The arden shakespeare co.., p.79
The Arden Shakespeare Complete Works, page 79
Good signior Angelo, you must excuse us all,
My wife is shrewish when I keep not hours;
Say that I linger’d with you at your shop
To see the making of her carcanet,
And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
5
But here’s a villain that would face me down
He met me on the mart, and that I beat him,
And charg’d him with a thousand marks in gold,
And that I did deny my wife and house;
Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?
10
DROMIO E.
Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know;
That you beat me at the mart I have your hand to
show.
If the skin were parchment and the blows you gave
were ink,
Your own hand-writing would tell you what I think.
ANTIPHOLUS E. I think thou art an ass.
DROMIO E. Marry, so it doth appear
15
By the wrongs I suffer and the blows I bear;
I should kick, being kick’d, and being at that pass,
You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
You’re sad, signior Balthazar; pray God our cheer
May answer my good will, and your good welcome
here.
20
BALTHASAR
I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
O signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish
A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish.
BALTHASAR
Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl affords.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
And welcome more common, for that’s nothing but
words.
25
BALTHASAR
Small cheer and great welcome makes a merry feast.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Ay, to a niggardly host, and more sparing guest;
But though my cates be mean, take them in good part;
Better cheer may you have, but not with better heart.
But soft, my door is lock’d; go bid them let us in.
30
DROMIO E.
Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian, Ginn!
DROMIO S. [within]
Mome, malthorse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch,
Either get thee from the door or sit down at the hatch:
Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call’st for
such store
When one is too many? Go, get thee from the door.
35
DROMIO E.
What patch is made our porter? my master stays in
the street.
DROMIO S.
Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch
cold on’s feet.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Who talks within there? ho, open the door.
DROMIO S.
Right, sir, I’ll tell you when, and you’ll tell me
wherefore.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Wherefore? for my dinner; I have not din’d to-day.
40
DROMIO S.
Nor to-day here you must not; come again when you
may.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
What art thou that keep’st me out from the house
I owe?
DROMIO S.
The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.
DROMIO E.
O villain, thou hast stol’n both mine office and my
name;
The one ne’er got me credit, the other mickle blame;
45
If thou hadst been Dromio to-day in my place,
Thou wouldst have chang’d thy office for an aim, or
thy name for an ass.
Enter LUCE, concealed from Antipholus of Ephesus and his companions.
LUCE
What a coil is there, Dromio? who are those at the
gate?
DROMIO E. Let my master in, Luce.
LUCE Faith, no, he comes too late,
And so tell your master.
DROMIO E. O Lord, I must laugh;
50
Have at you with a proverb – shall I set in my staff?
LUCE
Have at you with another, that’s – when? can you
tell?
DROMIO S.
If thy name be called Luce, Luce thou hast answer’d
him well.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Do you hear, you minion, you’ll let us in I trow?
LUCE I thought to have ask’d you.
DROMIO S. And you said, no.
55
DROMIO E.
So come, help, well struck, there was blow for blow.
ANTIPHOLUS E. Thou baggage, let me in.
LUCE Can you tell for whose sake?
DROMIO E. Master, knock the door hard.
LUCE Let him knock till it ache.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
You’ll cry for this, minion, if I beat the door down.
LUCE
What needs all that, and a pair of stocks in the town?
60
Enter ADRIANA to Luce.
ADRIANA
Who is that at the door that keeps all this noise?
DROMIO S.
By my troth, your town is troubled with unruly boys.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Are you there, wife? you might have come before.
ADRIANA
Your wife, sir knave? go, get you from the door.
Exit with Luce.
DROMIO E.
If you went in pain, master, this knave would go sore.
65
ANGELO
Here is neither cheer, sir, nor welcome; we would
fain have either.
BALTHASAR
In debating which was best, we shall part with
neither.
DROMIO E.
They stand at the door, master; bid them welcome
hither.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
There is something in the wind that we cannot
get in.
DROMIO E.
You would say so, master, if your garments were thin.
70
Your cake here is warm within; you stand here in the
cold;
It would make a man mad as a buck to be so bought
and sold.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Go fetch me something, I’ll break ope the gate.
DROMIO S.
Break any breaking here and I’ll break your knave’s
pate.
DROMIO E.
A man may break a word with you, sir, and words are
but wind;
75
Ay, and break it in your face, so he break it not
behind.
DROMIO S.
It seems thou want’st breaking; out upon thee, hind.
DROMIO E.
Here’s too much ‘out upon thee’; I pray thee let
me in.
DROMIO S.
Ay, when fowls have no feathers, and fish have no fin.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Well, I’ll break in; go, borrow me a crow.
80
DROMIO E.
A crow without feather; master, mean you so?
For a fish without a fin, there’s a fowl without a
feather;
If a crow help us in, sirrah, we’ll pluck a crow
together.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Go, get thee gone; fetch me an iron crow.
BALTHASAR Have patience, sir, O, let it not be so;
85
Herein you war against your reputation,
And draw within the compass of suspect
Th’unviolated honour of your wife.
Once this, – your long experience of her wisdom,
Her sober virtue, years and modesty,
90
Plead on her part some cause to you unknown;
And doubt not, sir, but she will well excuse
Why at this time the doors are made against you.
Be rul’d by me, depart in patience,
And let us to the Tiger all to dinner,
95
And about evening, come yourself alone
To know the reason of this strange restraint.
If by strong hand you offer to break in
Now in the stirring passage of the day,
A vulgar comment will be made of it;
100
And that supposed by the common rout
Against your yet ungalled estimation,
That may with foul intrusion enter in,
And dwell upon your grave when you are dead;
For slander lives upon succession,
105
For e’er hous’d where it gets possession.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
You have prevail’d, I will depart in quiet,
And in despite of mirth mean to be merry.
I know a wench of excellent discourse,
Pretty and witty; wild and yet, too, gentle;
110
There will we dine. This woman that I mean,
My wife (but I protest, without desert)
Hath oftentimes upbraided me withal;
To her will we to dinner; [to Angelo] get you home
And fetch the chain, by this I know ’tis made;
115
Bring it, I pray you, to the Porpentine,
For there’s the house – that chain will I bestow
(Be it for nothing but to spite my wife)
Upon mine hostess there – good sir, make haste.
Since mine own doors refuse to entertain me,
120
I’ll knock elsewhere, to see if they’ll disdain me.
ANGELO I’ll meet you at that place some hour hence.
ANTIPHOLUS E.
Do so; this jest shall cost me some expense. Exeunt.
3.2 Enter LUCIANA, with ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE.
LUCIANA And may it be that you have quite forgot
A husband’s office? shall, Antipholus,
Even in the spring of love, thy love-springs rot?
Shall love in building grow so ruinous?
If you did wed my sister for her wealth,
5
Then for her wealth’s sake use her with more
kindness;
Or if you like elsewhere, do it by stealth,
Muffle your false love with some show of blindness.
Let not my sister read it in your eye;
Be not thy tongue thy own shame’s orator;
10
Look sweet, speak fair, become disloyalty;
Apparel vice like virtue’s harbinger;
Bear a fair presence, though your heart be tainted;
Teach sin the carriage of a holy saint,
Be secret false; what need she be acquainted?
15
What simple thief brags of his own attaint?
’Tis double wrong to truant with your bed,
And let her read it in thy looks at board;
Shame hath a bastard fame, well managed;
Ill deeds is doubled with an evil word.
20
Alas, poor women, make us but believe
(Being compact of credit) that you love us;
Though others have the arm, show us the sleeve;
We in your motion turn, and you may move us.
Then, gentle brother, get you in again;
25
Comfort my sister, cheer her, call her wife;
’Tis holy sport to be a little vain
When the sweet breath of flattery conquers strife.
ANTIPHOLUS S.
Sweet mistress, what your name is else I know not,
Nor by what wonder you do hit of mine;
30
Less in your knowledge and your grace you show not
Than our earth’s wonder, more than earth divine.
Teach me, dear creature, how to think and speak;
Lay open to my earthy gross conceit,
Smother’d in errors, feeble, shallow, weak,
