Stonehill series collect.., p.18
Stonehill Series Collection, page 18
He held her for a few moments before he straightened and took her hand. “Come with me.” He led her to the swing set and sat on the child-sized seat he’d occupied the first night he kissed her, just a week before.
She sat next to him and stared at the grass. “I should have come home years ago.”
“No looking back, remember?”
“Kind of hard not to when I wasted so much time being mad at him. Now he’s dying.”
“He has time, Kara. Make the most of that while you can.”
She took a breath and nodded. “That kind of applies to everything, doesn’t it? We’ve all lost so much time. All we can do now is make the most of what we have left.”
“Do you believe that? That we should grab what time we have left and make the most of it?”
She creased her brow, and he reached into his pocket. Her gaze fell on a band on the tip of his forefinger as he held it out to her. She touched the diamonds. “Is that my grandmother’s ring?”
“Your father gave it to me.”
She focused on him, thoroughly confused. “Why would he give you his mother’s wedding ring?” Her eyes widened as the answer to her question lit in her mind like a flashing neon sign. She looked at the ring again, recalling how she used to twist the band around her grandmother’s finger. Nana had promised the ring would be hers one day, when she was old enough to be married. “Harry?”
“He asked if I planned to marry you. I told him I did, so he gave me this.”
Her heart did a funny kind of flip in her chest, causing her breath to catch.
He slid from the swing onto his knee in front of her. “Will you marry me, Kara?”
She swallowed as she looked from the ring to his eyes, back to the ring, and then did it again. She was a grown woman with a grown child and a grandchild, and in all that time no one had ever proposed marriage to her. She’d never stuck around long enough to get close to that point. She wasn’t even sure what marriage meant, besides an excruciatingly long commitment that she had no idea how to abide by. “Married?” she breathed.
Harry gave her half a smile. “We’re making the most of the time we have left, right? I would have married you a long time ago if I’d been given the chance. We have a lot of years to make up for.”
“But this is… I didn’t see this coming.”
“Yeah. Me either. Not exactly. But you’re not the only one who gets to be spontaneous.”
She stared at the ring for what seemed like an eternity. “If you marry me, Harry, I’ll drive you crazy. I’ll paint the house without consulting you. I’ll make you try new foods and learn about different cultures you have no interest in. I’ll go from one thing to another so fast it will make your head spin. I’ll… I’ll drive you crazy, and you’ll regret committing to me.”
“There are a lot of things I regret in my life, Kara, but I’ll never regret you. Ever.”
“I’m nothing like that fantasy girl you created in high school.”
“No. You’re not. You’re much better.”
Damn. She couldn’t have asked for a more perfect response. “You don’t have to marry me.”
“You don’t have to marry me either. But I want you to.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’ve never been more certain of anything.”
She swallowed. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
Holding her left hand out, she smiled. “Let’s get married.”
He gave her a brilliant smile as he pushed her grandmother’s ring onto her finger, taking note of the excess room. “We’re going to have to do something about that.”
She curled her fingers so the too-big band wouldn’t fall off. “I’ll take it in tomorrow.”
He kissed her hand, and she smiled.
“Harry?”
“Hmm?”
“We’re engaged.”
His bright smile returned. “Yes, we are.”
Kara grinned as she slid off the swing in front of him. She put her arms around his neck and looked into his eyes. “Promise me something.”
“Anything.”
She bit her lip for a moment. “If there ever comes a time when I disappoint you—”
“Kara—”
“—you’ll tell me so I can fix it.”
“Kara.”
She put her fingers to his lips. “I don’t want you to resent me, Harry.”
He pulled her hand down. “We just got engaged.”
“I know.”
“You haven’t even kissed me yet.”
She grinned as she leaned forward and put her lips on his. His arms went around her waist as he turned her until she was lying in the grass. She traced his jawline as he leaned back and looked down at her. “I love you, Harry.”
“I love you, Kara.”
“Grandma! Harry!”
Kara rolled her head and grinned. Phil had slowed to a stop, but Jess was running toward them. Harry sat back on his knees and opened his arms as she threw herself at him. He caught her just as Kara leaned up on her elbows.
“Sorry,” Phil said as he finished crossing the yard.
“It’s okay,” Harry said. “Actually, it’s good you’re here.”
“It is?”
Kara smiled and lifted her brows at Harry. “Your dad has something to tell you.”
Harry brushed his hand over Jessica’s hair as she sat on the grass next to him. “We are getting married.”
Jess gasped as she put her hands to her mouth. “A wedding?”
Kara laughed. “Yes. A wedding.”
“Do I get to be the flower girl?”
“Of course you do.”
She bounced with excitement. “Can I have a pink dress?”
“You can have anything you want.” Kara looked up at Phil, and her smile faded. He had that tight-lipped, disapproving stare he’d given her most of his adult life. “Hey, Punk, will you run in and grab my camera? I think you need to take a picture of Grandpa and me, don’t you?”
Instead of responding, Jess jumped up and ran inside. She never failed to take an opportunity to use the camera.
“You’re supposed to smile and say congratulations,” Kara said.
“Harry, could you give Mom and me a few minutes?”
Kara looked at Harry. “This is the part where he lectures me about ruining his life.”
“That’s not it,” Phil said.
“Then what is it? What can’t you say in front of your father?” Kara huffed as she pushed herself to her feet. “I’m going to go check on Jessica.”
“What’s the problem?” Harry asked as she walked away.
She didn’t hang around to hear Phil’s response.
16
“He’s right,” Kara said as Harry came into her room.
He couldn’t help but smile a bit. She hadn’t turned from her canvas to even look at him, but she’d sensed him there. However, his smile fell as he realized she didn’t even ask what Phil had said. She’d just assumed he had trashed her. How easily they all fell back into a cycle of mistreating each other.
Harry closed the door behind him. “Yeah. He probably is.”
Kara turned, her brow creased, clearly confused as to why Harry was agreeing with her.
“As a matter of fact,” Harry said as he threw up his hands, “he’s absolutely right.” He sat next on the stool next to her and held her gaze. He frowned as he wiped her cheek. “What’s with the tears?”
She looked down at the ring on her hand. “You…you deserve better, Harry.”
Something flashed through his gut. Anger perhaps. “Better than what?”
“Better than some irresponsible, flighty woman who has never even held down a job. What if…”
“What if what?”
“What if you grow tired of me? I won’t change. I can’t change. I don’t know how to be anyone else.”
“I would never ask you to be anyone else, Kara. I love everything about you.”
She shook her head. “You don’t know what you are saying, Harry. I’m full of crazy ideas and plans that I never follow through on. I’ll never fit the mold of a suburban wife. I mean, I can’t even commit to one style of art. How could I possibly commit to a lifelong relationship?”
“I know exactly what I’m saying. Your crazy ideas keep me alive. Your individuality reminds me that it’s okay to live outside the box of normalcy. Without you, I’m just another man getting through life without any spark, any color. You are my color. You always have been. And you have already committed to two lifelong relationships. If it weren’t for Phil and Jessica, you wouldn’t be here, would you? As far as your art, who cares if you change projects and styles every other day? You do what makes you happy, and that’s all that matters. I wouldn’t ask you to change, Kara, because I want you just as you are. I’m not asking you to do anything other than become my wife without any expectations or demands. I just want you to love me.”
“I do love you.”
He stroked his hand over her hair. He’d never get enough of feeling her silky strands. “Would you like to know what Phil said?”
She closed her eyes and lowered her face. “He told you not to marry me.”
“He told me he’s never seen you this happy and I’d better not hurt you. He said if I made you run away, he’d never forgive me because he and Jessica need you here with them.”
Kara exhaled as she looked at him. “You’re lying.”
“No. I’m not. He’s afraid I’m jumping in too fast and will change my mind. He’s worried you’re going to get hurt, and that if you get hurt, you’ll leave.”
“He’s worried about me?”
Harry wiped her cheek again. “Why is that so hard to believe?”
She cocked a brow, and he chuckled.
“Okay,” he said, dropping his hands to hers. He clutched them and let his breath out slowly before meeting her gaze again. “If you have any doubts, Kara, that’s okay. I know I sprang this on you out of nowhere, and I fully recognize that this is crazy. If you don’t want to get married right now, I swear to you, I won’t be upset. I won’t even be hurt. We will wait as long as you need.”
“Wait. Are you asking me to be the logical one?”
He grinned slightly. “Yeah. I guess I am.”
“That’s never happened before,” she said with amazement. “I’m always the one people go to when they want confirmation that acting crazy is okay.”
He rotated the ring on her finger. “I don’t want you to feel pressured. I want you to do this because it is what you want, not because you feel like you have to.”
She put her palm to his cheek, and he turned his face and kissed it. “Never, not even for a moment, did I feel like I had to. I just don’t want you to go into this with some great expectation of me, Harry. I’m not very good at living up to expectations.”
“Stop.” He pulled her hand from his face. “Stop being so damned hard on yourself.”
“I’m being real. And you need to be real, too. We don’t really know each other that well. Some things are the same, but we’re both completely different people than we were thirty years ago. The last two months, we’ve been very focused on our parents. What happens when all that is settled and we have nothing left to distract us?”
He smiled slowly. “Here’s the thing, Kara. I’ve been playing it safe my whole life. The only time I ever did anything unexpected was graduation night. Even when I left for school, pretending I was getting away from my parents, I was doing what I was supposed to. I don’t know how to be the person I want to be when I’m not with you. You’re the only one who makes me feel safe enough to let go of all that. You make me the person I want to be, and I know this is scary for you, but I need you to know, you aren’t tied here. Phil can run the business while we travel. We can go wherever you want, do what you want.”
“But this isn’t just about me. What do you want?”
“You. I just want you.”
She smiled as she squeezed his hand. “Oh, Harry. You already have me.”
Kara cradled a cup of coffee in her hand as she sat across the tiny table from her father. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I didn’t want you to know.”
“Why?”
“You just came home. I didn’t want to ruin that. And I wouldn’t have told Harrison if I’d known he was going to blab about it to you.”
“He didn’t blab about anything. I’ve been thinking how sick you look since I first saw you. He just didn’t lie when I asked him. You’re pale. Too thin. It’s obvious you are sick.”
Charles sipped his drink. “I’m old, Kara. That’s what happens when you get old.”
“You should have told me.”
Reaching across the table, he put his hand on her wrist. “I want to see your wedding. When will it be?”
“We just got reacquainted a few months ago, Dad. The fact that we are engaged is insane enough. We’ve agreed not to rush into a wedding date.”
“I won’t be here forever,” he said quietly. A wistful smile played at his lips. “I want to walk you down the aisle. Give you away.”
She flashed back to the night he’d kicked her out, and bitter sarcasm rose to the surface. Somehow she held it back.
She swallowed and stared into her cup. Her drink was suddenly far too bitter.
“What is it?” Charles asked. “Why aren’t you more excited?”
She sighed. “Nothing.”
“You’ve never been good at hiding your emotions. Something is bugging you.”
Kara pushed down the anger that suddenly surged at her father. “Even though he keeps telling me I won’t…I’m going to disappoint him.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Because I disappoint everyone. I always have. It’s what I do.”
“Everyone lets someone down sometime. That’s life.”
“Some of us are just better at it than others.” Pushing herself up, she dumped her coffee into the sink and rinsed the mug so her father couldn’t see the tears threatening to fall from her eyes.
“Do you love him?”
She looked out the window at the tree in the backyard. Fall was creeping in, making the leaves change colors. Her mother was in the garden gathering the last of the vegetables. “Yes, I love him. I’ve always loved him in some deep, dark, dysfunctional way.”
“Does he love you?”
“He seems to.”
“Do you make each other happy?”
“I suppose.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
Kara turned and faced him, no longer able to hold her tongue. “How can I trust that he won’t leave me the first time I do the wrong thing? I’m sure you remember I am very good at doing the wrong thing.”
He pushed his cup away. “What your mother and I did all those years ago was a mistake. It was our mistake. It wasn’t yours. He’s a good man. Don’t lose him because you’re afraid.”
“I’m going to see if Mom needs help.”
“Kara—”
The screen door slammed before she had to listen to any more lectures from her father. She didn’t need him analyzing her faults. She smiled as Kay looked up. “How’s it going, Mom?”
“Wonderful. You and your father get everything straightened out?”
“Sure.”
Kay held her hand out and let Kara help her stand. “Sure?”
“I don’t appreciate him going to Harry instead of just telling me himself.”
“Your father didn’t want to upset you.”
Kara started toward the house. “I’ve seen some hard truths in my life thanks to you two. Sugarcoating things to protect me now is pointless.”
Kay held her gaze for a long moment. “We’ll try to refrain from being considerate in the future.”
Kara opened her mouth but stopped herself from engaging in an argument. They walked inside in silence. Kara set the wicker basket of tomatoes on the counter as Kay washed her hands.
Her mother turned the water off and patted her hands dry on a towel as tension filled the room. “If you hadn’t run into Harrison in Seattle, would you have ever come home?”
Kara swallowed hard. “No.”
“Why? Why would you hold one mistake against us for so long?”
She gawked at her mother. “You told me not to come back. You and Dad both told me to never come back.”
“We were hurting.”
“And I wasn’t? I was terrified.”
“If you’d come home, we could have settled things.”
“So it’s my fault you were shitty parents?”
“Hey,” Charles warned from the door where he’d reentered the kitchen. “I don’t care how old you are. You will not speak to your mother that way.”
“Or what? You’ll kick me out?” Kara’s shoulders sagged as soon as the words left her. She should apologize for lashing out, she knew she should, but she couldn’t. She didn’t want to. Instead, she snatched her purse off the table. “I have some errands to run,” she said quietly. “I’ll see you later.”
Kara stormed from the house and into Phil’s car. Slamming the door behind her, she finally exhaled. She looked up at the house, and a mountain of pain collapsed onto her chest. Her parents had apologized over and over that first day she’d come home. She’d thought she’d let go of some of anger, but clearly it was still there. She was going to have to deal with it.
She grabbed the door handle but didn’t pull it. After a moment, she reached for her seat belt and started the car. She drove aimlessly, hating how she was surrounded by buildings and traffic. This place was like a plague on her serenity, but she couldn’t quite figure out why.
She had her parents back. They had, for the most part, put things behind them. Phil and Jessica were happy. Harry loved her. She even had, to some extent, come to a truce with Elaine. She couldn’t ask to be in a better place in her life. She couldn’t ask for things to have worked out better.
But there was a fear creeping in on her. How long would Harry be happy with her? How long until she screwed it up? And her parents—how long until she lost them? This time forever?
And when everything crumbled, as it tended to do, where did that leave her?
