Rivers end boxset volume.., p.128
River's End Boxset Volume 3, page 128
Moaning, she dropped her hands to his waist and stroked his thick erection. It felt hot even through the double layers of material. She undid the zipper, being somewhat clumsy and slow, and had to insist that her fingers cooperate. He lifted his hips to help her toss the pants away. She couldn’t wait for him to take them off. Reaching into his boxers, she pulled out the red hot, swelling rod with her hand. He groaned. She smiled at him, licking her lips before she began a slow, torturous caress of long pushes and pulls on him. He closed his eyes, tipping backwards before catching himself with his hands.
“Do you have a condom?”
“It’s in my wallet,” he barely muttered. She searched around and found his wallet, which he dug into before popping up with a prophylactic.
“Put it on,” she commanded in a husky voice.
“Here?”
“Yes, here. No one can see us between these logs unless they’re sitting right on top of us. If that happens…” She smirked. “Then I guess they deserve a peek.”
He shuffled around and reached towards her. “Lillian…” She sighed and slid down him. Once fully joined, she leaned forward to slip her hands around his neck. She pressed her naked breasts against his chest.
Only after a long, soul-shattering moment of nearly sharing the same breath did she move. Slowly and with no hesitation, she went up and down as she rode him. They didn’t speak, and only a series of soft sighs and moans escaped their lips, but they kept their gazes glued on each other.
There wasn’t one movement they didn’t fully share and experience together, they were totally in sync and caught in the same moment.
Firelight flickered in shadows on their skin. The soft blanket provided a barrier from the sand. The darkness shielded them from the world. Like they fell off the earth into this perfect spot of warm, fresh air, and bright, shining stars with a roaring splash and a thunk! Lillian believed she might take flight with all the deep and fully satisfying sensations he created inside her.
Finally, he lay back, and she fell on top of him. Rolling both of them to the side, Matt positioned Lillian under him. He hovered over her. His hand came to her cheek and slid down it as he stared at her forehead, her eyes, her nose and then her mouth.
His body pressed hers in the most intimate and delicious position. But it was the look in his eyes of adoration, disbelief, and amazement that he held her, right there, right now in his arms. His body moved inside hers and she let out a small, grateful sigh at the sensational friction. But it was the soft touch of his lips on hers that undid her heart. As if he were touching the most precious object in his life, Matt’s lips kissed hers, with a long, languid surrender that enhanced the endless feelings.
As he kissed her, slipping their tongues together in combined sweetness that created a rampant, mutual hunger for each other, she opened her legs wider. He pressed her harder, using the lumpy sand to support his wild, wonderful coupling until she could no longer hold his gaze. Her eyes closed and she succumbed to his ministrations. Images of the endless sensations became dizzying colors and the burning satisfaction nearly consumed her. Their tongues tangoed, opening their mouths and devouring each other when Matt finally thrust himself fully into her and she cried out as he stiffened and shuddered when his own orgasm unfolded.
It took him several moments to finish. Finally, he fell to her side, his lower half releasing her, but his torso still half covering her. She opened her eyes to find him above her.
He stared down at her before lifting a hand and sweeping her bangs away. His expression was serious. No laugh. No sense of humor. The intensity that she missed before this was suddenly evident in his face.
Laying naked on a beach would have appalled her once. She’d never done such a thing until now. Yet she had no regrets. No hurry to get dressed or move away from him. No, she wanted this. So much. She wanted Matt to stay here with her. Under the stars, beyond the waves.
“I can’t believe we just did this. Here.”
She grinned. “I think I shocked you.”
“You shocked me. I shocked me. Do you think I do this often?”
“Well, where do you usually do it?”
He smiled as he slipped out from her. Sitting up, he adjusted himself and removed the condom before putting it in the sand. She sat up and leaned towards him, kissing his shoulder.
“My boat.”
“Really? Your business doubles as a love nest?”
“Yeah. Granddad is always at home, which kind of kills the mood. I need privacy. Easy alternative. Not so tacky as a motel. What about you?”
She smiled as she gazed at the now low flames of their little fire. “There hasn’t been anyone in a long time. Holy shit. Poor you. That’s why that happened. One hot kiss and I was done for.”
“Just because of my kiss?”
She sighed. “No, Matt, something simply exists between us. No matter how old we get.”
“No, you’re right. It is something. I used to wonder how it happened. Like I am right now, wondering how this happened.”
“Like rocket fuel and a lit match. Which is so not like me usually.” She snorted.
“Me, neither. But I believe it’s because of you.”
“No. I don’t get out of River’s End very often, working with all the animals there. I have no new men in my love life, which is regularly few and far between.”
Matt put his hand on hers. “I honestly can’t believe that; much less, that you’re still single. I’m just so glad you are.”
Seeing lights coming down the beach, bobbing back and forth, they glanced at each other and grinned. “We could be cited for public indecency.”
She turned until she found all of her clothes. Slipping her shirt on, Lillian stood as she pulled her underwear up and Matt simply stopped dead so he could watch her. She gave him a little smile. “You’re gawking.”
“You’re beautiful.”
“That’s almost another pickup line. Get dressed before we get caught.”
He grinned as he reached over and pulled on his own shirt, boxers and jeans. He finally rose when he snapped and zipped his jeans. Now that they were both dressed, he reached for her and she easily collapsed into his arms. She loved the way he tucked her snugly into his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around her.
Her heart nearly melted when she felt him planting a kiss in her hair. “I meant to give you a private, romantic goodbye. I never dreamt we’d share this level of romance. But damn, Lillian…”
She tipped her head back. “I know. Damn. To us. And to each other.”
They shared a profound, deep look and a smile. And then Matt held her. For so long. The ocean’s rhythm matched that of her heart. Her damn heart got way too twisted up and heavy with all of these blissful feelings.
She did not want to leave. She loved this moment, this night, this evening, and all the trouble he went to in planning it. But most of all, she loved being in his arms.
But it grew late and much cooler. She shivered in the night air. “We should probably go.”
They released each other and started gathering their things before extinguishing the smoldering fire. Waiting for her, he held out his hand and her heart plummeted into her stomach. Damn. She loved his polite manners. The way he always watched what she was doing so closely. He paid so much attention to her, he flustered her although she loved it. She never had so much attention before. They walked in warm, compatible silence. The words were left unsaid, but their emotions were very much expressed. It seemed impossible for her to dilute her reaction to the one man she didn’t want to respond so obviously to.
Yet she wanted a good relationship. She wanted a decent, kind man and all the other things Matt personified. But not so much she was willing to lose her mind and her heart… Now what?
CHAPTER 9
WAKING UP, LILLIAN BLINKED at the grit and weariness she felt in her eyes. What had she done?
But how could she have avoided it?
The night, the atmosphere, and the ambiance created the spark, but when their lips touched, it was like gasoline and the spark they shared suddenly erupted into a blazing inferno.
Now? Everything crashed. Burnt. Torched.
She had sex with him. The father of her child who still didn’t know he was. She not only complicated but also compounded a situation with plenty of built-in drama to begin with. Now she upset everything she was mentally prepared for to happen. What did she do? Shutting her eyes, she let the clearest images and snippets of their conversation filter through her.
Matt would hate her for not being crystal clear about why she went there. For withholding her greatest secret and doing what they did last night. Not to mention, the relationship they dallied at all week. They were well beyond being old friends even before last night. The chemistry, the private understanding, the fun, and the sparks supported a developing sexual desire and need. It remained dormant, unsaid and unacted upon. But instead of ignoring it now that she was a full adult and should have been capable of handling any situation, she completely betrayed herself, making it far worse and way more complicated.
Panic-stricken, she glanced over at Matt who still slept soundly. Sliding free of the bed, she quietly made way her to the bathroom. She showered and slipped into some loose, comfortable clothing before going into the kitchen. Opening cupboards until she found the coffee and started a pot, she waited as she stared at it with knots in her stomach and her clasped hands on the table.
What had she done?
More importantly, why?
Imagine what her parents would say… again. The first time, she was young and dumb and reckless. But a second time? With the same man? They might become a bit wary of her lame excuses.
The coffee finished brewing, so she poured herself a cup before sitting down again and contemplating her next move. The urge to flee like she did after her night of sex with Matt the first time naturally crossed her mind again. That morning, the shame and loathing of what happened and her fear of what others might think of her suffocated her like cruel hands on her throat, choking the life out of her, so naturally, she fled.
She obviously wasn’t such a chicken shit anymore. Taking responsibility for one’s actions had been hardwired into her and she was clearly to blame for this, never mind the bomb she still had to drop on Matt about Benny. Why did she do that before she told him? Nothing between them could survive after she told him the truth. It would turn ugly as soon as she revealed her secret. His opinion of her would change irreparably and she understood why clearly. But still, all of it disturbed her.
“I hope that look on your face isn’t from remorse about last night or I’ve got some work to do.”
She jerked up when Matt’s voice startled her. He was far closer than she estimated as he walked nearer to her and set a kiss on the top of her swept back hair.
“It’s not remorse from last night. That was…” Was she blushing? Yes. Heat filled her cheeks.
He gave her a sweet laugh and a shoulder squeeze. “It sure was.”
He sauntered to the coffee pot in a relaxed, open, casual manner. He seemed totally at ease. And she might have been wrong, but he also seemed more at peace… and dare she say it? Happy. Was that because of her and what happened last night?
“I rolled over, and you were gone, so I got a slight case of PTSD from our first time and thought perhaps you ditched me again.”
Her blush burned deeper. “That was rotten of me. I hope I’m substantially more mature than that now.”
“I didn’t hear anything out here, so the possibility really did occur to me… I didn’t want you regretting anything that happened between us. Again. That’s all.”
He sat at the small table, very close to her in the corner where she sat. He set his coffee down and put his hand over hers. “You’re okay about last night, this time, I hope.”
“I was…” She gulped and the expression on his face crashed into a crestfallen wince. She quickly added, “I am. But there are things I should have told you and it’s…”
“Okay, what things? I mean, it feels like we’ve known each other for the past six years in our conversations and the way we connect. But in reality, it’s only been six days total. So, I can’t know everything and vice versa. That takes time. That’s what I wanted to ask you last night before you so vigorously and distractedly kissed me, thereby altering the entire course of my plans last night. Which did not include any attempts to seduce you. However, now that you seduced me, there are definitely no regrets on my end.”
How could his calm decency make it so much worse for her?
“Is Granddad close to waking up yet? We need a few moments.”
He frowned. “You woke up two hours before he usually rises. He shouldn’t emerge from his bedroom until seven o’clock or so.”
She nodded and slipped her hand free, bending over her coffee and inhaling it like a line of powdered cocaine. Here it went down so casually. Ordinary. At his kitchen table before the first light of dawn. Wearing casual, comfortable, slouchy clothes, everything seemed so common and ordinary. Their conversation should have taken place somewhere more dramatic to match the tone of it.
But here they were, in the old house with Granddad not even a corridor away so they kept their voices soft and low. She hoped he’d continue to accept her.
“Lillian? What is it? Don’t you want to see me again?”
She blinked tears. “I do. Want to see you again, I mean. You might not want to see me again though. But you—you’ll have to.”
“What? Lillian, what is it?”
She cleared her throat and rubbed her eyelids while sitting up straighter. Wiggling around until she attained a stiff, grown-up posture, she said, “I should have told you sooner, but I wasn’t sure how to admit that I lied.”
“When and why?” His face watched her, staying somewhat blank but a weariness appeared around the corners of his eyes as he seemed to prepare himself.
“When you asked me if I had any kids. I didn’t answer it. I should have told you yes. I do. I have one son.”
Matt’s entire posture sank. Then a slow smile filled his face. He reached forward and took her hand in his. Warm, gentle, and soft, he squeezed her hand like he always did to show her his care and concern.
“That’s what has you sitting here so dejectedly, like you’re waiting for the sky to fall on you? That’s not a problem. Not for me. I mean, whatever we decide to do, that won’t pose any problems. We can handle it if there is an us, however you see fit.”
Her heart lurched with relief. She wanted to grab his face and shake it, demanding that he stop trying to make this so easy on her. Stop trying to be so good. The guilt only got worse.
She blinked and reeled her thoughts back in. Trying to stay steady, she searched for the words to tell him. Then he asked her, “What’s his name?”
She lifted her face and stared into Matt’s eyes. Studying the slope of his forehead, the dip of his nose, the flare of his nostrils, the arches of his dark eyebrows, the perfect O of his mouth and synchronized widening of his eyes. It was all familiar to her, the same as their son. “Benjamin Mathew Rydell. He’s named for my father and—”
How could she say it? Her stomach roiled with ragged nerves. Here she goes. Stating the truth that could change everything. She gulped down the lump in her throat and held his gaze. Strong and sure, her voice barely wavering, she said, “—and his.”
It took Matt a few moments to mull over the name and register what she said. He replied, “That’s a strong name—” but stopped.
He shook his head, and looked at her, then away. His brain was cataloguing, shuffling through all of her comments until she knew he landed on the most important one, the one that could change everything.
“Didn’t you think my name was Mathew?”
“Yeah. I always thought that was your name.”
He shoved her hand away and sat back, his gaze clinging to hers now. His eyes widened into owl-like orbs and his mouth opened and shut before his jaw set in a grim line. Finally, in a low and measured voice, he asked. “How old is your son?”
“Six. He’s six years old.” She stared at him and added, “And he’s our son… You are his father.”
Matt stared at Lillian’s face in disbelief. In his mind’s eye, her lovely, oval, tanned face with a dark swath of hair that swung freely around suddenly morphed into a fire-breathing dragon, spraying her hot, fiery, destructive breath all over him. Disfiguring him… and essentially his whole life.
Son. Six years old. Mathew. Named after his father. I thought, all these years that your name was Mathew.
He got up and left the table, suddenly unable to look at her. Her words did not compute or relate to him. But in his gut, he knew, despite how horrifying and destructive her words might be. They altered him forever. His whole life. His thoughts about himself. His opinions about Lillian. Of their relationship. The sex that was so perfect a few moments ago nearly prompted him to ask her to come up with a way they could keep seeing each other, despite all the conflicting factors, until she dropped this bomb on him.
He seethed with rage inside.
A son.
He. Had. A. Son.
The words were meaningless. He could not grasp the concept. He worried that the tight constriction in his chest was the first sign of a heart attack. Maybe he was having a panic attack? Perhaps both? It made him feel raw inside and more confused. Angry words were ready to spew from his lips and he could not look at her for fear of how angry his words could be. Never mind Granddad was right down the hallway and within hearing distance.
He tried to resist the urge to leave. Immediately. His lack of oxygen would soon have him fainting or dying of a heart attack. Either one suddenly felt plausible.
She could leave and pretend he didn’t exist. But now he knew where she lived.
He’d have to hire a lawyer to find both of them. He’d never allow her to get away with twice disappearing from his life. This elusive woman who bewitched him before dropping atomic bombs on his emotions and future life. Hearing her claim she gave birth to his son nearly floored him.
