Stonehill series collect.., p.85
Stonehill Series Collection, page 85
He shrank a bit before grinning. “I’m sorry I was a gigantic ass.”
She didn’t know what to say. She hadn’t actually expected him to apologize.
“All this stuff with Mira’s adoption and Lynn leaving is stirring up things I thought I’d resolved a long time ago. It certainly hasn’t helped that Jessica has become obsessed with finding a mom. It’s not an excuse for how I behaved. Just a reason.”
She nodded. “I’m sure it isn’t easy watching Lynn abandon her responsibilities.”
“Mira’s going to have a lot of insecurities growing up.”
Mallory tilted her head. “We all do, Phil. Whether we have two parents or not. There’s always something that makes us question our worth. Your mom took really good care of you and of Jessica, and she’ll take good care of Mira. What Jessica is going through isn’t a reflection of you or the way you raised her. She’s just fixated on the thing that makes her different from her friends.”
“She has Down syndrome, Mallory. There are dozens of things that make her different from her friends.”
Mallory sighed. “Well, this is the thing that she has chosen to focus on. Maybe because it’s the one thing that can be changed.”
He gave a wry laugh. “Wow. I hadn’t thought about it like that.”
“Yeah. I know.” She lowered her face as she took a deep breath. “Look, I’ll still be here for Jessica. I care about her and want to be her friend. But you’re right about us. We need some time and distance for a while.”
He looked hurt. The prick actually looked hurt.
She didn’t back down. “I think it’s best for everyone if we keep our time around each other limited to me picking up Jessica or dropping her off. That should make it clear to her that you and I aren’t more than friends. Okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, so softly she almost didn’t hear.
She headed down the hallway and gently knocked on Jessica’s bedroom door. There was silence on the other side, so she turned the knob slowly and walked in. Her heart ached at the bundle on the bed. “Knock knock.”
Jessica pushed the blankets down, and instead of the big smile Mal was used to, she was met with puffy red eyes and a trembling lip.
“Oh, baby.” She sat on the bed and opened her arms. Jessica was hugging her a moment later.
“Don’t listen to Daddy, Mal. Please. Please don’t go away.”
Hushing her, Mallory held her tight. She hadn’t even realized how much Jessica had become a part of her life until Phil tried to shut her out. She had done her best not to think about the ache inside her, but sitting there holding her, Mallory thought maybe she could finally understand Phil’s concerns. She would never do anything to hurt Jessica, ever, but if she and Phil got into a relationship and it didn’t work out, Jess would be in the middle. There was no way to avoid that.
“Hey, Punk,” she whispered. “Think you can sit up? I need to talk to you about something.”
She lifted her head from Mallory’s shoulder. “Did I do something wrong?”
“No. Not at all.” Wiping Jessica’s cheeks dry, she offered her a reassuring smile. “Your dad told me some things that you said to Grandma and Grandpa.”
“What things?”
“That someday your dad and I might get married. That we might get a new house. Do you remember saying that stuff?”
She looked down and nodded.
Mallory tucked her hair behind her ear. “You’re not in trouble, Jess. It’s okay to talk about the things that you want. Everybody has things they want. But your dad and I… We’re just friends. Friends don’t get married.”
“Your uncle Paul and Dianna were friends and they got married. I heard Grandma and Dianna talking about him for a long time. Dianna said they were just friends, but Grandma told her they were going to be a couple. And now they’re married. And Annie and Marcus were friends. Now they’re married, too.”
Mallory nodded. “You’re right. About Paul and Dianna and Mom and Marcus. But things are different between your dad and me. We really are just friends.”
Her shoulders sagged and she crawled from Mallory’s lap to the pile of pillows. “I know Dad can be a stick in the mud, but he can be fun, too, Mallory.”
“I know that. I think your dad is a lot of fun.”
“He dressed up like Batman,” Jess reminded her.
Mallory smiled at the memory. “Yeah. He did.”
“And he let me keep Lucky.”
“I know. He’s a great dad.”
“He’d be a great husband, too. And you’d be a great wife.”
Yeah. She finally got why Phil was so worried. Jessica really was mapping out the rest of their lives.
“I’m sorry. It’s just not going to happen. I really like your dad, but not like a husband and wife like each other.”
“You don’t love him.”
Mallory shook her head.
“But you could. If you tried.”
Damn it. Her heart was breaking right along with Jessica’s. “Sweetie, people don’t have to try to fall in love with each other. They just do.”
Jess lowered her face. “You’re not going to be my mom?”
“I’m going to be your friend. And if you ever need anything, I’m going to be there for you. That’s kind of like a mom.”
“Not really.”
“That’s the best I can do, Punk. We’ll just have to find a way to make the best work for everybody.”
Jess focused on her pillow, plucking at a string as her face fell into a deep frown. “Yeah. I guess.”
“Have you had dinner yet?”
“No.” Her pout was adorable and heart-wrenching all in one.
Mallory playfully tapped her nose. “Well, we can’t have you going hungry. Should we ask Dad if I can take you to the café?”
“Can he come?”
“I think this should be a girls’ night. You and me and a big pile of rainbow pancakes.”
She nodded, but her usual spunk, her natural happiness, was missing.
Mallory wished she could find a better way to help her understand, but she simply couldn’t. Not when she didn’t fully understand the situation herself.
Hours seemed to have passed from the time Mallory and Jessica had left until headlights turned into his driveway. Phil had gone from pacing the living room to scratching Lucky’s ears to debating whether he should text Mallory to check in. His final attempt at a distraction was sitting with his laptop, trying to focus on work. He was feeling completely uninspired, and the draft proposal was due in two days.
Pushing himself up off the sofa, he opened the door and waited for Jessica and Mallory to come in. His first real smile all day faded when he realized that Jessica had hopped out of the car but Mallory’s door had remained closed.
“Hey, Jess,” he said as she ran by him into the house.
“Hi, Dad.”
He looked back outside. Mallory backed out of the driveway, and his stomach clenched tight. Closing the door, he blew out his disappointment on a long breath and focused on locking the door. By the time he turned around, Jessica had toed off her shoes and was hanging up her coat.
“Good dinner?”
“Yeah.”
She wasn’t chattering like she usually did. Normally he had to remind her to slow down and breathe. She was still giving him the cold shoulder.
“Ready to talk to me yet?”
She faced him, her face not quite angry but looking…fed up. Yeah, he kind of felt that way, too.
“Mallory is still going to be my friend, but I don’t think she likes you very much right now.”
He nearly laughed, mostly at Jessica’s presentation, not her words. “I’ll call her and tell her I’m sorry.”
“Good.”
“Jess,” he called when she started to leave. “You can be mad at me if you need to be, but don’t forget that I love you, and even if it doesn’t seem like it right now, I always do what I think is best for you.”
She softened just enough that he knew she heard his words. “I love you, too, Daddy. And I am still mad at you because you hurt Mallory’s feelings.”
He swallowed hard. “Did she say that?”
“She didn’t have to. I might be a kid, but I know when someone’s feelings are hurt.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings. I’ll call her and tell her that. You should get in the shower. You have school in the morning. I’ll come tuck you in when you’re ready.”
She didn’t say anything else. Man, he’d really screwed this whole thing up.
Sitting on the couch, ignoring his failed attempt at working, he considered what he should say as he gave Mallory time to drive home. The last thing he needed to do was distract her while she was driving.
When he’d given her more than enough time to get home and settle in, he held his breath and connected the call. He deepened his frown with each passing ring. He’d finally accepted that she wasn’t going to pick up and was piecing together the voice mail he planned to leave when she answered.
He stuttered, surprised to hear her voice. “Uh, hey. It’s Phil.”
“Hey.” Her tone was just about as chilled as Jessica’s had been.
“I just wanted to thank you for coming over and helping with Jess. I appreciate it.”
“You’re welcome.”
“Um. So…” He stumbled again. Apologize, he demanded in his mind. But he said, “So how was she? Did she talk to you?”
“Yeah, she did. I told her I’d take her to a movie this weekend. I know I should have asked first, but—”
“No. It’s fine,” he said quickly. Too quickly. Damn, he was still sounding like an ass. “It’s great.”
“Is the Saturday matinee okay?”
“Yeah. Great.”
“She had questions about the adoption,” Mallory said. “I thought you weren’t going to tell her until it was final.”
“She overheard me talking. I didn’t know she knew until earlier.”
“Well, maybe you should talk to her about it. She’s feeling a bit insecure about her place with Kara and Harry if they have a new baby.”
“Yeah. I’ll do that. Thanks.”
Silence lingered before she finally broke it. “Seeing her so upset, I get where you’re coming from. I agree that we need to be more careful of the impression we’re giving her.”
He felt a huge sense of relief wash through him. “I’m glad you understand.”
“I also understand that you’re using that as an excuse to not let me in. I hope you figure that out.”
“Mallory, I—”
“Tell her I’ll pick her up at noon Saturday,” she stated, cutting him off. “We don’t want to be late for the movie.”
Before he could speak, he realized she’d ended the call. Tossing his phone onto the cushion beside him, he fell back and let out a long breath. Lucky whined and pawed at him. Phil chuckled as he realized the dog seemed to be the only one around not mad at him. Patting his head, he silently thanked the dog for not telling him he was a jerk. However, when he tried to scratch Lucky’s ears, the pup huffed and wobbled away.
Plopping down on the bed Mallory had bought for him, even Lucky seemed to be giving Phil the stink eye. He checked his watch. Jessica had a fifteen-minute limit on the shower, mostly because if he didn’t remind her to get out, she’d stay in there until she used up all the hot water. He pushed himself up and knocked on the bathroom door.
“Wrap it up, Punk.”
“I’m out,” she called, surprising him.
She opened the door, and he was even more surprised. Not only had she gotten through the shower in record time, but she was dressed and had her hair bundled up in a towel and toothpaste bubbles at the corners of her mouth. He used his thumb to wipe them away.
“That was quick,” he pointed out.
“I want to draw a picture for Mallory before bed.”
Of course she did.
“I’m going to surprise her.”
“She’ll like that.” He followed her to her room, but she turned and stared at him.
“I don’t need to be tucked in tonight, Daddy. I can do it.”
“Sure you can,” he said, wondering if she saw through his fake smile. He held his hand out. “I’ll take that towel.”
She yanked the terry cloth off her hair and handed it to him.
“Brush your hair—”
“I know.”
“Lights out in half an hour, okay?”
She dropped her shoulders dramatically. “It’s Friday.”
“Forty-five minutes,” he conceded.
Her smile returned. “Thanks.”
Closing her bedroom door behind him, Phil made a mental note of the time so he’d remember to check that she actually did go to bed when she was supposed to. Returning to the living room, he looked around the empty space. A few months ago, he would have loved having some peace and quiet. He’d always cherished his downtime. Being a single parent, he didn’t seem to get enough of that.
Now, however, the room was too quiet. Too empty.
He was tempted to call Mallory back, to try to explain once again that he was trying to do the right thing. Unfortunately, he was having a hard time believing that himself right now.
Chapter 13
Mallory hated how her stomach turned into a ball of knots every time she pulled up to Phil’s house. She wanted to be mature about this situation, but almost a week after he’d dumped her, seeing him still made her want to wrap her hands around his throat and choke him. Then bang his head against the wall.
Then kiss his pain away.
Avoiding him was definitely easier. When she’d picked Jessica up for their movie date, she’d sent Phil a text asking him to send Jess out. From the moment the girl got in the car, she hadn’t stopped talking about how Lucky had gotten his cast off and how Mallory just had to see how much better he was doing.
“You’re coming in, right?” Jessica asked hopefully. “To see Lucky.”
Mallory cursed in her mind even as she forced a smile. “Sure thing.” As she turned off the ignition, the knots in her stomach rolled again, making her feel queasy. She couldn’t duck and cover every time Phil was around, and if she was as committed to Jessica as she kept insisting that she was, she was going to have to learn to deal with seeing him. Sooner was definitely better than later.
If only she could stop her hands from trembling as she pulled her keys free and released her seat belt. Jessica ran ahead of her and opened the door, yelling out to her dad that she was home. When Mallory stepped into the house, her uneasiness faded at the image of Jessica with her arms wrapped around Lucky in a bear hug. The dog was sucking up her affections, cementing the notion that the pair had become the best of friends.
“Hey, buddy,” Mallory cooed when Jessica released Lucky. “Look at you.” Bending down, she scratched his fluffy black ears as his eyes danced and he panted with excitement.
“Look, Mal. No cast.” Jessica pointed.
“Nice. I bet that feels so much better, huh?” She patted his head and stood upright when she sensed Phil’s presence in the room. Her gaze immediately met his, and that knotted-up stomach sensation returned right along with all the other urges. She forced her attention back to Lucky. “How’s he getting around?”
“He has a little bit of a limp, but the vet said he should work that out once he gets some muscle tone back.”
“Good.”
“How was the movie?”
Jessica bounced up. “You would have loved it, Daddy. Ironman is so funny. Hey, Mal, wanna see my new drawings? I’m going to make a comic book for Super Punk and Lucky.”
Mallory chuckled a little at Jessica’s ability to run so many words together without seeming to need a breath. “Yeah, let me see.” She grabbed Jessica’s outstretched hand and followed her to her room, intentionally avoiding Phil’s eyes as she passed him.
Dropping onto Jessica’s bed, she admired page after page of Super Punk adventures while Jess told her the story. She offered a few tips, ideas that made Jessica’s eyes light up and smile widen.
“Can we do that now?” Jessica asked when Mallory suggested she add a few more pictures. “Will you help me?”
Mallory wanted to, she really did, but the weight of knowing Phil was just down the hall made her increasingly uncomfortable. “Tell you what, let’s plan an art day. A whole day just drawing and painting.”
“Grandma has a studio. Can we do it at Grandma’s studio?”
Ugh. Kara would probably try to corner Mallory to get details that Phil likely hadn’t been willing to give. But the excitement in Jessica’s eyes drowned out the dread in Mallory’s gut. “Yeah. If she says it’s okay.”
“She will. She’ll love it. Let’s call her.”
“Whoa, slow down, Speed Racer,” Mallory teased. “I need to see when I can do it.”
“Tomorrow?”
“How about next weekend? I’m sure your dad wants to hang out with you without me some this weekend, too.”
Jessica didn’t exactly frown, but her face definitely dimmed. “You’re more fun.”
Mallory teasingly tapped Jessica’s nose. “Dad’s fun, too. Maybe you just need to help him come up with cool ideas.”
“I miss having you here,” Jessica said.
“I know, Punk, but we had a good time today, didn’t we?”
“It’s not the same.”
“I know.”
She did frown then, and she lifted sad eyes to Mallory. “Do I have to wait until next weekend to see you? Can you pick me up from school one day?”
“We’ll see.”
“Whenever Daddy says ‘we’ll see,’ he really means no.”
“Jessica, do you think you could do me a favor? Do you think you could try to be patient while Daddy and I figure out some things? I know it’s hard to understand. Grown-up problems always are.”
Jessica scowled and grumbled. “He shouldn’t have made you leave.”
“Hey, your dad’s number-one job is taking care of you. Even when it feels like he isn’t, he is, Jessica.”
“How is not being your friend anymore him taking care of me?”
“We’re still friends.”
