Complete works of samuel.., p.363
Complete Works of Samuel Johnson, page 363
The Year 1764
PREPARATION FOR EASTER
The prayers and meditations which gather round Easter of this year are unusually full, and are marked by a deep and pathetic note of penitence and sorrow. From the 20th to the 22nd it will be noticed Johnson scarcely seems to have been in bed, but to have spent the night in prayer, self-examination, and vows of amendment. In his account of this year, Boswell quotes some of the passages here recorded with the remark, ‘such a tenderness of conscience, and a fervent desire of improvement will rarely be found.’ It should not be forgotten that Johnson about this time suffered severely from hypochondria. His old friend, Dr. Adams, told Boswell that he found him in a deplorable state, ‘sighing, groaning, and talking to himself, and restlessly walking from room to room.’ Speaking of the comparative barrenness of this year’s work, he thinks the ease and independence Johnson derived from his recently granted pension increased his natural indolence.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who by thy son Jesus Christ hast redeemed us from sin and death, grant that the commemoration of his passion may quicken my repentance, increase my hope, and strengthen my faith; that I may lament and forsake my sins; and, for the time which Thou shalt yet grant me, may avoid idleness, and neglect of thy word and worship. Grant me strength to be diligent in the lawful employments which shall be set before me; grant me purity of thoughts, words, and actions.
Grant me to love and study thy word, and to frequent thy worship with pure affection. Deliver and preserve me from vain terrours, and grant that by the grace of thy Holy Spirit I may so live, that after this life ended, I may be received to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
GOOD FRIDAY
April 20, 1764.
I have made no reformation; I have lived totally useless, more sensual in thought, and more addicted to wine and meat. Grant me, O God, to amend my life, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
I hope To put my rooms in order.
I fasted all day.
April 21, 1764, 3 in the morning.
MY indolence, since my last reception of the Sacrament, has sunk into grosser sluggishness, and my dissipation spread into wilder negligence. My thoughts have been clouded with sensuality; and, except that from the beginning of this year I have in some measure forborn excess of strong drink, my appetites have predominated over my reason. A kind of strange oblivion has overspread me, so that I know not what has become of the last year; and perceive that incidents and intelligence pass over me without leaving any impression.
This is not the life to which heaven is promised. I propose to approach the altar again to-morrow; Grant, O Lord, that I may receive the Sacrament with such resolutions of a better life as may by thy grace be effectual, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
April 21. I read the whole Gospel of St. John. Then sat up till the 22d.
My purpose is from this time, To reject or expel sensual images, and idle thoughts.
To provide some useful amusement for leisure time.
To avoid idleness.
To rise early.
To study a proper portion of every day.
To worship God diligently.
To read the Scriptures.
To let no week pass without reading some part.
To write down my observations.
I will renew my resolutions made at Tetty’s death.
I perceive an insensibility and heaviness upon me. I am less than commonly oppressed with the sense of sin, and less affected with the shame of idleness. Yet I will not despair. I will pray to God for resolution, and will endeavour to strengthen my faith in Christ, by commemorating his death.
I prayed for Tett.
EASTER DAY
April 22, 1764.
HAVING, before I went to bed, composed the foregoing meditation, and the following prayer; I tried to compose myself, but slept unquietly. I rose, took tea, and prayed for resolution and perseverance. Thought on Tetty, dear poor Tetty, with my eyes full.
I went to church; came in at the first of the Psalms, and endeavoured to attend the service, which I went through without perturbation. After sermon, I recommended Tetty in a prayer by herself; and my father, mother, brother, and Bathurst, in another. I did it only once, so far as it might be lawful for me.
I then prayed for resolution and perseverance to amend my life. I received soon, the communicants were many. At the altar, it occurred to me that I ought to form some resolutions. I resolved in the presence of God, but without a vow, to repel sinful thoughts, to study eight hours daily, and, I think, to go to church every Sunday, and read the Scriptures. I gave a shilling; and seeing a poor girl at the Sacrament in a bedgown, gave her privately a crown, though I saw Hart’s Hymns in her hand. I prayed earnestly for amendment, and repeated my prayer at home. Dined with Miss W., went to prayers at church; went to — , spent the evening not pleasantly. Avoided wine, and tempered a very few glasses with sherbet. Came home and prayed.
I saw at the Sacrament a man meanly dressed, whom I have always seen there at Easter.
EASTER DAY
Against loose Thoughts and Idleness April 22, 1764, at 3 morning.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hast created and preserved me, have pity on my weakness and corruption. Deliver me from habitual wickedness and idleness; enable me to purify my thoughts, to use the faculties which Thou hast given me with honest diligence, and to regulate my life by thy holy word.
Grant me, O Lord, good purposes and steady resolution, that I may repent my sins, and amend my life. Deliver me from the distresses of vain terrour, and enable me, by thy grace, to will and to do what may please Thee; that when I shall be called away from this present state, I may obtain everlasting happiness, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
After repeating some of the good resolutions of the preceding Easter, Johnson adds a quaint note at the end of his prayer which must cause a sympathetic smile of amusement in every one who has read the story of his disorderly habits: ‘To-morrow I purpose to regulate my room.’ On Good Friday of this year he had made the same pious resolution, and to emphasise its importance, had added a footnote: ‘Disorder I have found one great cause of idleness.’
Sept. 18, 1764, about 6 evening. THIS is my fifty-sixth birthday, the day on which I have concluded fifty-five years.
I have outlived many friends. I have felt many sorrows. I have made few improvements. Since my resolution formed last Easter, I have made no advancement in knowledge or in goodness; nor do I recollect that I have endeavoured it. I am dejected, but not hopeless.
O God, for Jesus Christ’s sake, have mercy upon me.
7 in the evening.
I went to church, prayed to be loosed from the chain of my sins.
I have now spent fifty-five years in resolving; having from the earliest time almost that I can remember, been forming schemes of a better life. I have done nothing; the need of doing therefore is pressing, since the time of doing is short. O God, grant me to resolve aright, and to keep my resolutions, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
Haec limina vitae. — Stat.
I resolve, To study the Scriptures; I hope, in the original languages. Six hundred and forty verses every Sunday, will nearly comprise the Scriptures in a year.
To read good books; to study theology.
To treasure in my mind passages for recollection. To rise early; not later than six, if I can; I hope sooner, but as soon as I can.
To keep a journal, both of employment and of expenses. To keep accounts.
To take care of my health, by such means as I have designed.
To set down at night some plan for the morrow. Last year I prayed on my birthday, by accommodating the Morning Collect for grace, putting year for day. This I did this day.
Sept. 18, 1764.
O GOD, heavenly Father, who desirest not the death of a sinner, grant that I may turn from my wickedness and live. Enable me to shake oft all impediments of lawful action, and so to order my life, that increase of days may produce increase of grace, of tranquillity of thought, and vigour in duty. Grant that my resolves may be effectual to a holy life, and a happy death, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
To-morrow I purpose to regulate my room.
The Year 1765
EASTER DAY.
‘The strictness of his self-examination, and scrupulous Christian humility, appear in his pious meditations on Easter Day this year. The concluding words— “I am almost afraid to renew my resolutions” — are very remarkable, and show that he laboured under a severe depression of spirits.’ — Boswell.
April 7, about 3 in the morning.
I PURPOSE again to partake of the blessed Sacrament; yet when I consider how vainly I have hitherto resolved, at this annual commemoration of my Saviour’s death, to regulate my life by his laws, I am almost afraid to renew my resolutions. Since the last Easter I have reformed no evil habit, my time has been unprofitably spent, and seems as a dream that has left nothing behind. My memory grows confused, and I know not how the days pass over me. Good Lord, deliver me.
I will call upon God to-morrow for repentance and amendment. O heavenly Father, let not my call be vain, but grant me to desire what may please Thee; and fulfil those desires for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
My resolutions, which God perfect, are —
1. — To avoid loose thoughts.
2. — To rise at eight every morning.
I hope to extend these purposes to other duties; but it is necessary to combat evil habits singly.
I purpose to rise at eight, because, though I shall not yet rise early, it will be much earlier than I now rise, for I often lie till two, and will gain me much time, and tend to a conquest over idleness, and give time for other duties. I hope to rise yet earlier.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hatest nothing that thou hast made, nor desireth the death of a sinner, look down with mercy upon me, and grant that I may turn from my wickedness and live. Forgive the days and years which I have passed in folly, idleness, and sin. Fill me with such sorrow for the time misspent, that I may amend my life according to thy holy word; strengthen me against habitual idleness, and enable me to direct my thoughts to the performance of every duty; that while I live I may serve Thee in the state to which Thou shalt call me, and at last by a holy and happy death be delivered from the struggles and sorrows of this life, and obtain eternal happiness by thy mercy, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
O God, have mercy on me.
At church I purpose, Before I leave the pew, to pray the occasional prayer, and read my resolutions.
To pray for Tetty and the rest.
The like after communion.
At intervals to use the Collects of Fourth after Trinity, and First and Fourth after Epiphany, and to meditate.
This was done, as I purposed, but with some distraction. I came in at the Psalms, and could not well hear. I renewed my resolutions at the altar. God perfect them. Then I came home.
I prayed, and have hope; grant, O Lord, for the sake of Jesus Christ, that my hope may not be vain.
I invited home with me the man whose pious behaviour I had for several years observed on this day, and found him a kind of Methodist, full of texts, but ill-instructed. I talked to him with temper, and offered him twice wine, which he refused. I suffered him to go without the dinner which I had purposed to give him. I thought this day that there was something irregular and particular in his look and gesture; but having intended to invite him to acquaintance, and having a fit opportunity by finding him near my own seat after I had missed him, I did what I at first designed, and am sorry to have been so much disappointed. Let me not be prejudiced hereafter against the appearance of piety in mean persons, who, with indeterminate notions, and perverse or inelegant conversation, perhaps are doing all they can.
At night I used the occasional prayer, with proper Collects.
BEFORE THE STUDY OF LAW
‘He appears this year to have been seized with a temporary fit of ambition, for he had thoughts both of studying law and of engaging in politics. His “Prayer before the study of Law” is truly admirable.’ — Boswell.
Sept. 26, 1765.
ALMIGHTY God, the giver of wisdom, without whose help resolutions are vain, without whose blessing study is ineffectual, enable me, if it be thy will, to attain such knowledge as may qualify me to direct the doubtful, and instruct the ignorant, to prevent wrongs, and terminate contentions; and grant that I may use that knowledge which I shall attain, to thy glory and my own salvation, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
ENGAGING IN POLITICKS WITH H — N
H — n was the Right Hon. William Gerard Hamilton, for whom Johnson had a great esteem. It is doubtful whether Johnson himself at this time contemplated entering on a political career, or simply meant to qualify himself as political adviser and instructor of his friend.
Nov. 1765.
ALMIGHTY God, who art the giver of all wisdom, enlighten my understanding with knowledge of right, and govern my will by thy laws, that no deceit may mislead me, nor temptation corrupt me; that I may always endeavour to do good, and to hinder evil. Amidst all the hopes and fears of this world, take not thy Holy Spirit from me; but grant that my thoughts may be fixed on Thee, and that I may finally attain everlasting happiness, for Jesus Christ’s sake. Amen.
The Year 1766
NEW YEAR’S PRAYER
Jan. 1, after 2 in the morning.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, I again appear in thy presence the wretched misspender of another year, which thy mercy has allowed me. O Lord, let me not sink into total depravity, look down upon me, and rescue me at last from the captivity of sin. Impart to me good resolutions, and give me strength and perseverance to perform them. Take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but grant that I may redeem the time lost, and that by temperance and diligence, by sincere repentance and faithful obedience, I may finally obtain everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
STUDY
Entering Novum Museum Johnson had recently removed into a house in Johnson’s Court, Fleet Street. Concerning his Novum Museum, or new study, he writes two days later to Bennet Langton: ‘I wish you were in my new study. I am now writing my first letter in it. I think it looks very pretty about me.’
March 7.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hast graciously supplied me with new conveniencies for study, grant that I may use thy gifts to thy glory. Forgive me the time misspent, relieve my perplexities, strengthen my resolution, and enable me to do my duty with vigour and constancy; and when the fears and hopes, the pains and pleasures of this life shall have an end, receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Transcribed, June 26, — 68.
JOHNSON’S BIRTHDAY
For three months this summer Johnson was living in the house of his friend Mr. Thrale, the rich Southwark brewer, at Streatham. He had a very great regard for the sterling character of Thrale, whose acquaintance he had made the previous year; and their friendship continued close and unbroken till the latter’s death. For Mrs. Thrale also he had both affection and esteem, though he was by no means blind to the faults of her lively temperament and manners.
Sept. 18, 1766, at Streatham.
I have this day completed my fifty-seventh year.
O Lord, for Jesus Christ’s sake, have mercy upon me.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, who hast granted me to prolong my life to another year, look down upon me with pity. Let not my manifold sins and negligences avert from me thy fatherly regard. Enlighten my mind that I may know my duty; that I may perform it, strengthen my resolution. Let not another year be lost in vain deliberations; let me remember that of the short life of man, a great part is already past in sinfulness and sloth. Deliver me, gracious Lord, from the bondage of evil customs, and take not from me thy Holy Spirit; but enable me so to spend my remaining days, that, by performing thy will, I may promote thy glory; and grant that after the troubles and disappointments of this mortal state, I may obtain everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Added, The Fourteenth S. after Tr.
The Morning Collect.
The beginning of this (day) year.
Purposes,
To keep a journal. To begin this day.
To spend four hours every day in study, and as much more as I can.
To read a portion of the Scriptures in Greek, every Sunday.
To rise at eight.
Oct. 3, — 66. Of all this I have done nothing.
I returned from Streatham, Oct. 1, — 66, having lived there more than three months.
The Year 1767
NEW YEAR’S PRAYER
It will be seen from the prayers and meditations of this year and the next that Johnson was again under the thraldom of his constitutional melancholy. His broken health, insomnia, and depressed spirits made the night fearful to him. Dreading to retire to bed, he kept late hours, and was glad when he could prevail upon any one to sit up with him. When alone, the silent hours were often spent in prayer and solitary meditation.
‘Mane scripsi’: I wrote this in the early morning.
Jan ima mane scripsi.
ALMIGHTY and most merciful Father, in whose hand are life and death, as Thou hast suffered me to see the beginning of another year, grant, I beseech Thee, that another year may not be lost in idleness, or squandered in unprofitable employment. Let not sin prevail on the remaining part of life, and take not from me thy Holy Spirit; but as every day brings me nearer to my end, let every day contribute to make my end holy and happy. Enable me, O Lord, to use all enjoyments with due temperance, preserve me from unseasonable and immoderate sleep, and enable me to run with diligence the race that is set before me, that, after the troubles of this life, I may obtain everlasting happiness, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
