Rivers end boxset volume.., p.14
River's End Boxset Volume 3, page 14
She stared up at her mom. “But the real me can’t wear all this. I can’t handle the way it feels. I’m not trying to get attention or be difficult. I just…” She glanced down, her arms spread wide. Then she flopped them down to her side. “I just can’t do this. I’m terrified enough over the company he keeps. I’m always trying to make sure I don’t spill my food or say something gauche or small-townish while hoping to avoid whatever cultural shit I don’t know. But wearing this dress? I can’t be me. I can’t even see me when I look like this.”
Jocelyn hugged her. “I get that. I tried to be normal once… when I first had Lillian and was figuring out how to be with Ben. I wanted him to like who he was with, but that conservative stuff left me cold.”
“Don’t I know. I’m a mechanic and I feel more comfortable in greasy overalls than a dress. But I’m not so clueless or redneck that I’d show up to something like this without looking appropriate. I just hate having to do so much to look appropriate.”
Quiet filled the room that was happily engaged only minutes ago. “But don’t you kind of have to dress up? It’s formal wear, right? A big charity thing? Worthy cause and all that?”
“Yes, it’s a fundraiser for children’s cancer research.”
Jocelyn studied her and then glanced at them. “She could wear a suit. That would be formal wear.”
Rose scoffed. “Oh, please. That’s ridiculous.”
“Is it? Or is it what she’d prefer so she could be herself? It’s not about your style, Rose, or what you think is appropriate. Not all of us share long-haired visions of femininity and prim demeanor. You do. Great. But for someone like me or Iris, we feel like frauds. It takes all our confidence out of us. Not a criticism about you, just a fact about us.”
Iris smiled at Jocelyn, grateful another woman understood how crazy she felt. Quinn gave her money, knowing she didn’t have anything to wear and couldn’t afford what was considered passable at a function like this.
Enter Rose. She had more experience than Iris in classic women’s fashion. They spent an obscene amount of money on this outfit in Iris’s estimation. Maybe that’s what made Iris feel so gross and out of herself. She didn’t think she could step outside looking like that.
“I can’t go.” She leaned over and ripped her shoes off, flinging them away from her. “I’ll just return everything and tell Quinn to forget it.”
Quiet descended the room. Then her mom asked, “Is that what you want? You don’t like the formal dress; does that mean you don’t want to go to the event at all?”
Iris sighed. “I kind of wanted to go. Quinn asked me and it seemed so important to him, and if anything can work, don’t I have to fit in? Somehow? Or figure something out?”
“Then I think you should wear a suit. Maybe Jocelyn’s right.”
She gaped at her mom. “Are you for real?”
“I am.” Her mom walked over and pushed her curled hair back. “This isn’t you, and this isn’t the woman Quinn asked to attend the fundraiser. I think you should go as yourself and be the most comfortable you can be. And if he doesn’t like it? I guess you’ll have your answer.”
“Will you still come?”
Allison scoffed. “Good Lord, child. Of course, we’ll still come. You’re our daughter. As if anything you do could ever surprise me.”
“Even if he kicks us out? Or if this embarrasses you guys… or him?” Iris leaned against her mom’s shoulder. Her mom gently hugged her and patted her back. “I don’t want to embarrass him, Mom. I really don’t. Why can’t I just be normal? Like you or Rose or Violet or Daisy?”
“Well, Violet would more likely show up in bedazzled cowboy chaps and a matching hat…” Rose interjected, giving their cowgirl sister a playful shove. Violet shot her a dirty look but nodded. “I mean, yeah. I get not liking the formality of that dress, but I wouldn’t wear a suit. I’d wear something in between.”
“How can he want me?” Iris flopped her hands to her side. Depressed with the reality she could not wear this dress, she feared she could not fit in at all. How could that affect them?
Allison leaned Iris’s body back so Allison could look into her eyes. “Because you are your father. You think I’m not used to entering places with my partner not looking like everyone else? Now ask me if I spent a single moment not loving him.”
“I don’t have to ask. I know.”
“Then Quinn either loves you however you are or he doesn’t.”
“Mom. We aren’t… no. We aren’t even close to being in love.”
“Then you’ll know if you need to bother with any more of it.”
She gripped her mom’s hand. “I’m so afraid.” She glanced back at her dress image. “But she isn’t me and I can’t stand her.”
“Then do whatever you need to do.”
Rose huffed.
Iris glanced to her. “Rose, you can have the dress. You picked it anyway. We’ll just have to take out the top a little.”
Rose immediately brightened. “Iris, are you serious?”
“Yes.” She grinned. “Done fighting with me over this?”
Rose finally lifted her gaze to Iris and saw the smile on Iris’s face. Rose’s head shook. “Yeah. I’m sorry. Sometimes I forget how unique you are even under peer pressure. I’m just the opposite. I’m sorry I keep coming across so uptight to you. When I figured out who you were with, all the Larkin wealth and what not, I was afraid he was using you.”
“Maybe I was using him.”
Rose lowered her head. “Touché, maybe you were. Except that’s not your personality at all. But now? I don’t want to see you hurt. And I see what a bitch that makes me.”
“Sometimes.” She smiled and nudged Rose with her shoulder. Then she said, “But I can’t wait to see you in this. You did pick it out after all.”
Iris glanced at Jocelyn. “Thank you for noticing. And understanding. Would you help me figure out what to wear?”
“I’d be happy to.”
Mom asked, “I still get to come, don’t I? I might not know about men’s suits, but I know you, Iris and I’ll know which one is ‘you.’”
Iris nodded, feeling so grateful for these women. They were not callous or condescending or any other thing catty that she observed in other women.
“I’d love it if you came.”
They found something she liked. Black pants, a crisp, white, button-up shirt with a black vest over it. She wore flat, women’s dress shoes, her token for something feminine. The shirt, vest and slacks fit her small stature and they found them in the boy’s section. But it could work.
The day of the dinner, Iris dressed and came out. This time, she didn’t want to hide or cringe. She did her own makeup. Heavy on the smoky-eye and her hair not curled, but styled far more than she ever bothered before, she felt sleek and sophisticated.
Most wouldn’t see that though.
Her parents drove the long way to Seattle. She had all that time to stare out the window and her nerves climbed up her throat. Most people would simply see a chick wearing a man’s outfit. Some would support her choice and others, she knew, would make jokes and belittle her.
But to Iris, it felt right.
Rose looked elegant in the burgundy dress. A few nips and tucks in alterations and she was gorgeous. It made her auburn hair pop and her blue eyes were as big as quarters. Fuck. That’s the woman Quinn should have been escorting to this fancy affair. Iris glared out at the passing scenery, already sorry for Quinn. And fearing what he’d say.
They were meeting Quinn there as he had some supervisory stuff to see to.
They pulled in and the valet came around as her dad and the rest of the family got out. Iris’s heart hammered and she kept her gaze fastened on her mom. She didn’t look around. Taking in a breath, she shrunk her shoulders forward.
Crap. Damn. This was an awful mistake. Discreetly, she peeked at the people flooding into the hotel atrium. She saw the couples in their penguin tuxedos and dresses of every color of the rainbow as well as the latest fashions and designs. All the women wore floor-length monstrosities with heels from two to six inches high. Their hair was big and styled and posh. Their jewelry sparkled and glittered.
Iris huddled beside her dad. Her huge dad wore a tuxedo and his hair was pulled into a ponytail. He cleaned up well, all shaved and neat. He was big and gorgeous but nothing was typical about him. She took his hand and he glanced down at her, smiling gently and tucking her closer to him, realizing how nervous she was.
“Breathe, honey. He knows what you’re like. It can’t be that much of a surprise. And he’s all in, from what I’ve seen. This won’t be any different.”
“I think I miscalculated.” She glanced around one more time.
“Be yourself, Iris. That’s all I can say. You couldn’t look like Rose, right? She’s lovely. But so are you. Every bit as lovely.”
She scoffed. “But you’re my dad.”
“And look at who I landed?” He glanced at her pretty, red-haired mother who was also in a dress and heels with jewelry.
“But even you wanted a wholesome, proper woman.”
“No. I wanted her. As she is. Same as Quinn wants you. Much to my chagrin, I can’t deny it.”
She squeezed his hand and they fell silent as they walked with the crowd inside. It was a long, slow processional with a lot of people there. Far more than Iris ever imagined. She pulled at her collar. Shit. What had she done? Why? To embarrass Quinn? What if he dumped her for doing this? What if he saw it as a stunt?
Maybe she had deep-rooted trauma to sabotage herself that she didn’t recognize? But no… That didn’t sound right at all.
She just didn’t like wearing dresses.
All at once, her heart froze and expanded. There he was. She felt like she was seeing him for the first time. But now, it felt far worse. Far more intimidating. Now she fully knew who and what he was. How handsome he appeared. How together and charming and revered. How easily he made her laugh and how silly he could be.
Now he was straining his neck and looking for her. She was sure of it. She was tucked near her dad and he seemed to look right over her until his gaze bounced back to her dad and down… to her.
She didn’t smile but held his gaze and almost mouthed, “I’m sorry.”
He seemed confused, no, puzzled beyond belief until he carefully wiped all the expression off his face. She gathered it was something he’d learned to do at these events. Be guarded. Careful. Like he never was with her. Not even from the start.
Her hands started to sweat. She’d ruined it. She did. Just because she didn’t want to wear a dress. For what? A measly three hours? Stupid her. Short-sighted, idiotic, small-town her. Dumb.
Quinn didn’t hesitate and started pushing through the crowds. He was heading towards her parents and Rose… and Iris. He never looked away from her, as if she’d disappear if he let their gazes slide away from each other.
He stopped dead in front of them. The crowd had to go around them. He stared at Iris but said, “Hello, Mr. Rydell.”
Shane put his hand out and shook the hand Quinn offered. “Hello, Quinn, quite an event you have here with such a good crowd.”
“Yeah, all that revenue for charity is well worth it.” Quinn turned towards her mom.
“Mrs. Rydell, Rose, you both look exquisite.” He took her mom’s hand and squeezed it and did the same with Rose’s. Rose even blushed at his debonair greeting. Oh, he was so good at this. He was also making a much better impression with her family by showing that he cared about them.
See? He’d changed for Iris. Because she wanted that from him. And could she return the favor by showing up tonight and looking and acting the right way? By doing what Quinn asked of her? No. She was a hypocrite and that reality hit her like a slap in the face right then.
Then Quinn turned and stepped right up to her. He simply wrapped his hands around her waist, leaned down and brushed his lips over hers. Even though she wore the man’s suit. “Iris?” he said loud enough for them all to hear. Into her ear, he said, “A dress was just too much?”
She felt the heat flooding her cheeks. He was watching her face closely. She shook her head barely a centimeter. She was not really owning this look with the confidence she should have had. Sure, in the privacy of her own house in River’s End, she could do that. She was secure and confident. But here? Oh, God, she felt sick. Was he going to be mad?
“I tried.” She kept her eyes pinned on his dark shoes. He looked breathtaking in his tuxedo and styled hair, making her feel like the air was being sucked from her lungs. “Rose is wearing the dress I intended to wear. But—”
She noticed her parents and Rose stepping away and starting to go inside. He noticed too. Taking her hand, he tugged her off to the side of the crowd. “But what?”
“But all I wanted to do was peel it off. It just… wasn’t me.”
He studied her and sighed, brushing a hand over her cheek and cupping her face.
She rushed on, “I can leave now. Or you don’t have to sit with me. Sit next to Rose. Then no one will even know who I am. Or why I came here. It’ll all be forgotten then.”
“You want me to sit beside your sister and not you?”
She scoffed. “You should have been with my sister from the start.”
He shook his head. “I’d have fucked her if I saw her first. Sure, I would have. She’s gorgeous. But afterward, I’d have walked away and never thought of her again. I wouldn’t obsessively search for things to send to her to make her laugh. Or spend my valuable time being dragged around flea markets searching for some godforsaken, dirty, old car part that lights you up more than if I gave you a string of diamonds. Which is why, Iris Rydell, I have stayed right here, with you. So no, Iris, I will not sit beside Rose or anyone else.”
“I’m sorry.” She looked down.
He sighed. “Come on. I have to get over there.” He took her hand and tugged her after him. She could not avoid going in with his tight grip on her hand. He sensed, as always, she was close to running away. Bailing on him. This stuff was so beyond alien to her.
He seated her at a table near the front. His table. Thank God, her parents and Rose were there along with a few executives she recognized from the day she went to his office. They did a quick, puzzled appraisal of her and politely looked away. She grabbed the glass of ice water placed before her and downed it. Crap.
Then a small band appeared. No, maybe they were considered an ensemble. Whatever they were, despite being only a few instruments, they featured a harpist. Fancy. Elegant. The music played and slowly faded. Quinn crossed the stage to take the microphone.
Iris hung on his every word as he described the charity event, stating whom it was for and the tally of the proceeds so far. He made a few charming references and jokes, talking about the auction later on, and telling the crowd to be sure to keep their wallets out. He personally thanked several of his employees by name for their help with the event.
Judging by their startled looks of appreciation and outright shock, they were unfamiliar to having Quinn do such things. He’d never acknowledged them before.
Had he changed by being with Iris?
Then he swiveled around. “So since I’m the guy with the mic, anyone mind if I do one personal thing? It’ll only take a moment.”
There were murmurs and smiles of how charming and Iris tried to imagine how many women, all wearing dresses with their boobs and asses hanging out, wanted him. Probably quite a few. She kept her face down. She wondered how she could ever fit into this world of his.
“So it turns out most of my life I’ve been a careless asshole. I’m sure some of our employees could attest to that. The thing is, someone finally called me on it and I’m trying pretty hard to live up to her expectations. It’s not easy. Try dating the best person you know and you start to realize everything you’re not.”
His voice was silent and Iris glanced up.
His gazed was pinned on her?
CHAPTER 9
SHE WORE A FUCKING suit. Spotting Shane Rydell in a crowd was like noticing an elephant in a herd of antelope. He was tall and wide and commanding. From there, the flow of women that usually surrounded him were easy to spot. Quinn strained for a moment when he caught the boyish figure huddled against Shane’s side and realized she was in fact, his Iris. No dress in sight. In all honesty, he felt as eager as a kid on Christmas morning to see Iris wearing a dress. But… no.
She wore black pants and a white, crisp shirt and vest.
He all but started laughing hysterically at her. Why would she wear a boy’s suit? Of course, nothing else could fit her personality or size.
Naturally, she came in a suit. Wasn’t that how she so easily captivated him and his usually aloof, cold, ADHD attention span? Iris was unique. Different. Original. All those things drew his eye, his brain and finally, damn it! his heart to her. He could never figure her out and he loved that about her. He never knew what she’d do or say. That was the reason he found her so funny, sweet, unsure, and kick-ass, and she’d become the center of his universe.
He was careful now to treat her parents and sisters as she preferred him to. Like they really mattered.
They didn’t to him. No one else did. As far as he was concerned, only he and Iris mattered. But being with her meant caring about the same things she cared about. Namely, her family, River’s End, the ranch, Rydell Rides, Mateo, and most of all, her cars. Tinkering and wrenching engines made her the true gear-head she was.
No private island or fuck the world farewell for Iris.
No, she was mature and emotionally connected to many others. She was teaching him the value of that.
A woman who would never wear a formal gown. He should have realized that and expected it then. They could have worn matching tuxedos. Why not? At least it was new and interesting, quite possibly the most innovative thing to happen to the stale charity event in its twenty-year history.
Iris became so quiet when he popped in front of her.
Her head was down, her eyes downcast. Was she ashamed? Worried about what he’d think? Since when did Iris ever give a fuck about what anyone thought? That attitude was what first drew him to her. Her confidence. Her boldness. Her defiant self and being so damn comfortable in her own skin. Nothing was sexier.
