Rivers end boxset volume.., p.105
River's End Boxset Volume 3, page 105
“The fantasy is turning out far better than I imagined.”
“Yeah, well, you’re quickly becoming my favorite fantasy.” Winding a clump of her hair around his fingers he said, “You’re very beautiful.”
“So are you.”
He shook his head. No woman ever said that to him before. She insisted on remaining open, honest, and transparent. Staring up at him, her eyes reflected her feelings. There was no deceit or pretense. She must’ve felt strongly for him, yet instead of games or playing hard to get or acting shy, she admitted them. Even when they made her vulnerable. Being rejected or hurt or embarrassed were risks she ignored.
Respect for Daisy flooded him. “You say what you feel and you mean it, don’t you? Despite how hard it is. Even when you told me how you felt about me for years. I made it so difficult for you but you didn’t back down; you told the truth. I’m sorry I gave you so much shit. And tried to change your mind. I didn’t see how strong you are. We wouldn’t be here if not for your persistence.”
A soft pink blush filled her cheeks. “That’s pretty nice to hear.”
He kissed her again. “And I think you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever known.”
“That’s nice too.”
“But it’s because of all that’s inside you too. I swear, it goes way beyond the physical.”
“If I weren’t, you’d have taken me up on my proposal last summer.”
He didn’t answer as he pulled her tightly to him. All of her. Their arms and legs intertwined and their heads rested on each other’s shoulders. He rubbed her naked back, butt and upper thighs and she did the same to him. Sighing, Asher felt more contented than he ever did before. He never craved affection. It wasn’t lacking in his life. Growing up with a loving, much older grandma, Asher didn’t require a lot of physical touching to know he was loved. By the time he came to AJ and Kate, he was a bit old to need very much hugging or touching. Never kissing. So, touching someone else’s body without sex never became a habit in his life.
Then he realized how Daisy often mentioned it. He didn’t share much before but that might be something new that was okay to do.
He pulled back just enough to see her face. “I’ve never really done this before.”
“What? Had sex against a wall? In that case, your learning curve is phenomenal.”
“No, not that. But kudos to us since it’s not an easy feat to accomplish and if I’d thought it out beforehand, I’d probably be deterred by the logistics alone.”
Oh, that made her laugh. Her smile and eyes were shining as if he were the best stand-up comedian she ever heard. She was so easy to be around. “That’s true. It’s amazing it all works.”
“It does more than work.” Moving quickly, he pinned her under him, nearly growling as he nuzzled her neck.
She giggled again and the sound lifted his heart. Pushing him back, she asked, “What were you referring to that you’ve never done before?”
He sighed and dropped back beside her. “Being like this. Openly discussing my thoughts with someone. Saying all the things I think. Not anything I’m used to. The way you share yourself with me and laugh so openly. The affection you show me. I never craved it. Not at all. I didn’t exactly shun it either. But hell, no. Having never sought it out, I had no idea what it felt like. I was too old when I met my adopted parents, and before that, it wasn’t something I used to feel comfortable about.”
“If it’s too much for you we can do it less often.”
See? Even that. She offered to do whatever he felt more comfortable doing. It wasn’t all about her. No woman ever sacrificed anything for him. “I’m not even used to that.”
“What?” She smiled, encouraging him to explain and be honest.
“If I didn’t like the affection as much as you do, we could adjust it. You have to understand that I’ve never had a relationship that worked before.”
“I’ve had a few… mostly casual ones. None that mattered to me. So we can learn together. And you’re nothing if not a fast, sharp learner. There’s still hope for you.”
She kissed him long and deep, using her tongue to do a slow, sensual dance that was as hot as their urgent need for each other. Releasing him, she slid on top of him. As slowly and sensually as she kissed him, her body slid beside his. Breasts pressing against him, her wet core was more than ready for him. Asher let out a long sigh. She leaned over him and used the same long, circuitous foreplay with her lips and tongue. Then she said, “Now let’s try all that on a bed, slow and torturous. I want to know what every inch of you tastes like and I want you to do the same to me…”
Her deep, sexy voice and words, while licking his ear, elicited another moan of eager agreement. “I definitely can learn to do that…”
That was the start. Three nights and most of their days were spent either in his bed, touching, talking, having incredible sex or going out and about the town together. Eating lunch or dinner. Watching movies. Sleeping. Lounging. He worked, of course, but the rest of the time? He spent with Daisy.
His girlfriend.
That was a new word for him. It gave him a new status. One that formerly scared and intimidated him. But to his surprise, it took only hours for him to like how it sounded. It was clear now what Asher was to Daisy and she to him. The rules were well-defined and solid. He doubted he’d like that part. But his analytical mind required it, so maybe it did make sense. Now that they had a label, he knew what was expected from him and how to act. He understood what he meant to her and it was no longer a mystery.
In the past, Asher’s experience with sex was undefined and casual. Sometimes he had a repeat performance but he never knew how to treat the women after it was over. As a friend? Do you call a fuck-buddy when you don’t want to fuck them? Just to talk and kid around with? He never asked anything personal or offered anything personal about himself.
But with Daisy, his girlfriend, he had to treat her much more special. She was his friend that he could kid and laugh with as long as he told her the truth. He began to speak about what he might feel or think and he also checked on her to learn how she might feel. He knew how to have sex with her, but he quickly learned how much she liked to hold hands, for at least five minutes before her mind wandered and she used her hands to punctuate her points in the conversation. She snuggled next to him and then pulled away only to come back and snuggle.
Asher started to know her better; he could read her now and respond accordingly. At times, she got annoyed or pissed off when he was busy. Once when he ignored her for three days, she quickly taught him don’t do that. He was sharp so he swiftly picked up on her cues and signals. They were loud and clear because she was always clear. That helped Asher a lot. He loved having a defined relationship. The emotions he once found confusing and messy, like when she first admitted her feelings for him, now had substantial context that made sense to him.
The only thing to take her attention away from the two of them was her family. She spent a lot of her spare time with Violet. Although Violet was no longer catatonic, her former personality had vanished and few people, if any, got any interaction from her. The once loud, fun, vivacious, eager-to-perform girl disappeared entirely and Violet was no more than a shell of her former self.
Seeing Asher seemed to remind Violet of that day, when Preston died in front of everyone. Asher was loath to admit it, but visiting Violet was traumatic for him too. Naturally, he wasn’t as emotionally stripped away from the victim as she was. Asher understood why Violet acted the way she did toward him and didn’t take any offense at all.
For that reason, among others, Daisy and Asher did not announce their change in relationship status. They agreed to keep it quiet. Only her parents knew, so they wouldn’t worry where she went so often. They knew Daisy was not trying to hide it because she felt ashamed, but simply to spare Violet. It also spared Asher a lot of turmoil. He had more time to adjust to this new Daisy, as a girlfriend without public scrutiny or any need for explanation.
As time slipped by, Asher realized how much he liked being in a relationship with Daisy.
From that moment, it was much easier for them to be together. “Show me your ranch.”
“In the snow? Are you sure? You’ll run away screaming to the east coast and never return.”
She smiled and replied, “I’m very sure. Now that you own it, I want to see all the progress you’ve made since we were there last time. You spent the whole fall there, right?”
“Yeah.” His heart thudded at her request. “Daisy, this falls into that gray area, where my future and yours might parallel each other but we’re not on the same track. I took your advice, and I’m trying to live in the present and make good decisions that work now. But going to my ranch in the dead of winter? That’s a reality check I might not be ready for.”
They were eating breakfast. Daisy sipped her coffee across from him, wearing a robe and fluffy slippers. Snow quilted the outdoors and the morning temperatures barely broke the teens. Asher loved seeing her like that: her hair piled into a top knot on the highest spot of her head, without any makeup and sleepy-eyed. He found her just as gorgeous now as when she put on tight jeans to go out to dinner last night. Asher enjoyed seeing her any way she came. So much so, it often prevented them from leaving his house. She looked too enticing and he had to resist the urge to undo her top knot in his bed. Or his shower. Against every wall in his place. And the kitchen table. Several times.
She leaned forward, taking his hand and linking his fingers in hers. “It’s the real you. Someday, you’ll come visit me where I live and work. We have to start knowing each other better.”
“Okay.” Asher struggled to shake off the sense of foreboding that filled him.
“When will I come to New York City?” he asked before he shuddered. “I have no desire to visit there.”
“Next year. You’ll come to see me.” She smiled without any deception or snarkiness. It was a sincere smile and a knowing one. Like she knew a secret.
“Not so sure of that. It sounds horrible. Probably the same way you’ll feel when you go to my snow-buried, old ranch.”
“Let’s take the snowmobiles. It’ll make it much more fun. I love riding on them.”
“Yeah. Okay, that would be fun. But Daisy, that isn’t my real life up there. It’s not about taking romantic snowmobile rides, or sledding, or sipping hot chocolate by the fireplace.” Daisy walked over to get her clothes as he spoke.
Stopping suddenly, she turned and sat on his lap. She cupped his face in her hands and stared right into his eyes. “We are not doing that today. You are forbidden from mentioning how we will live years from now. I know it’s your thing, something you like to do and can’t seem to help, but stop. We are taking the snowmobile up there today because it’s awesome. And I want to see all the work you’ve been doing. What you now own. The new property owner can proudly show me his progress. That’s the beginning and the end of it.”
He saluted her. “Yes, ma’am.” He grinned at her scolding tone and commands, rising with her and preparing to put her on her feet. Something pinched inside his stomach. Not a cramp, but something different. They were both raised on the Rydell River Ranch, but their choices for future happiness were polar opposites.
Asher agreed to focus only on today and they bundled themselves up in layers of clothes and waterproof outerwear. The day was sunny and bright, the brilliant blue sky clearly defined above sloping hills piled white and sparkling with fresh snow. The light reflected the snow crystals, making it a literal winter wonderland. Asher dragged the snowmobile trailer out after asking Jack if he could borrow it and two snowmobile sleds. The ranch owned a dozen or more snowmobiles in varying sizes and power. They usually provided them for the guests that stayed at the Rydell River Resort.
Grinning, Daisy tucked herself into the king-size cab of the truck Asher borrowed from his dad to haul the load. They talked about everything, but nothing important. She was smiling and excited. Her face glowing and eager for fun as Daisy liked to be. She was generally in a good mood. Asher did not find her flaky, but rather, incredibly easy to be around. At all times. She rarely got stressed or frazzled and yet, she wasn’t particularly calm either. Her easy-going energy was why Asher felt good around her. He tended to get too focused, too intense, and worked too often and too hard. Sometimes, he even forgot to breathe. His work sometimes stressed him out when he failed to complete what he thought should be done. The to-do list for the ranch was lengthy. Daisy got things done and didn’t forget to breathe or laugh or live in between her daily chores.
Parking on a side-road turnout, they offloaded the snowmobiles, zipped up their coats, and put on their helmets and goggles. There was no way to determine their identities, being all wrapped up in snow clothes as they took off up the road on the machines. Now, it was deserted, and they really felt like they owned it. Finally, they reached the driveway to his ranch. It was buried pretty deep. Snowplows maintained the back-mountain country roads, pushing all the slush and snow into high, crusty berms that no regular vehicle could go around or over. They easily glided over the berms. She was just as experienced on the snowmobile as Asher. They’d ridden together often in the past, whether in groups with friends or ranch-mates in their youth. It was so familiar, yet different. The comfortable informality they now shared brought something new to the experience that zinged with excitement.
Daisy stopped her sled when his ranch came into view. Asher stopped beside her. She was taking her helmet off and he followed her actions. “It’s so gorgeous in the snow. It should be featured as December’s photo on a calendar or painted by a famous landscape artist.”
It really was gorgeous at this time of year. Pristine and bright, sharp blue sky defining the line of white on the hill that rose from the side of his house. The peeling, dated, white paint nearly camouflaged the whole structure in the white snow. The sweeping, soft pillows of pasture land, buried beneath an endless, vast blanket of snow were calming. The skeletal trees lining the ditch just below the house also peppered the edges of the fields. Farther off, the black, tree-lined mountain ridges faded into the blue horizon. The fluffy, white, driven snow masked everything beneath it.
Daisy jumped off her snowmobile and came over to Asher. Her blond hair was pulled back and secured behind her head. Her bright eyes were as brilliant blue as the sky, and just as shiny as the sun over the too bright snow. “You know this place is magic, Asher.”
“It is. But imagine if I lived here? Today, we might be having fun snowmobiling over the untouched knolls and mountains. Living here, however, I would have to plow the driveway just to get a vehicle out if I had to go to town. Not to mention fixing all the leaks and insulating the old, brittle walls. If the plumbing freezes up, I’m totally screwed. It’s so old too. The original house had no indoor plumbing or electricity. Imagine that. There’s an outhouse though.”
She closed her eyes. “I can imagine having a fire after we just came in from sledding on that hill right over there. It’s just perfect for downhill racing. Steep and long with a huge dip like a ski jump to send us flying forever until we stop in that snowdrift.”
“Daisy?” His tone came out harsher than he intended.
Her eyelids snapped open.
He continued his tales of caution. “Imagine trying to get a vehicle down this road every single day. Imagine being stuck in that house for days or weeks or months of winter because it’s too deep to even walk in. Constantly needing to shovel snow on the driveway and the walkways no doubt. Occasional sledding or snowmobiling. But when it gets dark at four, there you are. Not another single light on the mountain. It’s a frozen oasis of beauty, but you’re completely alone. Isolated. In frigid temperatures. Not the Rydell River Ranch when it comes to access and availability. This takes it to an entirely undesirable degree. It’s not a beautiful postcard for me. Or a scenic spot I occasionally view as I take a ride. It’s going to be my home one day and provide me with a way of life that is distinctly unusual. Even for a River’s End locale. Magnify all those problems in the winter. It snows at least a month earlier than in the valley. It gets snowed in often, allowing nothing but snowplows for months on end. Longer winters mean shorter springs. It is not like living at the Rydell River Ranch and Resort at all. In the significant amount of time I’ve spent here, it’s eerily quiet most of the time. Entire days pass without a single vehicle passing by. The folks who do pass are as reclusive as me. This area isn’t like a popular resort and vacation area for coasties to buy timeshares and spend their weekends at. There aren’t any fashionable, famous or amazing places further up this road. It’s old farms, ranches and reclusive mountain dwellers. Mostly owned by locals. Like me. I’m becoming what I always wanted to be.”
He almost spit out the words, intended to deter Daisy from indulging another fantasy about this place. About him living there. Yes, he was finally manifesting his dream. He liked being reclusive and foresaw the day people would call him a local rancher, because he managed to succeed. The idea still intrigued him inexplicably and he could not say why he sought to have it for so many years.
“It’s okay for me to like your ranch without wanting to live here. Why can’t I just be happy for you, and proud that you found the perfect place and lifestyle that you wanted? Right now, I am all those things. Just let it be.”
“But—”
She set a hand on his mouth to stop his reply. “Let it be.”
He smiled at the oversized-gloved hand that covered half his face. Mumbling around the deep, cushy material, he said, “If I did that to shush you, I’d be cursed by all things feminist.”
She released her hand, throwing her head back and laughing with all the exuberance and joy he came to know of her. “We have to abide by a double standard; that is so true. I’d have ripped your hand right off.” Her eyes glowed and so did his.
