Complete weird tales of.., p.750
Complete Weird Tales of Robert W Chambers, page 750
Lois knelt there on the bank. The soldiers’ linen I had seen in her arms was piled beside her. In a willow basket, newly woven, I saw a heap of clean, wet shirts and tow-cloth rifle-frocks.
She heard me behind her — I took care that she should — but she made no sign that she had heard or knew that I was there. Even when I spoke she continued busy with her suds and shirts; and I walked around the gravelly basin and seated myself near her, cross-legged on the sand, both hands clasping my knees.
“Well?” she asked, still scrubbing, and her hair was fallen in curls about her brow — hair thicker and brighter, though scarce longer, than my own. But Lord! The wild-rose beauty that flushed her cheeks as she laboured there! And when she at last looked up at me her eyes seemed like two grey stars, full of reflections from the golden pool.
“I have come,” said I, “to speak most seriously.”
“What is it you wish?”
“A comrade’s privilege.”
“And what may that be, sir?”
“The right to be heard; the right to be answered — and a comrade’s privilege to offer aid.”
“I need no aid.”
“None living can truthfully say that,” said I pleasantly.
“Oh! Do you then require charity from this pleasant world we live in?”
“I did not offer charity to you.”
“You spoke of aid,” she said coldly.
“Lois — is there in our brief companionship no memory that may warrant my speaking as honestly as I speak to you?”
“I know of none, Do you?”
I had been looking at her chilled pink fingers. My ring was gone.
“A ring for a rose is my only warrant,” I said.
She continued to soap the linen and to scrub in silence. After she had finished the garment and wrung it dry, she straightened her supple figure where she was kneeling, and, turning toward me, searched in her bosom with one little, wet hand, drawing from it a faded ribbon on which my ring hung.
“Do you desire to have it of me again?” she asked, without any expression on her sun-freckled face.
“What? The ring?”
“Aye! Desire it!” I repeated, turning red. “No more than you desire the withered bud you left beside me while I slept.”
“What bud, sir?”
“Did you not leave me a rose-bud?”
“I?”
“And a bit of silver birch-bark scratched with a knife point?”
“Now that I think of it, perhaps I may have done so — or some such thing — scarce knowing what I was about — and being sleepy. What was it that I wrote? I can not now remember — being so sleepy when I did it.”
“And that is all you thought about it, Lois?”
“How can one think when half asleep’’
“Here is your rose,” I said angrily. “I will take my ring again.”
She opened her grey eyes at that.
“Lord!” she murmured in an innocent and leisurely surprise. “You have it still, my rose? Are roses scarce where you inhabit, sir? For if you find the flower so rare and curious I would not rob you of it — no!” And, bending, soaked and soaped another shirt.
“Why do you mock me, Lois?”
“I! Mock you! La! Sir, you surely jest.”
“You do so! You have done so ever since we met. I ask you why?” I repeated, curbing my temper.
“Lord!” she murmured, shaking her head. “The young man is surely going stark! A girl in my condition — such a girl as I mock at an officer and a gentleman? No, it is beyond all bounds; and this young man is suffering from the sun.”
“Were it not,” said I angrily, “that common humanity brought me here and bids me remain for the moment, I would not endure this.”
“Heaven save us all!” she sighed. “How very young is this young man who comes complaining here that he is mocked — when all I ventured was to marvel that he had found a wild rose-bud so rare and precious!”
I said to myself: “Damn! Damn!” in fierce vexation, yet knew not how to take her nor how to save my dignity. And she, with head averted, was laughing silently; I could see that, too; and never in my life had I been so flouted to my face.
“Listen to me!” I broke out bluntly. “I know not who or what you are, why you are here, whither you are bound. But this I do know, that beyond our pickets there is peril in these woods, and it is madness for man or maid to go alone as you do.”
The laughter had died out in her face. After a moment it became grave.
“Was it to tell me this that you spoke to me in the fort, Mr. Loskiel?” she asked.
“Yes, Two days ago our pickets were fired on by Indians. Last night two riflemen of our corps took as many Seneca scalps. Do you suppose that when I heard of these affairs I did not think of you — remembering what was done but yesterday at Cherry Valley?”
“Did you — remember — me?”
“Good God, yes!” I exclaimed, my nerves on edge again at the mere memory of her rashness. “I came here as a comrade — wishing to be of service, and — you have used me — —”
“Vilely,” she said, looking serenely at me.
“I did not say that, Lois — —”
“I say it, Mr. Loskiel. And yet — I told you where to find me. That is much for me to tell to any man. Let that count a little to my damaged credit with you.... And — I still wear the ring you gave.... And left a rose for you, Let these things count a little in my favour. For you can scarcely guess how much of courage it had cost me.” She knelt there, her bared arms hanging by her side, the sun bright on her curls, staring at me out of those strange, grey eyes.
“Since I have been alone,” she said in a low voice, “no man — unless by a miracle it be you — has offered me a service or a kindness except that he awaited his reward. Soon or late their various songs became the same familiar air. It is the only song I’ve heard from men — with endless variations, truly, often and cunningly disguised — yet ever the same and sorry theme.... Men are what God made them; God has seemed to fashion me to their liking — I scarce know how — seeing I walk in rags, unkempt, and stained with wind and rain, and leaf and earth and sun.”
She made a childish gesture, sweeping the curls aside with both her hands:
“I sheared my hair! Look at me, sir — a wild thing in a ragged shift and tattered gown — all burnt and roughened with the sun and wind — not even clean to look on — yet that I am! — and with no friend to speak to save an Indian.... I ask you, sir, what it is in me — and what lack of pride must lie in men that I can not trust myself to the company of one among them — not one! Be he officer, or common soldier — all are the same.”
She dropped her head, and, thoughtfully, her hands again crept up and wandered over her cheeks and hair, the while her grey eyes, fixed and remote, seemed lost in speculation. Then she looked up again:
“Why should I think to find you different?” she asked, “Is any man different from his fellows, humble or great? Is it not man himself, not only men, that I must face as I have faced you — with silence, or with sullen speech, or with a hardness far beyond my years, and a gaiety that means nothing more kind than insolence?”
Again her head fell on her breast, and her hands linked themselves on her knees as she knelt there in silence.
“Lois,” I said, trying to think clearly, “I do not know that other men and I are different. Once I believed so. But — lately — I do not know. Yet, I know this: selfish or otherwise, I can not endure the thought of you in peril.”
She looked at me very gravely; then dropped her head once more.
“I don’t know,” I said desperately, “I wish to be honest — tell you no lie — tell none to myself. I — your beauty — has touched me — or whatever it is about you that attracts. And, whatever gown you go in, I scarcely see it — somehow — finding you so — so strangely — lovely — in speech also — and in — every way.... And now that I have not lied to you — or to myself — in spite of what I have said, let me be useful to you. For I can be; and perhaps these other sentiments will pass away — —”
She looked up so suddenly that I ceased speaking, fearful of a rebuff; but saw only the grave, grey eyes looking straight into mine, and a sudden, deeper colour waning from her cheeks.
“Whatever I am,” said I, “I can be what I will. Else I were no man. If your — beauty — has moved me, that need not concern you — and surely not alarm you. A woman’s beauty is her own affair. Men take their chance with it — as I take mine with yours — that it do me no deep damage. And if it do, or do not, our friendship is still another matter; for it means that I wish you well, desire to aid you, ease your burdens, make you secure and safe, vary your solitude with a friendly word — I mean, Lois, to be to you a real comrade, if you will. Will you?”
After a moment she said:
“What was it that you said about my — beauty?”
“I take my chances that it do me no deep damage.”
“Oh! Am I to take my chance, too?”
“What chance?”
“That — your kindness do me — no damage?”
“What senseless talk is this you utter?”
She shook her head slowly, then:
“What a strange boy! I do not fear you.”
“Fear me?” I repeated, flushing hotly. “What is there to fear? I am neither yokel nor beast.”
“They say a gentleman should be more dreaded.”
I stared at her, then laughed:
“Ask yourself how far you need have dread of me — when, if you desire it, you can leave me dumb, dismayed, lip-bound by your mocking tongue — which God knows well I fear.”
“Is my tongue so bitter then? I did not know it.”
“I know it,” said I with angry emphasis. “And I tell you very freely that — —”
She stole a curious glance at me. Something halted me — an expression I had never yet seen there in her face, twitching at her lips — hovering on them now — parting them in a smile so sweet and winning that, silenced by the gracious transformation, unexpected, I caught my breath, astonished.
“What is your given name?” she asked, still dimpling at me, and her eyes now but two blue wells of light.
“Euan,” I said, foolish as a flattered schoolboy, and as awkward.
“Euan,” she said, still smiling at me, “I think that I could be your friend — if you do truly wish it. What is it you desire of me? Ask me once more, and make it very clear and plain.”
“Only your confidence; that is all I ask.”
“Oh! Is that all you ask of me?” she mimicked mockingly; but so sweet her smile, and soft her voice, that I did not mind her words.
“Remember,” said I, “that I am older than you. You are to tell me all that troubles you.”
“When?”
“Now.”
“No. I have my washing to complete, And you must go. Besides, I have mending, darning, and my knitting yet to do. It all means bed and bait to me.”
“Will you not tell me why you are alone here, Lois?”
“Tell you what? Tell you why I loiter by our soldiers’ camps like any painted drab? I will tell you this much; I need no longer play that shameless role.”
“You need not use those words in the same breath when speaking of yourself,” I answered hotly.
“Then — you do not credit ill of me?” she asked, a bright but somewhat fixed and painful smile on her red lips.
“No!” said I bluntly. “Nor did I ever.”
“And yet I look the part, and seem to play it, too. And still you believe me honest?”
“I know you are.”
“Then why should I be here alone — if I am honest, Euan?”
“I do not know; tell me.”
“But — are you quite certain that you do not ask because you doubt me?”
I said impatiently: “I ask, knowing already you are good above reproach. I ask so I may understand how best to aid you.”
A lovely colour stole into her cheeks.
“You are kind, Euan. And it is true — though—” and she shrugged her shoulders, “what other man would credit it?” She lifted her head a little and looked at me with clear, proud eyes:
“Well, let them say what they may in fort and barracks twixt this frontier and Philadelphia. The truth remains that I have been no man’s mistress and am no trull. Euan, I have starved that I might remain exactly what I am at this moment. I swear to you that I stand here unsullied and unstained under this untainted sky which the same God made who fashioned me. I have known shame and grief and terror; I have lain cold and ill and sleepless; I have wandered roofless, hunted, threatened, mocked, beset by men and vice. Soldiers have used me roughly — you yourself saw, there at the Poundridge barracks! And only you among all men saw truly. Why should I not give to you my friendship, unashamed?”
“Give it,” I said, more deeply moved than ever I had been.
“I do! I do! Rightly or wrongly, now, at last, and in the end, I give my honest heart and friendship to a man!” And with a quick and winning gesture she offered me her hand; and I took it firmly in my clasp, and fell a-trembling so I could not find a word to utter.
“Come to me to-night, Euan,” she said. “I lodge yonder. There is a poor widow there — a Mrs. Rannock — who took me in. They killed her husband in November. I am striving to repay her for the food and shelter she affords me. I have been given mending and washing at the fort. You see I am no leech to fasten on a body and nourish me for nothing. So I do what I am able. Will you come to me this night?”
“Yes.” But I could not yet speak steadily.
“Come then; I — I will tell you something of my miserable condition — if you desire to know.... Truly I think, speaking to no one, this long and unhappy silence has eaten and corroded part of me within — so ill am I at moments with the pain and shame I’ve borne so long — so long, Euan! Ah — you do not — know.... And it may be that when you do come to-night I have repented of my purposes — locked up my wounded heart again. But I shall try to tell you — something. For I need somebody — need kindly council very sorely, Euan. And even the Sagamore now fails me — on the threshold — —”
“What?”
“He means it for the best; he fears for me. I will tell you how it is with me when you come to-night. I truly desire to tell you — I — I need to tell you. Will you come to me?”
“On my honour, Lois.”
“Then — if you please, will you leave me now? I must do my washing and mending — and — —” she smiled, “if you only knew how desperately I need what money I may earn. My garments, Euan, are like to fall from me if these green cockspur thorns give way.”
“But, Lois,” I said, “I have brought you money!” And I fished from any hunting shirt a great, thick packet of those poor paper dollars, now in such contempt that scarce five hundred of them counted for a dozen good, hard shillings.
“What are you doing?” she said, so coldly that I ceased counting the little squares of currency and looked up at her surprised.
“I am sharing my pay with you,” said I. “I have no silver — only these.”
“I can not take — money!”
“What?”
“Did you suppose I could?”
“Comrades have a common purse; Why not?”
For a few moments her face wore the same strange expression, then, of a sudden her eyes filled and closed convulsively, and she turned her head, motioning me to leave her.
“Will you not share with me?” I asked, very hot about the ears.
She shook her head and I saw her shoulders heave once or twice.
“Lois,” I said gravely, “did you fear I hoped for some — reward? Child — little comrade — only the happiness of aiding you is what I ask for. Share with me then, I beg you. I am not poor.”
“No — I can not, Euan,” she answered in a stifled voice. “Is there any shame to you in sharing with me?”
“Wait,” she whispered. “Wait till you hear. And — thank you — for — your kindness.”
“I will be here to-night,” I said. “And when we know each other better we will share a common purse.”
She did not answer me.
I lingered for a moment, desiring to reassure and comfort her, but knew not how. And so, as she did not turn, I finally went away through the sunlit willows, leaving her kneeling there alone beside the golden pool, her bright head drooping and her hands still covering her face.
As I walked back slowly to the fort, I pondered how to be of aid to her; and knew not how. Had there been the ladies of any officers with the army now, I should have laid her desperate case before them; but all had gone back to Albany before our scout of three returned from Westchester.
Here on the river, within our lines, while the army remained, she would be safe enough from forest peril. Yet I burned and raged to think of the baser peril ever threatening her among men of her own speech and colour. I suppose, considering her condition, they had a right to think her that which she was not and never had been. For honesty and maiden virtue never haunted camps. Only two kinds of women tramped with regiments — the wives of soldiers, and their mistresses.
Yet, somehow her safety must be now arranged, her worth and virtue clearly understood, her needs and dire necessities made known, so that when our army moved she might find a shelter, kind and respectable, within the Middle Fort, or at Schenectady, or anywhere inside our lines.
My pay was small; yet, having no soul dependent on my bounty and needing little myself, I had saved these pitiable dollars that our Congress paid us. Besides, I had a snug account with my solicitor in Albany. She might live on that. I did not need it; seldom drew a penny; my pay more than sufficing. And, after the war had ended — ended ——
Just here my heart beat out o’ step, and thought was halted for a moment. But with the warm thought and warmer blood tingling me once again, I knew and never doubted that we had not done with one another yet, nor were like to, war or no war. For in all the world, and through all the years of youth, I had never before encountered any woman who had shared with me my waking thoughts and the last and conscious moment ere I slept. But from the time I lost this woman out of my life, something seemed also missing from the world. And when again I found her, life and the world seemed balanced and well rounded once again. And in my breast a strange calm rested me.
