Stonehill series collect.., p.12
Stonehill Series Collection, page 12
He took the roses and returned them to the pail of water with the other bouquets. Harry picked up a dark purple orchid and waited for Phil to approve. With a nod, Phil took the candies and gestured for Harry to follow him to the health section. Phil swept his hand like a game show host at the bins of bulk nuts, dried fruit, and granola. “This. Any of this.”
Harry had never felt so overwhelmed by food before. He picked up a small brown paper bag, clearly marked to show it was made of recycled materials—a far cry from the fancy candy box he’d initially picked out—and settled on a mix of unsalted nuts. He filled the bag halfway and glanced at Phil, who again nodded his approval.
The bag was just about the most unromantic package he’d ever seen. The plain wrapping made the gift seem more friendly than whatever he might have been going for. Maybe that was a good thing. He was jumping the gun. Kara hadn’t been back in his life nearly long enough to start dating.
“Dating is kind of a strong word,” Harry said as he followed Phil to the front of the store. “I mean, I-I don’t think it’s the right word.”
“Why not?” Phil pulled the cart to a stop in front of a display of toilet paper. “I, for one, would like to have at least a brief time in my life when my parents are a normal couple.”
“Yeah, but…”
“But?”
Harry looked at his gifts again. “This probably isn’t the best time. I mean we just… We’re just getting to know each other again, and we have so much going on. She’s probably not interested in me anyway. I’m not exactly the poster child for the hippie lifestyle.”
Phil took the orchid and the nuts and put them in the cart. “First thing, Mom has the least defined standards for men I’ve ever known. You fall well within the range of what is and isn’t acceptable in a boyfriend. She’s dated artists, businessmen, and academics. You treat her well, and you have a pulse. Those are about the only two things that have been consistent in the men she’s introduced me to. Second, I saw you together yesterday when you thought Jess and I had left. She likes you.”
Harry frowned. “I just want her to know I appreciate her. It’s not like…”
“It’s not like high school, when you wasted all that time that you could have been together because were too scared to tell her you liked her?”
Harry’s scowl deepened when Phil walked away. “You’re a smartass. You get that from her, by the way.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Harry paid for their groceries and fretted all the way home. He was on the verge of hiding the orchid and just putting the nuts on the counter like he hadn’t agonized over their purchase when Phil shoved the gifts in his hands and nodded toward Kara’s room.
“Just be cool,” he whispered, but then he yelled over Harry’s shoulder. “Hey, Jessica, come see what Daddy got!”
The girl darted from Kara’s room. Harry froze, but Phil urged him toward the door as he distracted Jessica with a box of all-natural popsicles. Harry exhaled and gripped the plant and bag of nuts.
Kara sat at the sewing machine squinting at the tiny needle, her reading glasses perched on the top of her head. A long, messy braid hung over her shoulder. She was wearing an ankle-length sundress in shades that reminded Harry of a peacock. He couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face as she focused on threading the machine.
“Tell me he didn’t get her candy,” she muttered, not lifting her attention from the eye of the needle. “She’s wound up enough without all that sugar.”
“No. No, we didn’t buy any candy.” Before he could chicken out, he thrust the orchid toward her. “I got this for you.”
She looked up, and he could swear her cheeks blushed just a touch. “Oh, Harry, it’s beautiful.”
“I thought…you know, you needed…a plant.” What?
“It’s lovely.” She stood and took the orchid. “I gave all my plants away when we moved.” She touched the petals of one of the flowers, admiring it with a smile. “Thank you.”
“And some nuts. Unsalted. I hope that’s okay.”
She looked at the bag for a moment, and his heart tripped a bit. She suddenly appeared tentative. She lifted her gaze to his, and he could read the questions in her eyes.
“Thanks,” she said with far less enthusiasm than she had just moments before.
His hopes sank. “I just thought…”
“Phil picked these out.”
He opened his mouth and closed it, trying to process if her words were merely an observation or an accusation. “Well, not exactly. He pointed me in the right direction, but I picked them out.”
She took the bag from him. “Why?”
“What do you mean?”
Putting the gifts on the table, she turned and faced Harry, crossing her arms over her chest. “Why are you buttering me up, Harry?”
“I’m not.”
She tilted her face, silently letting him know she didn’t believe him. He exhaled all the breath and excitement he’d been holding.
He shrugged. “I wanted to do something nice for you.”
Her brow knitted. “Why?”
He stared at her for a few heartbeats. “Because.”
“Because?”
“Just because.”
She gave him that look again, like she couldn’t quite decide if she should buy into his story.
“When I woke up this morning, I was so happy. Hanging out with you and Jess put me in a great mood. I just wanted to do something nice for you.”
Finally, the suspicion faded from her face and she smiled. “Oh. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
She put the pot on her dresser and carried the bag of nuts with her to the bed. She looked out the window. Phil and Jessica sat at the newly added picnic table. Harry’s backyard had transformed from barren to a family gathering spot in just a few weeks. He had already promised next summer there would be a pool. Jessica hadn’t stopped talking about how awesome it was going to be.
He crossed the room and sat on her bed, taking up his usual spot leaning against the window ledge. She opened the bag and dumped out a handful of nuts for him. He picked a few and popped them into his mouth. She stretched her legs out, not seeming to mind that her toes slid under his thigh. He, on the other hand, felt the contact buzz throughout his body.
“I finally got started on my curtains this morning.” She pushed the nuts around, as if looking for something particular. She plucked a cashew up and put it in her mouth. “Do you have anything I can use as rods?”
“We can go to the hardware store this afternoon.”
“I need to go the thrift store. I’m sure they have some.”
“What do you need from the thrift store?”
“Well, as soon as I get done sewing all these new dresses that Miss Jessica has requested, I’m going to have start working on making some sweaters. Fall isn’t that far away. I need some yarn. There’s usually some at the thrift stores.”
“You knit, too?”
“When I was so pregnant with Phil that I could no longer move, one of the ladies gave me a basket of yarn and about ten minutes of lessons. By the time he was born, I had managed to make him a pair of booties, one about twice as large as the other.” She laughed. “I think I still have those somewhere. Luckily, I got better with time.”
“I think it’s amazing how self-sufficient you are. If the zombie apocalypse happened tomorrow, you would be one of the few survivors. You can garden, sew, knit, live on nonchemically altered foods. That’s very impressive.”
“Well, you could negotiate your way out of having your brains eaten. You should have been a lawyer.”
He smiled and lifted his gaze to her. “Still regret coming home?”
She looked out the window as Phil chased Jess around the yard, his arms up like he was a monster. “No. Today I’m very happy that I came home.”
He dropped his hand onto her ankle and brushed his thumb over her soft skin. “So am I.”
Kara pressed her heel into the ground, and the swing swayed back and then forward. She looked at the setting sun painting the sky brilliant pinks, purples, and oranges. She committed the scheme to her mind, planning to use the colors in a work of something she hadn’t quite determined yet.
It had been hours since she and Harrison had left her bed after sharing half the bag of nuts and chatting about nothing. His hand had fallen to her ankle, and his thumb had rolled over her skin. She’d swear she could still feel his heat boring into her.
She’d looked at the orchid on her dresser a hundred times, and each time the flower sent a thrill through her, which was almost immediately followed by a silent warning that she shouldn’t even consider getting caught up in Harrison Canton again. Sure, things were a lot different now than they had been when he’d just been a crush she fantasized about, but they had so much baggage.
Yet, when he was sitting with her, talking about nothing or something as serious as their parents’ actions, she didn’t want the moments to end. He’d fallen asleep in her bed the night before, and when she’d awakened in his arms, she couldn’t have been happier. She was embarrassed because, even though she was far from vain, she knew she must have looked awful. He hadn’t cared in the least. He’d crawled back onto her bed in his same wrinkled clothes, his hair sticking up as he sipped coffee and had another of their pointless conversations.
This evening, instead of going into her room to paint or sew, she’d slipped outside while he and Phil watched their customary hour or so of television. She needed to clear her head, and being in her room just reminded her how much she enjoyed being with Harrison. She was as drawn to him now as she’d been thirty years ago, only now she had a much clearer understanding of what that meant. This life, as conflicted and confusing as it was, was filling a hole inside her she had ignored for far too long.
Recognizing and accepting that brought a strange mix of emotions—contentment wrapped in terror. She hadn’t expected to feel such a sense of belonging when she came back to Stonehill. She hadn’t expected to have the same stirring of emotions every time she looked at Harry. And she certainly hadn’t expected to have this longing to see her parents.
She felt as if she were on the cusp of having everything she was supposed to have had back then. Her son, his father, her parents, even Elaine, if Kara were being honest. They should have been a family. This should have been her home. Her life. And now everything was right there. All she had to do was take it.
But that was the hardest part. What if she reached out and everything was pulled away from her? What if her parents changed their minds about wanting to see her? What if Harry changed his mind about wanting her as part of his family? What if… What if she let herself count on them and they all just walked away again?
Kara closed her eyes and tried to push the doubts away, but they always won. She could daydream about this wonderful life all she wanted, but her dreams always ended the same. With the realization that she was opening herself up to being emotionally obliterated all over again. She just didn’t know if she could do that.
She looked to the house when the screen door opened. So much for alone time. Harry was walking across the yard, a glass in each hand, ice clinking the sides with each step he took. He held one out to her as she skidded her slow-moving swing to a stop.
“Want some company?” he asked.
She thought she should tell him no, given the tangle of emotions she’d been trying to process, but instead she nodded toward the darkening sky. “You missed a hell of a sunset.”
He shifted his gaze upward. “I’m sure you saw them all the time on the coast.”
“There is something to be said for the sun sinking into the ocean.”
He sat awkwardly, trying to fit in a seat made for children. “Do you miss it?”
“The coast? Only every second of the day.” She smiled at him. “The sacrifice is worth being here with you guys, though.”
“Thanks for including me in that,” he said with one of his sexy half grins.
“Jess in bed?” she asked instead of acknowledging something she hadn’t realized she’d done.
“Yes. And Phil is watching some crime show.”
“He likes those.”
They both took drinks from the lemonade she’d made earlier.
“I missed a call from my mom,” Harry said after a few moments of silence.
“Are you going to call her back?”
He focused on the sky. “Yeah. I guess I have to. I’m sure she’s wondering about dinner next week.” He laughed, but it wasn’t genuine. In fact, the forced chuckle sounded pretty damned miserable. “She must have some kind of radar. Whenever I start getting too content, she calls and shakes me up again.”
She ran a hand over his back, not sure what else she could do to offer him support. “We’ve had a good weekend, huh?”
“We’ve had a great weekend. I really don’t want it to be over.”
She pressed her lips together and stilled her hand as another reality she’d been ignoring sank in. “Jess starts school tomorrow.”
“You nervous about that?”
“I’m very nervous about that.”
“She’s going to be okay.”
“I’m sure. I just worry about her.”
“I get that.” He sipped his drink and shifted on the tiny seat. “Have you decided what to do about your parents?”
She sighed. “I have to go see them. I just haven’t figured out when.”
“Is it a matter of finding the time or finding the courage?”
“Courage. Definitely the courage.”
“They want to see you. They want to tell you they’re sorry.”
“And your mother wants to tell you that she’s sorry. Does that make facing her any easier for you?”
He sighed. “Not in the least. But I do have to face this eventually, Kara. So do you.”
A breeze flitted through the backyard, and she shivered. The wind hadn’t made her body shudder, however. His words had set her nerves on edge and made her quiver. Even so, she said, “Sun’s barely down, and I swear the temperature has dropped by ten degrees already.”
He pushed his swing closer to hers and put his arm around her shoulder. His heat radiated into her, sending a flush throughout her body.
“Better?”
“Mm-hmm.”
“You looked pretty deep in thought when I came out. Are you okay?”
“Just trying to figure some things out.”
“What things?” he asked quietly.
Kara drew a slow breath and held it for a moment before sighing. “Everything.”
“What to talk about it?”
She looked up at the sky again. “This could be our life, couldn’t it? You and me. Phil and Jess. We could…we could be happy, couldn’t we?”
“I think so.”
“We could be a family. A real family, not just… Not just strangers in a community who agree to take care of each other and call it family. But a real family. The four of us.”
“I want that, Kara. More than anything.”
She blinked, surprised at the tears in her eyes. “Me, too. But…”
“But?”
“Family leaves,” she whispered.
“Oh, honey.” He tightened his hold on her. “People make mistakes. People hurt other people, even when they care about them. And, yes, sometimes family leaves. But they’re still your family. Your parents, even after all they did, still love you. My mother, bat-shit crazy as she is, still loves me.”
Kara laughed softly, but her amusement didn’t last. “I want this life. So much. But I am absolutely terrified.”
“I know. But, Kara, this scares me, too. Opening yourself up to someone else means trusting they won’t hurt you. When you’ve been hurt and betrayed before, trust comes a little slower. And that’s okay. What isn’t okay is running away before you let people get close enough to care.”
She smirked. “I hate when you slip in your little bits of psychoanalysis.”
“Do you deny doing that?”
She took a moment to think back on her life and how she would barely get settled before she started thinking of where to go next. There were few people in her life, other than Phil and Jessica, who she had allowed into her heart. Most of those were the women who took her in when she had nowhere else to go.
“No,” she finally whispered. “I don’t deny doing that. I keep people at arm’s length and run before they have a chance to get closer. And I do that because I never dealt with what our parents did. I just shoved it down and buried it, and now I can’t do that and it is burning me alive. I’m an adult. A grandmother. And I still treat my problems like I did when I was kid. I just ignore them until they consume me, and then I leave. I’m sorry, Harry. I just don’t know how to be any other way.”
“Yes, you do, Kara. It’s just not as easy.”
She swiped at her cheek. “So I face them. Then what?”
“Then you take a step at a time until you wake up one day and realize the anger is no longer controlling you. I need you to hear me, Kara, really hear me when I say I will always, until my dying day, be here for you. No matter what happens between us, no matter where life takes us, and no matter how much you push me away, you’re never going to be alone again.”
He pulled her closer and leaned over to kiss her head. She should have pulled away, but she didn’t. She lifted her hand to where his rested on her arm and soaked in the feel of his embrace. Being close like this was a mistake when she was feeling so mixed up inside. She shouldn’t even consider what she was thinking, but she lifted her head, their gazes locked, and electrical heat pulsated through her. All the logic left her mind, all her reasons for not being there were forgotten, and all she wanted was Harry. He had a way of making all her problems fade away. He always had. One look, one touch, and she was lost in him. And, damn it, she needed to get lost right now.
She smiled slightly at the questions in his eyes. Seeing his uncertainty reminded her of their one night so long ago. Just like that night, there was something alive between them. And just like that night, Harrison made the first real move, closing the gap between them and putting his mouth on hers.
