Rivers end boxset volume.., p.94
River's End Boxset Volume 3, page 94
“And that’s what you guys were doing when it happened? The circling and figure eight part?”
“Yeah. So… God, Daisy—” He stretched his legs out and rested his weight on his elbow, looking overhead as his voice cracked with obvious emotion. “Just a normal show. We’d been practicing that formation dozens of times, all of us. That exact combination and order. Rushing and riding, all but flying, and we were always in total control.”
“What was the noise that ruined everything?”
“Gunshot. They’re still investigating it, of course. Perhaps it was an accidental discharge. But it killed a guy. What do you do with that? That ominous sound inside the metal building naturally echoed, and the horses were already flying high on adrenaline, so it didn’t take much to set them all off. It could have been any of us. For a split second, I lost control and I’m sure the others would say the same. Only Wallace darted toward the wall. I was lucky to be further back from it than Preston. When Wallace veered off, Preston shot forward as if a cannon blasted him right into the wall.”
She shuddered. All these details were familiar to her but only in abstract images. Asher’s version was so much more descriptive. Pointed. Harsh.
“He flopped down like a rag-doll. I knew he was dead before he hit the ground. I saw it. The moment he died, I’m sure of it. His eyes were filled with life. Then the light, or whatever the soul is, vanished. I saw the passing of life before and after in a split second. I’ve never experienced something like that. But now it haunts me.”
“Oh, God, Asher.” No, it was not very articulate or original, but Daisy didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah, oh, God is right. Then Violet responded. She fell onto him in the most pathetic, desperate, needy, sad, emotional outpouring I’ve ever witnessed. There was no way to watch her without crying. I’m sure we all did. I tried to watch but couldn’t, so I half-averted my gaze. I wasn’t strong enough to stomach what happened. Tears instantly filled my eyes listening to her sobbing. It was horrifying. Her endless pleas to Preston to be okay. Her disbelief at what happened. Then Jack told her as kindly but clearly as he could, that Preston was dead. Damn. I had so much respect for him in that moment. It took nerves of steel to tell her the truth, and I’m not sure I could have gotten the words out of my mouth at that point. Anyway, he told her the only decent way he could that her dearest loved one was dead. She didn’t believe it. She cried and begged and pleaded all over again, urging him to do something to fix Preston. It was a wail unlike anything I could describe or compare it to. I wanted to hand my heart to her, just to keep hers from breaking. And I swear, I could hear it breaking right before me. My friend. My dear friend.”
Silence finished his story. Daisy had no words. Tears fell as the pressure returned to her eyes and throat. So many tears were shed for her sister, but also, for Asher. The story he told her was far worse than her imagination allowed her to picture. Glancing over, she realized Asher had tears on his cheeks. He shook his head and rubbed them off.
She sniffed as she wiped her own away. “Let me guess, it didn’t help? Telling me this didn’t make you feel better? I—I tried to imagine what happened to you guys, but I don’t think I got it right. Thank you for telling me, Asher, in spite of what it did to you.”
He tossed her a wan smile. “Actually, it kind of did help me. I mean, I guess it’s a long process, but it relieved a little bit of stress and pressure as I try to make sense of it. Right now? It’s still overwhelming. You want to know the hardest part?”
“What?”
“I feel guilty for being alive. Why wasn’t it me that got thrown? I don’t have a Violet in my life whose heart would be so broken.”
“I think that’s completely valid. I suppose Violet is wondering the same thing. I feel guilty for not feeling the pain that she is,” Daisy added in her effort to give him comfort and confess her own guilt.
“Yeah, I get that,” he said softly. They finished their drinks and he opened another.
Leaning back, he finally said, “Tell me something that isn’t about death or dying young. No more grief and survivor guilt. Tell me something new and hopeful.”
She snorted. “How do I do that?”
“Try. Please. You’re the one that lives across the country from all this. You’ve gotta have something new and different we can talk about.”
“Okay. The planet is melting. Not everyone can afford the basics, things like food. Lack of healthcare in the US sometimes prevents people from getting critical treatment. The world is completely politically polarized with no end in sight, made worse by all the expansive and intrusive social media outlets. Conspiracy theories are now the norm instead of lying on the fringe. There are enough nuclear warheads to destroy life on earth a hundred times over. There are pedophiles registered everywhere. This state has thousands of untested rape kits and that means all the rapists got away with it and are walking free. Should I continue?”
He sat up and shoved her shoulder. “That is your best attempt at being hopeful? Good God, you’re awful at cheering someone up.”
She gave him an evil-eyed glare before she calmly continued, “Just explaining why you should not feel guilty for being alive. If that were the case, we would all feel guilty, all of the time. Things are never equal or okay, not all at once. There’s always something unfair going on. The factors of chance and the unexplained always enter every equation. You were all there together and yet, Preston still died, leaving the rest of you mystified. It is the ordinary response after witnessing a brief but shocking moment. In a split second, it could have gone either way, and no long-term consequences would have ensued.”
He shoulder-bumped her and replied, “Oh. That was actually pretty profound, and it means a lot to me. How you managed to bring that around to shit happens was seriously impressive.”
She gave him a nod. “Yeah, in summary. Shit happens. Life sucks. Grab it while you can and all that. At least Violet did that. She did that with Preston and her horses. And her love of both of them. I hope this doesn’t stop that.”
“She did seize the day.” He drank another bottle and tossed the empty one aside. “In the end, it made me take that message to heart. I think I’m ready to like… do something big.”
“Something big? Like what?” Her heart swelled with longing. What if? What if he was ready to notice her? Right there as always. What if he wanted to experience a bond like Preston and Violet had? What if—
“Like starting my own ranch.”
She turned her head to stare at him after his words finally registered. Starting your own ranch? “Don’t we already live on a ranch?”
“We do. But I want to own a ranch. I want to have some cattle and horses. Something that I control. Mine. Honestly? It will be more my parents then my own, but I’ll do the work. I wish it could be tens of thousands of acres, but there is no way we can buy into something like that. I’m going to pretend it’s the start of what someday will be a large Reed Ranch. It’ll probably always be what I do after I work for the Rydells, but at least I’ll have something that is mine and the hope that someday I can break off to be fully on my own.”
Surprise jolted through her. “I had no idea you had anything like that in mind. What a dream.”
“No one did. After Preston died, I told my parents and they agreed to front me the money. They surprised me by saying they were proud of me and shit. I almost feel like a leech to take their money, but I have no other way to accomplish my goals without their backing.”
“Crap, it’s no different than my parents paying for my schooling, is it? I occasionally feel some guilt, but it doesn’t stop me from accepting it. And so many others get that kind of help too. It’s not uncommon. Life is hard to start out on your own. That’s why poverty continues from one generation to the next. Privilege is a strong hand-up, a safe starting point.”
“One we should feel guilty about?”
She shrugged. “Maybe just be cognizant of. And appreciative for. Don’t waste it. Give more understanding to others who don’t have that kind of support and show some compassion when you are blessed with affluence while others aren’t. Different starting points. Being allowed to start a little farther up the ladder, one might say.”
“Did you take a sociology class this year, by any chance?”
She smiled and ducked her head. “Several of them actually. I briefly majored in it. So, I took a bunch of prerequisites. That’s why it’s going to take me at least five years to get my degree. I changed my mind last year, so I have some knowledge but no real practice of it.”
He tilted his head. “What did you change your major to?”
“English. I want to edit books. But that’s besides the point. Don’t feel guilty for having a leg up. Make the best of all the help you receive. You know? Like, honor it or something.”
“Honor it. Yeah, I hadn’t thought of it like that. Thanks, Daisy. Who knew you were so full of such little gems of wisdom?”
She snorted. “I did. I knew. You never listened to me before.”
He frowned, lowering his ever-present bottle. “I did too.”
“When? When weren’t you convinced I was light years behind you? You always treated me like a little kid, always.”
He stretched out again, relaxing after the emotions of the conversation. “Well, sure you are.” He patted his stomach. “I’ve got a few years on you. Imagine what that translates to in life experience.”
She pursed her lips. Her head was suddenly swimming. The alcohol was hitting her hard. Not being a huge drinker, she usually stuck to lightweight, fruity beverages. Not vodka-laced drinks. Her tongue felt thicker, and her thoughts seemed sluggish, but maybe Asher was ready to realize the truth. About her. About them. She snorted. “You’re barely older than me. Violet is a year older than me and you always treated her as if she were the same age as you.”
He let out a startled laugh. “Are you jealous of Violet?”
“No!” she almost shrieked. All that closeness she sensed from talking and connecting was already starting to dissipate. Asher considered her much younger than even Violet. “No. But you refuse to realize I’m not a child anymore, nor am I your goddamned cousin.”
Well, there went the words. Somewhere in her thoughts they seemed to tap at her brain as if to remind her, she wasn’t supposed to say those words out loud to him. Especially while yelling.
But she did. She yelled them out at him. His gaze suddenly sliced right through her. “I am part of the fucking family. Being adopted doesn’t lessen my place in it.” His tone was low, and he pronounced each word as if to exaggerate its importance.
Daisy waited years to tell him how she felt, and then it all spilled out like this? She put him on the defensive and now she’d have to backtrack to comfort him. Of course, he was part of the family. Naturally. No one discriminated against him or Cami or Charlie or hell, least of all, her.
But she did discriminate. That’s what she meant to say.
She did. She realized it now.
Heat filled her neck and cheeks. “I know. Of course. I didn’t mean that you weren’t part of the family. I meant… you aren’t my cousin. That’s not how I see you. Not as my cousin.”
“Well, thanks. Nice to know you too.” He jerked forward suddenly, wrapping his arms around his calves with a stony face.
Desperate now for the right words, she wondered how to undo her mistake. She’d blundered badly, forgetting all the decorum and her plans as she slipped beside him and touched his biceps near her. “It came out all wrong. I mean… I was only eight when you showed up. You were like this big, amazing, new idol for me. I worshipped you. I thought you were the greatest thing I’d ever seen or met.”
His locked jaw released, and he darted a glance at her. “Really?” Surprise laced his tone.
“Really. I know you are AJ and Kate’s son, and Cami is your sister. Charlie is your cousin. So is Melanie and Ben. But… but I’m not. And also, I’m desperately glad I’m not. Because that little girl interest turned into youthful worship, which developed into a grown-up woman’s crush. So, I mean, I feel the opposite of what you think. I’m so glad you ended up here. I just wish you’d stop regarding me as your little cousin and instead see me as a twenty-one-year-old woman, who is simply right here now. Right next to you.”
Her head felt heavy and her skin tinged with heat. Crap. She finally said it all. As her hand still held his biceps, he tilted his head towards her, staring with a half-open mouth. Eyes wide with surprise, which was probably more like shock, she nearly wished she could take back her words. What kind of reaction was he having? Horror?
Maybe.
Her heart dipped and dropped, and she wanted to melt into nothing. Disintegrate. Vaporize. Anything to disappear. She just told a man who considered her his cousin that she wanted him.
Daisy Rydell just… what? What did she really do? His brain was buzzing. Obviously because of the alcohol. Grief. Guilt. Sadness. But what about Daisy? Talking so grown up for the first time and hinting he was not a part of the family? Taking away his classification as a cousin, which he considered himself to all of them?
Daisy kept talking about not being old enough. For what? Sex? Liking him? Idolizing him? He didn’t know that until now. Of course not. But she did say those things. And then she was urging him to consider her a grown woman. Right there?
What the hell was Daisy talking about? How much did they have to drink? Too much. Way too much.
It was fucking Daisy. Little, sweet, flighty Daisy.
What was she doing? His brain rejected it. He shied away and tried to hide. Daisy could not be changing all the rules this far along on the trail.
They were family. Family. They shared it all. Didn’t she remember that?
The myriad aunts, uncles and cousins were all connected by family. He could now distinguish the others and their exact relationships of who belonged to whom. Twenty-six-year-old Lillian was the niece to twenty-four-year-old Melanie, who was also a sibling to forty-eight-year-old Ben and forty-one-year-old Charlie. Charlie’s kids were only nine. Ben’s two kids, Lillian and her younger sister, Jade, were twenty-six and sixteen. So, the ages of the differing relations made it extraordinarily complicated for most outsiders to keep track of.
But Asher knew. He had all the tangled webs of relationships memorized. The entire place was unique, unlike anything Asher experienced before he was placed with AJ and Kate. He spent a lot of time learning how they were all connected. Family relationships were new to him, which made them very fascinating and important. And here Daisy was, trying to redefine all of it? No, trying to smash all of it?
Asher learned all the history and details of the modern day Rydell River Ranch and Resort. Starting with the four brothers whose parents died in a tragic car accident and left their Rydell River Ranch to them. It was rather simple then for Jack, Ian, Shane and Joey Rydell. Four brothers running a family ranch. Jack had two sons, Ben and Charlie, from his first wife who died. And for many years that was the entire family. Until Jack met Erin.
Jack married Erin and they waited more than a decade to have their daughter, Melanie. That’s why Melanie’s “niece,” Lillian, was two years older than her.
Charlie Rydell married Cami, who was AJ’s daughter, and they had a set of twins, Ethan and Isaac. So, Cami was Asher’s sister by adoption and her boys were his nephews, and since he’d been around for thirteen years, that’s exactly what they meant to him.
The next original Rydell brother, Ian, married a local girl, Kailynn Hayes. They didn’t have kids until a good decade or longer. First, they had a son named Hunter and a few years later, another son, Landon.
Shit. Wait until Hunter got wind of what the hell Daisy just said. Maybe Hunter could help him make sense of it.
The next brother, Shane Rydell, married a local schoolteacher named Allison, and they had four daughters, Rose, Iris, Violet and Daisy.
Daisy’s two older sisters were, in fact, married, and were starting to have kids.
Rose married Mateo and she was pregnant.
Iris married Quinn Larkin.
And then there were Violet and Daisy.
No doubt they’d add more kids to the expanding, tangled Rydell family tree.
That left the most blended family of Joey Rydell. He married Hailey Starr, a woman who had two kids. Those kids, Brianna and Jacob, became part of the Rydell family and lived close by. Brianna married a guy who worked for the ranch named Finn Alexander, and they had two kids, Ayden and Emory.
Jacob suffered from drug addiction and had a son he couldn’t care for when he was young. Hailey and Joey raised his son, Silas, although Silas understood Jacob was his biological dad. Silas nonetheless treated Jacob as his brother and his grandparents as his parents. Jacob, years later, married Luna and they had two kids, Blake and Brynn.
That covered most of the Rydells.
Then there were Kailynn Rydell’s two brothers, Jordan and Caleb Hayes, who worked for decades on the ranch with Asher’s dad, AJ. Now in their mid and late fifties, they were still strong ranch hands.
Jordan married Pedro Ruiz and they adopted two siblings, Roman and Rodrigo.
Caleb married Josephina Ruiz, yes, a brother and sister, to complicate things even more. They had two kids, Dominik and Eliana.
When Asher found this big, robust, complicated family, he expected it to be another temporary situation. Now, on an almost daily basis, Asher felt relieved that it turned out to be a permanent one.
And Daisy was trying to change all the rules.
His head swam and his eyes got blurry.
Daisy touched his face and the soft, silky fingertips sliding over his jaw and up the side of his cheek captured his attention. “Asher?” That husky tone was familiar to him when women spoke. Women who were sexual beings. Women who wanted him. For sex.
Not freaking little Daisy.
