Stonehill series collect.., p.88
Stonehill Series Collection, page 88
She stared at him, taking in the schoolboy anxiety on his face. He looked like he’d just asked her to the prom and had no idea how she’d answer. “I can swing by. Sure.”
His smile eased. “Good. Also, I wanted to thank you for taking care of Jessica,” he said sincerely. “You saved me a lot of stress not having to worry about her.”
“Of course.”
“Mallory,” he stated, giving her pause with the seriousness of his tone. “I didn’t have to worry about her. Not once did I wonder if she was doing okay. That might not sound like much, but that’s a really big deal for me.”
“I know it is.” It took a moment, but she managed a smile. “Thank you for trusting me.”
“Thank you for…sticking around long enough to let me.” He looked at his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets, and then looked at her again. “You know this entire situation with Lynn has been hitting a bit too close to home for me, but today…I don’t know if I ever really talked about it, but we were in the hospital waiting room when Katrina left. She said she couldn’t handle being a parent and she walked out. And that was that.”
Mallory’s heart shattered. “I’m so sorry.”
“Up until today, I’ve been pretty torn on how I feel about Mira’s adoption. I know my parents love her, but knowing how abandoned Jessica has felt, part of me really wanted Lynn to step up and be the mom she should be. Today made me see things a little differently. It really is best if Lynn walks away. Mom said Lynn was genuinely concerned about Mira, but as soon as the doctor said she’d be okay, Lynn was ready to leave. She asked Mom to call her and let her know how Mira was doing. That’s not how a mom should act, Mal.”
“No. It’s not.”
“Some people really just aren’t cut out for parenthood, are they?”
She shook her head, thinking of her birth father, the one she’d never met. “My mom told me she’d help me find my father if I wanted. I don’t. I really don’t, Phil. Marcus might just be my stepdad, but he is the only father I’ve ever known. The only one I’ll ever need. Kara and Harry are the only real parents Mira’s ever known, and they’ll give her the life she deserves. Just like you gave Jessica the life she’s deserved.”
He huffed out his breath. “Mal, I know I messed things up. I freaked out when I realized how much Jessica cares for you. I said some things—”
“Forget it.”
“No.” Shaking his head, he pressed his lips together and stared her down. “I was so far off the mark about you. But the thing is, it wasn’t about you.”
“I know.”
“It was about Katrina. And me. Maybe even a little bit about Lynn.”
“I know.”
He shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “I’m trying to apologize.”
She smirked. “I know.”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
She licked her lip as she took her breath. “But you did, Phil. You hurt me so much. Not just by implying that I wasn’t good enough for Jessica but by treating me like I was disposable. I gave you everything I thought you wanted, and you tossed me aside like I meant nothing.”
“Only because you meant too much.”
She processed his excuse before rolling her eyes. “You are so messed up,” she whispered.
“I’m working on it. But I’m not the only one who misses you. Us.”
“Jessica is tougher than you give her credit for,” Mallory told him. “She’s already adjusting to how things are.”
“I don’t want her to.”
Rolling her head back, Mallory shook it. “Do you even recognize how often you change your mind? I mean, it’s a damn good thing you never had to pick out a prom dress, Phil.”
He chuckled, which made her grin.
Her smile faded quickly, however. “I am going through a lot, too, Phil. I’m still learning to accept the extent of my mom’s injuries and how to care for her without overstepping. I need balance in my life. I need…security and stability. Nothing about being with you is stable.”
“I’ve been self-centered.”
“Yes, you have,” she stated, not giving him any slack. “And I don’t have the energy for that right now.”
“Noted.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe we could start small. I’m going to spend the morning with my parents. I know they’re exhausted and need help with Mira. Jess and I could use the help, too. Would you consider joining us? Just to hang out. Like we used to.”
As seemed to happen where Phil was concerned, she hadn’t realized how much she wanted that until he offered it. But she was hesitant. Untrusting. “You’re going to be with your parents. You don’t need me there.”
“No. But I want you there.”
“Maybe,” she said. “Call me tomorrow. We’ll see how I’m feeling about it then.”
“Fair enough.”
She started for the door, but he put his hand to her arm.
“I didn’t lie. When we were together. Every word I said was true, I just…”
“Got scared,” she finished.
He nodded.
“I believe you. I forgive you. But I’m not sure I’m ready to be with you again. Good night, Phil.”
“Night, Mal.”
Chapter 15
Phil and Mallory walked slowly, side by side, down the beach as Jessica ran ahead with Lucky. The dog’s limp was virtually nonexistent, and as Phil had long ago predicted, the two were inseparable. Now that Lucky could run and play, Jessica spent time every afternoon in the backyard throwing balls and sticks, cheering him on as he fetched them. She seemed to be completely in tune with Lucky, on some level that Phil didn’t really understand.
Being on the beach where they’d found him seemed to settle them both down, though, almost as if they realized the significance of being in this place. Lucky’s life had been forever changed here. It seemed as if he were reflecting on that as he looked over the water with Jessica’s hand on his head.
They’d spent all day at his parents’ house, helping with Mira as much as Kara would allow. She was still being overprotective of the baby, hyperaware of every sound Mira had made, but midmorning, she’d caved and let Harry drag her upstairs so they could nap. Between Jessica, Mallory, and Phil, they’d managed to keep Mira happy enough for several hours.
During those several hours, even more of Phil’s deep-seated fears seemed to ease. Not only had Mallory’s silly dancing and singing kept a smile on Jessica’s face, but Mira seemed to tolerate her fairly well, too, which said a lot. When Kara and Harry woke up, however, Mallory was more than happy to pass Mira over and return to giving Jessica tips on her artwork.
As he and Mallory neared Jessica, Phil realized Lucky’s life wasn’t the only one that had changed significantly. He couldn’t deny that there was a part of him that was still leery, still too scared to let go of the past, but he was determined to push that part of him down. Instead of running from what he was feeling, he intended to simply acknowledge the fear but to let the happiness outweigh the doubt.
That was something new for him. Something he was going to have to work on for some time. But standing there, staring out at the water with Mallory by his side, he committed to finding a way to move on with his life. If the last few months had taught him anything, it was that always fearing the worst was keeping him from having more in life. Not just him but his daughter, too.
As if she sensed his thoughts, his daughter looked up and smiled at him. She seemed to have forgiven his missteps as soon as she’d seen that Mallory had. From what he could tell, Jessica had brushed it all under the rug and was happy to get back to how things were. He was, too, but he was smart enough to know nothing was that easy. Mallory still had her guard up, and he didn’t blame her. He’d have to find a way to prove that he was working on himself.
“Where are you?” Mallory asked, pulling him from his thoughts.
After a few hard blinks, he realized that Jess and Lucky had moved along the beach. Mallory was looking at him with concern in her eyes.
Clearing his throat, he rocked back on his heels. “I need to ask you for something.”
She lifted her brows in question.
“Patience. Lots of patience.”
“Huh,” she scoffed. “Seems to me I’ve already given you that.”
“You have. But I need a bit more while I sort through some things. I spent most of my life angry because I didn’t have a father. Then I spent most of Jessica’s life angry because she didn’t have a mother. Instead of processing those situations and moving on, I clung to them. Used them as excuses to keep people at arm’s length. I’m trying not to do that anymore, but it’s hard to let go of something that’s so ingrained. I’m working on it. I just want you to know that I’m trying to do better, and I’d like to start with you.”
“That’s a good place to start.” She offered him a smile and then stepped around him to catch up to Jessica.
He stood back, watching, taking in the scene. When she held out her hand, Jessica took it and smiled up with so much love, Phil’s heart ached. But this time in a way that made him fill with warmth and an even deeper determination to be the man that both of them deserved.
Being with Phil and Jessica was too easy. Mallory hadn’t intended to spend all day Sunday with them, but by the time they left Kara’s, took Lucky for a walk by the lake, and had dinner at the café, her entire weekend had been devoted to the father-daughter duo.
She guessed the next weekend would be similar, since Jessica had begged for her help painting Lucky’s new doghouse. Jess was going to think of ideas that she would help Mallory execute. The doghouse was bound to turn out a hodgepodge of pinks, purples, and comic book images. It’d be perfect.
Sinking into her bed, she tapped the screen on her phone and opened her social media page. She had no intention of checking in with friends or family. She opened her own page and scrolled through the images of her with Jess and Phil. For a while, she hadn’t posted anything but pictures of the three of them or at least of the scenery from their various outings.
She had so many pictures of Jessica. Some with her smiling bright, some selfies of the two of them making silly faces. But there were plenty of the three of them. Looking just like the family Phil had said he didn’t want.
Now that she had given up the urge to kill him, she was starting to see his concern. They certainly had fallen into a comfortable space that would give anyone, but most especially Jessica, the idea that they had a future together. All of them.
She could see how making love had shaken Phil to the core. Mallory had felt used, but once her anger started to burn out, she knew she hadn’t been. Phil was a good guy—a scared, fumbling fool, but a good guy all the same. She knew his number-one priority was Jessica’s well-being, as it should be. Mallory had just been so hurt that he would ever think that anything she would say or do would put Jessica at risk.
She couldn’t possibly make him understand how much she loved that kid. She had been hesitant to even try, fearing that would give him one more reason to drive that wedge between them.
Mallory loved the safety and security of being home and close to her family, but she did tend to be a bit more reckless than she thought Phil could ever be. She’d been happy with Phil and Jess, and that was enough for her. She hadn’t considered that Phil would pick that happiness apart and analyze it as he did everything.
Now that she could sit back and think, she realized she should have seen his cold feet coming a mile away. Not just because he tended to overthink but because their entire damn relationship had been hot and cold from day one. She shouldn’t have needed him to pull the rug from beneath her feet. She should have known to step back long before he panicked.
Not that she was excusing his behavior. A grown man should know better than to have sex with a woman, whispering about how much he cared for her, and then walk away and think she’d be cool with it.
She still wasn’t cool with that.
But she was allowing the anger to soften enough to see his side of things. His side wasn’t as cut-and-dried as hers. He had more to lose; Jessica’s happiness was riding on his in a lot of ways. He had every right to be cautious and even to take a step back if he needed to.
Closing her social media page, she opened her texting app and brought up the long list of messages she and Phil had exchanged. She smiled as she scrolled through the blue and purple bubbles of text. She wasn’t reading them as much as remembering the moments when her heart would flutter when her phone dinged the special chime she used to let her know Phil was messaging her.
The last few texts that had passed between them were clipped, sterile of the former teasing and playfulness. Mallory missed their teasing and playfulness. Phil was serious, but his humor was sharp, and when they first got to know each other, he’d toss deadpan comments that sent her into fits of giggles. She was always shocked when he’d relax enough to snap back. He’d relaxed a lot more as their time together progressed and his jokes eased out more often. Even so, he had a way of cracking her up that she didn’t think she’d find with someone else.
With the last text read, she frowned at herself and her lingering misery. She typed a message—I had a great time today. Thanks.—and debated sending it. Not too friendly but enough to let him know she was thinking of him. She pressed the arrow to send the message.
Almost immediately, his special ding sounded, and her heart did that ridiculous fluttering thing again. She smiled despite herself and read his message.
Me too. Night, Mal.
“Good night,” she muttered to herself. “You big, stupid man.”
Chapter 16
Mallory stopped in her tracks when she spotted Phil standing in the lobby of O’Connell Realty with a bouquet of brightly colored flowers. He looked anxious, and when he smiled at her, the gesture didn’t seem genuine. She had no idea what the fool was up to, but damned if the ice around her heart didn’t melt a little.
“I know I’m stopping by unannounced,” he said. “I was hoping you wouldn’t be busy.”
She glanced around the room. Miraculously, no one else seemed busy either. Marcus was poking his head out of the break room, her aunt Dianna had suddenly stopped talking and was leaning to gawk through her office door into the lobby, and Courtney, the receptionist, was glancing between Phil and Mal. Thankfully Annie was at home and not there to gawk at her as well.
“Don’t you have work to do?” Mallory looked around at her co-workers. “Don’t any of you have work to do?” She caught her stepfather’s gaze before he backed away. “There is no need to reach for that phone in your pocket. I’ll call Mom when I damn well feel like it.”
He lifted his hands as if to surrender and then cast a warning glance toward Phil before returning to his mission of refilling his coffee for what was likely his tenth cup of the day.
“I’m sorry,” Phil said quietly. “I didn’t realize—”
“That my family and friends are just as nosy as yours? Dianna’s probably on the phone with Kara as we speak. Actually, they’re probably on a three-way call with my mother.”
He grinned. “Probably. But mostly because Dad knows I’m here, and I have no doubt that he told Mom two seconds after I finished telling him.”
She chuckled because she knew he was right. “How’s Mira?”
“Better. Thanks for asking.” He held the flowers out. “I hope this is okay. I didn’t know what you liked, but since you like bright colors…”
She eyed the bouquet in his hand. The big blooms were beautiful. She couldn’t remember the last time someone brought her a bouquet and felt a little ridiculous at how giddy she felt accepting them. “They’re beautiful. Thank you.” Glancing around again, she sighed at all the eyes still on their exchange and gestured for him to follow her. Inside her office, she closed the door and set the vase on her desk before facing him. “I wasn’t expecting flowers. What’s the occasion?”
“Um. Well.” He let an uneasy laugh leave him. “I really suck at this…”
Just like when he sent her text messages, seeing him stutter made her heart flip. His awkward foot-shifting usually meant he was going to say something that either made her smile so big her face split or scowl so hard her fists clenched. “At what?”
He puffed his cheeks up and let the air out slowly. “I miss you, Mallory.”
Okay. That wasn’t so bad. A bit in between the face-splitting and fist-clenching. “We spent all day yesterday together. Remember?”
“Yes,” he stated with a nod. “It was great. It was…perfect.”
She thought so, too. She’d arrived at his parents’ house with hot pizza, bantered with Kara about her poor diet, and spent the rest of the time hanging out with Jessica. She even managed to hold Mira for a bit before the baby seemed to remember she didn’t like anyone. When they were getting ready to leave, Jessica asked if they could take Lucky to the lake and begged Mallory to join them.
The walk had been so fun, mostly because she and Phil actually seemed comfortable around each other for the first time in several weeks. He had seemed lost in thought several times, which helped further soften her angry edges and led to her late text to him last night.
“I miss”—he shoved his hands in his pockets in that way he did when he was struggling to express himself—“I miss the little family that we’d become,” he said.
His confession shocked her. He’d said the F word.
Family. He’d just called them a family.
Her breath caught, and her eyes instantly pricked as tears threatened to take hold. She blinked and reminded herself to inhale. “Family is a pretty strong word.”
Meeting her gaze, he stared into her eyes. “Yes. It is. But accurate, don’t you think?”
She swallowed hard. Man, she was setting herself up for a fall again. But she ignored the red flags waving in her mind, warning her to slow down. She grabbed at the invitation to take what she’d been wanting all along. “I think we could use that in a general sense.”
