Stonehill series collect.., p.82
Stonehill Series Collection, page 82
They’d gone through a drive-through to get a big box of chicken nuggets to share, all while Jessica chattered about her day and how cool Mallory’s car was and could she please pick the music. Then, between handfuls of fries, she asked if Mallory had remembered her art supplies, because she’d promised to teach Jessica how to draw comics.
Mallory had been walking on air when they got to Phil’s house. Lucky welcomed them with a wagging tail, clearly torn between greeting them and begging to go outside. He ran around the backyard, marking everything he could, while Jess and Mal ate their snacks. Once they were done, Jessica called him in while Mallory cleared the table and set out sketchbooks and pencils, ready to turn little Jess into her protégé.
However, the longer she’d sat in that space, looking at the very spot where Phil had turned on and off so damn quickly, the more a sense of dread settled in her tummy, squeezing the nuggets, fries, and ketchup into an uneasy mass.
Snapping back to reality when movement caught her eye, Mallory smiled as Jessica held up a bright-red pencil and closed one eye as she stared at her drawing, as if assessing the alignment. “What are you doing?”
“I don’t know, but Grandma does this when she’s painting sometimes, so it must be important.”
Chuckling, Mallory added the last bit of color to her drawing and turned her sketchbook around to show Jessica. “What do you think?”
Jessica’s eyes widened as she drew a deep breath. “Is that me?”
Mallory looked at her drawing—a woman dressed all in pink with long brown hair and broad facial features. “Well. She’s inspired by you.”
“I’ve never seen a superhero with Down syndrome before.”
“Then it’s about time, don’t you think?”
Jessica beamed proudly. “What’s her name?”
Dropping her sketchbook back on the table, Mallory shrugged. “You’re so great at coming up with names. What do you think we should call her?”
She thought only for a moment. “Let’s call her Super Punk.”
Smiling at the nickname Phil used for his daughter, Mallory agreed. “Perfect.” She wrote the name in a graffiti-style text at the bottom. “How’s that?”
“I like it.”
Tearing the page free, Mallory held it out. “For you.”
Jessica lifted the page, thoughtfully examining the drawing. “What are her powers?”
Mallory should have known to have an entire backstory sorted out before showing the image. Jessica was inquisitive like that. She always wanted to know the why and the how so she could soak up as much information as possible. She reminded Mallory of how she used to be as a kid. Glancing at Lucky, Mallory said, “Rescuing dogs. She goes around the city at the speed of light, rescuing stray dogs and finding them forever homes.”
Lowering the picture, Jessica met her gaze. “All animals. She’d rescue all animals.”
That crazy sense of warmth spread through Mallory’s chest. Of course Jessica would want to save all the animals. Her heart was too big to just save one kind. “Yes, she would.”
“Can she have a sidekick that looks like Lucky?”
“Naturally.” Taking the paper back from Jessica, Mallory started erasing a section of background color as she examined the black mixed breed sleeping at their feet. She selected a black pencil and swiftly added the pup. When she gave the picture back to Jess, Super Punk had a furry sidekick with a fancy chest shield that boasted the letter L on it.
Jessica laughed as she slid to the floor and showed it to the dog. “Look at us, Lucky. We’re comic book heroes.” After Lucky sniffed the drawing and licked Jessica’s cheek, she jumped up and hugged Mallory. “I love it.”
“I’m glad.”
Leaning back, she looked into Mallory’s eyes. “I’m glad you’re here.”
“Me, too.”
Her smile widened as she looked over Mal’s shoulder. “Daddy, look! Look what Mal drew for me.”
Phil examined the picture of Super Punk and Lucky. He faked a smile for Jessica’s sake, but Mallory could see through him. He didn’t seem pleased. In fact, he seemed a little offended. She wondered what she’d done wrong in the picture. Maybe making a disabled superhero wasn’t something he approved of; maybe he was worried Jessica might get some kind of idea about having powers. Or something equally as odd. Because nothing else seemed to make sense as she tried to understand his hesitancy to meet her eyes.
However, when she considered where he’d been—with his parents and their attorney, going over what needed to be done for Mira’s adoption—she suddenly feared something hadn’t gone as planned. She’d been hoping for Kara and Harry’s sake that the adoption would go smoothly, but the anxiety in Phil’s eyes implied otherwise. Maybe Lynn had changed her mind about giving up her parental rights. That would be terrible, considering her lack of interest in Mira’s health and safety.
If she decided to keep Mira, that would put so much strain on Harry and Kara and in turn on Phil. He liked to act as if his mom’s determination to help Mira was just some whim that she was having, but Mallory knew he worried for Mira, too. And not just because the baby was a handful for his parents. He might have chosen a different route of protecting the baby, but he was just as concerned for her as his parents.
He tried to hide that part of him that he worried was too much like his mother, but her bleeding-heart ways were too ingrained in him. Mallory wished he could see they were far more endearing than he realized. The stress in his eyes made her heart ache. Something had gone wrong with the adoption proceedings. She was certain of that.
“That’s great, Mal. Nice job.” Phil handed the page back to Jess. “You should go put it on your wall with your other drawings.”
“Can I?” she asked Mallory.
“Of course.” She pushed herself up as Jessica ran out. Putting her hand on Phil’s arm, she noticed how his muscle tensed under her light touch. “What happened?”
He creased his brow. “Nothing. Why?”
“You looked upset when you came in.”
An obviously forced smile curved his lips. She had become familiar with his genuine smiles and the way they made light shine from his eyes. There was no light in his eyes at the moment, only sadness. “I didn’t mean to,” he said. “I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”
That didn’t ease her anxiety. “How did things go with the attorney?”
“Fine. He asked questions about my parents’ marriage and things like that. Just made sure they could provide Mira with a good home. Nothing major.”
“Does he anticipate any issues?”
Phil shook his head and stepped around Mallory. “As long as Lynn signs the papers, everything should be fine. He suggested that they have an open adoption since they are already planning on telling Mira about her birth mother. He said that could help smooth over any reservations Lynn may have.” He picked up the drawing Jessica was working on. “This is…um…”
He turned the notebook to Mallory.
Mal thought the drawing was pretty good for an eleven-year-old. Though the proportions were off and her lines were shaky, the picture was clearly meant to be the three of them—Phil, Jessica, and Mallory—holding hands while Lucky sat next to them.
“She’s a pretty good artist,” Mallory said.
“Mom has been teaching her from the time she could hold a pencil. She wanted to help Jess work on her fine motor skills. Since Jess liked to draw and paint, it kept her interested and gave her motivation to keep trying.” As he looked at the picture again, the sadness in his eyes grew.
Mallory had that sense of dread again. “What’s wrong, Phil?”
He dropped the book onto the table. “I didn’t eat lunch. Want to order pizza?”
“Sure,” she said as he moved away from her again.
He didn’t have to ask what she wanted. They’d ordered enough pizza over the three months that she’d been back for him to know she liked everything but onions. Instead of listening to him call in the order, she walked down the hall to Jessica’s room. She’d added Mallory’s drawing to several others on the corkboard that covered the bottom part of one wall. She was standing back admiring the placement when Mallory gingerly knocked on the door.
Jessica gestured for her to come in. “I made it look like a gallery.”
“I see that.”
“Grandma had a gallery showing once. She didn’t like it. She said it meant she’d confirmed.”
Mallory chuckled. “Conformed.”
“Yeah. That. Anyway. I think she’s a little bit crazy because when I grow up, I can’t wait to have a gallery showing.”
Mal sat on her bed. “You’re going to be an artist when you grow up?”
“Just like you and Grandma. I don’t want to be a confirmist like Dad and Grandpa.”
“Conformist. And I don’t think your dad and grandpa conformed. They just enjoy what they do.”
Jessica turned from her wall. “Are you a conformist? Since you work for your mom now?”
The shadow that had formed over Mallory grew a bit denser. She hadn’t considered that, but in a way she had conformed. “I guess. I could find a job doing graphic design again, but I want to help Mom’s business. It’s important to her, so that makes it important to me.”
Sitting on the bed next to Mallory, Jessica seemed to ponder her answer. “Do you think Annie wants you to conform? Because I know Annie, and I don’t think she’d want you to do that.”
Mallory smiled a bit. “It’s not that simple, Jess.”
“Why?”
“Because Marcus needs help with the real estate agency. He took on a big responsibility when Mom got hurt and couldn’t help as much anymore. I know the family business, too. I can help. It shouldn’t all be on Marcus when I can help.”
“So you are giving up what you want to do to help someone else?”
“I’m not really giving up what I want to do.” She gestured toward the drawing on the wall. “That’s what I really want to be doing. I wasn’t doing that in California, either.”
“Why?”
Yeah. Why? “I don’t know. I guess I was scared people wouldn’t like my work.”
“I like your work,” Jessica said with all the conviction she seemed to be able to muster.
Mallory ran her hand down Jessica’s back. “Thanks, Jess. I think that’s probably the best compliment I could ask for.” She meant that, too. Sure, she’d love to get paid to draw comic books, but the reality of that was out of her reach right now. What wasn’t out of her reach was making this kid happy, and she’d done that with her drawing. That was enough for now. The rest… Well, that would happen someday if she wanted it to. She’d find a way to balance O’Connell Realty, helping her mom, and drawing comics. Everything would fall into place. Someday.
Jessica blinked and grew serious. “You can call me Punk now.”
A lump filled Mallory’s throat. She might as well have been handed everything she’d ever wanted, because that was the feeling that swallowed her. She hadn’t even realized she’d been waiting for permission to use Jessica’s nickname until she’d been given it like the key to some majestic city. “Thanks, Punk,” she whispered, because she couldn’t seem to speak louder than that through her emotions.
“You’re welcome, Mal,” Jessica said casually, as if she had no idea how much she’d just touched Mallory’s heart.
The sound of a clearing throat made them both turn toward the door. Phil looked about as distressed as he had when he’d first appeared in his living room. “Pizza’s on the way. How about you pick out a movie to watch, Punk?”
“Yes,” she hissed, jumping off the bed.
Mallory’s sense of dread grew. Phil was clearly dismissing Jessica from the room. He didn’t let her pick the movie they’d watch very often. He wasn’t nearly as keen on ponies and unicorns as his daughter. Even though her tastes were turning more toward Marvel and DC Comics, he was hesitant to let her have the final say in their evening entertainment. The only reason he did now, it seemed, was to get her out of the room.
Standing, Mallory wiped her hands on her denim-clad thighs, feeling uneasy at the stress on his face. “You know we’re probably going to end up watching something with Barbie dolls spontaneously singing, right?”
“I don’t know. Batman has started to become a staple around here.”
“Good,” she said with an enthusiasm she didn’t really feel. “Glad to see her world is expanding.”
“Trust me. It’s definitely a step in the right direction.”
She started around him, but he put his hand lightly to her arm and she stopped. She looked at him curiously, but her gut was still twisting with anxiety at his increasingly dark mood.
“Thank you, Mallory.”
“For what?”
He gestured toward the just-added drawing on Jessica’s wall. “The way you’ve connected with Jess is amazing. Not everyone is as receptive to her. So many people treat her like she’s going to break. Or like her disability is contagious. You’ve always been so relaxed around her. She really needs that kind of acceptance. Having you around has had a great impact on her. She talks about you all the time.”
Even though his words sounded more like a scientific observation than praise, she couldn’t help but smile. There was nothing she wanted more, it seemed, than to be accepted by that quirky preteen she’d grown so fond of. “She’s had a pretty good impact on me as well. I adore her, Phil. I really do.”
“Good. I’m glad you feel that way. But…” He blew his breath out. “It’s a bit…”
Stuttering. Incomplete sentences. This wasn’t going to end well.
Mallory tried to keep the smile on her face. Maybe if she didn’t accept whatever he was trying to say to her, he wouldn’t say it. “What?”
“Disconcerting.”
Disconcerting?
There it was. The tip of the iceberg of his unease.
“Care to expand on that?” she asked, though she was internally begging him not to. She didn’t want to know, didn’t want to hear what was coming next. Rejection. She could see it so clearly now. He was rejecting her. Probably had been for a long time and she was just too blind and dumb to see it.
“She’s really starting to care for you, Mallory. More than she should this soon.”
“I care for her, too.”
“You’re just getting settled into this new life.”
“New life?” She scoffed. “I grew up here, Phil. Mom started teaching me real estate as soon as I could do basic math. Nothing here is new.”
“You know what I mean,” he said, and his words sounded…shameful, as if he hated what he was saying but was saying it anyway.
Her heart, which had been filled with so much happiness the last few weeks, seemed to mock her. This had all been too good to be real. She’d known this was coming. “I’m not going to disappear on her if that’s what you’re thinking,” she said. “I’m not going anywhere. My family is here.”
“I know. I believe you. It’s just…”
“What?” she pressed. He didn’t respond, so she demanded again, “What?”
The sadness in his eyes grew and the creases between his eyes deepened. “I’m just concerned that she’s starting to get the wrong idea about us.”
That was like being stabbed in the heart. “Us?”
“Us. You and me and her. The three of us.”
A knot formed in Mallory’s chest. Had she gotten the wrong idea about them, too? Because the way he had been acting certainly seemed like an invitation for her to enter his life. They’d made love just a few days ago, and the night before he’d kissed her with more passion than she had ever felt before.
But then that splash of cold had ended their evening. She seemed to be getting an explanation as to why. She’d wondered about his mood swing all day. Now she was beginning to realize it wasn’t his mood that had changed; it was his heart. She swallowed hard as tears formed a ball in her throat.
“I just think that maybe we should take a step back,” he said.
“A step back? To what? We’ve barely taken a step forward.”
He drew a breath. “I shouldn’t have asked you to babysit while I went to the attorney. She has a babysitter.”
Ouch. “Well, you said the babysitter doesn’t like picking her up from school because it’s a madhouse. I didn’t mind. Besides, it wasn’t babysitting as much as it was two friends hanging out drawing a bunch of pictures.”
Her attempt to sway him from the notion that she somehow didn’t deserve to be there backfired. His frown deepened.
“You drew superheroes,” he said. “Jessica drew pictures of us as a family.”
“Did she say it was us as a family? Because it looked like the three of us just hanging out as we always do.”
He sighed. “I’m not trying to be a jerk here, Mallory.”
“I didn’t say you were.”
“Your tone is getting a bit defensive.”
She took a breath, hoping to lose the edge she hadn’t realized she’d had. Her frustration was mounting quickly and had been since the night before. Ever since he started this back-and-forth, hot-to-cold route. “I don’t get where this is coming from, Phil,” she said honestly and more gently. “I’m not trying to make Jessica think we’re a family.”
“I know that. You haven’t done anything wrong.”
“Really?”
“Listen, you don’t have to try, Mallory. She’s had it in her mind from the start. I shouldn’t have let things get this far.”
“Get this far? You mean you shouldn’t have”—she glanced down the hall before whispering—“fucked me and made me think we were a couple? That I was important to you? Isn’t that what you said before crawling into my bed?”
“It’s not about that.” Phil raked his hand through his hair, again looking like he was dreading his words. But if he were, he’d stop staying them. Instead, he explained, “You’re here almost every night, and if you’re not here, we’re at your house. It’s given Jessica the wrong idea.”
She opened her mouth to protest, but he continued.
