall I?” she said. “Well, I brought three golden sovereigns out of the hospital to distribute among the people of London, but, bless you, they went nowhere.”
“And what then?”
“Then — then Hope was a good breakfast but a bad supper, you know. But shall I tell you all? Yes, yes, I will.”
She told him of Mrs. Jupe, and of the deception she had practised upon her people, and he turned his head that he might not see her tears. She told him of the “Three Graces,” and of the stage manager — she called him the “stage damager” — and then she turned her head that she might hide her shame. She told him of Josephs, the bogus agent, and his face grew hard and his brown eyes looked black.
“And where did you say his place was?” he asked in a voice that vibrated and broke.
“I didn’t say,” she answered with a laugh and a tear.
She told him of Aggie, and of the foreign clubs, and of Koenig, and of the dinner party at the Home Secretary’s, and then she skipped a step and cried:
“Ding, dong, dended,
My tale’s ended.”
“And was it there you met Mr. Drake again?”
She replied with a nod.
“Never having seen him in the meantime?”
She pursed her lips and shook her head. “That’s all over now, and what matter? I likes to be jolly and I allwis is!”
“But is it all over?” he said, and he looked at her again with the deep look that had cut into her heart.
“He’s going to say something,” she thought, and she began to laugh, but with a faint tremor, and giving the dog her parasol to carry in his mouth, she took off her hat, swung it in her hand by the brim, and set off to run.
There was the light shimmer of a pool at a level below, where the water had drained to a bottom and was inclosed by beeches. The trees seemed to hang over it with outstretched wings, like birds about to alight, and round its banks there were plots of violets which filled the air with their fragrance. It was a God-blest bit of ground, and when he came up with her she was standing at the edge of the marshy mere panting and on the point of tears, and saying, in a whisper, “Oh, how beautiful!”
“But however am I to get across?” she cried, looking with mock terror on the two inches of water that barely covered the grass, and at the pretty red shoes that peeped from under her dress.
Then something extraordinary occurred. She hardly knew what was happening until it was over. Without a word, without a smile, he lifted her up in his arms and carried her to the other side. She felt helpless like a child, as if suddenly she belonged to herself no longer. Her head had fallen on his shoulder and her heart was beating against his breast. Or was it his heart that was beating? When he put her down she was afraid she was going to cry, so she began to laugh and to say they mustn’t lose that 7.30 to London or the “rag” would be rolling up without her and the “stage damager” would be using “cuss words.”
They had to pass the old church of Stoke Pogis on the way back to the town, and after looking at its timber belfry and steeple John suggested that they should see the inside. The sexton was found working in the garden at the side of the house, and he went indoors for the keys. “Here they be, sir, and you being a pa’son I’ll bide in the orchet. You and your young missus can look at the church without me. ‘A b’lieve ‘a hev seed it afore,” he said with a twinkle.
The church was dark and cool. There was a window representing an angel ascending to heaven against a deep blue sky, and a squire’s pew furnished like a box at the theatre, with a carpet and even a stove. The chairs in the front bore family crests, and behind them were inferior chairs, without crests, for the servants. John had opened the little modern organ and begun to play. After a while he began to sing. He sang Nazareth, and his voice filled the empty church and went up into the gloom of the roof, and echoed and returned, and it was almost as if another voice were singing there.
Glory stood by his side and listened; a wonderful peace had come down on her. Then the emotion that vibrated in his deep voice made something surge up to her throat. “Life for evermore! Life for evermore!” All at once she began to weep, to sob, and to laugh in a breath, and he stopped.
“How ridiculous I am to-day! You’ll think me a maniac,” she said. But he only took her hand as if she had been a child and led her out of the church.
Insensibly the day had passed into evening, and the horizontal rays of the sun were dazzling their eyes as they returned to the hotel for tea. In giving orders for this meal they had left the illustrated weekly behind, and it was now clear from the easy smiles that greeted them that the paper had been looked at and Glory identified. The room was ready, with the table laid, the window closed, and a fire of wood in the dog grate, for the chill of the evening was beginning to be felt. And to make him forget what had happened at the church she put on a look of forced gaiety and talked rapidly, frivolously, and at random. The fresh air had given her such a colour that they would ‘fairly eat her to-night.’ How tired she was, though! But a cup of tea would exhilarate her “like a Johnnie’s first whisky and soda in bed.”
He looked at her with his grave face; every word was cutting him like a knife. “So you didn’t tell the old folks at Glenfaba about the hospital until later?”
“No. Have a cup of the ‘girl’? They call champagne ‘the boy’ at ‘the back,’ so I call tea ‘the girl,’ you know.”
“And when did you tell them about the music hall?”
“Yesterday. ‘Muffins?’” and as she held out the plate she waggled the wrist of her other hand, and mimicked the cry of the muffin man.
“Not until yesterday?”
She began to excuse herself. What was the use of taking people by surprise? And then good people were sometimes so easily shocked! Education and upbringing, and prejudices and even blood ——
“Glory,” he said, “if you are ashamed of this life, believe me it is not a right one.”
“Ashamed? Why should I be ashamed? Everybody is saying how proud I should be.”
She spoke feverishly, and by a sudden impulse she plucked up the paper, but as suddenly let it drop again, for, looking at his grave face, her little fame seemed to shrivel up. “But give a dog a bad name you know —— You were there on Monday night. Did you see anything, now — anything in the performance — —”
“I saw the audience, Glory; that was enough for me. It is impossible for a girl to live long in an atmosphere like that and be a good woman. Yes, my child, impossible’ God forbid that I should sit in judgment on any man, still less on any woman! — but the women of the music hall, do they remain good women? Poor souls, they are placed in a position so false that it would require extraordinary virtue not to become false along with it! And the whiter the soul that is dragged through that — that mire, the more the defilement. The audiences at such places don’t want the white soul, they don’t want the good woman, they want the woman who has tasted of the tree of good and evil. You can see it in their faces, and hear it in their laughter, and measure it in their applause. Oh, I’m only a priest, but I’ve seen these places all the world over, and I know what I’m saying, and I know it’s true and you know it’s true, Glory — —”
Glory leaped up from the table and her eyes seemed to emit fire. “I know it’s hard and cruel and pitiless, and, since you were there on Monday and saw how kind the audience was to me, it’s personal and untrue as well.”
But her voice broke and she sat down again and said in another tone: “But, John, it’s nearly a year, you know, since we saw each other last, and isn’t it a pity? Tell me, where are you living now? Have you made your plans for the future? Oh, who do you think was with me just before you called yesterday? Polly — Polly Love, you remember! She’s grown stout and plainer, poor thing, and I was so sorry —— Her brother was in your Brotherhood, wasn’t he? Is he as strangely fond of her as ever? Is he? Eh? Don’t you understand? Polly’s brother, I mean?”
“He’s dead, Glory. Yes, dead. He died a month ago. Poor boy, he died broken-hearted! He had come to hear of his sister’s trouble at the hospital. I was to blame for that. He never looked up again.”
There was silence; both were gazing into the fire, and Glory’s mouth was quivering. All at once she said: “John — John Storm, why can’t you understand that it’s not the same with me as with other women? There seem to be two women in me always. After I left the hospital I went through a good deal. Nobody will ever know how much I went through. But even at the worst, somehow I seemed to enjoy and rejoice in everything. Things happened that made me cry, but there was another me that was laughing. And that’s how it is with the life I am living now. It is not I myself that go through this — this mire, as you call it, it’s only my other self, my lower self, if you like, but I am not touched by it at all. Don’t you see that? Don’t you, now?”
“There are professions which are a source of temptation, and talents that are a snare, Glory — —”
“I see, I see what you mean. There are not many ways a woman can succeed in — that’s the cruelty of things. But there are a few, and I’ve chosen the one I’m fit for. And now, now that I’ve escaped from all that misery, that meanness, and have brought the eyes of London upon me, and the world is full of smiles for me, and sunshine, and I am happy, you come at last, you that I couldn’t find when I wanted you so much — oh, so much! — because you had forgotten me; you come to me out of a darkness like the grave and tell me to give it all up. Yes, yes, yes, that’s what you mean — give it all up! Oh, it’s cruel!”
She covered her face with her hands and sobbed. He bent over her with a sorrowful face and said, “My child, if I have come out of a darkness as of the grave it is because I had not forgotten you there, but was thinking of you every day and hour.”
Her sobbing ceased, but the tears still flowed through her fingers.
“Before that poor lad abandoned hope he came out into the world too-stole out-thinking to find his lost one. I told him to look for you first, and he went to the hospital.”
“I saw him.”
“You!”
