Rivers end boxset volume.., p.82
River's End Boxset Volume 3, page 82
“I can appreciate that. I’m glad to help but you should know, they understand you too.”
“Mom’s first marriage?”
“Yep. Shane had to cope with that. Your loss is not so uncommon as you might think. Love is not easy, it’s hard; whether or not it’s your first time or your last time.”
“I know. I loved him and I still love him but I can’t figure out how to make peace with that.”
Jack ran his hand over his white hair. “Damn. I get that. It took me longer than most. Everybody encouraged me to move on and date; but until Erin appeared, dating never interested me. It was always a big, fat no. Maybe the combination of timing, surviving grief and meeting the perfect next person have to coincide.”
“I guess I thought that time alone could cure it.”
“Maybe time will help you learn to cope with it.” He snorted. “I hated all the platitudes and clichés. I can’t tell you what path to take or how to navigate through critical crises. No one can. Not your parents, nor your sisters, not even this new person. If you can’t move on yet, then you simply can’t. I get that too.”
“You don’t think it makes me weak?”
“I think it only makes you human. You’re still hurting. And everyone’s threshold for pain is different, just like the duration of it. I know people who didn’t even wait a year after their spouse’s or companion’s death, before embarking on a new long-term relationship. Several of them even worked out. Does that mean they loved their lost spouse any less than I loved Lily? Your strength comes from knowing you, including what you need. You have to learn to ignore what others say you should do or feel. Avoid judging yourself through the eyes of others. That’s all you can do.”
“I hate those stupid platitudes too. I thought I knew myself before. And then I met this guy and his daughter and now I am filled with doubt. Nothing is magically fixing it.”
“In my experience, relationships don’t always go smooth or easy. But I will say this, despite your fear of watching other riders on horses, you should come here and start working again. Finn and I could use your help and there is an endless supply of horses to work with. Neglected, scared, some are terrified even and you have special abilities and natural intuition with horses, something they sense, which is invaluable to me. I need you. You’ve learned a lot since Preston’s death, being frightened, vulnerable and confused, your confidence was cruelly shaken. I believe that happened for a reason and the maturity and growth and understanding you received have made you kinder and gentler, the ideal person to heal damaged horses. I really see that in you, Violet.”
“Me? A healer of horses?” she repeated her statement in disbelief. “Is that what you are? What you do?”
“Yes. Nowadays. That’s what I prefer to do. It’s been quite awhile since I trained a challenging, spirited, young, confident horse. The kind the rodeos can’t even handle. It’s been the opposite for me. I rehabilitate the horses that are hurt, abused, neglected and some have even lost the will to live. They have no more fight inside them or survival instinct. It reflects the human experience in my way of thinking. Anyway, the work is tedious, and requires infinite patience and understanding. It can be very frustrating, with slow progress and regular reasons to be annoyed. Occasionally, we have a rare but huge, breakthrough moment, but mostly it’s just steady, snail-paced progress. The reward for all your work and tenacity, never giving up, will finally result in a trusting horse that was once too afraid for you to touch it. It not only lets you stroke it, but it eagerly approaches you, seeking your companionship. And well, that’s better than any show I could put on with a horse. No amount of applause for my showmanship in the ring could begin to compare to the quiet moment in a small corral when a once nearly broken horse decides to live again and trust a human.”
“That sounds like the most perfect moment a horse-person could possibly have.”
“It is.”
She tilted her head, scrunching up her brows in confusion. “You never asked me to work here before.”
“No. I’m very selective about it. Finn and I are very discerning when it comes to this enterprise. The equipment we have is state-of-the-art; it’s expensive and means much more than just its monetary value. It’s life-saving. The horses we rescue aren’t the kind you can train and ride. They are—”
“A version of my spirit right now?”
He smiled gently. “Yes, that’s a nice way to say it.”
“And you’re asking me to…?”
“I am. Are you interested?”
Violet swallowed and turned back towards the small paddock. The horse Jack was working with stood on the opposite side, warily staring back at them with obvious suspicion. Clearly on the alert, she seemed poised to run if they dared to approach her.
“I actually think I am.” She blinked in surprise at her own reply. It was the first new thing she’d done for two years. She’d quit her job at the resort: horseback riding and training the riders and horses for the shows. It was a full-time job that she quit without any warning. Other than looking after her own two horses, Violet worked at the school district now. A job she got through her mom’s former teaching connections. She filled in as a substitute para-educator and remained with them. They moved her around wherever they needed her. She started at the elementary school but was relocated this year to the resource room at the combined middle and high schools. “I work at the school most days, but I could come by after that… Could I maybe start part-time? I could definitely work the weekends too if you’re okay with that.”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “As I say with all horse work, they don’t care what day it is. They don’t take Saturdays and Sundays off from feeding. So any work you can do with them is important.”
“I didn’t come looking for you because I wanted to start working with horses again.”
“This is nothing you’ve ever done with horses before. You are a gifted, natural trainer. And you know that. You could have stayed busy full-time doing that. I would encourage you at some point to get back into it. But failing to do something with all the horse know-how and talent you have, Violet-girl? That’s a sheer waste of exceptional talent. You have an inborn compassion towards horses that is so vital in rescue. No offense, but I don’t see the school district as your destiny. It fits someone like your mom or Rose… but not you. Iris loves to work in mechanics, and you were born to sit on the back of a horse. Professionally and personally.”
“You thought this out before?”
“I thought of it right after Preston died. You needed time before getting to a place where working with horses seemed acceptable again. You were on my horizon. But you came to me on your own… to discuss things entirely unrelated so yeah, it was the perfect opportunity I was waiting for. How about Monday afternoon? Say around four?”
“Yes. I’ll be here.”
She blinked back the tears in her eyelids and quickly turned and fled. Her tears were different this time. Not from sadness or because something triggered them about Preston or the accident. It wasn’t from regret and heartache over who she was failing and what she wasn’t accomplishing.
No, this was totally different. Tears of relief. Relief. She wanted to do something with Jack that finally captured her interest. Her goddamned curiosity was piqued. She wanted to know what Jack and Finn did to calm the rescued horses. She wanted to go with them on a rescue mission, anywhere from down in the valley to across state lines. Sometimes, they had to cross several states to pick up the pathetic, desperate, abused, neglected, and often beaten horses.
An inherent sadness accompanied this new venture too. At times, the kindest and most humane thing Jack could do was to put a horse down. But that was Jack’s last resort. Always.
She had so much to learn. They rehabilitated horses and sold them to people they screened very carefully. The money they earned funded the River’s Rescue operations. There were a few big-name donors from whom they always accepted any donation, no matter how small. It was a not-for-profit endeavor that turned out to be highly profitable. They also used the proceeds for the charity foster children camps in the summer. Violet used to perform for those kids. Maybe she could help them in a different way now.
She used to be all flashy with her flamboyant style and her need to stir up the excitement and be the center of attention. She now preferred the quiet. Only quiet. None of the attention and accolades that used to drive her appealed anymore. Maybe Jack was right. Her new demeanor was better suited to the broken-spirited animals he wanted to save and recuperate.
Maybe by helping them, Violet would find a new way to help herself. Something that might be nicer than hiding up in the mountains every August. She was working a job she had no passion for, which didn’t pay well and offered no future.
By accepting the job Jack described, was she finally starting to foresee and believe in a future? Did she actually have one?
More tears dampened her eyelashes and she wiped and dried them before making her way home.
Home was the house her brother-in-law built. She was invited to live there only a few months after Preston died. Grateful for the change of scenery, she eagerly took the spare bedroom. They didn’t seem to mind her presence there. Iris was always busy at the shop and Quinn was working on his golf course. The progress of it was slow and time-consuming, but Quinn seemed invigorated by the work. They were together most evenings, taking in the panoramic views of their mini-empire and the other Rydells below them. She could make out her parents’ house, a speck of color on the banks of the river, just past Rydell Rock.
No one was home. Sighing, she dug out some pasta and made a quick, easy dinner.
Iris and Quinn weren’t the ones she wanted to reveal her mini-breakthrough to. Oddly enough, it was the man she didn’t really know that well. The one she ran from and kept running from.
I did something new today. That was all she wanted to text him.
She wanted to see him.
She wanted him to hold her again, sweeping her up against his wide, comforting chest. She wanted to listen to the deep, calming voice with a warm smile poised on his face for her.
But of course, she’d only shunned Gage. She’d rejected his comfort and support and friendship. She’d offered him a chance to feel the physical, but reserved the emotional. The piece he most wanted and which most scared her.
Not true. The physical side scared her equally, for deep in her guts, nothing was simple about anything they did together or felt. She sensed what they had could be real and deep and healing. And she didn’t know how to accept it. Honestly? She wondered if she even wanted it. Perhaps that was the hardest part for others to understand. If she could feel better, why wouldn’t she?
Maybe because she simply wasn’t ready yet. Maybe the crushing guilt of moving on from Preston loomed over her, and was much too powerful still. Maybe she just didn’t have enough strength to handle so much emotion towards another person. Feeling numb simply was easier.
CHAPTER 15
CRAP, IF ANDY DIDN’T come into her classroom at lunch. She sat down, eating her Gage-prepared lunch, chit-chatting about school, but mostly talking about horses. The girl couldn’t fake her unquenchable interest in them. Violet hoped she wasn’t the type of girl who got crazy excited about something new only to abandon all interest months or even weeks later. Maybe she was a phase-oriented person and horseback riding was her latest phase.
Violet soon learned that Andy got straight As and school for her was a breeze. She ran cross country for track and liked it but didn’t love it. She doubted she’d continue to do it in high school because they ran much further. She wasn’t ready to commit so much of her time to it. Since most of her friends were on the team, it wasn’t a cut-and-dried decision. She was a bit torn.
Violet knew all of this because she was quiet around the girl. Sure, she answered her direct questions but mostly, she listened to Andy. And that seemed to go a long way.
Andy might as well have screamed how much she liked Violet. There was no earthly reason for it, at least, none that Violet could find. Why did Andy like to hang out with her?
Violet started working at the rescue barn, and was glad she had new things to tell Andy. Andy squealed with unmasked delight when Violet told her what she planned to do after school. The first thing Andy asked was when could she be allowed to come there?
Violet restrained the urge to say there was no “we” about her new job. But she didn’t. She wondered how to deal with Andy’s ceaseless interest in her ranch activities.
Later that afternoon, walking up to the rescue barns, Violet’s heart started to beat too fast. She felt odd wearing her cowboy boots and hat, walking the dirt paths again, with the intention of helping a horse. The rescue barns were located on the southeast edge of Rydell land. It sat up on a bank, overlooking the river. The family’s private houses were downriver and visible to each other but not so close they could yell back and forth.
The rescue barns faced the river and spanned the Rydell orchards. The land for the resort, the horses, the rescue barn and residences ran along the east side of the Rydell River. There was a section that jogged off towards the west, which was visible from the rescue barn. The orchards of cherry and apple trees were recently harvested. That turned out to be an unexpectedly lucrative branch of the ranch income.
The resort was north of the rescue barn and the arena was above that. Violet could not see the arena once she headed to the barn. The trees blocked the view. The land curved around and away from it too, creating its own little island.
It was one of the few spots on her family’s vast acreage where Violet felt free. The view and accompanying stomach-wrenching sensation of the arena no longer bothered her. That fucking place. It was so impressive with all the facilities and the cleanliness they maintained. The pristine conditions of the stables and inner arena were pretty remarkable. The outside construction was beautiful, matching the ranch buildings and resort façade. Everything fit in as part of the landscape, without dominating it.
Sure. There was so much to be grateful for.
But it was also now the main source of Violet’s hurt.
She was glad she could work with the horses without glaring at the arena. It was a true blessing that made Violet release a sigh. Maybe, just maybe, she could do that. Maybe this could work. Imagine that. Her working with horses again. And succeeding? She felt too rusty to consider it. From the age of fifteen, she’d been training horses and working at the resort. She liked being part of it all and a central contributor to her family. After the disaster struck, she retreated into an inner shell. What if this new job marked the start of her emergence from it?
What if that actually happened?
She kicked a nearby pebble. It didn’t matter at that second. Right now? Jack was waving at her and she was eager to start her new job.
“Well, you came on the right day. We had a call from a family who bought an old farm…”
She winced. “No… please don’t tell me—”
He nodded, and his mouth became a grim line. “Yes. They found an old mare in the barn. She’s starving and covered in sores. They aren’t horse people so they don’t understand the full extent of her deplorable condition. You’ll start right off seeing how hard this can be. But when the process works, it’s so fulfilling.”
They were walking in tandem. “And when it doesn’t?”
“It’s the saddest fucking thing you ever witnessed. So… there’s that too.”
Her mouth was also a grim line. “I guess that’s life, huh? When it’s good, it’s great, when it’s not, it’s horrible.”
“Just about.” They climbed into the cab of the truck with the words River’s Rescue and their logo on the doors. It was designed by Brianna years ago. Brianna did most of the marketing and internet advertising. The double horse trailer was already hooked up. “Ready?”
Violet nodded, sitting up straighter for the first time in a long time and something churned inside her. Interest? Curiosity? Ambition? “Yes. I’m ready.”
She wasn’t really prepared for what they found when they saw the poor mare. No one could be prepared for it. The previous owners deserved old-fashioned, vigilante justice for what they did to her in Violet’s opinion. That was no punishment to equate the suffering they’d inflicted on the horse Violet and Jack found.
When they pulled into the old farm, which was a good hour’s drive away, the lady who met them was older. She wore shabby clothes and had frizzy hair and her face was pulled tight as she said, “You can’t help the poor creature fast enough.”
Violet instantly liked her. The lady pitied the poor horse and immediately reached out to the local authorities. The police came to take pictures and gather evidence to investigate further. They needed to know who left the desperate animal in such a terrible state and how to find them.
Reaching out to River’s Rescue, which was known for its successful rehabilitation cases, was the best solution, no matter how desperate the horse was.
Violet sucked in her exclamation of shock. The animal was the most pathetic thing she’d ever seen.
Jack was brilliant. If she hadn’t liked and respected her uncle before this, which she did, afterward? She was in total awe.
The horse was covered in scabs and abscesses. Many were unhealed or badly scarred from not healing properly. Her ribs were all visible. The horse’s eyes were filled with fear and when Violet saw her, she needed no more reason than her true desire to help her.
Jack entered the barn. His patience was legendary and his experience was pivotal at making horses trust him. Violet doubted he could be successful with this one. Not many trainers can calm a terrified horse.
“You stay back. Our safety matters first, despite how bad the creature appears. The truth is they are so rattled by fear and distrust, they can strike out and hurt us. So always stay back. Be aware. Never let your compassion replace your need for safety. Right now? Stay back. Far back. This isn’t your job. You’re just learning it.” Jack pulled a pair of gloves on his hands as he scanned the old, decrepit barn and decided what to do.
