Stonehill series collect.., p.108
Stonehill Series Collection, page 108
Pushing the shop vac aside, she crossed the dining room and smiled at him. “I feel as exhausted as you look. I don’t say this often, but we are ordering pizza tonight. You like pizza, right?”
“Sure.”
She didn’t bother asking him about toppings—he’d just tell her to order what she wanted anyway—so she got everything, figuring they could each pick off what they didn’t want. The weight of his silence as they locked up the café and walked to her apartment was nearly suffocating. He sat on the bed and took one of the pills the doctor had given to him.
God, she hoped his mood was just his head aching. She feared it was more, so much more. Kneeling behind him, she put her hands to his shoulders, gently kneading as she looked at the stitches in his scalp. “Gonna be a heck of a scar to add to your collection.”
He laughed softly but didn’t answer.
Sliding her arms around his neck, she kissed his ear. “You okay?”
“Got a lot on my mind.”
“Wanna share?”
He sighed heavily. “This is my fault.”
She bit her lips to stop her exacerbation from leaving them. “No. It’s not. And I don’t blame you. Not for a moment have I blamed you.”
“Doesn’t make it any less so. He came after your café because he found out I was here.”
“You don’t know that.”
“I do, Jen.”
“So what if he did? That was his choice. His decision. Vandalizing my business, assaulting you, stealing my money…those were his choices.”
“You were on his radar because of me.”
She finally let the heavy sigh building inside her leave. Leaning back, she moved to sit beside him. “Do you know how long it took me to realize Peter’s actions had nothing to do with me and everything to do with him? Years. Years, Daniel. I beat myself up for years, and I can’t deny that sometimes I still do.” She slid off the bed, kneeled in front of him, and took his hands. “No more. I’m not going to take blame for his actions anymore. And I don’t want you taking blame for your father’s actions. Or for this Taylor guy’s actions anymore. We have to let go of all the things we couldn’t control because if we don’t, then they just control us, and I’m not going to let the past control me anymore. You can’t let it control you either.”
“It’s not that simple, Jen.”
“We’ve got a plan, Daniel. A future we promised each other. We can’t look at the future if we focus on the past.” She stroked his head. “Why do I feel like I’m losing you right now?”
“You’re not,” he whispered.
“Your eyes say something different.”
He cupped her face and pulled her in for a tender kiss. “I love you, Jenna.”
Her heart should have soared at his admission, but instead felt like a rock in her chest. “I love you, Daniel.”
He pulled her into another, much deeper, kiss, which she broke with a curse at the sound of footsteps on the stairs. Digging in her purse, she pulled out cash just as the deliveryman knocked on her door. After accepting the box and telling the kid to keep the change, she dropped the pizza on the table.
Daniel was on her before she could lift the top. His arms circled her waist and his lips covered her neck. She turned in his arms, capturing his kiss with her mouth. He was frantic as he pulled her shirt up and tugged at her jeans. Within moments, the pizza lay forgotten as he lifted her off her feet, pulling her legs around him. She clung to him as he took several steps and pressed her back to the wall, and then he was in her, thrusting hard and fast, and any fear of him leaving her was gone.
She was his. She knew that. She was stupid to doubt him. As he panted her name, she pulled him even closer, deeper. She cried out as her body responded to him—oh, how he had a way of making her respond. His teeth nipped at her neck as he rammed himself deeper one more time. He stilled and the only sound was their heavy breathing. After a moment, he leaned back and kissed her lips.
When she opened her eyes and met his gaze, her heart nearly stopped.
He hadn’t been reminding her of his claim on her. He hadn’t been promising her the future they’d spoken of.
He’d been saying good-bye.
Daniel offered the gentlest smile he could muster when Charlie’s wife answered the door. “Hi, Lisa.”
“Daniel. How’s your head?”
He laughed softly. “Been better. Charlie around?”
“Yeah. Come on in.”
He stepped inside and waited by the door while Lisa went into the kitchen. A minute later, Charlie appeared. The curiosity on his face faded to disappointment.
“Leaving, huh?”
Daniel shifted the pack on his back. “Just for a while. I’ll be back.”
“When?”
“When I don’t want to kill Joel Taylor.” He smiled weakly but it didn’t last. “When I can give Jenna what she needs.”
“Seems like you have. She’s pretty smitten.”
“I want a life with her, Charlie. I told her we’d have a life. But…I’ll just blow it if I keep ignoring all the things you’ve been warning me about. I need to get my head right before I get too deep with Jenna.”
“She know you’re leaving?”
“Yeah. She’s pissed as hell, too.”
“Rightfully so. You got her hopes up awfully high.”
Daniel lowered his face. He’d never forget the pain in her eyes as she realized what he was thinking. “I’m coming back. I told her I’d be back.”
“And what’d she say?”
“She told me you and her brother were right about me. I wasn’t worth the trouble.”
“Ouch, huh?”
“Yeah.”
Charlie stood there for a few seconds. “You want to stay here?”
“No. That’s why I’m here. I want you to help Jen with her café. Fix the windows and the booths and floor like we planned. I trust you to take care of her. To be fair and do a good job.”
He nodded. “She loves you. Should have seen how scared she was at the hospital.”
“I love her, too.”
“So stay. I’ll help you, Danny. I see you’ve been trying. I meant it when I said I’m proud of you. Stay.”
He swallowed. “I can’t keep pushing this anger down. It’s going to get the best of me. Hell, it almost did when you told me your suspicions about Joel. I would have ended up in jail if you hadn’t warned me. I would have lost it and gotten myself in trouble. Jen doesn’t need that. I keep swearing I’ll never hurt her, and I wouldn’t, but my actions toward someone else did. My bad karma came back and kicked her feet from under her. I can’t let that happen again.”
“Did you tell her that?”
“Yeah. She told me I’m a coward who is looking for a reason to run.”
“Is she right?”
“No. She just doesn’t know how deep my anger runs. If she did, she’d be the one running. But I’m going to fix it, Charlie. Then I’m going to be back. Until I am, I need you to take care of her.”
He laughed quietly. “You’ve got a hell of a way of getting me in the damnedest situations, boy.”
“Yes, sir. I do.”
“I made a promise like this to your mama. I don’t think I did such a great job for her, but I’ll do better for you. Jenna will be in good hands until you come back.”
Hefting his pack higher on his shoulders, he felt the knot in his gut tighten. With a nod of thanks, he turned and walked away, taking the first step to leaving the past behind so he could embrace the future. He just hoped Jenna would be willing to embrace him when he returned.
Chapter 23
The mailman set a package on the counter and a pang of anxiety shot through Jenna. Right around the first of every month for the last five months a package arrived. The first time had been a surprise. No return address. No note. Just a vintage Fleetwood Mac tee inside. She’d known it was from Daniel even without a letter. Hope had found her. He was thinking about her. Remembering her. Planning to keep his promise to return even if she had been mad when he walked out on her.
Mad didn’t really cover it. He’d set her feet on the floor after making passionate love to her and she’d made one final appeal for him to stay. He rebuffed her plea and all the anger and frustration of the days before erupted. She’d had a fight with Marcus, her café had been vandalized, Daniel had been hurt, and then, to top it off, he was walking out on her. Everything collapsed around her and she stood naked, screaming at him to leave and just forget about coming back, forget about his stupid three-year plan. Forget her, because she never wanted to see him again.
And then she’d finally given in to the stress and cried and cried, and the next day when she realized he really was gone, she’d cried more. Marcus was furious. Annie was sympathetic. Charlie was apologetic. And Jenna had been humiliated.
Everyone had told her so. Everyone had warned her. But she’d insisted she knew better, she believed in him, she trusted him. And that got her nothing. Well, not nothing exactly.
The first package had given her such a thrill, but as the months went by, they seemed to sting more than anything. Did he really think this was enough? A once-a-month reminder that he’d reneged on their plans? On all his promises? Five months later, the thrill was gone, and she was determined to leave all things Daniel Maguire in the past and embrace the future she was making for herself without him.
She eyed the package for a good fifteen minutes before finally giving in and opening it. As always, the contents only confirmed that he was alive and had become proficient at shopping for old T-shirts, this one for Meat Loaf. She chuckled as she sat on a stool.
Daniel had always liked her meatloaf.
Her shoulders slumped. He was making it impossible to let him go and she had to let him go. For her own sanity. She couldn’t keep letting him stab at her heart like this—month after month.
Stuffing the shirt back in the box, she tucked it behind the counter and grabbed a coffeepot. She focused on refilling mugs and serving orders and wiping tables. When the crowd slowed, she hid in the back room and took inventory. Counting containers of spices was much better than remembering Daniel’s smile. Hearing him laugh. Feeling his touch.
“Bastard,” she breathed when he crept into her thoughts again. She moved on from inventory to menu planning. And when the café was empty and her staff had gone home, she focused on wiping down tables and booths and mopping the floor she still loved to admire. Charlie and his crew had done an amazing job.
She’d been closed for a week after the vandalism. In that week, Charlie and his crew came in, replaced the windows and floors, and reupholstered all the booths and stools. By the time she opened, it looked like a brand-new café and she’d been grateful for that. Fewer reminders of Daniel.
“Get out of my head,” she muttered. She used to save that command for Peter’s memory, but he didn’t come to her mind much these days. No, these days she reserved it for Daniel.
When the floor was clean and the last round of dishes done, she turned off the lights and tucked the morning’s deposit into the safe—she no longer carried it with her upstairs. Opening the kitchen door, she skimmed the now well-lit alley before stepping out. Another project Charlie’s crew had done the week after Daniel had been attacked. The once dim alley was now as bright as noon on a summer day.
Summer was gone now, though, and she reminded herself again that she needed to start wearing a coat as she stepped out and turned to lock the door. The air wasn’t cold but the warmth of the day was giving way to an autumn chill. She was halfway to the stairs before she noticed a figure sitting on the first few steps. Her heart dropped and she froze, ready to turn and run until she caught the man’s dark gaze.
Daniel.
She was immediately snared in his intense stare and that familiar feeling of not knowing what was going on in his mind returned. She hated that feeling. But she also loved it, loved his intensity.
She hated how much she had missed that feeling of free-falling that he tended to bring to her.
“Hey,” he said quietly.
“Hey.”
He smiled, but his eyes seemed unsure. “How are you, Jen?”
She snorted and shook her head. “Oh, the usual, Daniel. Feeling abandoned and betrayed and manipulated by the man I thought I loved. How are you?”
He looked at his hands for a moment before nodding. “The usual. Ashamed, insecure, more than slightly dysfunctional. But happy to see the woman that I do love.”
“What are you doing here?”
“I told you I’d be back.”
“Mmm. Right. You backed out on everything else you promised, but that I was supposed to believe.”
He stood and took the few steps to stand right before her. “I’m sorry for leaving, Jenna. But I had to.”
“I know.” She’d needed some time to come to terms with his decision, but she knew why he’d left. Charlie had told her a hundred times how torn up Daniel had been, but that he’d finally accepted that his anger was something he couldn’t simply control. And though he knew, as Jenna did, that he’d never hurt her, he had hurt others and that wasn’t something he wanted to bring into her life. She was still angry with him for cutting her out of his healing process, but she understood his decision. She’d had to come to terms with the pain Peter had caused her on her own. Nothing Daniel had said or done could heal that wound for her.
“Joel Taylor confessed,” she said. “He pled guilty to all the charges brought against him. He’ll be in jail for a long time.”
“Good. That’s good.”
“Yeah, it’s good.” She crossed her arms and stared at him. “Are you going to tell me where you’ve been?”
“I went to DC. Tracked down a friend of mine who works at the State Department and asked him to help me appeal my dishonorable discharge.”
“You can do that?”
“It’s not easy. But…believe it or not, I actually don’t piss off every person I meet.”
She chuckled softly.
“I saved his ass in Iraq once. He’s high enough on the food chain that he has some pull. He jumped through some hoops, pulled some strings, called in a few favors, and got my pension and benefits reinstated. I’m no longer listed as dishonorable.”
She smiled at the pride illuminating him. Mad as she was at him, she knew how deeply the label had cut him. “That’s great, Daniel. Congratulations.”
“Yeah. It’s amazing. Um, he also got me enrolled in a veteran’s program that helped me learn some anger management. I can’t say I’m cool and collected all the time, but it takes a lot more to set me off these days.” He smiled. “Baby steps.”
She swallowed some of her nervousness. “Yeah. Baby steps.”
“I know I left a mess behind when I walked away, Jenna. I had to fix myself before I could go any further with you. I wasn’t leaving you. I was protecting you from me. You know that, don’t you?”
She bit her lip and diverted her gaze again. “Five months, Daniel. Not so much as a phone call in five months. Nothing but those stupid shirts. What the hell was that about anyway? A shirt but no note? What was that supposed to mean?”
“I wrote you a thousand letters. They just all sounded so pathetic I couldn’t bring myself to send them, but I needed you to know you were on my mind.” He put his hand to his heart. “You were always with me.”
“Why no return address?”
“Because I didn’t want you to come looking for me. I told you I’d be back.”
“You told me a lot of things,” she whispered.
“I meant every single word.” He took a few steps, closing the distance between them. He didn’t touch her, but she could feel him all the same. He’d caressed her face so many times she’d never forget how he felt. He searched her eyes. “You, the future I promised you… I thought about you every day. Every minute. My military appeal was hell. This anger-management program has been hell, but I pushed through because I knew…or I hoped...you’d be waiting on the other side. I know I hurt you and I’ll never be able to tell you how sorry I am, but it was better to walk away from you to fix myself so I didn’t hurt you worse later. I had to heal so my hurt didn’t hurt you and our future.”
She lowered her face, swiped away a tear, and shook her head slowly. “You should have called, Daniel.”
“I’m sorry. Can I show you something?”
Before she could answer, he took her hand and led her toward the entrance to the alley. “Where are we going?” she asked.
“It’s a surprise. Something I’ve been working on while I was gone.” He pulled her through the alley to where he’d parked in front of the café.
She gasped as she finally realized what he was showing her. “Daniel!” She walked to a white truck and stared at the logo for Maguire Construction on the side. Damn him for making her heart swell. The last few months she’d been cursing his name at every turn and he’d been working so hard to better himself. Of course, if he’d called, even once, she’d have known that.
“You did it,” she said when he stepped next to her.
“I borrowed against my retirement to get the ball rolling on that three-year plan of ours.” The insecurity returned to his eyes. “I never forgot our plans, Jen. Everything I’ve been doing was to make that life for us.”
She closed her eyes and sighed, and then looked at the truck again. “This is great.”
“Well, I don’t have any clients yet, but I just got back to town, so…”
“You’ll get new clients in no time.”
“I’m going to go see Charlie tomorrow. Let him know I’d like to take on some of the smaller projects he passes on. Maybe he’ll refer me to some people.”
“I’m sure he will. He’s been so worried about you.”
He lowered his face. “I never meant to worry anyone. I just couldn’t seem to find my footing and I didn’t want to drag you down.”
“I get that.”
“I, um, I peeked in the café before walking around back. Charlie did a great job. It looks amazing.”
