Stonehill series collect.., p.56
Stonehill Series Collection, page 56
“Have an appointment?”
“No. I’m just really hating our conversation today.”
“What would you rather talk about?”
Annie ordered a chicken sandwich while Donna requested a burger. After passing off her menu to Jenna, Annie sighed. “It was a lovely wedding. I’m happy to see Paul and Dianna married. Once they get home from the honeymoon, they can get settled into their life together. Everything has fallen into place for them. It’s wonderful.”
“Yes, it’s good to see two of the three O’Connell siblings happy.”
Annie stared at Donna. “Why is everyone giving me such a hard time lately?”
“Because it’s fun.”
Using a straw to stab at a lemon slice sitting at the bottom of her glass, Annie sighed. “Marcus…” She drew a breath and looked at Donna, who had her eyebrows raised, impatiently waiting. “He was just joking but…he said we should elope.”
“What?”
“He’s just kidding,” Annie insisted. “But it…” She frowned deeply. “I gave up thinking I’d ever get married a long time ago. And I was fine with that. I’ve always been so focused on taking care of my brothers and Mallory. Even after Marcus and I started…whatever we were doing…marriage wasn’t on my radar.”
“And now?”
She stabbed the lemon harder. “Now, all of a sudden, I’m… God. What’s wrong with me, Donna?”
Her face sagged. “Nothing.”
“No. Something. It shouldn’t be this hard to admit that I want things like a relationship with Marcus and marriage and a normal life. But I just… There are women who had it way worse than I ever did. So my dad was worthless. Mallory’s dad was worthless. That doesn’t justify this absolute terror I have at the thought of intimacy. And I don’t mean physical intimacy,” she said before Donna could get confused. “I mean love. Why the hell am I so scared of loving him? I don’t get it. He’s a great guy. He’s perfect for me. When I’m with him, I don’t feel so…emotionally disconnected. But then he pushes, and my defenses go up before I even know it.”
“Why are you scared?”
“I don’t know.” She closed her eyes and exhaled. “You know how I am. I like things to go as planned, and Marcus is a huge monkey wrench in my life.”
She smiled. “You need a monkey wrench, Annie. You need something to shake you up.”
“I don’t like it. I had my life figured out.”
“And it was a great plan. On paper. Work sixty hours a week until you retire. Sell the business. Sell the house. Downsize to one of your rental homes. Travel. It’s all nice when you spell it out. But what about you? What about your emotional needs?”
She rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Emotional needs?”
“Yeah, honey. Everybody has those. Even the ever-practical Annie O’Connell. You dumped that energy into Mallory for so long, but she’s grown now and about to move away. You have to redirect it somewhere.”
“I should get a dog,” she muttered.
“You could. But I bet Marcus would be more fun.”
Annie smiled slightly, but it didn’t last. “I can’t imagine what he sees in me that has kept him trying to break through my defenses for so long.”
“Stop cutting yourself down, Annie. There is plenty to see in you. You are funny and strong and courageous. Maybe you are careful who you give your love to, but when you do, your love is fierce and it runs deep. I don’t think it’s wrong that you are wary of who you let in, because when you let someone in, you do so completely. You are not as tough or as cold as you keep trying to pretend to be. You just hold back until you know someone deserves your love. There is nothing wrong with that.”
She sagged in her seat. “Look at what Dianna went through. Her husband cheated on her, left her broken, and she jumped right into a relationship with Paul without hesitation.”
“Well, that’s not true. They both danced around things for a long time.”
“Not five years.”
“No. Not five years, but just because you don’t move at the same pace doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. Listen, Matt was younger when your parents passed. He was a bit more resilient. But Paul had issues. You know he did. He blew through two marriages before figuring himself out, and he probably wouldn’t have done that if he hadn’t met Dianna. They straightened each other out. You have to give yourself a break here. Give yourself and Marcus a chance.”
“I’m just worried that…”
“What?”
“What if it was all about the chase? What if he gets bored now that I’m not running? What if he gets tired of me and leaves?”
Donna smiled. “Honey, that man is insanely in love with you. We’ve all seen it practically since the day you hired him. There has always been something between you. Always. When you two first started having dinner and seeing each outside of the office, we were thrilled for you because it was a huge step for you. It’s taken a long time, but you both finally see what we’ve seen all along. He’s not going to get bored. He’s not going to change his mind. And I’d bet all that teasing about running off to elope wasn’t teasing at all. I bet he’d put a ring on your finger this very minute if he thought you’d say yes.”
“God,” she said on a sigh, “he really is an idiot, isn’t he? I thought it was just a phase.”
Donna laughed. “Do you love him?”
Annie closed her eyes and rubbed her temple for a moment. “Yes. As terrifying as it is to admit, yes, I do love him.”
“Then embrace this. There is always a chance that it won’t work out, but there’s also a chance that it will.”
Annie inhaled slowly and then let a grin spread across her lips. “Well, I guess if I’m stuck with him for the rest of my life, at least he’s really great in bed.”
Donna gasped before throwing her head back and laughing.
A window popped up in the bottom-right-hand corner of Marcus’s computer monitor, notifying him of a new e-mail from Matthew O’Connell. Clicking on the notification, he skimmed the text letting him know a photo was attached. Marcus opened it and was greeted by three smiling faces—his in between Annie’s and Mallory’s.
It frightened him how much he wanted to belong in that picture. He’d slowly integrated himself into the O’Connell family unit, and it felt so right to be there. He’d become friends with Matt and Paul. He felt as close to Donna and Dianna as he did to his own sister. Over the years he’d developed a good rapport with Mallory. Now that he’d finally gotten Annie to admit she loved him, he felt like his life was almost complete.
The picture encompassed everything he wanted. In the image, Annie stood next to him, smiling as he draped his arm over her shoulder with her palm resting casually on his chest. On the other side, Mallory smiled brightly. He was in between them, beaming proudly. Like a man who had everything he ever needed.
While he pushed Annie to get over her fear, he had to admit he had a bit of his own. She’d warned him that she had a tendency of freezing up and pushing people away. He knew better than most that was true. She’d kept him as far away from her heart as she could for as long as he’d been subtly trying to find his way in. She said she could hurt him, but she had no idea. Hurt him? No. She’d obliterate him if she turned away from him now.
As determined as he was that he wasn’t going to let her, if Annie decided to end things, there’d be no changing her mind. He’d been gently nudging her into opening up to him for years. If she shut down on him now, who knew how long it’d take to pry her heart open again.
That terrified him about as much as he suspected she was terrified of him leaving her. But he wasn’t going to leave her. She’d have to find a way to trust him. And he’d have to find a way to believe that she wouldn’t panic and go running as far and fast away from him as she could. Trust and faith in each other. That was all they needed. Too bad neither came easily.
“How’s it going?”
He turned his attention to his office door, where Annie had appeared. “Come here. Look at this.”
She moved around his desk and put one hand on the back of his chair, the other on his desk. Her light perfume surrounded him, and he instinctively inhaled to get more. He’d watched, that very morning, as she spritzed it on her wrists. The memory reminded him of more than that: of making love to her so unabashedly in the bathroom. Of the shower they took after. Of watching her dress while she reminded him that he had to get home to dress himself if he expected to get to work on time.
He couldn’t deny that he had hoped the weekend away would end with them in bed together, but he hadn’t actually expected it to happen. The most he expected was to chip away another brick from Annie’s defenses. He was so happy at the moment, it took all his strength not to pull her into his lap and nuzzle her neck all damn day long.
“Wow,” Annie said, distracting him from his thoughts. “Good picture.”
“It really is.” He twisted his head so he could look up at her and try to gauge her reaction.
She looked thoughtful, like she was weighing all that the photo could mean. She bit her lip, her eyes moving slowly, as if absorbing every pixel, one at a time. “You’re right,” she said quietly. “We do make a great family.”
His heart rolled over in his chest. He started to speak but didn’t know what to say.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to see that.”
His excitement instantly turned to worry. He spun his chair so he could see her face more clearly. “Everything okay?”
She nodded, took another few seconds to stare at the photo, and then leaned back. She took a step back, like she were going to leave, but he reached out and grabbed her wrist. “Donna and I had a…strange lunch. That’s all.”
“Strange how?”
She glanced to the reception desk and then whispered, “She asked inappropriate questions. I evaded.”
“Questions about us?”
“It wasn’t exactly difficult for her to realize things have changed between us. I couldn’t stop blushing.”
His smile widened. “Good.”
She playfully narrowed her eyes at him. “You’re a terrible influence on me,” she whispered.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” she confirmed, stepping away from him.
Clearing his throat, he tried to tame his body’s reaction to her. “Is it too soon for me to ask if I can come over tonight with take-out?”
She exhaled, and he’d swear her breath trembled. “I’m meeting a client at six. We’re only looking at one place, so I shouldn’t be late. Shall I text you when I’m done?”
“I’d like that.”
She licked her lip. “Okay.” She started for the door then turned. “Marcus, that photo will look perfect on the mantel. I’ll ask for a few copies for us.”
His chest filled to the point of nearly bursting. “That’d be great. Thanks.”
She hesitated, as if she wanted to say something else, but then left him with his heart singing and his body tingling.
Annie reached for an eggroll. “I’ve never done this before.”
“What?”
“Had Chinese food in bed.” Covered by nothing but a sheet, she took a huge bite, starved from the late hour of their dinner. Marcus hadn’t shown up with a bag of Chinese until after seven, and when he did, food ended up being the last thing on her mind. He’d changed from his work clothes to jeans and a T-shirt, and something in her snapped. She hadn’t intended to, but he had barely set the bag down before she stepped behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. He turned to greet her, and the quick kiss somehow ended up with them stripping as they made their way to her bedroom.
After yet another toe-curling round in her bed, she had reheated the food and carried it to her room. Now, she couldn’t seem to stop eating. Everything tasted so wonderful. She felt so wonderful. Sitting there with him like this brought a sense of peace and belonging that she wasn’t sure she’d ever felt before. She’d had lovers in the past, but that was all they were—men who were passing through, and they had both known it. She’d never tried to pretend they were more, and they’d never tried to be more. But being with Marcus was different.
He did want more. So did she. And the fear that thought had carried for the last few years was quickly fading. Somehow the idea of giving her heart over to this man wasn’t emotionally crippling her. Loving him was actually starting to feel right. She smiled as he wrangled a piece of broccoli between his chopsticks, only to drop the veggie before he made the complete journey to his mouth.
“Do you think…” Her words trailed off before she finished.
He looked at her curiously. After a moment, he grinned. “Oh, honey. I know I am irresistible as hell, but I am merely a mortal man. You’ve got to let me rest before round two.”
“Not that, you fiend.” She nudged him with her elbow, and he laughed. “Do you think we would still do things like this if…if we ever did get married?”
His smile sank a bit and took her heart with it.
She shook her head and looked down at her eggroll. “Don’t answer that. That was stupid.”
“Yes,” he said, and she looked at him again. “I think we would definitely do these things if we got married. Moments like this would be the best part of being married.”
She imagined the grin that spread across her face was as giddy and girly as she felt inside. And then that old familiar fear kicked in. She looked once again at the eggroll in her hand. Suddenly it wasn’t as appetizing. “I told her that I don’t know why this is so hard for me.” Her good mood darkened, and she dropped the food back on her plate. “I love you, Marcus. If I ever found a way to be honest with myself, I would admit that I’ve loved you for a long time. But it’s like I have an emotional blockage somewhere that I can’t get past. I’d given up the idea of ever getting married, but when you said it, it was like a light bulb went off inside me, illuminating what it is that I’ve been missing. I don’t understand why I can’t see myself like you do. That’s not how other people go through life, is it?”
He put his chopsticks down. “You know, I’ve wanted this relationship a lot longer than you have. I’ve had more time to think about all the things we could mean to each other. But as soon as Mallory teased me about us getting married, I had the same kind of light-going-off feeling. Sure, I’d thought in the back of my mind, maybe someday you and I could make things official, but hearing her say it somehow made it seem like a viable option. She was kidding when she said it, and I was kidding when I said it. But then again, maybe neither of us was really joking at all. Maybe it is something we should consider down the road. Honestly, there’s no reason why we shouldn’t. It’s on the table. Let’s just both acknowledge that marriage is on the table, sometime, and let that be enough for now.”
She sighed. “Is it? Enough for you. Is this enough for you?”
He leaned over and kissed her. “We’ve been doing this for all of forty-eight hours, sweetheart. This is perfect for now. And when we’re ready for more, we’ll take more.”
She swallowed and reached for her eggroll again. “For the first time in a very long time, I want to share my life with someone. That terrifies me. You know that, right?”
“I know, but we’re in this thing together, so just hang on to me, and we’ll figure out the rest together.”
“Together, hmm?”
“Yes. Together. Which means you don’t get to be in complete control of everything.”
She drew a slow breath. “I may have to reconsider this.” She smiled when he laughed and put her hand on his knee. “Do me one favor?”
“What’s that?”
“Don’t give up on me.”
He grinned as he leaned in for a kiss. “Not going to happen.”
Chapter 7
Annie dropped a pile of empty, flattened boxes on Mallory’s living room floor. “You haven’t packed anything.”
“I know,” she said dramatically. “I just don’t know where to start.”
Annie looked around the house her daughter had rented for the last three years. Mallory had accumulated far too many knickknacks while in college.
Picking up a tiny figurine of Spider-Man, Annie sighed. “Are you taking all this with you to San Diego?”
“Well, I was thinking that I’d pack all this up, put it in my old bedroom at your house—”
“I knew that was coming,” Annie said.
“—and then, when you and Marcus come for your first visit, you could bring a moving truck with the rest of my stuff.”
“Okay, I didn’t know that was coming. What?”
“Which part? You and Marcus coming to visit or bringing my belongings with you?”
Annie didn’t answer. “We’re together now, Mallory. You can stop dropping hints about how I should date him.”
Mallory clapped her hands and giggled like a schoolgirl. “I knew it. I could tell at the wedding you were giving in.”
“Why am I the only one who understands how unprofessional it is to date my employee?”
“Come on, Mom. It’s not like you coerced him into your bed in exchange for a promotion. He’s—”
“Loved me forever. I know.” She picked up a box and assembled it before taping the bottom shut. “So what do you plan to actually take with you?”
“Clothes. Toiletries. Blankets and pillows.”
“Have you booked a hotel for your first few nights there?”
“Yes, and appointments to look at the apartments Marcus helped me pick out. He found a really nice real estate agent to show me around.”
“Good. I’m glad he was able to do that.”
Mallory stopped unwrapping the packing paper Annie had brought. “Really? Because I thought you’d be pissed that he butted into our business.”
“It’s your business,” Annie said. “You can let anyone you want butt in.” She glanced to her daughter when Mallory snorted. “Fine. I was a bit put off at first, but I trust Marcus to look out for your best interests. He cares about you, too.”
