The arden shakespeare co.., p.381
The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works, page 381
SHALLOW God save you, Master Doctor Caius.
PAGE Now, good Master Doctor.
SLENDER ‘Give you good morrow, sir.
CAIUS Vat be all you one, two, tree, four, come for?
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HOST To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee
traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee
pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy
montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? Is he dead, my
François? Ha, bully? What says my Aesculapius, my
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Galen, my heart of elder, ha? Is he dead, bully stale, is
he dead?
CAIUS By gar, he is de coward Jack-priest of de vorld: he
is not show his face.
HOST Thou art a castalian king urinal – Hector of
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Greece, my boy!
CAIUS I pray you bear witness that me have stay – six or
seven – two, tree hours for him, and he is no-come.
SHALLOW He is the wiser man, Master Doctor: he is a
curer of souls and you a curer of bodies. If you should
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fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it
not true, Master Page?
PAGE Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great
fighter, though now a man of peace.
SHALLOW Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old,
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and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches
to make one. Though we are justices and doctors and
churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our
youth in us – we are the sons of women, Master Page.
PAGE ’Tis true, Master Shallow.
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SHALLOW It will be found so, Master Page. – Master
Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am
sworn of the peace: you have showed yourself a wise
physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise
and patient churchman. You must go with me, Master
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Doctor.
HOST Pardon, guest justice. – A word, Monsieur
Mockwater.
CAIUS Mockvater? Vat is dat?
HOST Mockwater, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.
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CAIUS By gar, then I have as much mockvater as de
Englishman. Scurvy Jack-dog priest! By gar, me vill
cut his ears.
HOST He will clapper-claw thee titely, bully.
CAIUS Clapper-de-claw? Vat is dat?
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HOST That is, he will make thee amends.
CAIUS By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me,
for, by gar, me vill have it.
HOST And I will provoke him to’t, or let him wag.
CAIUS Me tank you for dat.
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HOST And moreover, bully – but first, Master guest and
Master Page, and eke Cavaliero Slender, go you
through the town to Frogmore.
PAGE [aside to Host] Sir Hugh is there, is he?
HOST [aside to Page] He is there. See what humour he
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is in; and I will bring the Doctor about by the fields.
Will it do well?
SHALLOW [aside to Host] We will do it.
PAGE, SHALLOW, SLENDER Adieu, good Master Doctor.
Exeunt all but Host, Caius and Rugby.
CAIUS By gar, me vill kill de priest, for he speak for a
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jackanape to Anne Page.
HOST Let him die. Sheathe thy impatience. Throw cold
water on thy choler. Go about the fields with me
through Frogmore. I will bring thee where Mistress
Anne Page is, at a farmhouse a-feasting, and thou shalt
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woo her. Cried game; said I well?
CAIUS By gar, me dank you vor dat; by gar, I love you;
and I shall procure-a you de good guest: de earl, de
knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
HOST For the which I will be thy adversary toward
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Anne Page. Said I well?
CAIUS By gar, ’tis good; vell said.
HOST Let us wag then.
CAIUS Come at my heels, Jack Rugby. Exeunt.
3.1 Enter EVANS and SIMPLE.
EVANS I pray you now, good Master Slender’s
servingman, and friend Simple by your name, which
way have you looked for Master Caius, that calls
himself Doctor of Physic?
SIMPLE Marry, sir, the Petty-ward, the Park-ward,
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every way: Old Windsor way, and every way but the
town way.
EVANS I most fehemently desire you, you will also look
that way.
SIMPLE I will, sir. [Stands aside on the lookout.]
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EVANS Jeshu pless my soul, how full of cholers I am,
and trempling of mind. I shall be glad if he have
deceived me. How melancholies I am. I will knog his
urinals about his knave’s costard when I have good
opportunities for the ‘ork. Pless my soul!
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[Sings.] To shallow rivers, to whose falls
Melodious birds sings madrigals –
There will we make our peds of roses
And a thousand fragrant posies.
To shallow –
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Mercy on me, I have a great dispositions to cry.
[Sings.] Melodious birds sing madrigals –
Whenas I sat in Pabylon –
And a thousand vagram posies.
To shallow, etc.
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SIMPLE Yonder he is coming, this way, Sir Hugh.
EVANS He’s welcome.
[Sings.] To shallow rivers, to whose falls –
God prosper the right. What weapons is he?
SIMPLE No weapons, sir. There comes my master,
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Master Shallow, and another gentleman; from
Frogmore, over the stile, this way.
EVANS Pray you, give me my gown – or else keep it in
your arms.
Enter PAGE, SHALLOW and SLENDER.
SHALLOW How now, Master Parson? Good morrow,
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good Sir Hugh. Keep a gamester from the dice and a
good student from his book, and it is wonderful.
SLENDER Ah, sweet Anne Page!
PAGE God save you, good Sir Hugh.
EVANS God pless you from his mercy’s sake, all of you.
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SHALLOW What, the sword and the word? Do you study
them both, Master Parson?
PAGE And youthful still – in your doublet and hose, this
raw-rheumatic day?
EVANS There is reasons and causes for it.
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PAGE We are come to you to do a good office, Master
Parson.
EVANS Fery well; what is it?
PAGE Yonder is a most reverend gentleman who, belike,
having received wrong by some person, is at most odds
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with his own gravity and patience that ever you saw.
SHALLOW I have lived fourscore years and upward; I
never heard a man of his place, gravity and learning so
wide of his own respect.
EVANS What is he?
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PAGE I think you know him: Master Doctor Caius, the
renowned French physician.
EVANS Got’s will and his passion of my heart, I had as
lief you would tell me of a mess of porridge.
PAGE Why?
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EVANS He has no more knowledge in Hibocrates and
Galen, and he is a knave besides – a cowardly knave as
you would desires to be acquainted withal.
PAGE I warrant you, he’s the man should fight with him.
SLENDER O sweet Anne Page!
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SHALLOW It appears so by his weapons.
Enter CAIUS and HOST followed by RUGBY.
Keep them asunder: here comes Doctor Caius. [They
offer to fight.]
PAGE Nay, good Master Parson, keep in your weapon.
SHALLOW So do you, good Master Doctor.
HOST Disarm them, and let them question. Let them
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keep their limbs whole and hack our English.
CAIUS I pray you let-a me speak a word with your ear.
Vherefore vill you not meet-a me?
EVANS Pray you, use your patience. In good time!
CAIUS By gar, you are de coward, de Jack-dog, John ape.
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EVANS [aside to Caius] Pray you, let us not be laughing
stocks to other men’s humours. I desire you in
friendship, and I will one way or other make you
amends. [aloud] By Jeshu, I will knog your urinal
about your knave’s cogscomb.
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CAIUS Diable! Jack Rugby, mine host de Jarteer, have I
not stay for him to kill him? Have I not, at de place I
did appoint.
EVANS As I am a Christians soul, now look you: this is
the place appointed, I’ll be judgement by mine host of
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the Garter.
HOST Peace, I say, Gallia and Gaul, French and Welsh,
soul-curer and body-curer.
CAIUS Ay, dat is very good, excellent.
HOST Peace, I say, hear mine host of the Garter. Am I
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politic? Am I subtle? Am I a Machiavel? Shall I lose my
doctor? No, he gives me the potions and the motions.
Shall I lose my parson? My priest? My Sir Hugh? No,
he gives me the proverbs and the no-verbs. [to Caius]
Give me thy hand, terrestrial; so. [to Evans] Give me
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thy hand, celestial; so. – Boys of art, I have deceived you
both: I have directed you to wrong places. Your hearts
are mighty, your skins are whole, and let burnt sack be
the issue. – Come, lay their swords to pawn. Follow me,
lads of peace, follow, follow, follow. Exit.
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SHALLOW Afore God, a mad host. Follow, gentlemen,
follow.
SLENDER O sweet Anne Page!
Exeunt Shallow, Slender and Page.
CAIUS Ha, do I perceive dat? Have you make-a de sot of
us, ha, ha?
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EVANS This is well, he has made us his vlouting-stog. I
desire you that we may be friends, and let us knog our
prains together to be revenge on this same scall,
scurvy, cogging companion, the host of the Garter.
CAIUS By gar, with all my heart. He promise to bring
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me where is Anne Page; by gar, he deceive me too.
evans Well, I will smite his noddles. Pray you follow.
Exeunt.
3.2 Enter MISTRESS PAGE, following ROBIN.
MISTRESS PAGE Nay, keep your way, little gallant; you
were wont to be a follower, but now you are a leader.
Whether had you rather, lead mine eyes or eye your
master’s heels?
ROBIN I had rather, forsooth, go before you like a man
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than follow him like a dwarf.
MISTRESS PAGE O, you are a flattering boy: now I see
you’ll be a courtier.
Enter FORD.
FORD Well met, Mistress Page. Whither go you?
MISTRESS PAGE Truly, sir, to see your wife. Is she at
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home?
FORD Ay, and as idle as she may hang together, for want
of company. I think if your husbands were dead you
two would marry.
MISTRESS PAGE Be sure of that – two other husbands.
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FORD Where had you this pretty weathercock?
MISTRESS PAGE I cannot tell what the dickens his name
is my husband had him of. – What do you call your
knight’s name, sirrah?
ROBIN Sir John Falstaff.
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FORD Sir John Falstaff?
MISTRESS PAGE He, he; I can never hit on’s name. There
is such a league between my goodman and he! Is your
wife at home indeed?
FORD Indeed she is.
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MISTRESS PAGE By your leave, sir, I am sick till I see her.
Exit with Robin.
FORD Hath Page any brains? Hath he any eyes? Hath he
any thinking? Sure they sleep, he hath no use of them.
